JBW's official show thread

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 03:07 AM

Last edited by Kashdinero; 07-31-2012 at 03:13 AM.

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 03:23 AM

Chuck: OK, folks, welcome back, we've still got a hell of a show still ahead of us, and as you can see, the Cap'n is in the ring!
　

@ChuckyMarv: @SaveEdusWife is a sorry case indeed. #donate

　
Cap'n Edu vs RAGNAROK

　
The JabeTron™ shows that Cap'n Edu has almost reached his target to raise enough money to free his wife from her Somalian pirate captors.
　

Target: $100,000
　
EDU: $90,000.

　

Chuck: I'm being told that if Edu wins this match then management will pay him the ten grand he needs to hit that target.
　

Rock: He ain't got a pretty boys chance in prison, Chuck. Don't even argue.
　

RAGNAROK
　

　

Gregory Samuels: Ladies and Gentlemen, the two hundred and twenty pound Cap'n Edu's opponent, is from the depths of HeelTurns mind, he stands a mind boggling seven feet tall, he is... RRRRAAAAAGNAAARRROOOK!!
　

#heelpop
　

RAGNAROK walks down the red carpet as the paparazzi snap away. Once he gets to the ring he reaches up to the top rope and in one fluid motion, he pulls himself up and into the ring.
　

Rock: The look on Cap'n Edus face says it all.
　

RAGNAROK storms over to Edu and hits him with a boot that nearly takes his head off.
　
Showing no emotion RAGNAROK reaches down, and with one hand he lifts Edu off of the floor and high into the air, before bringing him down hard onto the mat at an awkward angle. Not content, he pulls him up one more time and places his head between his legs and lifts him up by the waist into a spinning sit out powerbomb.
　

Chuck: This match was a rib on poor Edu, for sure.
　

"One..
　

Two..
　

Three!"
　

Rock: This match was a foregone conclusion from the moment they both signed on the dotted line for this one. Edu needs cash bad, but he ain't gonna get it hanging his head on the wall that is RAGNARO- WAIT A MINUTE! I-Is th- Is that, ANO DOOM?!? OH. MY. LOOOORRRD!
　

Ano Doom jumps over the barrier and leaps over the top rope from the floor in an amazing display of agility.
　
RAGNAROK spins around a second too late and is caught off guard with a sickening heart punch from Ano. RAGNAROK clutches his chest and Ano Doom lifts him up and hits him with a Psycho Driver III
　

　
Rock: Oh my!! Chuck, Ano just hit GraveDigger 1.0 on a seven foot colossus! But what the hell is he doing here??!!?! He was fired on Mayhem! We certainly could do without him here on WARFare as we all know this guy doesn't play by anyone's rules but his own.. Not that I don't like seeing him destroying folk, but, to tell the truth, he kinda scares me.
　

Chuck: You can say that again.
　

@RockisaMarvel

: Anyone know Ano's twitter account? Does a monster even need a twitter account? #downwiththesickness

　

Chuck: OK, folks, that was something else, but we need to go back stage quickly--we have a major situation on our hands!
　

The cameras cut backstage, and we are witness to an intense brawl between Manabu and Snair that appears to have been going on for a while. Both men are sporting bloody noses, and Manabu has a large gash under his left eye.
　

Security are on the scene and Manabu and Snair are separated after a struggle.
　

Ka$h appears on the scene.

　
Ka$h: What the hell, kids?! Its not bad enough that you have to get lemon with me during our interview, then you go out and get your arses handed to you on a silver platter--no--you now have to cause a fricken scene like some kind of spoiled sprogs!! SECURITY, GET THESE TWO FUCKERS OUT OF HERE NOW!!!!
　

One half of the security struggle with Manabu, but manage to drag him out through the closest exit. The other half struggle even harder with Snair as they drag him off in the opposite direction, so the pair aren't anywhere near each other outside.
　

The camera focuses on Ka$h--Ka$h shakes his head and walks off with a dejected look on his face--clearly he is disappointed.

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 03:38 AM

The camera cuts to a wide shot of The Chinese Theatre.
　

Chuck: Wow! That was a turn up for the books. Mana and Snair have been teaming up in Jabe for quite a while now.
　

Rock: There's been a little bad blood between these two for a while now, though, and something like that was bound to happen.
　

Chuck: Say what you want, Rock--nobody expected what we just saw. Manabu's face was a mess!
　

@ChuckyMarv: #wow @ManabuIsichiban and @LionheartSnair have violently parted ways on WF tonight! #nothinglastsforever

　

Chuck: OK, folks, now that we've dealt with that situation, it's time to hear from a figure of controversy around these parts--it's time to hear from TheDevilsAdvocate.
　

The crowd goes insane as the Arena falls into a state of darkness. The JABEtron then lights up to reveal a video highlighting TDA's run with JBW thus far so that the newer fans of the product would have an idea about who

TDA is aside from just being a GoldRush winner.

(Ignore after 3:17)

Once the video is done a camera backstage catches up with TDA as he walkes casually down the corridors without a care in the world regarding his surroundings. Standing at an astonishing height of six feet ten inches it makes TDA quite a frightful man to be standing near. When TDA realizes that he was being stalked he simply turns his head in a weird manner and gazes at new JBW backstage interviewer Isabella Carina camera through his crimson mask.

Isabella Carina: Hello! I am Isabella Carina! Can I borrow a few moments of your time to ask you some things? The one thing that is on the minds of everyone is what do you plan on accomplishing now that you are back after a successful victory in your first match this year?

