Tuesday, March 19, 2024
EditorialFull WrestleMania 33 Predictions

Full WrestleMania 33 Predictions

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Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

The winner of this one shouldn’t be hard…

Every year, WWE wants to show their appreciation for the entire roster, so to ensure that most of WWE are represented, WWE pools together a bunch of people who aren’t doing anything at the current time and jams them all together in a battle royal. Now, let’s not kid ourselves here. There’s really only one feasible winner that makes sense for this match, and that would be the former Black Sheep of the Wyatt Family, Braun Strowman. There isn’t anyone else in this match that should have a chance to win. You could consider Sami Zayn a dark horse to give him a big victory, but considering that he wasn’t doing much before WrestleMania anyways, no sense in having him win here. Braun is the only logical choice, because Braun is the only person that can benefit from winning this match anyways.

Winner: Braun Strowman

Neville (C) vs. Austin Aries – WWE Cruiserweight Championship

The King of the Cruiserweights may lose his throne Sunday…

A real shame that this match was bumped to the pre-show at the last minute because I think this match has great potential if given 10-15 minutes. For all of the failures that WWE has in the Cruiserweight division (and boy is there A LOT of them), Neville has been a godsend for the division. He has brought not only credibility but star power to the division and has performed exceptionally well given his role. Austin Aries being introduced to the Cruiserweight division adds even more credibility. Both of these men are hard hitting grapplers and if they are given the time I think they can entertain. The winner of this match is very 50/50 to me. I want to say Neville will retain because his reign hasn’t been that long, but then I’ve considered the fact that since the CW’s have been introduced to RAW, we already have had four different people hold the Cruiserweight Champion. Since WrestleMania is seemingly the time for title changes, I’ll say that Austin wins the title in a good, hard-fought, pre-show bout.

Winner: Austin Aries

 

Alexa Bliss (C) vs. Carmella vs. Natayla vs. Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James vs. Naomi vs. TBA – Smackdown Women’s Championship

It’s clear WWE does not care about these women the way they do their RAW counterparts..

Clearly, the Smackdown Women’s Championship is being booked on a different scale than its RAW counterpart considering it was bumped to the pre-show. The match said that every women “available” on the Smackdown roster is eligible to compete in this match. Reports have come out in recent weeks that WWE has been contacting former women such as Eve and Kelly Kelly and they could potentially be added to this match just for the sake of the shock value. I’ve also heard rumors WWE could introduce Asuka into the match as well. When it has come to NXT call-ups, WWE has left us disappointed in recent occasions, such as the Royal Rumble, when many were expecting Shinsuke Nakamura and Samoa Joe to make their debuts there, so best believe I won’t be holding my breath for an Asuka appearance. There are only three possibilities for me here. Either they reward Alexa Bliss for taking advantage of an opportunity on Smackdown and have her retain as top woman of the Smackdown women’s roster, they have Mickie James complete her comeback story and have her gain credibility by winning the women’s title for a seventh time or they have Naomi win back the title she never lost in her hometown. I want to say that Mickie will win, but I’m inclined to believe WWE will give the strap to the glow girl.

Winner: Naomi

 

Gallows (C) and Anderson (C) vs. Cesaro and Sheamus vs. Enzo and Cass – RAW Tag Team Championship (Triple Threat Ladder Match)

Couldn’t really care less to be honest….

You might as well just call this the WWE Tag Team Title match, because not only does their Smackdown counterparts not even have a match for their titles on the card, but their match is also a ladder match. Gallows and Anderson proved this past Monday night that they haven’t watched WWE programming up to this point, as they attacked both Enzo and Cass and Cesaro and Sheamus, thinking that by doing so they wouldn’t have to compete when all that did was make it a triple threat match. All three of these teams have nothing going for them at the moment and they have been a mere microcosm of WWE’s shady booking of the tag team. For the most part, Gallows and Anderson have been made to look like a joke who speaks like high school bullies calling people “nerds”. Cesaro and Sheamus are just two RAW guys that were thrown together just to end The New Day’s reign, and Enzo and Cass haven’t been meant to be taken seriously primarily because of the exploits of Enzo Amore.

