EWA: Elite Wrestling Alliance Show Thread

[Destruction]

Carnage Episode 1



HH: Hello wonderfull people of EWA, welcome to the 1st episode of Carnage. Howard Huggins here joined by Bobby Watson, and today we have a great show lined up tonight

BW: That's right Howard, but my name's Robert Watson - Bobby Watson sounds funnier than Brodus Clay was on Raw.

HH: Hey - Bobby sounds awesome. But that's not an argument we should be having. Let's talk about tonight. Carnage is a show where up and coming new wrestlers get to showcase their talents in the Best EFED around.

BW: Great- I've been hired on the jobber show.

HH: Their are no jobbers on Carnage - only top class wrestlers

BW: Well we should have 2 top class commentators also - but EWA only got half of what they wanted

HH: Oh fuck off - you've only met me a handfull of tim...

BW: But I already have enough hatred in my body to last you a lifetime

HH: That's only because your smaller than Hornswoggle.

BW: That's not true - I'm 5ft 4

HH: I rest my case - let's move on to the wrestling now.

BW: Yes, we have a "wicked" show. Keeping up with the kids blad, maybe you should try it Howard

HH: You think I can't keep it up with the kids - do you want to hear my rap

BW: NO

HH: Ohhhhhhhh, anyway let's talk about the 1st match on Carnage. It's the EWNCW Ignition Champion Daymein Bloodstone versus a relative newcomer - Johnny Hot.

BW: Johnny Hot, I've really been impressed with his work recently, haven't you?

HH: Well, he's done alright in other E-FEDS, but this is a whole new challenge in EWA

BW: He can do it, anyone can beat a midget like him

HH: Don't forget that he's taller than you, and he has done very well in EWNCW - not like I watch it.

BW: Probably better than this jobberfest.

HH: There is no pleasing you. You are as useless as your Dad's condom


BURN!!!!!!!!!!

BW: Your as funny as John Laurnatis


BURN!!!!!!!!!!

HH: We could do this all day, but we've got a show to call

Here comes the champ

HH: Hello Daymien - give me a shout out

BW: Your a bigger twat than Michael Cole

*Daymian walks out a holds up his EWNCW Inigition Title*


DB: Hello EWA, those who don't know me let me introduce myself. I am a former BWA World Champion and the current EWNCW Ignition Champion. I am often called The Pint Size Rocker and The KamiKazi Warrior. I am Daymian Bloodstone!


*Crowd goes crazy as Daymian walks down the ramp.*


DB: I came here to EWA because I want to wrestle some of the best out there. Tonight I face Johnny Hot, uhhh who is he? No disrespect meant but I have never heard of him.


*Daymian enters the ring*

DB: It doesn't matter who I face because I will walk out your winner and prove that big things come in small packages!

BW: Hate him

HH: Love him

BW: Somebody's got a crush

HH: If you let Daymein here you, you would've been squashed

Da Hot One

BW: I love his walk - he reminds me of Cody Rhodes and The Miz

HH: Of Course - two bad guys

Hot: Everybody save your ticket stubs and take some pictures, today is the day EWA becomes #1! That's right, the greatest wrestler in the world has come to EWA!!!


*Crowd Boos*


Hot: Are you really booing your savior? The man who will single handedly bring EWA to the top? Oh, I get it... You guys are jealous! I've got the good looks, the body, women love me, I get payed quadruple your salaries, and I've got natural talent! Don't worry, I don't blame you. I expect dumb, average people like you to be scared of walking greatness like me.


*Crowd Boos Louder*


Hot: SSSHHH!!! The future World Champ is speaking! As I was saying, in my entire wrestling career, in EVERY company I've ever wrestled in, I have never lost. Not once! Not by DQ, countout, nothing! Do you people know why? Well I guess you obviously don't, since you're IQ is lower than the amount of girls who have every found any of you attractive- which is REALLY low- so I guess I'm just gonna have to spell it out for you. I'll say it reeeeaaaaal sssllloooow so you can understand. I am better than every current- scratch that- I am better than ANY other wrestler that has ever stepped foot into a wrestling ring.


*Crowd Boos Mercilessly*


Hot: SHUT UP!! You all know just as well as I do that NO wrestlers are in my league! Can't you hear it now? "The Winner of this Match, and the NEW WORLD CHAMPION, JOHNNY HOT!!" World Champ Johnny Hot... That just clicks!


Hot: Now everyone get your cameras out because it's time for the match of the night! It is time for Johnny Hot to show you WHY he is the savior of EWA!


