Bobby Heenan Quotes cont.
"It's very easy to beat the 1-2-3 Kid. You put a glass of milk down and a couple of oreo cookies. When he goes for 'em, put the boots to him."
"Wouldn't you say that 20 members of the Hart family living together is classified as a ghetto"
"I know all about cheating. I've had six very successful marriages."
"With Duggan, taking a shower is a high risk maneuver."
"Giving the Nasty Boys the Tag Team of the year award is like giving the Cindy Crawford beauty award to Roseanne Barr."
Brain: You know what they call a woman with 2 million dollars?
"The money's the same, whether you earn it or scam it."
Tony: I think the fans are pretty much divided as to who their favorite is.
Brain: Yes. One half loves Flair, the other half hates Steamboat.
(After Cactus Jack crashes into ringside railing)
"You'd better get somebody down here. That rail could be damaged."
"Do you know what 'Ariba' means. It means 'Swim faster, the boarder guards are behind us".
(Refering to the Steiner Brothers)
"Three toughest years of their life...the eighth grade"
Vince: All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner.
Heenan: You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a sit-up.
(On Junkyard Dog)
"His parents had nine months and the best they could come up with is Junkyard?!"
"He's (Martel) ahead on points. It's 138000 to 4, as far as I'm concerned."
Bischoff to McMichaels: Did you ever play (football) while unconscious
Brain: His whole career!
Gorilla: (Bushwhackers schoolboy Lombardi & Horowitz) "That's Communication!"
Heenan: How could you communicate when you have the I.Q. of a doorknob?
"The prom queen last year was named Bubba"
Brain: Duggan's an idiot.
Tony: Duggan's an idiot?!?
Brain: So, you agree with me.
Here's one he said on WCWSN last year when a jobber was thrown outside the ring by Jean-Paul Leveque: "Hey, when you hit the floor, keep it down. I'm talking."
Bobby: "Excuse me one minute. (yelling) Hey Stu (Hart), wake up! He fell asleep."
Vince: "He's gonna wake up. He's gonna come over here, Bobby."
Bobby: "That'll take two hours. We'll be off the air."
On an episode of Wrestling Challenge:
BH: Gorilla, what's with you naming all the body parts?
GM: I happen to have a knowledge about it. Why don't you try it?
(Heenan does. Skinner kicks a jobber in the stomach.)
BH: There's a kick to the uterus.
On Nitro when Benoit powerbombed Guererro:
McMichaels: That'll change the color of your hair.
Brain: That'll change the color of your shorts.
"Last year Luna won miss Ontario. Nobody usually wins that"
Savage: Is she (Luna) from Oklahoma?
Heenan: No, she's pretty.
Savage: And where would Rick Steiner be?
Heenan: Probably on Page 3 of a comic book. He'll be there for a while.
"The last time I saw Typhoon move like that is when one of those humanoids opened a package of Little Debbie's snack cakes"
Ross: I used to wear bib overalls back in grade school.
Brain: Toughest 18 years of your life, huh?
(During a Nasty Boys match)
Schiavone: "A drop toehold by one of the Nasty Boys, believe it or not."
Heenan: "That was an accident, believe me."
(On Pillman's career with the Bengals)
"They would have won, if they traded him."
(After Dave charged Bubba in the corner and got kicked in the mouth)
"Good, Dave! You hit him with your mouth on the bottom of his foot!"
Vince: "There are three Canadians left in the battle Royale, with the Quebecers and Rick Martel."
Heenan: "And Adam Bomb's from Three-Mile Island. That's like Canada."
(During a Pillman/Benoit v. Armstrongs match on Worldwide the Brain had really cracked up Schiavone to the point where Schiavone missed a couple of moves because he was giggling)
Schiavone: "Folks, I apologize for laughing at this man... "
Heenan: "Why? Everybody laughs at Scott Armstrong!"
"There's nothing better than a good, blind referee."
(Talking about Koko B Ware)
"He gives up a little bit of height to Webster"
Alfred Hayes: "Thank you so much Bobby for that kind introduction."
Brain: "It was written down. I didn't come up with it."
Schivone: "I wouldn't let you do my taxes, either."
Brain: "I don't do my own, either. I have my friend do mine."
Schivone: "Oh really. Who's your friend?"
Brain: "Never mind. He won't be out for another 6 months."
(Talking about Jerry Lawler as he enters the '93 Rumble)
Brain: "You know, Jerry Lawler is the host of WWF Superstars."
Gorilla: "I thought Vince McMahon was the host of Superstars."
Brain: "No, he gets him coffee, and shines his shoes."