Making this a ladder match really doesn’t make me any more or any less interested. I’m sort of all in my feelings about how I feel about this one already. I’m certainly not expecting a Hardyz (return??)/E+C/Dudleyz match, but I think they’ll take advantage of their opportunity. All three of these teams have nothing going for them at the moment and they have been a mere microcosm of WWE’s shady booking of the tag team. For the most part, Gallows and Anderson have been made to look like a joke who speaks like high school bullies calling people “nerds”. Cesaro and Sheamus are just two RAW guys that were thrown together just to end The New Day’s reign, and Enzo and Cass haven’t been meant to be taken seriously primarily because of the exploits of Enzo Amore. I particularly don’t care who wins, but considering Enzo and Cass are the only major RAW tag team that haven’t won the titles, just for the sake of giving Enzo and Cass their first tag team title as a unit, I’ll go Enzo and Cass.

Winner: Enzo and Cass

 

Bayley (C) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax – RAW Women’s Championship (Fatal Four Way Elimination Match)

You could really pick your poison for this one..

All four women really have a case to win this match. Bayley can overcome to odds, fulfill her WrestleMania dream and walk out with the championship. Sasha Banks can finally turn heel on her friend Bayley and win the Women’s Championship through sinister means. Charlotte can prove she’s the queen of PPV once again and win her fifth women’s championship, essentially cementing her place as the top woman on the entire women’s roster (if she wasn’t already). Nia Jax can validate her dominance and monster booking by taking out all three women and give the only woman who hasn’t won the RAW Women’s Title yet her first reign and how she fares after.

I think WWE dropped the ball here not doing a singles Bayley/Sasha match because I think that would have the most emotion going for it, and I also think if they got the time they could replicate their Takeover: Brooklyn performance from one and a half years ago. But considering the circumstances for the other women, I understand why they included them. I don’t think Nia is going to win because I think it may be too early for her to give her this much of a signature win and I don’t think they’ll give the title back to Charlotte yet again, thereby going back into he same sequence that Nia talked about on RAW. So this leaves either Bayley or Sasha. Once WWE completes the Sasha heel turn, she’ll have to win the title eventually, but my gut tells me Sasha maybe low blows Bayley and pins her. She wins the title, Bayley confronts her about it on RAW and then she completes it by attacking her once again. You could just call it a hunch.

Winner: Sasha Banks

 

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse – Mixed Tag Team Match

The question isn’t if Cena’s hand will be raised in victory. It’s if he’ll ask for Nikki’s hand in marriage.

I detest mixed tag team matches, primarily because the flow is all off, especially when the women tag in. Nikki Bella’s ring work has been above average at her peak and Maryse hasn’t been in a WWE match in about half a decade, so I think she may show signs of ring rust. Despite all of that, the booking for this match has been phenomenal if you ask me. The Miz and Maryse parodying Cena and Nikki provided great humor, but even greater storytelling. Hell, if you wanted to interpret it as such, it could even be considered a worked shoot. They also told each other seething words to their face on Smackdown LIVE. I don’t particularly care for wins, primarily because whatever team wins doesn’t gain anything, but if there’s one thing that I do know, it’s that WWE will not allow Cena and Bella to lose here. I think just for the sake of marketing or just because it’s John Cena, they’ll win this match and Cena gets a little redemption for her WrestleMania 27 defeat at the hands of The Miz six years ago. The question isn’t who will win this match. The real question is if Cena actually proposes to Nikki Bella in the middle of the ring. It is WrestleMania after all. Anything can happen.

Winner: John Cena and Nikki Bella

 

Chris Jericho (C) vs. Kevin Owens – United States Championship

Match of the night potential stamped all over this one.

