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Mayhem ep 18 7-2-11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpZafqKl1g8
Hello and welcome everyone to Saturday Night Mayhem! With only three Mayhems left before the PPV, expect HUGE things in this edition. We’re live here in San Antonio, Texas where the live crowd here tonight is absolutely on fire! The chants of “JBW! JBW!” are echoing throughout the arena and we are ready to kick this show off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0j5y...eature=related
K-jammin hits the ringside area with Katie by his side, and he’s absolutely beaming with what happened last week. Wow this might be the loudest negative reaction I’ve ever heard! What’s this, holy shit we have a barricade jumper and he looks like he’s coming for K-Jammin! The crowd pops as the guy almost gets to K-J when security jumps him and has him on the ground. K-Jamm is right next to the jumper now, and he hauls back and kicks him right in his face when the security is on top of him. The camera cuts away so we don’t have to see the blood that’s pouring out of the fan’s mouth, but we still hear K-J laughing and saying “everyone wants to get their hands on me!” Oh God, the fact that he’s in a good mood makes me sick. KJ grabs a mic and speaks.

KJ: 'Never before have i seen such fuck ugly people in one arena, kids at home this is a why you should NOT fuck your sisters ... because your kids will look like these freaks in the crowd. Now that's out of the way, i would just like to apologise to all family members of Mr. Dinero for fucking up his face even worse than it already was, i truly am sorry. However, he started this beef between us there for i finished it! Massy boy, if you had any sense... do not, i repeat do NOT even think about confronting me again, because the same thing will happen every time. I will beat your fucking face into the ground, and if any of your boys Vidi Vadi Viki or whatever your little "gang" is called, want to get involved aswell ... then i have no problem kicking them in there vagina's either! You see people, I've only been here for a couple of months and yet I've made an impact like no other! Im number 3 in the ranking system! and yet no one respects me. For example ...'

*K-Jammin gets out of the ring and walks towards a small boy in the front of the crowd*

KJ : 'Hey little man, can i ask you a question please?'

Boy: *nods*

KJ: 'Who's your favourite wrestler?'

Boy: 'The Prophecy.'

KJ: 'What the fuck? your at the wrong show you idiot!'

*K-Jammin scans the front row to find another small boy*

KJ: 'Hey little dude, now im gonna ask you the same question ... who's your favourite wrestler?

Boy: 'MassDinero'

KJ: *Stares at the boy* "Is this your daddy your standing next to?"

Boy: 'Yes'

KJ: 'Yes, WHAT, you little brat!'
K-Jammin grabs the kid, and the boy's father takes a wild swing at K-Jammin, who easily avoids it and pushes the child's father in the face, and he falls back into his seat!

K-Jammin: 'You sir, should be ashamed of yourself. Raising this kid to be so fucking stupid hes favourite wrestler is that retarded wanker! Single father are you? Yeah im guessing so, what woman would want to be with a fat prick like you and your dumb kid*

*The father jumps up and slaps KJ around the face! He pulls the father over the barrier onto the floor and starts beating him, the child is now screaming his lungs out crying. KJ turns to speak to the boy once again *

KJ: 'Now im gonna ask you again, WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE WRESTLER?!?!'

*The boy is crying too much to answer*

K-Jammin: 'Very well" * starts beating down the father again, kicking him in the face countless times* " YOU RESPECT ME NOW DO YA?! HUH?!!? YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!'

*Even Katie looks terrified, KJ once again turns to the child who is now paralysed with fear*

K-Jammin: 'Now, who . . is . . your . . favourite . . wrestler . . ??'

Boy: 'You!' * Can barely make out what hes saying as he's crying too much *

KJ: 'Naww good boy, don't worry im sure your daddy will be fine, i know a bloke who sells top of the range wheelchairs'

*climbs back into the ring *

KJ: 'Oh and like last time, i got attacked first! I was just defending myself. Anyways I've done my job, I've earned your respect tonight im sure so ..'

Oh My Gawd!! It's the A-Team!!!

KJ: 'What the hell is that? Wait... Wait a minute, who's that running through the crowd? Security! Stop them!!'

