If you noticed in the title I called WWE an anomaly, and the title is right. WWE is just so hard to understand sometimes. And dammit, I will say it again, WWE is too hard to understand. The build to this PPV (Yes, WWE. I just called it a PPV) has been really confusing. One minute, John Cena vs. Dean Ambrose in a no holds barred match with the winner facing Seth Rollins at Hell In A Cell is advertised. And then, they decide screw it. Why not give the fans a free PPV-quality match? So they go ahead and have the match, and I must say it was the worst “No Holds Barred” match I have ever seen. Not even a chair shot. Then they bring along Orton and ask that he faces whoever doesn’t face Seth Rollins. I know how hard WWE tries to protect their crown jewels, but lets face it, Cena/Orton was a “loser’s match.” But then, WWE ups the ante by making this essentially a #1 contender’s match. So its not a loser’s match after all. I just found all of this kind of confusing, but who cares. We have Hell In A Cell this week and I am going to tell you who you should put your money on for each match. To set the record straight, if you actually bet money on this card and use my predictions as your foundation, I am not responsible for the gain or loss of your funds. So here we go.
Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella – Loser Is An Assistant for 30 Days, And Loser is Fired If They Do Not Comply
So basically what you need to know about this match is this. Nikki turned on Brie at Summerslam. We don’t know why. Enter fake, horrible, stereotypical teenager-like issues. Enter Jerry Springer. Enter Jerry Lawler trying to get some action. Enter disturbing television. Brie wants peace. Nikki doesn’t. They hate each other. Now they’re fighting. To be honest, everyone saw the turn coming at Summerslam. And to be honest, I really was willing to give this feud a shot since the Divas Division can use some more attention. I’m not asking for an Edge/Christian sibling rivalry like intensity. But they could do much better than this. Anyways, the winner of this match can basically be found in the stipulation. Would a face really have a servant that’s a heel? Forget the confines of WWE logic. Normal logic dictates that Nikki is likely to win the match. I mean, unless your a Stone Cold Steve Austin like face, which Brie is nowhere near, then a face isn’t winning this type of match. Nikki wins.
Winner: Nikki Bella
Sheamus (C) vs. The Miz – United States Championship
The best thing about this feud doesn’t even involve the two men fighting in the match. Its Damien Mizdow. His mimicry of The Miz has been nothing short of hysterical. I’m pretty sure any other WWE superstar wouldn’t be caught dead doing this, but much props is due for Sandow for selling the hell out of it and making entertaining television. And another thing, he also pinned Sheamus as well, and that was a very questionable move as well, because The Miz didn’t even distract him. So who wins this Sunday? Sheamus will. The Miz has had this tendency to keep moving onto mid-card title after mid-card title when he loses a feud, just like he did with Antonio Cesaro and Wade Barrett back in 2013. I can’t conceive The Miz being the one to conquer Sheamus, especially after Sheamus’ incredible bout with Cesaro at night of Champions. Expect Sheamus to retain, and expect some decent, not over-the-top, but decent wrestling action.
Winner: Sheamus
Big Show vs. Rusev
We have seen this match not once, or twice. So why not pay 9.99 to see it a third time? I mean don’t you just love you some Rusev? Ok, so maybe you don’t. Anyways, Big Show told Mark Henry to stay away. Henry said he would. That, more likely than not, won’t be happening. Based on years of seeing the same type of thing from WWE before, the most logical conclusion I will come up with is that Mark Henry costs Big Show the match. Not sure if WWE is willing to let someone as big as The Big Show tap out, but I suppose with the way they have been booking Rusev, anything is possible.
Winner: Rusev
Dolph Ziggler (C) vs. Cesaro – Intercontinental Championship (2 out of 3 falls)
Unlike Big Show vs. Rusev, I’m sure many fans wouldn’t mind seeing this match on PPV. Cesaro is coming fresh off a superb match with Sheamus at Night of Champions. Though he lost, he was far from a pushover. Now you have Dolph Ziggler, another more than worthy adversary for Cesaro. You can expect many near falls that will have the heart rate going. Expect some great uppercuts from Cesaro, expect Dolph to sell the hell out of each and everyone of those moves, and expect the crowd chanting “THIS IS AWESOME”. If given the time, these two can give Rollins/Ambrose a run for their money for match of the night. Now, who should win this match? Well, Dolph has beaten Cesaro thrice in either a singles match or a triple threat bout. So common logic would dictate that Cesaro would win this Sunday. And seeing as how WWE is playing hot potato with the IC Title, they can always take it off Ziggler. At the same time, Ziggler has lost non-title bouts to Rollins, Rusev and Randy Orton clean and without interference from Cesaro. And the question of the length of Dolph’s reign comes into question as well. However, I am picking Ziggler to win this match. I am all for giving the belt to Cesaro. But who does he feud with after gaining the title? Sure, Dolph gets a rematch, but there are not a lot of credible mid-card faces. I mean, take a look at Rollins. His singles competition only comprises of people with the last name being Kingston, Swagger or Ziggler. Cesaro as IC champion can lead to boring feuds because WWE has not built up the mid-card to have lots of talent to make for interesting matches. The field is more open in the heel atmosphere as its easier for Ziggler to be placed in a feud with a heel. So slightest of edges goes to Ziggler, put this is a vote of no confidence.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Goldust (C) and Stardust (C) vs. The Usos – WWE Tag Team Championship
These two teams put on a great bout at Night of Champions, but since that night WWE gave me a new game to play. Take a drink for how many times Goldust or Stardust gets pinned while they are champions. And needless to say, there may have been some intoxication involved. Okay, maybe not, but you get the point. The champs have been looking rather weak and I cannot even entertain the possibility of them losing on PPV. Especially after how long The Usos held the titles. But I fear for the tag team division for it is in great peril. Its just not deep enough. Besides these two teams who do you have? The comedic (they’re not funny, but they are supposed to be) combination of Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil? My solution would be to call up The Ascension, make The Miz and Damien Mizdow a permanent tag team and make Seth Rollins and Randy Orton a short-term tag team, have them win the titles, then split up and have a match at TLC. Just a thought. Calling up The Ascension wouldn’t hurt as well. Anyways, expect the eccentric Gold/Stardust combo to retain the titles, even if they don’t pin The Usos.
