The Rich Staple Live Review of Great Balls of Fire 2017

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Once again, this won’t be my traditional review, but rather a live play-by-play commentary of sorts. Hope you enjoy!

 

Bray Wyatt vs. Seth Rollins

Lockup to start, and Rollins has Wyatt cornered to begin. Another tie up, and Rollins kicks Wyatt in the midsection and Bray retreats. Rollins baseball slides Wyatt and goes for a suicide dive but Bray catches him with a right hand. Another right hand for Wyatt, but then Rollins catches him in the turnbuckle. Rollins goes for the spin out knee but Wyatt reversed. The two go back and forth on the apron before Bray catches Rollins face-first on the steel steps, and then Rollins gets a trip to the barricade. Match really doesn’t have any real sense of urgency, as they are still going at a RAW pace. Wyatt pounds on Rollins in the corner and is about to go on the top rope, but Rollins comes back with some shots to the face. Wyatt regains control and superplexes Rollins off the top rope. Wyatt goes for the cover but that gets 2. Wyatt drives Rollins face-first into the apron. Saxton says Rollins might be finished. Yeah, it’s not like Rollins has kicked out of something more dangerous than that before. Cover gets 2, and Wyatt gets Rollins caught in the almighty chin-lock. Crowd trying to get into the match, but they’re not giving them much. Rollins goes for a Falcon Arrow, Wyatt reverses, and Rollins gets the one legged dropkick. Rollins gets then connects with a suicide dive. This match will pick up eventually. I think. Rollins gets a springboard clothesline and that gets only 2.



Rollins gets a springboard clothesline and that gets only 2. Rollins gets a slingblade and then gets the Blockbuster and that only gets 2. Wyatt goes for a Sister Abagail, but Rollins reverses into an Enziguri, but Wyatt comes back with a vicious clothesline. Wyatt gets countered into a Falcon Arrow and that only gets 2. Rollins goes for a frog splash, but Wyatt catches him with a top rope facebuster, and that only gets 2. Match still hasn’t gotten into that second gear yet. Wyatt plants Rollins with a high slam, and that gets 2. Wyatt tells the crowd “This is what a God looks like.” I don’t even think even he believes that. Rollins comes back with some weak punches, and then Wyatt catches Rollins with a rake of the eyes. Wyatt finishes with Sister Abagail at 12:03. I suppose it was decent for an opener, but it was basically another RAW match. There wasn’t really much of a story, the match never really picked up and that finish was weak. Considering the fact that we don’t even know why they hated each other, it’s hard for anyone to care. **1/2

Michael Cole says that Enzo and Cass were one of the most promising tag teams in WWE history before their split. Yeah, that explains why they lost every big match situation as a tag team in their career, right?

Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass

Enzo reminisces the good times they had with Cass together and about how they’ve always ridden high together. I don’t remember any high moments with them. Enzo also takes the liberty of recapping the entire feud for us as if YouTube doesn’t exist. Give it to him, though, no matter what nonsense he spouts out, he’s able to control the crowd. Rare to find these days for a guy that’s not a main eventer. Cass comes out to new generic music from CFO$. Sounds like something out of a WWE 2K soundtrack. Enzo starts out going for Cass’ legs, but he gets shut down. Enzo then jabs Cass left and right, but Cass responds with a huge shoulder tackle. Cass then takes Enzo down in the corner and then has Enzo in a submission-thing or something. Cass hits a fallaway slam and then hits a huge splash in the corner. Cass then pounds on Enzo’s back on the top rope.

Cole ponders where the anger and aggression from Cass at his former partner is coming from. I dunno. Maybe taking the pinfall in every big match they were in for three years? Cass trash takes some more and then he dumps Enzo outside of the ring. Cass hits the big boot on Enzo and that finishes things at 5:28. Not really a match, just an extended squash. It was also around as long as Enzo’s promo, and while this is what it needed to be, I felt like they could have accomplished it in a shorter amount of time. *


RAW Tag Titles: Cesaro and Sheamus vs. The Hardy Boyz – 30 Minute Iron Man Match


The match starts with Cesaro distracting Matt and Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick to give them the first fall at 29:30. Clever strategy there. Jeff connects Jeff and Cesaro with a double dropkick and gets a dropkick to the back of the neck. Matt gets Sheamus on the apron and slams his head in conjunction with DELETE chants from the crowd. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, Sheamus reverses, but Matt drops him with a DDT. Jeff tags in and he and Matt drops Sheamus for two. Sheamus sends Jeff out of the ring and Cesaro sends Jeff into the barricade. Hardy then attacks Cesaro, and he reciprocates in kind. Cesaro drops Jeff and that gets two. Cesaro connects with the Gutwrench Suplex and that gets two. Sheamus gets a knee from the top rope and that gets 2. Booker T rambles on about the Atlanta Falcons for some reason. His incoherent rambling gets on my nerves at times. Jeff gets dumped out of the ring once again and Sheamus plants Jeff with a suplex. Cesaro and Sheamus get Jeff down again for 2. Cesaro big boots Matt out of his corner but Jeff gets a back body drop on Cesaro. Jeff looks to make a tag but can’t find Jeff. Cesaro uppercuts Jeff on the back of the head, and Cesaro and Sheamus hits their tag team White Noise move to put them up 2 falls to nothing. Clever heel psychology by Cesaro and Sheamus, though the match is sort of just dragging along. I guess they’re waiting to pick it up soon.

Sheamus goes for a corner spear, but Jeff reverses and Matt gets the tag. He pounds on Cesaro in the corner on each of the turnbuckles and that gets the crowd into things. Corner clothesline and running bulldog connects, but only gets a 2 count. Matt gets a second rope elbow but only gets 2. Jeff and Matt hit Poetry in Motion on Cesaro, Matt gets the Side Effect, and Jeff hits the Twist of Fate to give them a fall at 16:57. Jeff hits Cesaro with a front suplex for 2. Cesaro hits an uppercut, and Sheamus slugs away on Jeff. Hardy gets his boot for two on Sheamus. Jeff and Matt hit a double suplex, and Sheamus saves. Matt dumps Cesaro and Jeff launches himself onto Cesaro and Sheamus. Hardy gets some hard rights and sends Sheamus back into the ring, but Cesaro gets Matt and sends him into the ring post. Sheamus and Cesaro gets a count out fall at 13:01. I didn’t even notice when the ref started counting. So Sheamus and Cesaro have a 3-1 lead, and we all know how well that’s gone in sports the past couple of years. Sheamus and Cesaro slug on Matt on the ropes, and Sheamus doesn’t give Matt the 10 strikes and just shoves him out of the ring.

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