Friday, March 29, 2024
EditorialThe Rich Staple Live Review of Great Balls of Fire 2017

The Rich Staple Live Review of Great Balls of Fire 2017

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Once again, this won’t be my traditional review, but rather a live play-by-play commentary of sorts. Hope you enjoy!

 

Bray Wyatt vs. Seth Rollins

Lockup to start, and Rollins has Wyatt cornered to begin. Another tie up, and Rollins kicks Wyatt in the midsection and Bray retreats. Rollins baseball slides Wyatt and goes for a suicide dive but Bray catches him with a right hand. Another right hand for Wyatt, but then Rollins catches him in the turnbuckle. Rollins goes for the spin out knee but Wyatt reversed. The two go back and forth on the apron before Bray catches Rollins face-first on the steel steps, and then Rollins gets a trip to the barricade. Match really doesn’t have any real sense of urgency, as they are still going at a RAW pace. Wyatt pounds on Rollins in the corner and is about to go on the top rope, but Rollins comes back with some shots to the face. Wyatt regains control and superplexes Rollins off the top rope. Wyatt goes for the cover but that gets 2. Wyatt drives Rollins face-first into the apron. Saxton says Rollins might be finished. Yeah, it’s not like Rollins has kicked out of something more dangerous than that before. Cover gets 2, and Wyatt gets Rollins caught in the almighty chin-lock. Crowd trying to get into the match, but they’re not giving them much. Rollins goes for a Falcon Arrow, Wyatt reverses, and Rollins gets the one legged dropkick. Rollins gets then connects with a suicide dive. This match will pick up eventually. I think. Rollins gets a springboard clothesline and that gets only 2.

Rollins gets a springboard clothesline and that gets only 2. Rollins gets a slingblade and then gets the Blockbuster and that only gets 2. Wyatt goes for a Sister Abagail, but Rollins reverses into an Enziguri, but Wyatt comes back with a vicious clothesline. Wyatt gets countered into a Falcon Arrow and that only gets 2. Rollins goes for a frog splash, but Wyatt catches him with a top rope facebuster, and that only gets 2. Match still hasn’t gotten into that second gear yet. Wyatt plants Rollins with a high slam, and that gets 2. Wyatt tells the crowd “This is what a God looks like.” I don’t even think even he believes that. Rollins comes back with some weak punches, and then Wyatt catches Rollins with a rake of the eyes. Wyatt finishes with Sister Abagail at 12:03. I suppose it was decent for an opener, but it was basically another RAW match. There wasn’t really much of a story, the match never really picked up and that finish was weak. Considering the fact that we don’t even know why they hated each other, it’s hard for anyone to care. **1/2

Michael Cole says that Enzo and Cass were one of the most promising tag teams in WWE history before their split. Yeah, that explains why they lost every big match situation as a tag team in their career, right?

Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass

Enzo reminisces the good times they had with Cass together and about how they’ve always ridden high together. I don’t remember any high moments with them. Enzo also takes the liberty of recapping the entire feud for us as if YouTube doesn’t exist. Give it to him, though, no matter what nonsense he spouts out, he’s able to control the crowd. Rare to find these days for a guy that’s not a main eventer. Cass comes out to new generic music from CFO$. Sounds like something out of a WWE 2K soundtrack. Enzo starts out going for Cass’ legs, but he gets shut down. Enzo then jabs Cass left and right, but Cass responds with a huge shoulder tackle. Cass then takes Enzo down in the corner and then has Enzo in a submission-thing or something. Cass hits a fallaway slam and then hits a huge splash in the corner. Cass then pounds on Enzo’s back on the top rope.