TDA: Accomplish?.. Now, now... The answer to this question should be very clear to everyone.. I will feel accomplished when I have destroyed all of my competition. As long as a competitor still draws breath then I will hunt them down and take them out kicking and screaming until' the very end of their miserable and disappointing careers.

Isabella Carina: Wow... So... Uh... You are going be in a match tonight with Shuriken and you are his partner.. Do you have anything to say to that?

TDA: Shuriken and I have done a good job about staying out of the way of each other. I wished that still would have been the case but it appears that higher forces in this world are determined to make this pairing happen. I will just have to play nice with my future victim. Our opponents tonight better be prepared for what is coming their way. It is certainly going to get messy. I guarantee it.

Isabella Carina: Now I must ask this question, TDA! You are already a seasoned veteran and you were recently inducted into the Pro Wrestling Hall Of Fame. Do you see this as your last stand so to speak?

TDA: Everyday is my last stand. You can never predict when your career will come to an end. You could say you would be around for 100 years but you could just as easily pass away 5 hours from that exact moment. I am still a powerful dark horse. I have no plans of stamping an expiration date on the bottom of my foot. Now move out of my way before I clothesline you to hell...

TDA slaps the camera and the camera smacks the wall and cracks. The camera lands perfectly on the floor to show a startled Isabella and the back of TDA as he walks slowly and creepily down the long hallway towards the gorilla position. This concludes Isabella's first interview with the intellectually dark giant.
　

Chuck: Well, it's time to put the kids to bed because TDA is coming out here, and he's coming now!!
　

TheDevilsAdvocate vs PrimusSucks
　

Chuck: I just received word that we are in for a doozy folks!

Rock: Who in the hell says doozy these days?! That is something my grandmother would say!

Chuck: Then you have a very cool grandmother, Rock.

Rock: Is your brain alright?! Because I think you have something lo-

PrimusSucks

Gregory Samuels: Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing first, making his way down the red carpet, he stands in a six feet three inches, and he weighs twooo huuundreed and fiiiffftyyy fiiivvee pounds, I give you PriiiimmmuuussssSSSSuuuucksss'a!!

Primus makes his way down to the ring with an endless ocean of booing fans in attendance. Making his way to the ring he does his absolute best to shrug off the boo's from the crowd since he does not want to give them the opportunity to ruin his night. Rolling into the ring beneath the ropes the young Primus quickly rises to his feet. Primus shadow boxes in the ring and engages in a cringe worthy cracking of his neck as he waits patiently for his opponent to arrive.

Rock: This guy has the audacity to interrupt me?! That just makes him all that more cooler to me. I am going to be rooting for Primus tonight. I could not care less about who his opponent is. Priimus has come here to prevail and he will not be walking away from this as a loser. You can count on that, Chuck!

Chuck: But what if his opponent ends up being a destructive beast who would completely demolish Primus where he stands? You seriously have to consider the possibilities here in JBW, Rock.

Rock: When pigs fly, Chuck! .... That is when I will believe that Primus' odds tonight belong in the gutters known as miserable and failure respectively. Primus and I are top notch guys. Something you will never understand Chuck because you were always surfing your computer for a quick wank while I was out getting all the sexy ladies.

The lights suddenly go out and the crowd gasps in utter shock. The fumbling of the announcers can be heard. In an immediate attempt to alarm the viewers at home Chuck takes the liberty.

Chuck: It seems that we are suffering form a power outage folks! We will be doing our best to get everything working in order once again. Please do not change the channel. We will be working through these problems at once.

BOOM!

　
Fireworks scatter all around the arena like they malfunctioned, scaring Chuck and a large portion of the fans in the process. After the firework display endss the arena falls back into darkness. Chuck and Rock are unsure of what to think of this so their headsets remain empty of words for a very good long minute before a tune begins to play.~

TheDevilsAdvocate

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 03:46 AM

Chuck: Guess what, Rock?! Pigs are flying everywhere!

Rock: HA HA.. Very funny... Primus is going to come out of this as a winner. Just you watch..

Chuck: We will see, Rock.

Gregory Samuels: Aaaaannnd his opponent, he is a JBW legend, and has every right to call himself the number one contender to the Unified JBW World Heavyweight Championship. He stands in at six feet and teeennn inches, he weighs three hundred and thirty three pounds, ladies and gentlemen, he is... ThhheeeeDeeeeevvvilllllsssAaaaaadvoooocaaaaate!!

A giant of a man comes walking out from behind the curtain to a massive standing ovation from the crowd. His slow movement to the ring was met by the lowered swaying of his head. His long strands of hair flopped back and forth like a lifeless body, giving him a very frightening appearance. While TDA makes his way to the ring the crowd began to chant "Primus is a goner". It was a wide spread chant that almost drowns out TDA's theme music. Once TDA finally gets to the ropes he slides into the ring and ultimately towers over Primus when he stands up on his own two feet. TDA is anxious to go after Primus but the referee quickly pries them apart from each other.

@RockisaMarvel: @PrimusSucksWWWYKI is a deadman walking

　
Gregory Samuels: Tonight we have TDA and Primus going at it! To win this match both participants will have to go one or the other to tap out or remain on the mat until a three count is made.
　

Referee Willie Willie: Do you guys understand these rules? Then get it on!

