JBW: Justifiably Badass Wrestling

[S.E. Zero]

Hey guys. I had to take some time off there for a minute and reflect on my life, so I've been out. I'm really glad to hear that there are some people out there that don't hate me. Everything that was said through PMs, VMs, and posts here helps.

This isn't the appropriate place, but I think I'm going to make a post explaining my situation and why I exactly left, and now why I came back. If you decide to read it, I'll ask you to give your honest opinion on what is going on in my life right now, and don't try to cheer me up for the sake of cheering me up. My parents are doing that right now, and they are the only one's I can really talk to about it, and they're not helping at all.

Go ahead brother. It's good you express yourself and I'm sure some we'll be ready to give our opinion on what troubles you since you asked of course.

[HolyJose2391]

Hey guys. I had to take some time off there for a minute and reflect on my life, so I've been out. I'm really glad to hear that there are some people out there that don't hate me. Everything that was said through PMs, VMs, and posts here helps.

This isn't the appropriate place, but I think I'm going to make a post explaining my situation and why I exactly left, and now why I came back. If you decide to read it, I'll ask you to give your honest opinion on what is going on in my life right now, and don't try to cheer me up for the sake of cheering me up. My parents are doing that right now, and they are the only one's I can really talk to about it, and they're not helping at all.

Go ahead I'm just glad to see you're here

[xStraightxEdgexSaviorx]

(Full disclosure: I sent this same basic message to Sau, Kash, and Leggo, but since Bodom is allowing it I guess I can do it here too)

Okay so, why I left in the first place: So when I left my girlfriend had left me and broke my heart, took all of my friends with her (since they were her friends first and they took her side) and I was flat broke with tons of bills to pay and people to support. We had just got done doing a crazy ass week of JBW, and I didn't have the heart to tell anyone that I was leaving for college soon. So I kept going as much as I could and I figured I would eventually break the news to everyone. But as I said, my girlfriend had just broken my heart, and some of you guys know this and some don't, but regardless here goes: I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. No matter how long you've stayed sober for, you're ALWAYS still an addict. I relapsed...HARD. I was too fucking ashamed to face everyone here, and I knew I was going to be too busy for this site anyway, so I just left. Not the best way to do things, but there's a big part of me that's a huge asshole, especially when I'm doing my stuff.

So anyway, I had been doing pretty well. I've been doing great in school, and a few weekend benders aside I had been keeping clean. But I fucked up big time. This is what set me over the edge today. Last Friday I finally thought I had met someone in one of my classes. We chatted before class and I sat next to her. At one point, she moved her knee over to touch the back of my hand that was resting on my knee. This is where I fucked up. I misread that completely, and began touching her leg with the back of my hand. She never told me to stop, never moved away, never slapped my hand, or anything. So I figured I was in. But today I found out she's filing for sexual harassment and I damn well know she will win. I VIOLATED her, I fucking molested her without me even realizing it. I feel like a total monster for what I did to her, but I swear I didn't know! This will be on my record forever now. I'll never escape it. And what's worse is I felt another human being feel really bad and I hate myself for it.

I HATE people who hurt females in that way, and now I'm fucking one of them. I know females on this site are few and far between, but if one of them can give me an idea as to why she didn't tell me to stop or even give me a hint if I was making her feel so bad? If you were in that situation, would you tell the person to stop, or would you be afraid to? How much would you hate the person who did that to you, given her situation. I'm so confused as to that. I just don't know how I could be so fucking stupid, and not get that she didn't want me to touch her.

So now you all know the truth. I wouldn't blame anyone in the slightest if you had a different opinion of me now, especially any girls who read this, so please be honest with me. Trust me, I have nothing more to lose.

[HolyJose2391]

(Full disclosure: I sent this same basic message to Sau, Kash, and Leggo, but since Bodom is allowing it I guess I can do it here too)

Okay so, why I left in the first place: So when I left my girlfriend had left me and broke my heart, took all of my friends with her (since they were her friends first and they took her side) and I was flat broke with tons of bills to pay and people to support. We had just got done doing a crazy ass week of JBW, and I didn't have the heart to tell anyone that I was leaving for college soon. So I kept going as much as I could and I figured I would eventually break the news to everyone. But as I said, my girlfriend had just broken my heart, and some of you guys know this and some don't, but regardless here goes: I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. No matter how long you've stayed sober for, you're ALWAYS still an addict. I relapsed...HARD. I was too fucking ashamed to face everyone here, and I knew I was going to be too busy for this site anyway, so I just left. Not the best way to do things, but there's a big part of me that's a huge asshole, especially when I'm doing my stuff.

