***SPOILERS*** Impact Wrestling 5/19

re: 5/19 IMP^CT:

Actually? It was better than the Sacrifice PPV. The canned audience was back, but less obvious. The new blueness of the arena tends to show how lopsided the seating is, but I like the new facelift.

Segment 1: "14 Minutes to Get Your Sandwich and Beer Ready" FAIL
WRESTLING MATTERS - that's why we're taking the first 14 minutes of the show and using it to promo the rest of the show. Couldn't all this be done in 2-3 minutes, tops? At least the hot redhead's back in the audience.

Segment 2: "Lingerie Party!" GOOD
Six-KnockOut Tag Team brawl where nearly every female fantasy type is showcased! The grappling was also decent. Madison Rayne gets fashion points for turning a chain-link fence into a tiara. Did I mention the butts? There were a lot of butts. (Psst... Hey TNA? When wrestling half-naked KnockOuts, keep the camera on the girls and not the dopey commentators. Yeah, twice TNA split-screened between the match and the commentators. WHO THE HELL WANTS TO SEE COMMENTATORS?)

Segment 3: "Change the Name to the XXXL Division" NOT BAD, BUT...
Kaz vs Abyss for the X-Division Title. Abyss wins cleanly, making the X-Division Title not really different to any other second-tier title. Maybe TNA will buy Abyss some teeth now.

Segment 4: "Mini Cooper and Schoolbus Play Chicken" OKAY
Amazing Red vs Samoa Joe. A quick match ending the only way it could cleanly: The big guy skooshing the little guy. Wrestling itself wasn't bad.

Segment 5: "HeelCW" FAIL
If you haven't figured it out by now, I hate long pointless promos. At least be entertaining if you're going to do them. Here's nine minutes of an "injured" AJ Styles calling out Tommy Dreamer to complete his descent into Heeldom, ending in stupidity.

Segment 6: "Angle vs Jarett, Part 20986486" FAIL
What did I just say about bad promos? In another nine minute promo, Angle teases about a clean match between him and Jarrett at Slammerversary, only to be messed up by the ex threatening to be there, again. Blurgh. And the after this promo is a quick Gen Me promo and more of Bischoff farting around. Time expired since last wrestling match? 20 minutes... not including commercial breaks. FACEPALM MATTERS.

Segment 7: "Killing Time Until Jeff Comes Back" NOT BAD, BUT...
Gen Me vs Matt Hardy and Eric Bischoff (wat?). With the exception of Bischoff being Bischoff, this eight-minute match was better than expected, not enough to be considered good, but it was watchable.

Segment 8: "Girls Gone Mild" WELL AT LEAST IT'S NOT A PROMO
Velvet Sky vs Winter and Angelina Love. Okay, when a wrestler is "catatonic" and no-sells everything, it slows everything else in the match down to that pace. This match wasn't nearly as fun to watch as the first KnockOuts match. OBD and her breasts made an appearance at the end.

Segment 9: "Yay! More Promos!" TOLERABLE
Well, part of them were tolerable. I don't want to see Eric Young in his HerpDerp character because I don't think it's funny, but the Flair vs Roode promo was interesting. Both men had marbles in their mouths and Roode muffed his line and said he wasn't a man. Flair insanity was then ruined by YET ANOTHER stable running out from backstage, which was alreadly done twice before (maybe three or four times if you count different stables) in the show.

Segment 10: "WRESTLING MATTERS SO THE MAIN EVENT IS A PROMO" TOLERABLE
A Bedazzled Sting walks out to the ring and bla bla blahs, the lights go off, and Mr. Anderson dressed like the original WCW Sting appears and beats the crap out of him. T'was a l'il funny. Just a l'il.

TO SUM IT UP: I'll give IMP^CT Wrestling a B for this week. I think the women carried the show while most of the men peacocked and did anything but wrestle. I'm tempted to rate the show worse but then that would mean I rated Sacrifice too high. Let's just say now it's going to be very difficult for any show to get an A+ out of me...