Willie gives the time keeper a hand gesture and the bell rings. TDA and Primus circle each other around the ring like two fierce animals on the hunt for a juicy meal. After about a moment of this they both finally lock horns and TDA quickly over-powers Primus by throwing him half way across the ring. Primus not wanting to be shown up as a weakling jumps back up to his feet and races back over to TDA and begins to wail on him with both insanely fast left and right punches. TDA is definitely not phased by this and his retaliation is even worse than Primus could have possibly imagined. TDA kicks Primus in the gut with his massive boot before positioning him between his legs for what appears to be the set-up for a powerbomb.
　

TDA however hits a brutal piledriver instead, sending Primus' skull into the mat as hard as he possibly can.

Chuck: That piledriver alone almost killed Primus! But proving that he has guts, Primus is quick to get to his feet yet again!
　

TDA can only draw a smirk as he is satisfied with this competitor in front of him. He always likes it when his opposition could take this much pain and keep going. Primus climbs on to the top rope and TDA simply allows him to do so. When Primus is on the top rope he goes to go and do an axehandle slam but as soon as Primus leaves the turn buckle he is greeted with a stiff clothesline from TDA.
　

Primus hits the mat hard and flops around like a fish out of water while he holds onto his throat to relieve himself of the undeniable sting he feels.

This time Primus does not get up. Instead TDA picks him up to his feet before tossing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. TDA shows off the seemingly lifeless body of Primus as he parades around the ring before delivering a violent sidewalk slam that causes Primus to pop up a good distance from the mat. Yet again without Primus getting up on his own TDA picks him up and pushes him into a corner. Wrapping his arms over both ropes on both individual sides Primus ends up being held up by the ring alone. TDA immediately begins to throw some punches of his own, bruising the face of the young Primus.
　

@ChuckyMarv: This is @TheDevilsAdviory at his darkest #pityrome

　

After being a punching bag for such a long period of time Primus finally comes to and manages to free an arm. He reaches out with a textbook rake to the eyes.

Primus takes this chance of freedom to undo his other from the ropes and then to slide out of the ring. Primus not wanting any piece of TDA begins to walk up the ramp. TDA quickly recovers from the eye rake and slides out of the ring. He catches Primus and punches him in his head before throwing him high into the air and into the ring from the outside.
　

@RockisaMarvel

: This is a true show of @TheDevilsAdvisory's dominance.

　

TDA then slides back into the ring and begins to stomp on Primus who is desperately trying to get out of TDA's grasp. When Primus is finally able to get back on his own two feet TDA kicks him in the gut yet again but this time delivers a death defying, and size defying, Canadian Destroyer.
　

Chuck: Are you kidding me?! What a sick move by TDA!!!
　

@ChuckyMarv: Seeing is believing. #tdaisatruewrestlinggod

TDA walks over to Primus and covers him for the pin.

"One!!!

Two!!!

Three!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Chuck: OMG... Words can't express what I had just witnessed here tonight. I can't believe what had just happened here.

Rock: Blah Blah Blah! It is obvious that TDA cheated here.

Chuck: How in the world did he cheat? TDA completely dominated him!

Rock: I am sticking to what I said. You just would not understand Chuck. Even the idiotic fans at home would agree with me.

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 03:48 AM

After the match TDA walks up the red carpet. The camera follows him since Isabella wanted to get a few words out of TDA so that the fans can get details about what TDA has become. A monster of sorts. But when the announcer finally catches up with TDA, Shuriken Blades theme hits.
　

The camera zooms in on TDA passing by Shuriken. Shuriken delivers a nod of his head to TDA and TDA returns one.
　

Chuck: I don't know what that nod was about, but, I do know one thing--Ryusuke is on the way to the ring and the paparazzi are going crazy trying to get a shot of him, but he is obviously in no mood for fun.
　

Rock: When is he ever?
　

Gregory Samuels: Ladies and Gentlemen! JBW fans around the world. From Los Angeles, California. Ryusuke SHURIKENNNNN SERRRRAAAAA!

The crowd pops extremely loud as Shuriken, still having the scars of battle against Siaki, stands triumphantly in the middle of the ring.

#MATCH-OF-THE-YEAR!-MATCH-OF-THE-YEAR!-MATCH-OF-THE-YEAR!

Shuriken shows a small smile. The crowds cheers are deafening, showing a lot of appreciation at Shuriken as he grabs the mic.

He looks at the crowd as they continue to chant.

#MATCH-OF-THE-YEAR!-MATCH-OF-THE-YEAR!-MATCH-OF-THE-YEAR!

Shuriken: First and foremost, Siaki....I thank you so much for that match.

#ULTRAFACEPOP

#SI-A-KI!-SI-A-KI!-SI-A-KI!

Believe me, I would love for the man to still be in JBW. I would gladly work with him on a regular basis. Too bad he had to go but as we progress with the journey, I doubt it is the last of Psycho Siaki. Siaki, if you are watching this, you are a legend and everybody will continue to love you. The fans, the guys in the back, myself. Everyone around the world. We want to thank you.

#MOREULTRAFACEPOPS
#SI-A-KI!-SI-A-KI!-SI-A-KI!
#SER-RA-SER-RA-SER-RA!

Now....on to business....MA$$!!!! You piece of garbage! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT FATE! It is because of your involvement...that match had a different turn! You gave your friend a punch to the face!! DURING OUR HISTORIC MATCH!

#FUCK-YOU-Ma$$!-FUCK-YOU-Ma$$!

I don't know what is wrong with you but if you don't explain your actions soon, I don't mind going to war with you. I don't tolerate foolishness like this. I used to look up to V3, but I didn't know that you become a shell of your former self. If this continues....one of us his going to the morgue.....and I don't mind putting you there. Now, it's time for you to come and face your demons, Ma$$.. It's time for you to come and face.. Me.. I don't care how long it takes, I am not leaving until you get out here.

