After the Royal Rumble Phil Brooks (CM Punk) made headlines by walking out of WWE. Since then, fans all over the world have been
chanting his name, begging their savior to come back. It all culminated in a
failed attempt to “hijack” Raw in Chicago earlier this month.
I’m here to tell you that WWE doesn’t need CM Punk and why
they shouldn’t let him come back to the company.
1. CM Punk
is not that great.
Sure, he was champion for 434 days, but how many days
did he actually defend that title? 10? 11? We’ll never know because he likely
won’t tell us. The only public appearance he’s made since January was on AMC’s
Talking Dead and all he talked about was a dumb TV show. Does that sound like a
man who cares about WWE or it’s fans? Not to me, it doesn’t. He also spent a good portion of that time
injured. And when he did finally defend his title? He lost it despite all the
help in the world! What a loser!
2. CM Punk
tried to brainwash other WWE Superstars.
Does nobody remember the Straight
Edge Society? Punk started a cult and tried to recruit legions of followers. He
brainwashed a group of wrestlers into using straight edged razors to shave
their heads. And in the most hypocritical thing ever, he didn’t even use one
himself! He was the hairiest guy on the roster! After that, he brainwashed the
Nexus guys and convince them all to be irrelevant for the rest of their
careers. David Otunga had potential, darn it!
3. CM Punk
is a liar.
One of the things you hear about Punk is that he was a big
Indian wrestling star before coming to WWE. Well I’m part Indian, and I’d never
heard of this guy before 2008. This guy couldn’t have been a star in India. He
and his fans can’t even spell it right. (I-N-D-Y? Come on!) The Great Khali he is not. Of
course, he could mean the other kind of Indian, but that’s unlikely, too.
(Also, it’s 2014. Punk should be calling them “Native Americans.” Racist.)
4. CM Punk
has a negative influence on other’s careers.
It’s no secret that Punk and
AJ Lee have been dating recently. (Meltzer says they’re getting married!) So it
shouldn’t come as a surprise that WWE is planning on punishing her by making
her drop the title to one of the other divas at Wrestlemania. Granted,
whichever Bella wins it is very deserving and talented, but she should win it
based on that pure talent, not who AJ is dating. Poor AJ. If she hadn’t let Punk
steal her from John Cena(Punk Is also a scumbag), she might not have to deal
with the fallout from his actions.
5. Nobody
really misses CM Punk.
Sure, fans continue to chant his name, but that’s
obviously residual effects from the brainwashing. Once he’s finally out of the
spotlight for a while, fans will finally come to their senses and be able to
cheer for whoever they want. The fans brainwashing is also affecting other’s
careers, as top star Dave Batista has been receiving nothing but negative reactions
from the WWE universe since his return. All of the Bootista chants are clearly
nothing more than CM Punk’s nefarious tactics.
There are many more reasons I
could list, but these are the ones that stand out as to why WWE doesn’t need,
or shouldn’t want CM Punk to return. He’s an evil, backstabbing, lying,
cheating stain in WWE’s history. I know it’s never been done before, and would
be nearly impossible to do, but WWE should really erase all of his appearances
and mentions from their tape library. That would be, as Triple H says, “best
for business.”