Winner: Goldust and Stardust
AJ Lee (C) vs. Paige – Divas Championship
AJ returns from WrestleMania beating every Diva on the roster. Paige then beats her the next night in her debut. AJ goes to his hubby CM Punk for a while. She returns and beats Paige with a small package to retain. She beats Paige at Battleground. Paige beats AJ at Summerslam. AJ makes Paige tap at Night of Champions. What happens next? Well first let me say that this feud has been very disappointing as I can’t even wrap my head around what we are supposed to expect. Paige comes out with Alicia Fox and AJ has a random partner who she abandons. Paige also ambushes AJ and costs her some matches as well. So you can see where the confusion lies. Well right now AJ is leading the battle between herself and Paige 3-2. So does Paige beat her to even the odds? This Sunday, I say yes. Its really like this. The only Divas on the roster who has been shaped to hold the title has been Paige or AJ. So why not continue a little back and forth. Or better yet, CALL UP CHARLOTTE. WWE these days are hard to figure out and I can easily see the title switching back hands. I don’t think I can see Paige losing to AJ two straight times on PPV. Hopefully these two will have a great match, because they are more than capable. This is another non-confident pick.
Winner: Paige
John Cena vs. Randy Orton – Hell In A Cell (Winner faes Brock Lesnar)
As a side-note, I’d like to mention that there is another video clip on RAW that can be used for Botchamania. On RAW, Michael Cole said Cena won Hell in A Cell in 2011. Not true. Cena lost a triple threat match for his WWE Championship to two men not affiliated with this company any more, Alberto Del Rio (the winner) and CM Punk (another challenger). Actually, Cena has never won a Hell In A Cell match, so I’m surprised WWE has never mentioned that. Though since this is Cena we are talking about, why would they? Now before this match was made official, I just shrugged my head and tried to find away to torture myself with a Sharpie when I saw this match being advertised for PPV. Why? Its not even the fact that Orton/Cena are facing off on PPV AGAIN. There was just no intrigue to it. No stakes. No nothing. I always say to myself, that every match on a card should at least provide entertainment, further/or end a feud. Cena/Orton may have been entertaining back in 07, but in 2014, its very tired out. Is there a feud between these two? No. No build has been made to this match. But then enter the stipulation, and now whoever wins all of a sudden seems important. Something like that can easily change the course of a match. Now as much as I would love to see Orton beat Cena so we can see Orton/Lesnar for the second time (Yes people, Lesnar and Orton faced off in 2002 in their first year on an episode of Smackdown). As epic as that match would be, I believe WWE thinks Cena facing Lesnar for the third time on PPV would give fans more reason to tune in. Besides, it looks like that Orton and Seth Rollins are bound for a match at TLC with Seth’s MITB on the line in a TLC match (hopefully). So expect Cena to win his first match in Hell In A Cell, and receive revenge for his loss to Randy Orton in 2009. Oh, and don’t expect a Rollins run-in either. But do expect this to be the main event. Vince does calls the shots you know?
Winner: John Cena
Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose (Hell In A Cell)
I shed a tear because I think this may be the culmination of their feud. Think about it. After this, what more can they do to each other? Rollins beat Ambrose and four others in a MITB ladder match. Ambrose and Rollins brawl for a couple of months. Rollins beats Ambrose in one of the best lumberjack matches I have ever seen. The next night, Rollins/Ambrose puts on an even better match on free television in a Falls Count Anywhere match that Rollins also won. Ambrose returns at Night of Champions and brawls with Rollins, then they do battle for the next couple of weeks, and now we are here. It looks like Rollins is prime for a feud with Orton soon after his curb stomp this past Monday. One thing that I have appreciated about the feud these two put on is how personal it has become. Its just two men who have a disdain for each other. The inclusion of Mick Foley to hype their match this Sunday was also ideal as well, because if there is worthy spokesman on how gruesome a Hell In A Cell Match can be, Foley is your guy, and the passion he showed made the match seem even more important because they are rookies going inside a place of historical significance. Now I expect Ambrose to win. I mean, It’s about time Ambrose did beat Rollins right? Especially when Rollins said to Ambrose “We all know you will never beat me”, I mean it only makes sense that Ambrose wins to end their feud. He has to win at least one match. As much as I would like Rollins to win, because he is my favorite of the two (don’t hurt me), it only seems likely that Ambrose wins to put some closure to this feud. After all, Rollins can’t just turn on his brother and win the feud can he? WWE calls the shots so we won’t know, but from a pure logic standpoint, Ambrose needs to at least get an important win on his belt. Seth hasn’t lost a PPV match since Elimination Chamber, and he wasn’t even pinned in that match. So it just goes to show you how strong he looks. As the feud comes to an end, and these two engage in glorious battle, expect the Lunatic Fringe to get his first major victory, at least I think.
Winner: Dean Ambrose
In total, this looks like a pretty decent card. But I have so often made the mistake of looking at WWE PPV’s superficially. Its the actual wrestling that I care about, and I felt that way about WWE before and I was very angry and raising the expectations too high. But this PPV does look good from top to bottom, so I expect a good show and to be, at the very least, moderately entertained. Agree? Disagree? Don’t care? Wish Ambrose would stop using cliche skits to promote the match? Comment below, thanks for reading and welcome to the panic room.