So anyway, I had been doing pretty well. I've been doing great in school, and a few weekend benders aside I had been keeping clean. But I fucked up big time. This is what set me over the edge today. Last Friday I finally thought I had met someone in one of my classes. We chatted before class and I sat next to her. At one point, she moved her knee over to touch the back of my hand that was resting on my knee. This is where I fucked up. I misread that completely, and began touching her leg with the back of my hand. She never told me to stop, never moved away, never slapped my hand, or anything. So I figured I was in. But today I found out she's filing for sexual harassment and I damn well know she will win. I VIOLATED her, I fucking molested her without me even realizing it. I feel like a total monster for what I did to her, but I swear I didn't know! This will be on my record forever now. I'll never escape it. And what's worse is I felt another human being feel really bad and I hate myself for it.

I HATE people who hurt females in that way, and now I'm fucking one of them. I know females on this site are few and far between, but if one of them can give me an idea as to why she didn't tell me to stop or even give me a hint if I was making her feel so bad? If you were in that situation, would you tell the person to stop, or would you be afraid to? How much would you hate the person who did that to you, given her situation. I'm so confused as to that. I just don't know how I could be so fucking stupid, and not get that she didn't want me to touch her.

So now you all know the truth. I wouldn't blame anyone in the slightest if you had a different opinion of me now, especially any girls who read this, so please be honest with me. Trust me, I have nothing more to lose.

1)fuck heart break is a bitch....

2) sexual harassment I've been in the situation there is nothing that can be done and it fucking sucks but it was a touch of her knee? With the back of your hand? I fail to see what was done wrong and to be honest it seems as if SHE had something happen to her and well ends up blaming you to give her a sense of power. You're not a monster it seems as if there is something else going on with her that she saw the opportunity to take it out on you

[Giddy]

(Full disclosure: I sent this same basic message to Sau, Kash, and Leggo, but since Bodom is allowing it I guess I can do it here too)

Okay so, why I left in the first place: So when I left my girlfriend had left me and broke my heart, took all of my friends with her (since they were her friends first and they took her side) and I was flat broke with tons of bills to pay and people to support. We had just got done doing a crazy ass week of JBW, and I didn't have the heart to tell anyone that I was leaving for college soon. So I kept going as much as I could and I figured I would eventually break the news to everyone. But as I said, my girlfriend had just broken my heart, and some of you guys know this and some don't, but regardless here goes: I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. No matter how long you've stayed sober for, you're ALWAYS still an addict. I relapsed...HARD. I was too fucking ashamed to face everyone here, and I knew I was going to be too busy for this site anyway, so I just left. Not the best way to do things, but there's a big part of me that's a huge asshole, especially when I'm doing my stuff.

So anyway, I had been doing pretty well. I've been doing great in school, and a few weekend benders aside I had been keeping clean. But I fucked up big time. This is what set me over the edge today. Last Friday I finally thought I had met someone in one of my classes. We chatted before class and I sat next to her. At one point, she moved her knee over to touch the back of my hand that was resting on my knee. This is where I fucked up. I misread that completely, and began touching her leg with the back of my hand. She never told me to stop, never moved away, never slapped my hand, or anything. So I figured I was in. But today I found out she's filing for sexual harassment and I damn well know she will win. I VIOLATED her, I fucking molested her without me even realizing it. I feel like a total monster for what I did to her, but I swear I didn't know! This will be on my record forever now. I'll never escape it. And what's worse is I felt another human being feel really bad and I hate myself for it.

I HATE people who hurt females in that way, and now I'm fucking one of them. I know females on this site are few and far between, but if one of them can give me an idea as to why she didn't tell me to stop or even give me a hint if I was making her feel so bad? If you were in that situation, would you tell the person to stop, or would you be afraid to? How much would you hate the person who did that to you, given her situation. I'm so confused as to that. I just don't know how I could be so fucking stupid, and not get that she didn't want me to touch her.

So now you all know the truth. I wouldn't blame anyone in the slightest if you had a different opinion of me now, especially any girls who read this, so please be honest with me. Trust me, I have nothing more to lose.

It sounds like you were going off the vibes you thought she was giving you and it sounds like it was just a big misunderstanding. You thought she was telling you one thing when she wasn't, but that's not your fault.

[S.E. Zero]

@SES Relapse is part of addiction but its how you recover from that relapse that makes you much stronger in the end compared to how weak you might've been to relapse in the firt so really its a lesson learned through pain which is sometimes the only people learn. If you have made it so that you're stronger now compared to before thats a victory in itself even one over the heartbreak you went through. Never think its something wrong on your end until proven otherwise, always view as they break their own hearts for having lost you not the other way around.

