UFC Happenings

[Robstar]

You can't script gold like that, you really can't! lol

But you can adapt true life events for the amusement of the masses. Let me know if anything comes from the script you're writing. I would pay to see that.

[Robstar]

One of my favorite Seagal claims is that he was so deep in the CIA that the CIA didn't even know he was working for them. Oh, and that Above The Law was autobiographical.

There's also this bit about the mystical white dog that saved his life:



The best part of this is that it's widely suspected that Seagal set the fire himself in order to collect the insurance money. Dude is fucking cray cray.

Wait, wait, wait....I was just sitting here thinking....Above The Law - isn't that the one where his family gets killed and he goes into a coma and fucks Kelly Le Brock? (hello Robocop? minus Le Brock of course) Really? What kind of hallucinogens do they have in the Orient???

[Iron Ape]

Wait, wait, wait....I was just sitting here thinking....Above The Law - isn't that the one where his family gets killed and he goes into a coma and fucks Kelly Le Brock? (hello Robocop? minus Le Brock of course) Really? What kind of hallucinogens do they have in the Orient???

No, you're thinking of Hard to Kill. Above The Law (which goes by Nico in some territories) is Seagal's debut movie, and it's the one where he's a Chicago detective/ex-CIA operative who uncovers a drug ring being orchestrated by the same CIA jerkwad he butted heads with back in Vietnam. Sharon Stone plays his wife and Pam Grier plays his partner.

[Robstar]

No, you're thinking of Hard to Kill. Above The Law (which goes by Nico in some territories) is Seagal's debut movie, and it's the one where he's a Chicago detective/ex-CIA operative who uncovers a drug ring being orchestrated by the same CIA jerkwad he butted heads with back in Vietnam. Sharon Stone plays his wife and Pam Grier plays his partner.

Yeah I'm with you now. They were much watched movies in my teens so I get them confused. The movie goes by both titles here - Nico:Above The Law. Hey what the hell was it with TV and movies in the 80's - everything has a bloody Vietnam reference! Don't laugh but I have watched a lot of TJ Hooker and Miami Vice in the last year and the references were just all over.
The mid to late 80's was sort of a 60's renaissance. At least, it seemed that way at the time

[Iron Ape]

Seagal claims he would fight Randy Couture "any time, any place".

Seriously, he's, like, my favorite gonzo celebrity personality ever. Dude is the gift that keeps on giving.

[Robstar]

Seagal claims he would fight Randy Couture "any time, any place".

Seriously, he's, like, my favorite gonzo celebrity personality ever. Dude is the gift that keeps on giving.

He really needs his own thread.

Is that Katherine Heigel he's groping there? An underage one, at that?

[Iron Ape]

He really needs his own thread.

Alright, maybe I'll whip one up later. We've only scratched the surface of his amazing, unparalleled douchery, so there's definitely a threads-worth of stuff there.

I'll also look for my pictures from when I went to one of his hilarious blues concerts and then met him afterwards. (There was a ridiculously drunk dude who spent almost two hours yelling "Casey Ryback!" during the show, and Steve actually slapped the shit out of him during the post-show signing.)

Is that Katherine Heigel he's groping there? An underage one, at that?

Yeah, she played his daughter in Under Siege 2. She apparently got the role after Jenny McCarthy turned it down because she refused to take her top off while Seagal was auditioning her.

[Robstar]

Alright, maybe I'll whip one up later. We've only scratched the surface of his amazing, unparalleled douchery, so there's definitely a threads-worth of stuff there.

I'll also look for my pictures from when I went to one of his hilarious blues concerts and then met him afterwards. (There was a ridiculously drunk dude who spent almost two hours yelling "Casey Ryback!" during the show, and Steve actually slapped the shit out of him during the post-show signing.)


Yeah, she played his daughter in Under Siege 2. She apparently got the role after Jenny McCarthy turned it down because she refused to take her top off while Seagal was auditioning her.

From the looks of things, she might have had to so more than take her top off. I thought I recalled her from one of the US movies. I've had a few pics of him playing guitar and album covers of his saved to my comp since they provide me with some hearty laugh time. So, what was his playing/music like?

[Iron Ape]

From the looks of things, she might have had to so more than take her top off. I thought I recalled her from one of the US movies. I've had a few pics of him playing guitar and album covers of his saved to my comp since they provide me with some hearty laugh time. So, what was his playing/music like?

I'm not even going to lie, he's a real-deal blues-man. Dude can play the hell out of a guitar. Unfortunately, though, he writes some of the most painfully embarrassing lyrics ever committed to song. And the faces he makes while playing? Holy. Shit. It's like a nonstop laughapalooza. I basically went with a couple of friends for the comedic value, and it did not disappoint ("Casey! Ryback!")

But, yeah. Check out some of his lyrics:

Talk To My Ass

I woke up this mornin' and I asked my baby to fix me some scrambled eggs

I woke up this mornin' and I asked my baby to fix me some scrambled eggs
Well she looked at me kinda surprised
And she said baby, you got your own two pair a legs

I went to bed last night, I tried to give my baby some love
I went to bed last night, I tried to give my baby some love
Well she looked at me kinda surprised and she said
Baby you got your own two pair a hands
but you ain't got no glove

But thank you
for reminding me I got my own two pair of legs
oh and thank you
for reminding me I got my own two hands
but it seem like I got a new set of plans
I cant have no compromise
I hate to break it to you
but I got my own two pair a eyes

I went down to see my mama
and I told my mama my situation
she said son it sound like you need some excavation in your habitation
she said love goin' to have to have some give and take
if you can't have that you gonna have nothing but heart break

I went back home last night
I told my baby to get on up the road

Well she looked at me kinda surprised
Suddenly she not so cold
I told her I cant have no more sass
and from now on she can talk to my ass

[Robstar]

Oh. My God.


I kinds doubt your seriousness. But then, I don't. I really don't. That SS thread will be gold!