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 03:57 AM

As soon as Shuriken stops talking, an image of the backstage area is shown on the JabeTron™. Specifically training on a back exit.
　

All of a sudden, the doors burst open, and Ma$$Dinero strolls through them--he is followed by an entourage of about forty five thugish looking minders, bodyguards, close friends, hairdressers, chefs, band members, friends from the music industry, and hot chicks alike. By his side as per usual is his loyal manager and friend, Dave, who is dressed in an extremely sharp looking Armani suit. Dave is seen talking on the phone in a fairly aggressive manner as Ma$$ and his intimidating collection of bodies pass through the backstage area like a swarm of outlandish locusts.
　

Ma$$ is dressed in a white suit with faint red pinstripes. The red shirt he is sporting fits the outlandish evening wear to perfection, as do the albino crocodile shoes on his feet. To top it all off he is wearing a white pimp hat with a red feather to boot.
　

After his actions at the end of the historic Shuriken vs Siaki match, one would expect Ma$$Dinero to be in a somewhat sombre mood, but he is actually smiling as he makes his way down a corridor followed by forty five plus. Continuing to smile, he reaches into the pocket of his jacket--pulling out a diamond encrusted platinum microphone, he begins to speak for the first time since the draft show.
　

Ma$$Dinero: What is gwaning, my Ma$$es?!
　

A huge chunk of the audience pops in answer to the man who is supposed to be their hero.
　

What!?! I wasn't talking to you schmucks watching this on the JabeTron™, I'm talking to my Ma$$es behind me.
　

Shouts can be heard from behind him..
　

"Yeah, I'm good, bruv!"
　

"You was right, Ma$$, we're having a great time!"
　

That's right people, this collection of fantasticness behind me will from this day forth be known as Ma$$' Ma$$e$, and they are the only Ma$$e$ I need.
　

#heelreaction #intesifyingfast
　

Yes, that's exactly the reaction I want from you arsewipes...
　

#megaheat

　
You mugs..
　

#infernorising
　

You think I give a shit about what all you watching this in the arena -and at home- think about me? Are you kidding me?! I'm the biggest SuperStar this company has, and I'm a number one selling rapper on top of that! The circles I move in do not include the type of nerdy little wrestling fans who've all been recently wanking over those nude pictures of Panda that just surfaced on the internet.
　

#boosandlaughter
　
#WE'VE-ALL-SEEN-THEM!-WE'VE-ALL-SEEN-THEM!
　

Ma$$ laughs as he and his Ma$$e$ continue to make their way through the backstage area.
　

Yeah, I bet you have, you filthy slags. But, enough about the filth surrounding the ring, let me focus on-
　

???: Yo, Ma$$!!
　

Ma$$ and his Ma$$e$ draw to a sharp halt and -as one- turn in the direction of where the voice came from.
　

Ma$$: Ohhhh myyyy lllooorrrd! Its ma' boy, Depri$e in the hou$e!!
　

Depri$e: Yes, family, one love!
　

Ma$$ fist bumps Depri$e, before continuing.
　

Ma$$: Bruva man, mans gonna have to catch up with ya' later, but I know that you know that we both know Sleeps has been here tonight and has dropped off some of that sticky-icky-shit he's been moving as of late, so we both know why you're really here.. I'm gonna see you on Octane real soon, bruv. Oh, and, by the way, you've been smashing it on the JabeThread, bruv..
　

Depri$e: No doubt. Peace, Ma$$.
　

Ma$$: Peace, Depri$e.

　
Ma$$ and his Ma$$e$ once more begin to move through the backstage area with intimidating presence.
　

Anyway, back to you, Ryy-oooo-soooo-kaaaay! As you can see, my Ma$$e$ are heading in your direction, and there ain't nothing you can do about it.

　

A camera shot of Ryusuke "Shuriken Blade" Serra's defiant looking face is shown.
　

@ChuckyMarv: @StrongStyleShuriken>@Ma$$Murda #massneedshismasses

@RockisaMarvel: @Ma$$Murda and @Depri$eI$Right together on the same show? #2good2betrue

Ma$$: Now, I can't see you, but I bet you're standing in the middle of that ring with a defiant look on your face. I'm right, aren't I?
　

#laughter

　
Well, I'll get to see for myself in a minute because I'm almost ther- wait a minute, is that who I think it is?
　

Ma$$ and his Ma$$e$ turn to someone off screen.
　

Yes, its my old "friends" Red Ryder and El Gabo, AKA The Jackarses.
　

The camera turns to show the recently drafted pranksters.
　

Well, guys, how's WARFare treating ya? Give me all the gossip going on around here.
　

Red Ryda: Are you kidding me?! We wasn't even booked for tonight?!? They even had The Two Steve's in a match with each other!! I'm telling you, Ma$$, this would never have happened under Straights' regime.
　

Ma$$: Yeah, we all miss that guy, but, if we stick together, I think we can take over WARFare and show these fools how us Mayhem boys do, blud! Y'kno- wait, I ain't got time to talk right now, but I'll catch up with you soon, kids! Before I go, though--have you got the time, Gabs?
　

El Gabo: Uh, yeah, um, sure, its ni- hey!!
　

The second El Gabo pulls his sleeve up to check the time on his Tag Heuer, a particularly nasty looking member of Ma$$' Ma$$e$ grabs him by the arm, and snatches the watch away. The man has disappeared into the crowd before Gabo can realize what has happened.
　