I can tell you now, yes it might've been a fuck up the situation you're in but sometimes tend to do it because they can and want to. If she's done this before with other then its not you molested her, she let you be put in a situation where it seemed that way. Some women like that sense of vulnerability that entices men to them and then take pleasure in fucking with you through cases like the one you're in. You just need to read women better at a later point in time to not be a victim of this type of situation ever again.

Nevertheless this shows that you can learn from your mistakes and be better prepared for the evils of the world and not fall easily into them no matter how innocent they my seem.

[Snair]

Hello everyone...

Can someone please talk to me. As pathetic as this sounds you guys are my only friends. Are even you guys pissed at me for leaving?

Please don't hate me guys. My life is horrible. The only reason I came now is because I'm at an all time low and I'm so fucking lonely.

Welcome back bro.This is a markout moment

[Snair]

(Full disclosure: I sent this same basic message to Sau, Kash, and Leggo, but since Bodom is allowing it I guess I can do it here too)

Okay so, why I left in the first place: So when I left my girlfriend had left me and broke my heart, took all of my friends with her (since they were her friends first and they took her side) and I was flat broke with tons of bills to pay and people to support. We had just got done doing a crazy ass week of JBW, and I didn't have the heart to tell anyone that I was leaving for college soon. So I kept going as much as I could and I figured I would eventually break the news to everyone. But as I said, my girlfriend had just broken my heart, and some of you guys know this and some don't, but regardless here goes: I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. No matter how long you've stayed sober for, you're ALWAYS still an addict. I relapsed...HARD. I was too fucking ashamed to face everyone here, and I knew I was going to be too busy for this site anyway, so I just left. Not the best way to do things, but there's a big part of me that's a huge asshole, especially when I'm doing my stuff.

So anyway, I had been doing pretty well. I've been doing great in school, and a few weekend benders aside I had been keeping clean. But I fucked up big time. This is what set me over the edge today. Last Friday I finally thought I had met someone in one of my classes. We chatted before class and I sat next to her. At one point, she moved her knee over to touch the back of my hand that was resting on my knee. This is where I fucked up. I misread that completely, and began touching her leg with the back of my hand. She never told me to stop, never moved away, never slapped my hand, or anything. So I figured I was in. But today I found out she's filing for sexual harassment and I damn well know she will win. I VIOLATED her, I fucking molested her without me even realizing it. I feel like a total monster for what I did to her, but I swear I didn't know! This will be on my record forever now. I'll never escape it. And what's worse is I felt another human being feel really bad and I hate myself for it.

I HATE people who hurt females in that way, and now I'm fucking one of them. I know females on this site are few and far between, but if one of them can give me an idea as to why she didn't tell me to stop or even give me a hint if I was making her feel so bad? If you were in that situation, would you tell the person to stop, or would you be afraid to? How much would you hate the person who did that to you, given her situation. I'm so confused as to that. I just don't know how I could be so fucking stupid, and not get that she didn't want me to touch her.

So now you all know the truth. I wouldn't blame anyone in the slightest if you had a different opinion of me now, especially any girls who read this, so please be honest with me. Trust me, I have nothing more to lose.

Don't put the blame on yourself bro,you know that incident was unintentional so there's nothing to be ashamed of.

[eyehatecena]

(Full disclosure: I sent this same basic message to Sau, Kash, and Leggo, but since Bodom is allowing it I guess I can do it here too)

Okay so, why I left in the first place: So when I left my girlfriend had left me and broke my heart, took all of my friends with her (since they were her friends first and they took her side) and I was flat broke with tons of bills to pay and people to support. We had just got done doing a crazy ass week of JBW, and I didn't have the heart to tell anyone that I was leaving for college soon. So I kept going as much as I could and I figured I would eventually break the news to everyone. But as I said, my girlfriend had just broken my heart, and some of you guys know this and some don't, but regardless here goes: I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. No matter how long you've stayed sober for, you're ALWAYS still an addict. I relapsed...HARD. I was too fucking ashamed to face everyone here, and I knew I was going to be too busy for this site anyway, so I just left. Not the best way to do things, but there's a big part of me that's a huge asshole, especially when I'm doing my stuff.

So anyway, I had been doing pretty well. I've been doing great in school, and a few weekend benders aside I had been keeping clean. But I fucked up big time. This is what set me over the edge today. Last Friday I finally thought I had met someone in one of my classes. We chatted before class and I sat next to her. At one point, she moved her knee over to touch the back of my hand that was resting on my knee. This is where I fucked up. I misread that completely, and began touching her leg with the back of my hand. She never told me to stop, never moved away, never slapped my hand, or anything. So I figured I was in. But today I found out she's filing for sexual harassment and I damn well know she will win. I VIOLATED her, I fucking molested her without me even realizing it. I feel like a total monster for what I did to her, but I swear I didn't know! This will be on my record forever now. I'll never escape it. And what's worse is I felt another human being feel really bad and I hate myself for it.