*Hot drops the mic and lays across the turnbuckle, taunting the crowd, looking at his opponent*

(Mysterio/Bloodstone) (Undertaker/Hot)




4:55 - 10:57

BW: Well done Hot, keep going

HH: That was close, Bloodstone's doing well

*Bloodstone goes to the top rope, and goes for a Diving Cross Body, but Hot catches it and hits a fallaway slam*

BW: Fallaway Slam, I always loved that move, especially when Razor Ramon, and now Johnny Hot.


HH: However much I hate to say it. That was awesome

1

2

Foot on the ropes.

BW: He's taking the easy way out here - not getting his shoulder up, just being lazy

HH: What the hell are you talking about

*Bloodstone slowly get's up, but Hot goes for a spear. Bloodstone reverses it into a sunset flip powerbomb*

1

2

3

HH: And Daymein Bloodstone wins on his debut in EWA

BW: It's not like he just beat the world champion

HH: Yes, but as you said before the show, beating Johnny Hot is no easy task.

BW: Could we just move on the show, bad guys for the win

HH: Are you high

BW: Bad Guy's rule

HH: Genital Warts Rule

BW: Oh, so your a Christian and Edge head are you

HH: Could I play my Kazoo

BW: No - talk about the main event

HH: Yes, today, for a main event, we have a 6 man main event

BW: Which includes four new jobbers debuting

HH: Actually, there's the 2nd Olympic Gold Medalist in professional wrestling, a man who will defend America at any cost, and two English Northeners who are Bar Room Brawlers

BW: What you mean, is that you've got a cheap Kurt Angle, another JBL, and a tag team from the most rubbish country in the world.

HH: That country's not rubbish - it has raised people like Drew McIntyre, Frankie Boyle, and Robert Archibald

BW: That's Scotland you retard

HH: That's in the North of England - isn't it.

BW: No

HH: Anyway, the participants are Freddrick Detor and the Nothern Aggression - Tom Butcher - who we saw at the New Year's show versus Laurent, and our favourite Mexican tag team - Paco and Taco Torres.

<<<<COMMERCIAL>>>>>>

[Destruction]

HH: Let's get on to the next match. It's Zack Silver vs John Hail

BW: Who's John Hail

HH: I'm not sure, but he want's to make an impressive debut tonight - just like Daymein Bloodstone

BW: And Johnny Hot - he was only beaten by quick thinking by Bloodstone - but that's all I'm giving him - and nothing more. It was pretty close an....

HH: Stop travelling back in time - actually I wanna to meet the flintstones

BW: Yeah - and I want to meet spongebob

HH: Could we go next week - when we can take CJ with us.

BW: Okay - but could we just get on with the match

HH: Alright then

It's the Siverfly

HH: I like him - he almost beat Holy Jose in another unnamed promotion

BW: Blah Blah - just get this over with

ZS: Hey there, hey there all! I'm Zach Silver, known as SkyFly! Nice to be here and be in front of all of you, it's a pleasure! Tonight I'm gonna put on a show for all of you by beating John! No disrespect to you, but I will get you with my Meteor Strike! I am the next big thing you guys, just so you know, and you'll see that tonight! Enjoy!

BW: Cock-Sucking to the crowd

HH: He's just having fun - get over it

A trendily dressed guy wearing sunglasses and a expensive looking leather jacket is in the back accompanied by Iva Hardy

IH: Im in the back here with John Hail, a man set to debut tonight here on Carnage, your thoughts?

John: My thoughs? My thoughts are what is wrong with the management here in EWA? Why oh why would an even mildly competant group of higher ups choose to debut their top talent on their C show? Its motherfucking rediculous. They have me talking to fags/slags like you and in a match against some Silver Bros rip off when I should be up against Alex Kidd challenging for the world title, and actually getting the job done unlike some outsider who recently entered the halls of EWA and failed miserably. So there, you wanted my thoughts, well you got them. Now as the saying goes time is money, and mines worth more than most, so unless you have any more intelligant questions Im going to go prepare to win my match

*He pauses for a milisecond before continuing*

No? Didnt think so

*He then storms off*

BW: Did you see Iva - now I have a...

HH: Don't say it

BW: re-adjustment of my pants

HH: Not funny

It Hails on Carnage

BW: Wow - he's good

HH: You just had to say that

BW: Let's just get this match over with

(British Bulldog/Silver) (Other Person/Hail)
Ignore Intros


HH: Easy win for Silver

BW: A big build for nothing

HH: I wouldn't say that - he got Silver over

BW: On a C-Show

HH: Okay - Calm down - let's hear from Northern Aggression

[Destruction]

Those two “non PC” fuckers Doug Baker and Tom Butcher are sitting in their locker room smoking


Tom: So then the man was like “Well I know how to make curtains, and regular blinds are easy, but what I really want to learn is how you make a Venetian Blind” to which his master replied “Well that’s easy, you just poke his eyes out”!!!