*Indeed, there is in fact someone running through the crowd, in fact, it's four someones!!*



Laidies and Gentlemen, Its B.A Baracus, Face, Murdock and Hannibal!!

*After running through the crowd, and jumping over the barrier, The A-Team cast (taking things way too seriously) rough up the security guards, surround the ring and point their AK-47's directly at K-Jammin, who grabs ahold of Katie, and tries to hide behind her to no avail, as he has gun's pointing at him from all four sides of the ring. Knowing defeat when he see's it, he throws his hands up, Katie screams and follows suit, and K-Jammin yells.*

KJ: 'I SURRENDER!!!'

*All of a sudden, a brand new sleek white Ferrari, pops up on the big screen*

KJ: 'What! Whats my brand new sleek white Ferrari doing up on the big screen? Wait whats that TANK doing? NOOO!!'

please watch this vid. those bastards at youtube wouldnt let me embed this vid and, well, it's kinda funny and adds to your overal enjoyment of our show

KJ: 'Nooooo!!!! It was. BRAND.... NEW!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YAVg...layer_embedded


Is that V3?

*It appears that V3 have driven a Tank down the aisle, but once they get closer to ringside it is apparent that St George is not with them, and the third man with Psycho Siaki and Ma$$Dinero is St George's brother, Theo. Mass works the controls of the tank and the turret swings towards K-Jammin, until the cannon is pointing directly at him.*

Ma$$Dinero: 'ATEN-HUT!!!!! Private K-Jam, salute your superior!... I said salute MAGGOT!!!! I have my finger on a button that will blow your head into a nasty.. Gooey.. Red, white and blue mess-stain on the mat! Do it. NOW'

*K-Jam reluctantly salutes. Katie does the same.*

MD: 'Not you, Katie, you just stand there looking like a fifty-pence skag-head with a ten-pence brain.'

KJ: 'You will not talk to my good woman like that! I'm sick of you, wh..'

MD: 'SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE, YOU PUKE! You low-life-scum-of-the-earth-piece-of-shit! You speak when spoken to, and not before!! Now, Theo take the controls... No, wait, you've had a few Nelson's; you're prolly having a hard time controlling your bladder, let alone a fine piece of machinery such as this... Siaks, please, take this, I'm gonna jump up here and get a better view.'

*Mass gets on the roof of the tank, while Siaki mans the controls with a somewhat psychotic look in his eye.*

MD: 'Ahh, that's better... Now, before I go any further, I'd like to thank Quinton, Bradley, Liam and Sharlto... Ooops, I mean B.A, Face, Hannibal and Murdock, for being here. I honestly don't think I could have caught this rat without you. Thank you guys.... Now, while I've got you here K-Jam, there's something I need to propose to you. Now, through a little politicking, and a little hometown manoeuvring on my part, JBW has secured Wembley Stadium for our next PPV. And there is one match that HAS to happen on that card, and that is K-Jammin versus Ma$$Di-Fookin-NEROOOO!!!!'

*K-Jammin shakes his head. But Mass' Masses go banana!*

MD: 'Oh, thats not a request, you pathetic sniveling runt, that, my little embarrassment to our country, IS AN ORDER!!!!!!! Wait... Let me get down from here, and get a little closer... Maybe you can't hear me.'

*Mass shocks the entire arena, with a surprisingly graceful back-flip off of the tank and on to the ringside floor.*

MD: 'Yeah, you like that don't ya, my massive, huh?... Check me out.'

*Mass motions to the A-Team to enter the ring with him. When Mass is in the ring, and The A-Team trail their AK-47's on K-Jammin, and Siaki has the tank's Cannon pointed at his head, he says.*

MD: 'Now, I'll give you one more chance.... K-Jammin... Do you accept the match?'