You ask me, this has show-stealer written all over it. Out of all the matches on the card, this match is the most personal, and this match has the highest potential to have the best match on the card. What I loved about the booking of this match was how methodically it was booked. They never rushed the breakup between Jericho and Owens, even though they teased it at multiple junctures such as Survivor Series and Roadblock: End of the Line. However, they just gave subtle teases. Kevin Owens even overcame the tension he had with Jericho and helped him win his first United States Championship. However, at the Festival of Friendship, which was booked tremendously, Owens went back to his back-stabbing ways and sent Jericho through a glass frame. It had similar imagery to when Jericho low-blowed Shawn Michaels and did the same thing to him nine years ago.

The bottom line here is that Jericho doesn’t need to win here, primarily because of his advanced age, but also because he is going back on the road with Fozzy after WrestleMania and will take a brief hiatus from WWE. Kevin Owens winning the United States Championship and paying back Jericho 100 fold for costing him his Universal Championship is the only thing that makes sense here. As a matter of fact, it could be considered a massive upset if Jericho were to retain the championship. If they give these two the time they need to tell their story, I honestly believe we will leave WrestleMania talking about this being the best match of the night. Then again, I also did say that Chris Jericho and AJ Styles would have the best match at WrestleMania last year, and while the match wasn’t bad, I was wrong about that. So, hopefully, I don’t get disappointed again.

Winner: Kevin Owens

 

Dean Ambrose (C) vs. Baron Corbin – Intercontinental Championship

No need for the IC Title to be on the Lunatic Cringe anymore…

Does anyone know why these two hate each other? With the booking of this match, you wouldn’t know. You could just say that Baron got upset Ambrose fluke pinned him in the Elimination Chamber match, but because one gets angry, you attack someone with a fork lift and then you get compensated for that anger with an IC Title match? Huh? In any case, this is another easy match to predict.

Baron Corbin should be walking out with the Intercontinental Title. Ambrose really has been in flux ever since he dropped the WWE Title, and the IC Title for him has really just been a prop. He has only defended it once (in a rematch against The Miz in a lumberjack match) and he hasn’t done anything with it. So it only makes sense to give Baron Corbin the victory here. WWE apparently has big plans for Baron down the line as well, so this IC title victory could be the prelude for even bigger things for Baron later in the year.

As for Ambrose, well, I don’t know what’s going to happen to him. I can’t see him inserting himself back into the WWE Title picture for the foreseeable future, and he’s been in feuds with Smackdown’s top heels already, so whatever happens to him after this Sunday is up in the air, but he’s still a valuable asset. So hopefully he doesn’t get lost in the loop.

Winner: Baron Corbin

 

AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon

This would be so much better with a stipulation…

I really thought this match was going to have a stipulation added to it, like a No DQ or Falls Count Anywhere match after Shane’s little stunt last week. Apparently, however, this is going to be a straight up one fall match, and that’s an area where Shane lacks a lot of credibility. Shane has traditionally been WWE’s stunt man and doesn’t have very good traditional wrestling matches. Whereas, AJ Styles is the direct antithesis to Shane McMahon as no one on the roster in WWE today has his ability in the ring. I don’t have my expectations high for this match, mainly because I don’t trust Shane will be able to keep his end of the deal in the match, but if there’s anyone that can get a great match out of anyone, it’s AJ.

If AJ goes all out, this match could be ***1/2 or higher, but again, I won’t hold my breath. AJ has had legit beefs with Shane’s leadership, and the physicality between these two have been good. AJ Styles has been rumored to go to RAW after WrestleMania, and I think a good way to do that is to have him win here. Shane McMahon beating AJ Styles would be complete crap, and while it may make some sense in a lot of areas, AJ shouldn’t start the year 0-3 on PPV. AJ should have beaten Jericho at WrestleMania last year, and he should beat Shane this year. No ifs, ands or Shane’s about it.

Winner: AJ Styles

 

Seth Rollins vs. Triple H – Unsanctioned Match

Considering the selling of Rollins’ injury, and under the assumption of no interference, I can’t see redemption for Seth.