Gabo: Man, what gives?! Gimmie my watch back!
　

Dave -who has just hung up on his call- turns to Gabo and gives him a dirty sneer.
　

Dave King: I'd advise you to just comply with my clients wishes from here on out and refrain from talking. This right here has now turned into an old fashioned mugging.
　

Ryder: What?!? This isn't you, Dave!
　

Dave King: Thats Mr King to you, boy!
　

Ryder: I-I-I can't believe this! I-Is this how you earned your millions, Ma$$? By robbing guys for the--ooOOOWW!!
　

Ma$$ cuts him off with a swift back hand.
　

Ma$$: Look, bruv, I think its probably for the best if we stop acting like I'm actually a nice guy--I like those kicks, bruv--take 'em off.
　

Ryder stands firm--Ma$$ strikes him with another backhand, this time causing him to fall backwards into the wall behind him. Ma$$ then grabs him by the throat, and in a weird turn of events, Mini Ma$$ appears from under the legs of the huge minder standing at the front of Ma$$' Ma$$e$. He is sporting some severe scars across his face -caused by Terrible Ted at Horrorcore Icons- and his whole friendly demeanor has changed to match Ma$$Dinero's. He runs over to where Ma$$ has Red Ryder pinned to the wall and begins to remove his Air Max.
　

Ryder: Aww, c'mon, man, how am I supposed to walk around with no sh-
　

Ma$$: Shut up!
　

Mini-Ma$$: Cuckity Cuck!
　

Ma$$: Shut the fuck up with that cuckity shit! Talk normal or I'll kick in that ugly looking face of yours, ya little cunt!
　

Mini-Ma$$: Alright, man, chill, I was just having a laugh innit, Ma$$! Boy, I dunno if we want these, y'know, they're kicking, bruv!
　

Ma$$: Look, I don't give a fuck about that, its principal now. Take 'em off. Now.
　

Mini-Ma$$ proceeds to take off Red Ryders trainers. Once he is left with just his socks to protect his feet, Ma$$ stamps down hard on his left foot, and catches him with an uppercut to the face as he doubles over in pain. El Gabo looks on in horror as he see's his team mate knocked unconscious.
　

Ma$$: Don't worry, blud, I don't want your trainers--look at the state of them--I just want all of the money that you have on you.
　

Gabo: Ahh, please, Ma$$--I got kids!
　

Ma$$: Man, fuck your kids! Like I said--I just want all of the money you have.
　

Realizing he is in trouble, El Gabo pulls out his wallet and takes out all of his money before handing it to Ma$$.
　

Ma$$: Thank you. See, that wasn't so painful now, was it? Heh.. Don't worry, though, I'm gonna give you something reeeaal nice in return... Yo, Melissa!
　

...
　

I said, YO, MELISSA!! Get your scrawny arse over here, right now!
　

Ma$$' Ma$$e$ part and former Mayhem interviewer Melissa Mendez walks over to Ma$$--she doesn't look over the moon.
　

Ma$$: Yeah, that's a good girl. Now, why don't you escort young Mr Gabo to his dressing room and show him exactly what his money just bought him.
　

Reluctantly, Melissa takes El Gabo by the hand and leads him down the corridor. Ma$$' Ma$$e$ begin hooting and hollering as a bewildered looking Gabo is led off by Melissa, who has clearly seen better days.

Ma$$: Heh, would ya look at those two crazy kids. Ahh, young love... Anyway, where was I?! Ohhhh yeeeaaah--Shuriken! Yo, blud, you still out there?

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 04:12 AM

Last edited by Kashdinero; 07-31-2012 at 04:34 AM.

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 04:39 AM

Anyway, enough about the past, let's talk about the present. Or, a little earlier today. The Hollywood Boulevard. It's official. Not only is Ma$$Dinero a certified JBW SuperStar, I am now also, due to my work as an actor in The Adventures Of Ma$$ And Dave, a name in a star on a road in Hollywood. Sooooo, like, if the producer guy in the back will show the world what I'm talking about, then that would probably save him an arsewhooping later on today.
　

　
Ma$$: Yep, now that is something to brag about! I don't care if you hate me or rate me, I just want everyone to appreciate that a Jabe guy m- sorry, I mean THE Jabe guy achieved something right there..
　

#J-B-W!-J-B-W!
　

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, people. Jabe has officially been put on the map.
　

Ma$$ looks around at the crowd for a moment, and then allows himself to fully take in The Chinese Theater.
　

OK.. Before we get to that little Goku wannabe in the ring, let's talk about The Chinese Theatre!
　

#popfromthehollywoodlocals
　

Yeah, that's right, this place is looking amazing, but -and this may just be- am I the only one who was expecting to see a whole lot more actual Chinese people here? Like, I thought I was gonna stand out in my white suit here, but.. This place couldn't be more white if it was covered in cocaine during a blizzard in Alaska for fucksake! No lie, I actually saw an Albino Chinaman backstage wearing a white suit drinking a Diamond White in white plastic cup through a white straw!
　

#lols&boos
　

Yeah, I see my boy, Chris Rock, there chilling out watching a little Jabe--he knows what mans talking about! So.. Who else we got up in here tonight? I see Megan Fox--yo, Megs, that off-key son of a bitch ain't here, but my crew will gladly run a train on that shit to help fill that empty feeling you got right now.
　