I HATE people who hurt females in that way, and now I'm fucking one of them. I know females on this site are few and far between, but if one of them can give me an idea as to why she didn't tell me to stop or even give me a hint if I was making her feel so bad? If you were in that situation, would you tell the person to stop, or would you be afraid to? How much would you hate the person who did that to you, given her situation. I'm so confused as to that. I just don't know how I could be so fucking stupid, and not get that she didn't want me to touch her.

So now you all know the truth. I wouldn't blame anyone in the slightest if you had a different opinion of me now, especially any girls who read this, so please be honest with me. Trust me, I have nothing more to lose.

I really don't know you but its cool you shared it with everybody.

About your addictions- you are human, I'd never judge what got you or any others into that situation. Talking about it with others is a big step though- a good step.

About the girl in your class- the whole situation sounds like just one big miss understanding. Some girls are just natural flirts and its really hard to read them. The girl should have just talked the situation over with you.

[xStraightxEdgexSaviorx]

It sounds like you were going off the vibes you thought she was giving you and it sounds like it was just a big misunderstanding. You thought she was telling you one thing when she wasn't, but that's not your fault.

It was a huge horrible misunderstanding, but I'm sure that doesn't/wouldn't make her feel any better about it.

1)fuck heart break is a bitch....

2) sexual harassment I've been in the situation there is nothing that can be done and it fucking sucks but it was a touch of her knee? With the back of your hand? I fail to see what was done wrong and to be honest it seems as if SHE had something happen to her and well ends up blaming you to give her a sense of power. You're not a monster it seems as if there is something else going on with her that she saw the opportunity to take it out on you

1) Yes it is. I'm still not over it.

2) Regardless of how minor anyone may think it is, to her it wasn't, and that's what's killing me inside. The whole world may think it's absolutely nothing, but all that matters is how she felt when it was happening, and trust me, if you read her report she was very deeply hurt by it.

@SES Relapse is part of addiction but its how you recover from that relapse that makes you much stronger in the end compared to how weak you might've been to relapse in the firt so really its a lesson learned through pain which is sometimes the only people learn. If you have made it so that you're stronger now compared to before thats a victory in itself even one over the heartbreak you went through. Never think its something wrong on your end until proven otherwise, always view as they break their own hearts for having lost you not the other way around.

I can tell you now, yes it might've been a fuck up the situation you're in but sometimes tend to do it because they can and want to. If she's done this before with other then its not you molested her, she let you be put in a situation where it seemed that way. Some women like that sense of vulnerability that entices men to them and then take pleasure in fucking with you through cases like the one you're in. You just need to read women better at a later point in time to not be a victim of this type of situation ever again.

Nevertheless this shows that you can learn from your mistakes and be better prepared for the evils of the world and not fall easily into them no matter how innocent they my seem.

I really don't think she should be the villain here. If anyone it is me, even if it wasn't intentional. I had considered that she may be the type of person who would do this to someone intentionally, but in the end I think it's important to remember that SHE was the victim here. I may be wrong I suppose, but I don't think I am.

Don't put the blame on yourself bro,you know that incident was unintentional so there's nothing to be ashamed of.

I may know it was intentional, but she doesn't, and I don't think it would matter much if she did anyway. Put yourself in her shoes for a second. I hate to use the analogy because regardless of how violated she must have felt it was I'm sure NOTHING like it, but what if a guy was having sex with a girl, and she didn't want it, but the guy still thought she did? It would still be rape, and it would mean absolutely nothing to her if she knew the guy didn't know he was really raping her. The same logic applies here. Regardless if she knew of my harmless intent, she cannot un-feel those feelings of violation.

I really don't know you but its cool you shared it with everybody.

About your addictions- you are human, I'd never judge what got you or any others into that situation. Talking about it with others is a big step though- a good step.

About the girl in your class- the whole situation sounds like just one big miss understanding. Some girls are just natural flirts and its really hard to read them. The girl should have just talked the situation over with you.

I get the very strong impression that she was far too scared of me to confront me, even if it was in class.

To everyone:

Thank you so much for your responses. You may think I'm overreacting, but it's a really big deal for me to have done this. Still though, it helps very much to know that normal people think this situation is overblown to a degree, and it helps even more so to know I have your support even through all of this. Thank you guys so much. I missed all of you terribly. I don't think you will ever know quite how much...