Brain: "The bad thing about the Bushwhackers is that win, lose, or draw, you gotta have everything you got on fumigated."
Ross: "I didn't see any tag there!"
Savage: "There wasn't one."
Brain: "You have sunglasses and a hat over your eyes."
Ross: "I don't have any sunglasses on, and I didn't see it."
Brain: "Yeah, but you're from Oklahoma."
Gorilla: "This place is going crazy! Look at the Hulkster pointing to all of his hulkamaniacs!
Heenan: "He's not pointing to anybody, he's showing off how high he can count!"
(Dustin roads is standing on top of the turnbuckle pounding someone. Dustin starts punching, the crowd starts counting the punches)
Brain: "I've never been so surprised in my life."
Tony: "You're surprised that Dustin is dominating this match?"
Brain: "No, I'm surprised that the humanoids can count to 10... "
(Schiavone was listing all the people Heenan had lied to)
Schiavone: "You lie to Steve McMichael, on Nitro live every Monday Night."
Heenan: "Yeah, but that's different, his best friend is a dog so that's okay."
"You know, you can bang the Nasty Boys' heads into the turnbuckles all you want, it doesn't matter, it just makes the turnbuckles stickier."
Brain: "There is nothing quite like a good blind referee, except for a rich mother-in-law who likes to go bungee-jumping with a chainsaw."
Heenan: "What's the first letter in the word 'and?'"
Heenan: "No, you didn't hear me. What's the first letter in the word 'and?'"
Heenan: "Forget it. You must be Canadian."
(During the Shawn Michaels/Marty Jannetty Intercontinental Title match at Royal Rumble 93, Michaels threw Jannetty out of the ring)
Brain: "Shawn, you gotta piledrive him on the steps, break his neck and his shoulders."
Monsoon: "Will you stop!"
Brain: "It's a good amatuer move!"
(From same match as above)
Tony: "It's a no win situation arguing with you."
Brain: "You can win, it'll just cost you some money."
"If a guy sticks his hand out to you, shake it..and then kick him real hard when he's not looking."
Brain: "If you can't comment on the match right, then leave."
Monsoon: "I'm outta here."
Brain: "Don't go yet, I gotta ask you another question."
(Eric Bischoff, about the Nasty Boys talking with Hulk Hogan regarding their joining the New World Order)
Bischoff: "Let me tell you something guys... Nasty Boys... if you believe that, then you're dumber than you look."
Brain: "They couldn't be that dumb!"
(On Bret Hart giving his sunglasses out)
"There he is, buying fans again."
(Refering to Hacksaw Duggan)
Heenan: "... and that man. Back in the ring after that operation."
Schiavone & Dusty Rhodes (in unison): "What operation?"
Heenan: "He's a brain donor."
(On the Armstrongs)
Brain: "Oh, the Armstrongs won't win this one, they're quitters!"
Schiavone: "That's not true, do you make this stuff up?"
Brain: "No, Bob Armstrong himself told me that!"
(During a Oct 1996 WCW Worldwide. Shavionne is talking about managing and how Heenan needed talented wrestlers to succeed at managing)
Schiavone: "So brain, your saying you managed all your wrestlers to the top by yourself, whether they were talented or not?"
Brain: "Oh, I see you read my book!"
(This was from the mid 80's and Tito Santana's tag team partner is getting beaten up in the ring)
Monsoon: "I can't believe that Tito Santana hasn't come out here to help his partner."
Brain: "He can't come out here, immigration is sitting in the front row!"
(On an episode of Prime Time Wrestling. Heenan and Monsoon are in the Old West)
Chinese Laundry Guy: "Ah, ah-so ah-so."
Brain: "What did you call me?!"
Brain: "YOU'RE (Bischoff) better looking than Jack Nicklaus!"
Bischoff: "So are you, Bobby!"
Brain: "Oh, I knew that!"
Bischoff: "Our good buddy, Kevin Greene, got two sacks yesterday, if I read USA Today right."
Heenan: "Yeah, at the 7-11. One was full of beer, the other nuts."
Bischoff: "No, no... got them against the Minnesota Vikings."
Heenan (laughs): "Who couldn't?"
(During a squash match. Rough & Ready against Prince Iaukea and a NBSJ: Never Before Seen Jobber)
Brain: "What is he the prince of?"
Schiavone: "I suppose one of the South Pacific islands... maybe Fiji, maybe Tonga."
Heenan: "Maybe Newark."
"What the #### are you doing?"
-- Bobby "The Brain" Heenan to Brian Pillman during a live WCW Clash of the Champions broadcast, January 1996