*A still saluting K-Jammin slowly nods his head. His fury, fear, and embarrassment are plain for all to see.*

[xStraightxEdgexSaviorx]

MD: 'Now there's my good little soldier. *pats K-Jammin's cheek and chuckles* heh-heh! I'm so glad you've seen the light, because regardless of your dastardly way's, and your increasingly psychotic behaviour, you are that damn awesome in the ring. Your discraceful actions, and bad taste in women aside, you're a true technician in that ring. You maybe a bully, and you might act like a poomps, but we both know that you're no pussy, and truth be told, ya little mug, you're one of the best wrestlers in JBW... But I'm better. And I'll prove it to my Masses. Now. My mission here is complete Private K-Jam, but first, I have a little parting gift for you... Katie, hold this, but if you talk into it, Quinton will take you in the back and give you his seventeenth love child!!... Private K-Jam.... This is an order. Don't move a muscle'

*A shocked Katie takes the mic off of Mass.... Mass nods his head to the left, and Katie steps aside, to the right at first, and then, realising her mistake, to the left... Mass runs forward, straight past K-Jammin, who flinches, but stays saluting.... Mass hits the ropes, and runs back, straight past K-Jammin, who flinches, but stays saluting, fearing the worst if he were to move.... Mass hits the ropes again... And again... And again... Then... SPEAR!!!!.... Mass' Masses go BANANAS... Siaki and Theo get in the ring while the A-Team throw K-Jammin out of it.. Katie quickly leaves the ring, and V3 (minus George), A slightly drunk Theo, and the A-Team soak in the adulation of the crowd. Wow!*

We have to cut to commercial break, but what a tremendous opening segment to Mayhem!

Match 1 The GoldDiggers vs. Dos Vatos

The GoldDiggers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hbhQ...eature=related
The GoldDiggers make their way to the ring and whoever wins this match will build some serious momentum. This next match features the two men who will be competing with each other for the TV title, and both Wes Goldman and The Sleeper are both very hot right now, with Goldman picking up a win on Showdown last week.

Dos Vatos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uY3LAFJbKyY
The Sleeper and Helmsley make their way to the ring and they get a big pop from the crowd here tonight. These two teams legitimately don’t like each other, so the competition in this one looks to be fierce.

Dos Vatos wins! The Sleeper pinned RedDevilSativa after a gorgeous springboard moonsault landed flush on RedDevil’s chest. Dos Vatos stay hot vs. The Eye, and Goldman looks pretty pissed right now that his team lost the match.

We cut to the car park, and this pull's up.



*Out step a laughing and joking St George and Eric Bischoff!! Just what the hell is going on around here!!??!!??!!*

St George: 'So, my China, how'd you like the V3 TourBus? I bet you've never laid your Mince Pies on sumfin' like that, eh? This thing makes Ma$$Dinero's Limo look like Rodney & Del-Boy Trotter's Robin Reliant!'

Eric Bischoff: 'Haha! I loved it, my boy! And thanks again for the lift, you know how those last minute punctures can ruin everything, hahaha! How did ya enjoy taking a car trip with a legend like me? I bet you learnt more in that one bus ride than you did in your first year in the business!!'

SG: 'It was certainly educational, old man. Now, I believe this is where we say sayonara. It's a shame you work for the Porcelain Primate, V3 could use your help, you old bastard!'

EB: 'Hahaha! Nice one, Saint, nice one..... Maybe one day.... See you later, and watch out for 'saw tonight... He's been really pissed off!!'

SG: When is he not china?

EB: True. But seriously, watch yourself out there,
SG: 'Will do, China... Will do.'

A few moments pass by, when…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIsin...eature=related

Uh-oh, Iron Ape’s music plays and he comes out with a beyond sour look on his face. He has a mic in his hands and speaks.

‘What the FUCK is this?! This is the last fucking straw Bischoff! These people, are swine! V-3 are The Eye’s mortal enemies Eric, do I have to remind you of that? I’ve been trying to call you for weeks now. You won’t pick up the phone, you won’t come and see me in my office, and worst of all, you’re gonna buddy up with St. George of all people? Did you forget that a month ago this man was spray painting your property and humiliating you in front of a national audience? Then you two have a match, and granted, it was a good match, but now all of the sudden last week you guys are the best of pals. I mean take a look at this. Roll the footage from last week.