This match has been about two and a half years in the making, and it finally culminates into the WrestleMania match people thought would take place at last year’s WrestleMania or Summerslam. The biggest factor in regards to will win this match is the leg of Rollins that he has been selling extremely hard. I doubt with the way Rollins was moving the past couple of weeks, I doubt he’ll be able to perform at full capacity. This is a shame, because considering how long the tension was brewing for this match at WrestleMania, seeing Rollins not being able to perform at 100 percent is a darn shame.

It is for that reason why I have The Game winning this match. Triple H certainly needs no more victories at WrestleMania, and really shouldn’t be going over younger talent. However, WWE sees him as a valuable asset as an in-ring performer and a big name, and at the end of the day, he still needs some credibility. Seth can always ask for a rematch against Triple H at Summerslam when he’s at 100 percent. An unsanctioned match is pretty much a No DQ match, and Triple H does have an experience with this, as his match against HBK at

An unsanctioned match is pretty much a No DQ match, and Triple H does have an experience with this, as his match against HBK at Summerlsam 2002 is an example of that. Seth still has a noticeable limp and it’s nearly as fluid walking around yet. A part of me believes WWE could very well scrap this last minute and just have them brawl around the arena without a definitive finish and do a cop-out like that. Triple H also did say an unsanctioned match can technically be a match that never happened because there wouldn’t be a finish so I think that’s more than a possibility.

Operating under the assumption that they do have a regular match and perform to whatever levels they can at the present moment, I can’t see a scenario where, unless Finn Balor or Samoa Joe interferes, Seth Rollins wins. Though there have been reports out that WWE does plan to use Balor at some capacity at WrestleMania, and considering the fact that Balor was scripted to be Triple H’s replacement opponent should Rollins not be able to fight, Rollins could very well defy the odds. But again, when it comes to WWE’s utilization of NXT talent in big situations, we have been left disappointed. So to protect myself from expectations WWE may not meet, I’ll go Trips.

Winner: Triple H

 

Roman Reigns vs. The Undertaker

Could this be The Last Ride for The Undertaker?

This is another match in which I have no idea why they hate each other. Braun Strowman calls for Roman, but instead gets The Undertaker. Then, Roman comes out, demands he gets out, chokeslams him, and now we have this match. Roman has been talking like a pseudo-heel for the past couple of weeks. He has claimed he’ll do what no other man has done and put the Deadman down (clearly he didn’t watch WrestleMania 30) and that he’ll retire The Undertaker. That lead me to believe that WWE would have Undertaker win, but then have Roman attack Undertaker after the match, Undertaker gets hip surgery, and then Roman can say “Undertaker may have won the match, but I was the one left standing”. That would be ideal for me, because not only will that give Roman the heel turn that people have long been waiting for, this also gives fans the prerogative to boo Roman simply because he’s a heel. However, when it’s come to heel turns and Roman, WWE has consistently gotten cold feet, and I don’t see any reason why that will change.

Will this be really the last time we see The Undertaker in a WWE ring? I wouldn’t mind if it was. He’s had a legendary run, did everything and more for WWE, and left a tremendous legacy. Now, in 2017, he’s hurt, beaten up and battered. He also can’t work at the level he once could, so perhaps WWE dawns a new age and declares a new yard leader in The Undertaker. Unless we can confirm for sure Undertaker faces John Cena at next year’s WrestleMania, then I don’t need nor want to see him on WWE TV. He should just take it easy for the rest of his life. He’s earned it.

Bottom line is that Vince and WWE’s higher-ups still want Roman as a face, despite the WWE fans’ revolts against him. Roman is going to get booed out of the building in any scenario this Sunday anyways. Sadly, WWE cannot hide The Undertaker’s injuries and battered body for much longer. Roman’s as physical as they come when it comes to the ring as well, so whatever ailments are plaguing The Deadman right now are likely to get exacerbated. Roman seems to be on pace to compete for the Universal Title sometime in the summer, and I think that a good way to challenge whoever is Universal Champion by that time will be done through giving Roman the biggest win of his career, which is a victory over The Undertaker. Undertaker winning wouldn’t change anything for him. Remember that he did say before Survivor Series that the streak would no longer define who he is. So clearly the streak isn’t as big a factor going into this match as it has been before. Roman wins and the crowd boos him massively out of Orlando.