#boos&lols
　

Who else we got here? Brock? Yeah, he's obviously working an angle here so I won't be furthering his cause to rape another company for more money than he'll ever be worth. Moving on.. Who else? Wait, is that...
　

Ma$$ mockingly squints a little and uses his hand to shield his eyes from the glare of the arena lights.
　

Yes! It is! Its One-fooking-Direction! Man, I gots to see my fellow countrymen up close--these guys own!
　

Ma$$ walks over to the barriers on the left side of the red carpet with a huge grin on his face that One Direction return with glee.
　

Yes, boys! How the hell are ya today? Enjoying the show?
　

One Direction: Hell yeah we are!
　

Ma$$: That's what I wanted to hear, boys! Firstly, I just wanna say that I watched every episode of the X-Factor and I loved watching you guys grow week in week out. It proper sucks that you never won, but, hey, look at you now, right? Now, just in case these mugs in the arena have been living under a rock for the best part of a year, which, to be fair, some of these unshaven bastards actually look like they have, tell everybody what your names are--theres nothing worse than being judged as a group rather than an individual.
　

Ma$$ holds out his blinging mic for them to state their names.
　

"Liam James Payne"
　

Ma$$ shakes Liam's hand.
　

Ma$$: Nice surname--I know a Mr Payne, but you and he could never be related--he's waaay too much of a tough guy to have come from your weedy gene pool.. Haha, just fucking with ya, bruv!
　

With a smile Ma$$ moves on.
　

"Naill James Horan"
　

Ma$$: Really? Your middle name James as well?! What are the chances that two little nerds with the middle name James would end up in
the same group?!
　

"Louis William Tomlinson"
　

Ma$$ steps back a little before speaking.
　

Ma$$: Yeah, I would shake your hand, bruv, but I swear you're the one who wasn't gonna make the final cut and had to give Louis Walsh a nosh to keep his place. El Oh El, I'm only messing with ya', ya' little cocksucker--I told you, I'm a huge fan.
　

After ruffling Louis hair, Ma$$ moves on.
　

"Zayn Jawadd Malik"
　

Ma$$: Bless you! But, like, what's your name, bruv?
　
"Zay-."

　
Ma$$: Just playing with y-
　

Ma$$ suddenly adopts a serious look about him and -together with his Ma$$e$- spins around to face the ring to find himself staring an infuriated looking Ryusuke who appears to be ready for a fight.
　

I can fucking feel you trying to burn a hole in the back of my head, but, if you just please hold up for a few minutes I will be with you. Please, bruv, don't think I've forgot about you. I'm coming to knock you out like I did Siaki, so just be a liiitle bit more patient, kid.
　

Where was I?
　

Oh, yeah, nah, I'm just playing with ya', Zayn. Out of the five you're probably the closest thing to a half decent bloke.
　

Ma$$ bumps fists with Zayn and moves on to the remaining member of One Direction. He shakes his hand as he states his name.
　

"Harr-"
　

Ma$$: Yeah, I know your name, bruv. You're Harry Edward Styles. The "main man" of the group! The laaaiidies man.
　

#ladypop
　

You're the guy that blags 'em and shags 'em like poomps was gonna disappear tomorrow, right? You're the one who likes to shag all sorts. Groupies. Teenagers. MILF's.. MARRIED women.. You just wanna shag, 'em all, right?
　

Harry smiles nervously and nods his head. Ma$$ continues to shake Harry's hand--Ma$$ is no longer smiling.
　

Chuck: Uh, people, I think we may have a little problem on our hands.

Rock: Little? Man, I don't think you realize what is about to go down. I just checked out his last Facebook status.

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 04:57 AM

Ma$$Dinero

　
WARFare here I come. Lol. Sucks to be 1D. #shagmymateswife?paybacksabitch
　

Like . Comment . Share . 30 minutes ago .

Chuck: Oh, lord.
　

Ma$$: Yeah, you're the one who actually shagged my mates missus, ain't ya? I won't say his name, but we all know who
I'm talking about because its all over the newspapers! Well..
　

Ma$$ starts to squeeze Harry's hand.

　
"Oww!"
　

Ma$$: I'm here to tell you that that..
　

Ma$$ suddenly squeezes with excessive force and crushes poor Harry's bones as if they were cookies.
　

"AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!"
　

Ma$$: That wasn't nice.
　

Ma$$ releases Harry's broken hand and the rest of One Direction grab him and run for their lives. Harry screaming as he does so.
　

Ma$$: Haha!! Run, Harry, Run, (yes, that was me paying homage to RomanFlare *gasp*)
　
Now, where was I?
　

Oh, yeah!
　

Ma$$ turns in unison with his Ma$$e$ and once again his attentions are turned towards Ryusuke.
　

Chuck: Oh my God, no?!
　

Rock: What?!
　

Chuck: We have to go to a commercial break!!!
　

Rock: Nooooooo!! Guys, check out our tweets to find out exactly what is happening as it happens during the
commercials!
　

**commercials start here**

@ChuckyMarv: @Ma$$Murder was about to get in the ring but saw his buddy @KennyPowersAintDead and just HAD to say hello #mancrush #sad

　

@RockIsaMarvel: #holyjosesswollentesticles! @MethodManSays just jumped over the ringside barrier and tried to attack @Ma$$Murda!! Security you suck #letthemfight

　

@ChuckyMarv: Wow! Just... Wow. WowWowWowWow! Its chaos here at The Chinese Theatre! @MethodManSays and his crew are fighting with @Ma$$Murda and his Ma$$e$!