On the titantron appears the image of what we saw last week, with Eric Bischoff being greeted by St. George upon his entrance into the arena.

EB: George

SG: Eric

EB: What no Derik this week? No smart remarks?

SG: Eric, you know how I feel china. Our cockney cage match at Global Uprising was one of the best matches on the card, and to be honest, we put on a great show.

EB: Why the niceties George, what are you up to?

SG: Im not up to anything china, lets just say you’ve earned my respect. I just wanna know why you’re wasting your lemon with the Eye?

EB: Well George, lets just say I’m getting more respect off you at the minute. Me and The Eye? Well it could be time…

Psycho Siaki comes running down the corridor

Psycho Siaki: *shouts* George! You ok my brother?

SG: Its ok, its ok. Just having a chat with my China Eric

PS: Eric? China? What’s going on?

SG: We’ll finish this another time Eric. You’ve got my number if you wanna talk bruv.

Iron Ape: “That makes me sick to my stomach Eric. We go a long way back you and me, so MAYBE, I can let that slide just this once, but now your arriving with George too? Eric Bischoff, get your ass out here right now!”

….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rg9lg...eature=related
Eric Bischoff makes his way out to ringside to a pop from the crowd, and the two men lock eyes, with Iron Ape scowling and Eric B with a smile on his face. Eric steps into the ring and he has a mic in his hands.

Eric: Ape, I-

Before Eric can say another word, Iron Ape slaps Eric B directly in the face as the crowd collectively goes “ohh.” A stunned Eric looks at Ape for a moment, ponders the situation, and gives Ape a double leg take down followed by mounted punches! The crowd goes nuts as Eric Bischoff is just laying into Iron Ape with stiff rights and lefts. Security has to come out and pull these two apart as this relationship got heated in a hurry! Years of friendship, over in one slap as we cut to commercial break.

[xStraightxEdgexSaviorx]

Back from commercial now…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhyiqGIJQus
Brandon Smithson is here ladies and gentleman! A great pop for Brandon Smithson, as he makes his way to the ring looking a little but beat up from last week, but all in all in a good mood as usual. *Smithson stands in the middle of the ring with a mic in his hands and speaks*

Hello JBW! I know we have a stacked show to get to tonight, So I’ll try to make this quick. As all of the great fans here in JBW know, I came to this company to deliver a message of peace and harmony to the world. I wanted to give this message to everyone not because I wanted to be the next Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi, but because I truly believe that non-violence should be the way of the world, and it is an obtainable feat for those who are willing to try. However, it seems like no matter what I do, and no matter what I say, things around here just keep getting worse and worse! This brings me to last week. One of our biggest fan favorites in the company, Psycho Siaki *crowd pops at the name* decided he felt it was in his best interest to attack me after my match with Scottland, after the only thing I’ve ever done to the guy was walk in his general direction. His reasoning behind this: there’s no place in this company for non-violence and tranquility in this world. Really Siaki? *shakes his head in disappointment* You do realize that you’re supposed to be a role model for kids right? How do you think they feel about this message you want to send out? That’s okay though, because right here, tonight I’m gonna prove to the world that my way, the peaceful way, is the only way to live. Siaki, I’m challenging you to a match right here tonight, and we will settle this once and for all. But Siaki, I know that you are but one piece of the bigger picture. Violence begets more violence, and the only reason people like Siaki, Mass, George, The Sleeper, and all the others have lost control is because they were driven to the brink by a power-hungry tyrannical madman by the name of Iron Ape, and a sadistic, unapologetic force of nature by the name of Chainsaw. Yes people, I have not been living under a rock for the past couple of months. I’ve noticed that since The Eye has taken control of Mayhem, it’s become one big pile of ultra-violence. And all of this stems from the two men I just mentioned. That’s why I’m gonna take it upon myself to fight for what is right against these men. But unlike Siaki and the others, I will be doing it for the right reasons! Now I realize that Chainsaw and Siaki are going to fight at the next PPV, and there is a better chance that John Lennon is gonna fly out of my ass right now than Iron Ape ever giving me a shot at him, so there is only one more option that will have to do for now. Chris Parker ladies and gentleman, needs a tag-team partner to help him fight off against Chainsaw’s minions, and I need put my name in the “Kick Chainsaw’s ass” sweepstakes, so consider me and you partners Parker. Once we humiliate The Apostles at the PPV, then we can figure out which one of us get our hands on Chainsaw next.