*Both men burst into an extreme fit of laughter, and before long they’re both on the floor in utter hysterics*


*After at least 30 seconds of nonstop guffawing, Doug Baker attempts to get back to his feet by pulling himself up on the camera man*


Doug: *Still in hysterics* You poke his eyes out, classic! *He then notices that the cameraman is the one he’s pulling himself up on* Oh look Tom, we’ve got ourselves some company


*Tom pulls himself back onto his seat and Doug sits next to him on the bench*


Tom: I assume that it’s promo time? *After no objection is made by the cameraman he continues* Well, it’s going to be damn hard to follow that joke but we’ll give a goddamn try won’t we Doug


Doug: Ain’t no bullshit there, that’s for sure. Let’s start at the beginning, because if we start chopping and changing I’ll get lost. So the beginning, and as far as I’m concerned, the beginning of EWA is where we debuted


Tom: New Year’s Supershow wasn’t it?


Doug: That it was mate that it was, and by god was it super. I mean, hell, it has us on it, how could it not


Tom: Some true shit there boy. Although, it didn’t all go too well. I mean, it got off to a great start, Doug opened up the show and no surprise annihilated that skinny punk HORSE, and he started the trend of PAIN! superstars destroying their pussy Fury counterparts. Speaking of PAIN!, why the fuck after we lead their team to victory are we not on the show. I mean, I don’t pretend to be the sharpest tool in the whatchamacallit but even I know that that’s a pretty basic assumption, but for some reason we’re on some jackoff C show. What the hell is up with that?


Doug: Calm it you fat shit, we get paid the same and the competition is ever so slightly worse, so we get paid quicker. And stop changing the subject, you’ll get me muddled


Tom: Ah diddums… Well, next I took on this ex-football player, but not like proper football, more like Rugby


Doug: I liked Rugby, it gave me a chance to take people down when I felt like it and not get arrested


Tom: Yer, it’s a pretty good sport


Doug: Maybe you should have done a bit more of it


Tom: What’s that supposed to mean?


Doug: You’re a fat shit


Tom: … Meh, tell me something I don’t know. Anyway, I took on this football-rugby player and I’m dominating the match right, but he gets lucky enough to dodge out the way when I’m going to tackle him


Doug: Probably all that practice at Rugby at his Football sessions


Tom: That’ll be it. So he dodges and somehow I end up flying through the ropes and into you


Doug: I remember that, that hurt like shit


Tom: So then he got me back into the ring and I was all worried about you and shit and he managed to get a pin on me.


Doug: What a wanker


Tom: I know right


Doug: But don’t worry, that’s not going to happen again tonight. No siree! You see, we’re taking on two Mexican jobbers


Tom: And jobbers gonna job


Doug: And an Olympic gold medallist


Tom: Shit, we’re facing Kurt Angle?


Doug: Nah man. It’s some guy who is a gold medallist in something completely stupid and nothing to do with wrestling. I think it’s water based


Tom: Fishing?


Doug: That’ll be it. And another thing, I think he’s call Lauren


Tom: But that’s a bitches name


Doug: I know! Maybe we’ll get some pussy if we promise to go easy on her


Tom: Sounds like a plan! But wait, that’s three of them and there is only two of us


Doug: I was just getting to that. We’re teaming with some Freddy guy. There might be a problem though, he’s an… wait, I wrote it down here somewhere *pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and reads off of it* He’s an x-ee-no-fo-bi… no that’s not write… he’s an zeno... ah fuck it, he hates foreigners


Tom: *pauses* Me too, all those fucking poles taking our jobs


Doug: But he’s American


Tom: Meh, nobody’s perfect


Doug: I had a point there somewhere, but I’ve forgotten it


Tom: Let’s go eat


Doug: Typical you


*They both get up and leave*


And Here They Are


BW: Butcher narrowly lost to Broc at the new year's show, so he should easily beat these fuckers


HH: Oh - your going non - pg now are you


BW: Let's just here from Freddrick Detor


FD: Great - my EWA debut - and I'm against 3 foreign nutters. Let me get 1 thing straight - I HATE FOREIGNERS, I could go on about how much I hate them - but let me show you instead


Speak of the Devil


BW: He has really stepped up to defend the United States of America - hasn't he


HH: This is the 1st time you've seen him


BW: And


HH: How do you know that


BW: Because I've got mind-reading skills - you're thinking of CJ masterbating over 5 year olds


HH: Um... No


Who's the frenchman


BW: He looks weird - probably because he's French


HH: French people aren't weird


BW: Well why won't they fight in a war then


HH: Let's just hear from him


L: Hello EWA, I am Laurent - THE Olympic Gold Medalist. I'm here making my debut, I bet you all are tired of all the talking you've had today, and you probably hate my accent, so I'll just leave the talking and show you what I can do