Winner: Roman Reigns

 

Bray Wyatt (C) vs. Randy Orton – WWE Championship

Will we have our 4th WWE Champion in four months?

The WWE Championship has changed hands at every WrestleMania since WrestleMania 29, so the numbers certainly don’t favor Bray. Wyatt went from not having a match at WrestleMania last year to holding WWE’s top title, so I think that it goes without saying that he has come a long way. Not to mention he has defeated AJ Styles and John Cena just to get to this point. His work and perseverance ought to be commended as he finally broke through that glass ceiling. He faces steep competition with a man who hasn’t held the WWE Championship since WrestleMania 30, Randy Orton. Feuds with Bray Wyatt always seem to be confusing, because it’s not clear what the source of conflict is. I’m still not entirely clear on the concept of Sister Abagail. However, Randy Orton burning down the house where Sister Abagail was apparently laid to rest was a great visual.

This feud really started at around Backlash of last year, and in their only one on one match (not including live events) at No Mercy, Bray Wyatt defeat Orton with Luke Harper’s help. Now that Luke Harper is seemingly out of the picture and considering Orton won the Royal Rumble match which had The Undertaker, Goldberg, Brock Lesnar, Bray Wyatt himself and Roman Reigns compete in it, he certainly has the momentum on his side. Now the question is if they reward Orton for his work since returning from his injury, taking a beating from Lesnar at Summerslam and working with the Wyatt Family with his 13th world title reign. As of this morning, I’m 60/40 on Orton winning. Orton winning would make sense, because other than Luke Harper, I don’t see who else would take the WWE Championship away from Bray. Orton could always win it at a future Smackdown PPV like Backlash or so, but WrestleMania is the granddaddy of them all, and as mentioned before, the WWE Championship hasn’t proven to be safe for the past three years.

So, with that said, I am leaning every so slightly towards The Viper winning. Reverse momentum suggests Bray gets his first WrestleMania victory and slightly redeeming his singles WrestleMania losses against The Undertaker and John Cena in the past, but I think this feud comes full circle and ends with The Viper on top.

Winner: Randy Orton

 

Goldberg (C) vs. Brock Lesnar – Universal Championship

This will probably be the first main event in WrestleMania history that you could take a bathroom break and miss the match…

The question that should be asked in this match isn’t who will win. It’s how long it will be. Personally, I have it at around two and a half minutes. A couple of scenarios have played out in my mind. Maybe, Goldberg has Lesnar distracted once again, spears and jackhammers him and Lesnar this time decides to kick out. He reverses with a couple of F-5’s and he loses that way. Or maybe Lesnar pretends to be distracted and reverses Goldberg and catches him in F-5’s. Either way, we can’t expect this reported main event to go on any longer than a bathroom break would take us. Goldberg was in a damn near full sweat after his one spear to Lesnar this past Monday. So I’m sure he’ll look like he just got out of a swimming pool when he walks from his locker room, walks all the way down the WrestleMania ramp and do a few poses. He simply doesn’t have the stamina to last long.

Whether you enjoyed or hated Goldberg’s latest run in WWE, I think it has been good for the company. Many didn’t think Goldberg would ever return, but him returning for the fans is something I can respect. He did also give us something no one would have predicted, being a squash of Lesnar at Survivor Series. Needless to say, his reign comes to an end here when Lesnar gets his revenge. Paul Heyman has said that when he faced Kevin Owens at Fastlane, he was looking for a weakness to exploit. It’s simple. Don’t get distracted. So I think The Beast will keep that in mind and take the Universal Title from Goldberg. All hail the Part-Time Champions era once again.

Winner: Brock Lesnar

 

Dammit, now my hand is cramping. Anyways, what do you think is going to go down at the biggest show of the year? Who do you have winning? Losing? Will Finn Balor make a return? Will the Hardyz return? Will Asuka make her main roster debut? Will Paige make a surprise appearance during a New Day segment? Let me know what will happen. Until next time, y’all. Deuces.

 

 

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