　

@RockisaMarvel: Security you suck! #letthemfight (yes, I did just say the same thing in two different tweets #dealwithit)

　

**commercials end here**
　

Chuck: Wow, we're back here, LIVE! at The Chinese Theatre, and I'm still in shock after what we witnessed during the commercial break! I hope you was all checking out our tweets, because, I'm being told by management that we won't be showing you the footage. Sorry, folks!
　

Rock: Ma$$ still hasn't got in the ring yet. What a legend. Shuri looks like a right fool right now.
　

Chuck: Shuri looks like he's waiting for a guy who is pulling the biggest stall job I've ever seen in my life.
　

Ma$$ is seen brushing down his expensive looking suit. He turns to the camera and mouths "Method, its on."
　

Ma$$: Now, where was I? Oh yeah, now that all of the distractions are out of the way, I think its about time I addressed the elephant in the room. The man standing in the middle of the ring showing way more restraint than I would be in this situation. See, if I was him, I'd have definitely run the moment me and my Ma$$e$ walked through the JabeCurtain™… But that's just me, innit. This guy right here, though, he wants to stand his ground knowing full well I'm about to kick his little face in with my Albino Crocodile shoes. Bravery will be your downfall, Serra San.... Now, Ma$$e$. Do me a favour and surround the ring for me.
　

Ma$$' Ma$$e$ surround the ring as requested.
　

Thanks, guys.
　

Ma$$ walks towards and up the ringsteps and the already pumped up crowd begin to buzz.
　

OK, peeps, its time to show Shuri-baby what he's dealing with, 'cause cleeeeaaarrlly this mug needs a little awakening of the senses.
　

Every member of Ma$$' Ma$$e$ pull out various forms of guns and point them towards the sky.
　

Ryusuke "Shuriken Blade" Serra doesn't even flinch--not even when they begin pointing at him.
　

Chuck: Oh lord have mercy on Ryusukes soul right now.
　

Ma$$: OK, guys, you've proved your point. I think its time for you lot to go backstage. I'd hate to think people would think I need back up when I fight.
　

Ma$$' Ma$$e$ leave the ringside quickly and without incident. Ma$$ watches them leave. Once they are all out of sight, he turns to face Shuriken. A stare down commences, not breaking while Ma$$ steps through the ropes, and not when Shuriken begins to walk towards him.
　

Chuck: It is on! Wait, a minute, who's that getting in the ring? Is that..

Recently dethroned WARFare World Heavyweight Champion JMan leaps over the top rope and runs up behind Shuri. Grabbing him by the shoulder, he spins him around and swings a superkick.

@ChuckyMarv: @StrongStyleShuriken just ducked under "great match let's go eat". What is @JManIsAJabester thinking. #noooooooo

Ma$$ takes a vicious looking swing with his fist at a distracted Shuriken.
　

@RockisaMarvel: Maybe @StrongStyleShuriken really is a ninja because he just ducked "my friend went to London and all I got was a bloodstained T-Shirt"!

　
Shuriken looks at Ma$$ and JMan and with a shocked yet angry look on his face he rushes towards them and begins to unleash punches and kicks, rocking both men back.
　
JMan takes a wicked kick to the chest, but expected a second to the head and ducked, leaving Shuriken wide open for the roaring elbow that Ma$$ delivers to the side of his head.
　

@RockisaMarvel: R U from London? No? Have a London 'bo! #ouch

　
JMan and Ma$$ begin stomping on the fallen JBW superstar to a loud chorus of boos from the majority of the audience.
　

Rock: The smarks in attendance know what's going on here. This is a glorious day, Chuck. This is the day that Ma$$ and JMan teamed up to take down the world, brother!

　

Chuck: Are you for real? If this is the sort of behavior that JMan is going to be carrying on with then I'm gonna unfriend him on FaceBook too!

　

Rock: Ooh, that's gonna hurt.

　

Chuck: Shut up, Rock! Somebody needs to stop this and stop this now. These two assholes are stomping Shurikens face in!

　
No sooner than Chuck has spoken TheDevilsAdvocate is halfway down the ramp. TDA storms the ring, and Ma$$Dinero and JMan make a sharp exit just as swiftly as the he enters.
　

Chuck: What's the matter boys? Shit got a little too real for ya'? Now its an even fight its like Ma$$ and JMan want no part of it.

　

Rock: I am marking out for this moment, Chuck! We got four legendary figures out here right now.

　

@RockisaMarvel: I am witnessing history. #markingouthuge

**Kashdinero** · 07-31-2012, 05:04 AM

Ma$$: Whoa, there, big boy!! I don't know what you think you're doing getting involved in THEJMan and I's business, but, clearly you're just as confused as you look.com. It IS a blessing that you didn't come out here with a mic, though. At the very least we've been spared of hearing one of those horrible long arsed promos of yours. Moaning about how you've never won a title! Well, join the que, bruv, it's mine and THEJMans time now!
　
Clearly you want us to get in the ring, but, man, I dont think that's gonna happen, old ma--oh shit!!
　

TDA takes a running leap and sails clear over the top rope and takes out both Ma$$ and JMan with a bone jarring cross body block. With all three JBW SuperStars on the floor, Shuriken sprints towards the ropes and springboards high into the air before pulling off a sick twisting shooting star press onto all of them.
　

Chuck: Ladies and Gentlemen, its moves like that that tell me I'm right when I say that Ryusuke Serra is THE best wrestler in the world today!
　