BW: Bloody hell, can't he talk a little bit more


HH: Wow, you actually want to hear a good guy talk


BW: No, I just want to boo him


HH: Typical you, that


BW: I take that as a compliment - thank you


HH: You probably shouldn't - but let's hear from the Mexican Tag Team whose name I can't prononce

[Destruction]

Backstage interview with Iva Hardy


IH: What's it like to be on the 1st episode of Carnage


Paco: Me and me brother Taco are psyched to be here on Carnage. After our showing on the EWA New Years Supershow, we proved to management that we are the real thing in d ring. Teaming with Harry Richards was that extra little jumpstart we needed. He made me and me brother want to work even harder. He taught us some things. Me and me brother are from Mexico, and although we have wrestled many different types of wrestlers, me and me brother never wrestled outside of the great country of Mexico, except for that one time in Texas before a donkey sex show. But EWA saw something in us when they signed us. And we......


Taco: Yeah that donkey show was sick, wish we would have never seen it. It gave me nightmares


Paco: Are you finished?


Taco: Si, I am sorry, continue.


Paco: As I was saying, we are happy EWA signed us, we are greatful for the experience. And tonight we are tagging with Laurento and...


Taco: Laurent


Paco: Thats what I said. We are tagging with Lau... um, we are tagging with him and hopefully he will be as good as a partner as Harry Richards and hopefully we learn from him too. Soon we will be the best tagteam that EWA has to offer, but I know we have to prove ourselves . The more we wrestle, the more experience we get, the more gooder we get.


Taco: Better we get


Paco: Thats what I said. Well lets go Taco, we need loosen up before the match. Don't forget to grab that bag, it has our weed in it.


Taco: Si, but I do not think you should have said that when the cameras were on.


Paco: Oh yeah man. And who do we wrestle tonight?


Taco: Some gringo named Detor, and a baker and a butcher.


Paco: That reminds me, we need to get some munchies.


Taco: Its already in the bag with the weed.


Paco: Shhhhhhh


BW: Great, now we've got 3 people who think they can come into this country and can't pay taxes


HH: I'm pretty sure they do, I mean, do you really think they can get on national television and not get caught


BW: Of course I do

Fuegeos Artificiales in si house


HH: I love that song, my son always marks out when he here's it


BW: You have a son!!!!!!!! Ahhhh, Still in the closet then


HH: How could I be, if I'm here, Once I was locked in there for a week though


BW: You know what, I've got a game we can play after the show


HH: It better not be the one my old neighbour used to play with me in his garden shed


BW: No, of course not


(Zack Ryder/Laurent - CM Punk/Paco - Daniel Bryan - Taco)
(Alberto Del Rio/Detor - Dolph Ziggler - Butcher - Miz/Baker)
Ignore Entrances





Watch up until 5:47


HH: What a back body drop over the top rope


BW: Come on Detor - Get back up


*Northern Agression runs in as do Paco and Taco*


HH: Tag Teams going at it


BW: Butcher and Baker are really taking it to him, as you Howard took it up the asshole by your neighbour


HH: Actually only few times was in my bum hole, most of the time was in my mouth


*Detor knocks down the referee, as Paco throws Butcher over the top rope as Taco throws Baker. Detor run's in and, gives a spinebuster to Taco and a low blow to Paco and Laurent*


HH: Stop cheating - stop cheating


BW: It's only cheating if the referee sees it


HH: Speaking of which - the referee back up, as is Laurent - but Paco and Taco have been dragged out the ring by Northern Aggression


*NA go over to the announce table, and both simultaneously suplex Paco and Taco through the table*


BW: What a move there by Northern Aggression


HH: But look at Laurent and Detor - they're trading kicks to the stomach


Laurent kicks Detor


Detor kicks Laurent


Laurent


Detor


Laurent


Detor

Laurent


Detor

*Laurent then knocks down Detor with a kick to the head. NA then grabs a foot each of Laurent's then Detor runs in with a roll up*


1


HH: He's got the Tights


2


BW: And his 2 feet on the rope


3


HH: What a cheat, how did the referee not see that


BW: It's only cheating if the referee sees it.


*Paco and Taco runs into the ring and from behind hit's a double back suplex. They then run up the ramp to End the show*


HH: Well done Paco, well done Taco - what a great way to end the show - good night everybody

[Destruction]

Sorry Rob, I like Filling - I'm filling your fills

[Destruction]

Was Carnage good - tell me in the discussion thread

[Destruction]

*to the tune of the simpsons theme*

Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill

[Destruction]

Fun,
I
Like - no
Love
It. Its
Nice and makes me have a
Good Feeling inside

[Destruction]

Fury posted soon

Filled

[Destruction]

Delete a filler for a filler - and bump up for you Rob