Cole ponders where the anger and aggression from Cass at his former partner is coming from. I dunno. Maybe taking the pinfall in every big match they were in for three years? Cass trash takes some more and then he dumps Enzo outside of the ring. Cass hits the big boot on Enzo and that finishes things at 5:28. Not really a match, just an extended squash. It was also around as long as Enzo’s promo, and while this is what it needed to be, I felt like they could have accomplished it in a shorter amount of time. *

RAW Tag Titles: Cesaro and Sheamus vs. The Hardy Boyz – 30 Minute Iron Man Match

The match starts with Cesaro distracting Matt and Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick to give them the first fall at 29:30. Clever strategy there. Jeff connects Jeff and Cesaro with a double dropkick and gets a dropkick to the back of the neck. Matt gets Sheamus on the apron and slams his head in conjunction with DELETE chants from the crowd. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, Sheamus reverses, but Matt drops him with a DDT. Jeff tags in and he and Matt drops Sheamus for two. Sheamus sends Jeff out of the ring and Cesaro sends Jeff into the barricade. Hardy then attacks Cesaro, and he reciprocates in kind. Cesaro drops Jeff and that gets two. Cesaro connects with the Gutwrench Suplex and that gets two. Sheamus gets a knee from the top rope and that gets 2. Booker T rambles on about the Atlanta Falcons for some reason. His incoherent rambling gets on my nerves at times. Jeff gets dumped out of the ring once again and Sheamus plants Jeff with a suplex. Cesaro and Sheamus get Jeff down again for 2. Cesaro big boots Matt out of his corner but Jeff gets a back body drop on Cesaro. Jeff looks to make a tag but can’t find Jeff. Cesaro uppercuts Jeff on the back of the head, and Cesaro and Sheamus hits their tag team White Noise move to put them up 2 falls to nothing. Clever heel psychology by Cesaro and Sheamus, though the match is sort of just dragging along. I guess they’re waiting to pick it up soon.

Sheamus goes for a corner spear, but Jeff reverses and Matt gets the tag. He pounds on Cesaro in the corner on each of the turnbuckles and that gets the crowd into things. Corner clothesline and running bulldog connects, but only gets a 2 count. Matt gets a second rope elbow but only gets 2. Jeff and Matt hit Poetry in Motion on Cesaro, Matt gets the Side Effect, and Jeff hits the Twist of Fate to give them a fall at 16:57. Jeff hits Cesaro with a front suplex for 2. Cesaro hits an uppercut, and Sheamus slugs away on Jeff. Hardy gets his boot for two on Sheamus. Jeff and Matt hit a double suplex, and Sheamus saves. Matt dumps Cesaro and Jeff launches himself onto Cesaro and Sheamus. Hardy gets some hard rights and sends Sheamus back into the ring, but Cesaro gets Matt and sends him into the ring post. Sheamus and Cesaro gets a count out fall at 13:01. I didn’t even notice when the ref started counting. So Sheamus and Cesaro have a 3-1 lead, and we all know how well that’s gone in sports the past couple of years. Sheamus and Cesaro slug on Matt on the ropes, and Sheamus doesn’t give Matt the 10 strikes and just shoves him out of the ring.

Cesaro flies off the apron and sends Matt into the corner with an uppercut as we reach the 10-minute mark. Cesaro and Sheamus get a double suplex and that gets two. Crowd has been mostly silent for the match. Matt gets a Side Effect out of nowhere on Sheamus gets a close 2 count. Cesaro boots Jeff out of the corner this time, and Cesaro gets a Sharpshooter on Matt reversing the back body drop in a nice little story-telling bit there. Sheamus runs from behind and gets Jeff off the mat, preventing the tag yet again and Cesaro uppercuts Matt multiple times in the heel corner. Cesaro goes for another uppercut, but Matt reverses into a backslide and Jeff gets a split leg drop for the pin to put them within one fall at 6:57. Jeff then goes up high for the Whisper in the Wind on Cesaro for a close two count as it appears the match is finally picking up. And it only took us about 25 minutes to get there. Sheamus and Cesaro go for their tag team finisher, but this time, Matt takes Cesaro off the rope and reverses into a pin for two. Sheamus knees Jeff, but Matt tags himself in and gets a Tornado DDT. That gets 2.

