
Originally Posted by
606v2
The camera cuts to a backstage room where there’s a chair set up in front of a wall of images of Hero winning multiple titles from different federations. Hero appears in the view and sits down facing the camera.
H: Afternoon Heroholics & Heromaniacs, thought that yours truly, the hottest free agent in the business, the Alpha Male, the Best frickin’ Thing in the World Today would give you his thoughts on some of the guys he’s seen run their mouths off in the past few days since he arrived.
‘So where do we start?
How about what can only be described as the biggest whackjob Hero has ever seen in the business, the one, the only Ano Doom.
Now firstly the fella has quite the potty mouth, muthafunker this, muthafunker that, why if Momma Hero heard that kind of talk she’d wash it out with Fairy Liquid. But the creme de la creme is that you genuinelly believe you’re a demonic cyborg!
No not just some standard run of the mill cyborg, not one of those time travelling ones coming back to the 80’s for Sarah Connor, but a demonic cyborg!! How glowing red must those eyes be? You say you stepped out of a lake of fire, wouldn’t that fry a few of your circuits? Though that explains quite a lot if it did’
Hero twizzles his finger at the side of his head and makes a cuckoo noise.
‘Next up we have Mr 2Kewl4Skool, Mr I effortlessly saddle up on my motorbike and ride off into the sunset whilst some indy band plays that track that you have to Shazam straight after. I’m talking about TDA, The Devil’s Advocate, wowee Mr dramatic pause or what? And guess what, he has the devil’s eyes as well! Do you do a timeshare on them with Mr Doom? Do you get them on weekends and holidays?, are you like the divorced dad that pays minimal welfare for the eyes? Seriously lads, for the sake of the devil eyes surely you can work something out, why does no-one think of the devil eyes? Wow I’m welling up thinking about, perhaps we could release a charity song for you both’
Hero pretends to wipe away a tear from his eye.
‘Who else are we missing, oh yes Mr Jack Horner Seraphim sat in his corner eating his curds and whey, making threats about his time is coming and trying to poke the Devil Transformer Ano Doomass. Seriously if you’re going to poke anyone perhaps leave the resident fruitloop alone? But then again we get to the meaning of Seraphim, burning winged serpent so great we have yet freakazoid in the house, though in this house it may be best to leave sharp objects and matches out of reach’
‘King Strem, the 8 month International Champion, well whoopdie doo, let’s have a party. That list you spout, it means squat, diddly squat, because I’m not on it, want achievements? Multi-fed World Champion, multiple-fed hall of famer, guy that united titles and took down stables single handedly. Hail the King? I’m a wrestling God son, get down and pray’
‘Onto a certain Romus Ronaldo now. Hero says he’s actually quite likes the sound of this guy, that’d be if he had subtitles. Jeez Louise what a walking Thesaurus! Ever heard of target demographics, look out at that arena, kids, spotty teenagers with an IQ bordering Brocolli and rednecks, spouting about magnanimities and altruisms like they have a clue what you’re on about. But your saving grace is you don’t have devil’s eyes! Well at least not as far as I’ve seen, please don’t have devil’s eyes as well, Doom and TDA would implode at the thought of a triple share.
Now if I’ve missed anyone else then frankly you either bored Hero or just didn’t surface on his radar. Try harder next time and you may get a mention. But for now it’s Hero...out’
Hero winks at the camera and it fades to black.
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