Rock: Are you kidding me? Ma$$ was trained in Riley's Snake Pit back in Wigan, England, Chuck; those guys would tear Shuriken limb from limb!
　

@ChuckyMarv: @StrongStyleShuriken>RileysSnakePitBullys #ichiban!

　

@RockisaMarvel: I'll admit it @DevilsAdvisory is amazing. Wow what a sight it was to see a giant fly through the air #oldgiantsown

　

Security rush the scene a few seconds after Shuriken has landed, and begin to help them to their feet and separate them.
　
JMan is the first to unleash his fury on a member of security with "Great Match, let's eat"--"My Friend Went To London And All I Got Was This Bloodstained T-Shirt" knocks another out and sends him crashing into another four of thrm TDA chokeslams two of them onto the concrete at the same time, while Shuriken headbutts the last one standing, leaving the four men left with just each other to take out their aggressions out on.
　

Shuri launches a face-crushing flying knee at Ma$$--Ma$$ reels back and holds his face. Shuriken offers him no quarter and continues his assault with lightning fast punches to his chest.
　

JMan kicks TDA in the midsection and attempts to piledrive him, but using his superior strength, TDA flips him over his head--JMan lands back first with a sickening splat.
　

Shuriken has Ma$$ up against the ring side barrier--Ma$$ looks groggy so Shuriken takes a few steps back then runs forward in an attempt to clothesline him into the crowd but Ma$$ ducks and Shuri goes head first over the barrier; landing on a couple of unlucky fans.
　

Ma$$ sees TDA reaching down to pick up a still downed JMan, and runs up behind him and kicks him square in the groin area.
　

BOOYA!
　

TDA goes down, and Ma$$ helps his long time buddy to his feet. They give each other a quick mischievous look and begin stomping on the fallen TDA.
　

Ma$$ jumps as high as he can and comes down hard on TDA's chest with a huge elbow drop.
　

JMan does the same.
　

Ma$$ then jumps up onto the announcers table and hits a picture perfect moonsault on the prone giant.
　

JMan does the same.
　

Shuriken pulls himself up and sees the man who just saved him from a two on one beat down--determined to return the favour he jumps onto the barrier with ease, and with cat like agility he runs along it and launches himself at JMan, but Ma$$ catches sight of the former WARFare World Heavyweight Champion and cracks him in the side of the head -mid-air- with a haymaker that puts Shuri down on the floor hard.
　

JMan grabs the time keepers chair and smashes TDA in the skull as hard as he can; knocking him out cold.
　

Ma$$ grabs the chair from JMan and does the same to Shuriken. After repeating his actions three more times he throws the chair down hard onto his chest. Not content with just knocking him out, Ma$$ gets a sudden evil look in his eye and pulls something out from the inside pocket of his white blazer.
　

A quick hand movement later reveals that he is in-fact holding a butterfly knife, and it is clear he intends to use it on the unconscious Shuriken. Ma$$ reaches down and grabs Shuri by the hair; lifting him into a sitting position. He then puts the knife to his throat and is about to cut him when suddenly Ka$h comes running down the red carpet waving his hands in an attempt to stop his rouge sibling from murdering Shuriken.
　

Chuck: Holy crap!! This is insane, Rock!
　

Rock: I know; I love it!!
　

@RockisaMarvel: TONIGHT HAS TRULY BEEN WAR ON WARFARE!! #bestfirstdayonthejobever

　

Ka$h reaches his brother and grabs him around the waist. JMan grabs Ka$h by the hair and pulls him away. As soon as he does over a hundred members of security rush down to ringside and tackle both Ma$$ and JMan to the floor.
　

Rock: HolyJose this is chaotic here at The Hollywood Theatre! All these celebrities must be fearing for their lives right now!

　
Chuck: You said it, Rock, this is some seriously scary stuff to someone who has never attended a live JBW event. To everyone else this is just another walk in th- HEY, LOOK, ROCK! IT'S MA$$' MA$$E$!
　

Rock: A walk in the park?! Dude, as your brother I know you're too much of a pussy to walk in any park Ma$$' Ma$$e$ might be in. Look at these guys, brother--they're running through security like they were made of tissue paper!! Look out, their coming this way!!
　

Chuck and Rock both get out of their seats and hop over the barrier where they continue to call the action amongst the fans.
　

Most of Ma$$' Ma$$e$ find their way over to JMan and Ma$$. The taller members of the vast entourage then hoist both of them over their heads, away from the fracas, and walk over to the barriers where they gently set them down, allowing them to escape through the crowd, who, by this point, are going crazy with excitement.
　

#JABE-IS-AWESOME!-JABE-IS-AWESOME!
　

Chuck: Somebody stop those crooks!
　

Rock: Haha, like anyone here could stop them.
　

Chuck: I bet Brock would like to have a go.
　

@RockisaMarvel: #inbrocksdreams
　

TDA and Shuriken push through the crowded ringside area, hop the barrier and storm through the crowd in pursuit of Ma$$ and Shuriken.
　

Chuck: Go get 'em, guys!

　
Rock: No way JMan and Ma$$ aren't in a getaway car right now blazing a fatty with Mr King!
　

Chuck: Well, OK, folks, its still chaotic here at The Chinese Theatre, but hopefully after these commercials things will be under control! Ka$h is in the middle of all of this! God, I hope he'll be alright! We'll be right back with our main event! Yep, the main event you've all demanded. WARFare World TV Champion, Malcom Cage defending his title against Jason Alexander!! Don't you go changing that station now!

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Thread: JBW's official show thread

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