Matt goes for the Twist of Fate on Sheamus, but he reverses and sends Matt to the top rope. Matt gets Sheamus off the rope and Matt gets the Moonsault and Cesaro make the save even though that was a 3-count and the crowd lets the ref know about it. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate on Sheamus from the top rope, and that gets a 3 count and we are tied at 2:53. Jeff launches himself onto Sheamus and Cesaro on the outside and brings Sheamus inside the ring as we are now under two minutes. Jeff goes on the top rope and Matt is on the otherwise. A double team on Sheamus, but they take too long to make the pin and Cesaro save at the last minute, this time not botching the spot. Matt is also busted open, takes an uppercut and a School Boy pin from Sheamus put kicks out. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, Sheamus reverses and they get a double clothesline. Jeff tags in and gets a Swanton, but Cesaro comes in for the cover on Matt with 30 seconds left. Cesaro runs out of the ring, and Jeff gets Cesaro with a Twist of Fate at the last second, but time runs out on them, and Cesaro and Sheamus are your winners 4-3.

The first half of the match was sort of them just going through the motions and doing basic stuff, but Cesaro and Sheamus’ heel psychology carried the match along and as we got to the final couple of minutes, the action picked up in a big way. I’m also glad to see that despite the Hardyz’ advanced age, they were still able to work at a high level in a long match. While I didn’t think the Iron Man match was needed, as the final fifteen minutes of the match was pretty much the main portion, they did very well here. You can find better Iron Man matches to be sure, but the effort was certainly there. Hello, Broken Matt. ***3/4.

Wow, I just realized how many different announce teams WWE has.

RAW Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks

Match begins with Sasha getting in Bliss’ head with a light shove. Sasha gets a side headlock, and Bliss gets a shoulder block. Banks responds in kind with a dropkick that sends Bliss out of the ring. Sasha gets an arm drag and a Snapmare takedown, and that gets two. Banks reverses a shot with an arm takedown. Bliss pretends to have her arm broken in a disturbing visual for those faint of heart. I know she did that with Becky Lynch before, but it’s still hard to see if you’re not prepared. Banks goes for the Bank Statement but Blis rushes outside of the ring. Bliss sounds like she’s ready to retreat and leaves but not until Banks stops her in her tracks. Bliss scrapes Banks off of the mat and lands back-first on the apron. I heard that. Bliss continues to slug away before getting a 2 count. Bliss then gets a nasty looking backbreaker and gets three 2 counts. Bliss then tells Sasha to give up multiple times before shutting her up. Sasha then makes her come back with two clotheslines and a sloppy looking dropkick. Banks reverses a kick with a kick of her own and gets a back suplex. Knee to the jaw gets a two count as Banks continues to sell her back. Bliss responds with an elbow and a sunset flip for two.

Banks reverses a kick with a kick of her own and gets a back suplex. Knee to the jaw gets a two count as Banks continues to sell her back. Bliss responds with an elbow and a sunset flip for two. Banks gets the Bank Statement, however, and Bliss gets to the ropes in time. Banks gets Bliss in the ring once again and she rolls out. Banks grabs Bliss’ hair but Bliss responds with a slap and stays outside the ring to give Sasha the weak count out victory at 12:06. Give me a freaking break. You have Bliss tap out cleanly to Sasha the RAW before the PPV and then have her take a weak count-out loss like a total bitch? I’m glad they didn’t give the title to Banks again here as the betting odds shifted heavily towards her favor before the show, so I guess it also accounts for countout or DQ victories. But the count-out finish on PPV is getting old. I mean, give us a dirty pin or something. The match was fine up unto that point, though. **1/2

After the match, Bliss walks away with her title, but Banks attacks her from behind. Bliss responds with a shot to the announcer’s table and goes for the DDT, but Sasha reverses with double knees from the top.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose slugs away at Miz, but then the Miz regains control with some knees to the back and a chinlock. Ambrose gets some punches and gets the roll-up for 2. Miz responds with the low shot and a DDT for two. Miz misses the big boot and Ambrose gets another roll-up for two. Miz gets a corner clothesline. Miz goes for a top rope axe handle, but Miz stops him. Ambrose then hits a neck breaker. Ambrose gets his comeback going with a series of clotheslines and goes to the corner with a forearm shot. Ambrose then goes to the top rope and gets a suplex from the top rope for two. Ambrose gets stuck on the top rope and Miz hits a series of dropkicks onto the bad left knee, but Ambrose gets a desperation clothesline. Ambrose looks for dirty deeds, but Miz reverses into the Figure Four. Ambrose survives and Miz then gets Daniel Bryan’s kicks before Ambrose reverses the big one with a slap to the face and a top rope elbow for a two count. Miz gets a big boot to Ambrose and The Miztourage lowers the rope to send Ambrose crashing outside the ring. Ambrose takes out everyone with a top rope elbow. Ambrose goes for it again but The Miz reverses, and Ambrose reverses his reversal into a Dirty Deeds. Maryse then puts Miz’s foot on the bottom rope at the last minute. How does the ref not see that from his angle?

Ambrose takes out everyone again, but The Miz gets the Skull Crushing Finale from behind at the last minute to finish things at 11:16. A disappointing outing from those two, as their Extreme Rules match had a much better flow to it. This was basically a one on four handicap match and didn’t showcase the intensity or the chemistry these two developed with each other. **

Ambulance Match: Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Match starts as the two trade big shots and Braun gets a couple of big clotheslines in the corner. Braun looks to send Roman to the ring post, but Roman reverses. Braun sends Roman back-first into the post and then he sends Roman into the steel steps. Braun then drives the steel steps into Roman’s side multiple times. Braun goes for another clothesline but Roman reverses. Roman gets a kick, an uppercut and more big shots but Braun can’t be knocked down. Braun then sends Roman face first into the pavement. Roman looks for a spear, but Braun reverses into his finisher. He went for the cover, but then reverses the kind of match it is. Don’t know if that was a botch or if it was planned, but the announcers and Braun provided good cover for it. Braun drags Roman out of the ring, but Roman retreats back into the ring. Roman then struggles but hits a Samoan drop on Strowman. Then Braun goes for a shoulder tackle but rams himself into the post. Roman continues to sell his lower back. Roman then gets the drive-by kick to Braun’s surgically repaired elbow, as Cole reminds us. Makes me wonder why Roman didn’t just go for that from the start.

Roman continues to work over Braun’s arm on the post. Roman then grabs a chair from underneath the ring and slams it onto Braun’s arm. However, Braun starts absorbing the blows (in other words, not selling) and dares Roman to hit him with the chair. Then Braun just simply shoves Roman into the side post. Braun then goes to the stage and drives Roman into the set. Braun then heads over to the announcer’s table, goes for a High Cross, but Roman reverses. Braun then sends Roman into the side of the ambulance and looks to end things with the ambulance. However, Roman reverses that and has a few shots for Braun face-first. Roman gets a series of Superman Punches onto Braun and he’s halfway in the ambulance, but Braun gets out and strikes Roman with the ambulance covering. Strowman rips the stretcher out of the ambulance and heaves Reigns across the stage. Braun goes for a tackle but Roman reverses. Braun then goes for another charge, but Roman sends Braun through the screen. Roman then looks in astonishment and can’t believe Braun is still getting up. Nice bit of storytelling there. Braun then shoves Roman off the stage again in a desperate move.

Braun, continuing to sell the arm goes for the finish, but Roman takes him out with the lighting equipment. Roman looks to finish things with a spear, but Braun uses his own momentum against him and shoves both doors to win the match at 16:31. However, Roman immediately pops back up with a spear, drives the ambulance and rams it into the back of a truck a la Shane McMahon and Kane. It had great brutality, and I liked the physical edge, but I wasn’t a fan od the finish, because it ruins the whole, “incapacitate your opponent to the point….” thing. Not to mention it was the wrestling equivalent of Roman slipping on a banana peel. Ambulance mathc victories should never have the feeling of it benig a fluke to me. Roman literally popped out of the door the moment the match ended, and Braun was the one that ended up taking a ride in the ambulance. But since it’s clear they are doing Roman/Lesnar at Summerslam, I can understand why. So we’ll go with ***1/2.

Meanwhile, for some reason, Heath Slater and Curt Hawkins are sent out there to die while something more important was going on. Slater just got an Intercontinental Title shot on RAW last week, and he goes back to being treated the way he has been his entire career. Not even going to rate the match, because it shouldn’t have happened anyway. I hate when they have a segment during a match because it clearly shows that WWE nor the crowd cares about either of them and they want to exploit that.

We go back to the ambulance, and we see Braun just barely getting out on his own power, with a stash of fake blood, and we get a great shot of a pissed off look at Braun before he limps away on his own power with the sound of a standing ovation in the background. That’s a damn good selling job from Braun. We also can’t give Roman a true face label after that showing. You lose a match, so you respond by trying to end a guy’s life? I mean, yeah, Stone Cold dropped Triple H on his head while he was in a car, but Roman is no Stone Cold. Being a badass who will go through all comers suits him best. I’m also appreciative of the somber commentary throughout the entire segment.

Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar vs. Samoa Joe

Before the bell even rings, Samoa Joe takes Lesnar out to the ring and beats him up good. He then Uranages right through the announcer’s table to make for a pretty epic start. Let’s hope the match follows suit. The bell rings, and Joe clotheslines Lesnar in the corner and follows with an enziguri. Joe gets some strong kicks, and Lesnar responds with some of his own. Joe muscles Lesnar over into the corner and responds with some strong strikes. Joe drags Lesnar down, but then Lesnar takes him into the corner. Knees to the gut and shoulder tackle follow, but Joe responds with the Coquina Clutch. Lesnar then takes Joe to Suplex City, but Joe responds by locking in the Clutch yet again. Lesnar’s face begins to turn purple, but out of desperation, Lesnar gets a side slam to get out of it. Joe using some clever heel tactics in this match. Lesnar misses a shoulder tackle but gets three consecutive German suplexes. Lesnar looks to finish with an F-5, but Joe gets the clutch yet again.

Joe gets Lesnar and he looks to be up, but at the last minute, Lesnar pops up with the F-5 and that finishes Joe off at 6:31. What the hell man? I obviously didn’t have Joe winning the match, but you have Joe built up to be a serious threat, have him manhandle Lesnar for most of the match and then one F-5 just ends things, just like that? It was going in a great direction and had we gotten at least 10-15 minutes, we were heading into great territory. The story-telling for what we got out of the ten minutes from Brock was solid, but boy, what a sour way to end what was shaping up to be a barnburner. Leave it to WWE to ruin a potential classic. **3/4

Final Thoughts:

Nothing on this show was actively bad, and I suppose that’s about as good as a compliment I could give WWE these days. There’s just nothing new or exciting going on in WWE right now, and they badly need to pick up the pace somehow. Everything on this show was either dull, average, disappointing or watchable. I’m not sure what that relates to, but since there wasn’t anything bad, but nothing particularly great, call this one a thumbs in the middle. I’d definitely catch the final 10 or so minutes from the Iron Man match, and if you have 10 minutes to spare, Joe and Lesnar is a fun little brawl, I guess. But at the end of the day, it’s just a regular show and nothing stands out to make me fully recommend it, unfortunately. It wasn’t a good show. It wasn’t a bad show. It was THE show. Well, yeah. Until next time.

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