Brandon Smithson drops the mic and leaves the ring to a booming response from the live crowd here tonight. Knowing Siaki, there is no doubt in my mind that he will accept Smithson’s challenge for tonight, and knowing both competitors, it’ll be sure to be an excellent match!

We cut to the back now where RomanFlare storms into Iron Ape’s office and immediately poses Ape a question.

R: What do I have to do for you to let me in The Eye?

A: Oh come on, not now. I told you last week, impress me and I’ll think about it.

R: I would if you ever let me. Give me a chance to impress you and I won't let you down. I mean last week, there was a number one contenders match for the TV title, and i was nowhere to be found!

A: Oh, so you want a shot at the TV title than huh? Well look, that spot has already been taken by Goldman, someone who is already in The Eye and has already proven himself worthy of the distinction.

R: Prov-Proven himself worthy? How!? All he's done for you is lose at the PPVs and let you down. Didn’t he lose his match tonight anyway? Sure, he can beat the AngrySamoans of the world, but who the hell cares about that? At the PPV he will be nothing but a disappointment for you, just like last time. I would have figured you would want someone in the TV title match that actually has a chance at winning. Like, well, like me.

A: Like you? Do I have to remind you that up until a month ago you weren't even on the show on a regular basis? Besides, you act like beating AngrySamoan is some small feat. Listen, I have to deal with that piece of slime Eric right now, so please-

R: Beating AngrySamoan is a small feat. I can do it blindfolded. You of all people should know by now that with my technical ability, I can tie anyone on the roster up in knots! AngrySamoan is no different.

A: Fine! Prove it then. I'm booking a match between you and AngrySamoan tonight. If you can beat him just like Goldman did last week, then maybe I'll give you another look.

R: Fine by me. Once i beat him tonight though, I want Goldman's spot in that TV title match. At the very least you could make it a triple threat match.

A: *looks up at the sky* The balls on this kid. We...will...see. Now please, get out. *Ape is shown holding his jaw as we cut to the backstage area*

We’re now backstage and we see that St. George is standing by catoring, when Anomander Rake is seen approaching him from a distance.

St. George: *talking to himself* I can’t believe that old git Eric finally went through with it.

Anomander: Hello there George.

SG: Look at the balls on this one then. What the fuck do you want you moby?

Anomander: I have a proposition for you George. You and me in the main event tonight. You get to get your hands on me since Mass cant *haha*.

George: Well obviously you fookin poomps, but what’s in it for you? I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you mate. And I don’t know if I can throw you very far.

Anomander: *smiles* Chainsaw couldn’t be here tonight, and since he cannot challenge you himself, it’s my time to step up. I want to prove myself worthy of being in the dark lord’s good graces, and your someone in V-3 I know I can beat. It’s as simple as that George.

George: Oh is that right then? Chainsaw couldn’t be here you say? I don’t buy it mate. You’re up to something fishy, I know that for a fact.

Anomander: Listen George, you’re in the match tonight, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I just wanted to give you fair warning. So I suggest you go and get ready.

SG: *smirks* Fine. Just know that whatever you have planned isn’t gonna work, and if Chainsaw comes anywhere near that ring when I’m in it, it’ll be your head.

Anomander: Now what would be the point of him coming to interfere in our match George. If he wanted to get his hands on you that badly, then you already would have be gotten. Good luck George. I’ll see you in the ring.

Now back at ringside…

Match 2 RomanFlare vs. AngrySamoan

RomanFlare
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foFFGfG3pnY
RomanFlare makes his way to the ring and he’s getting big heat from the crowd here tonight as he looks to pick up a big win here to impress Iron Ape.


AngrySamoan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOESyEljmFE
AngrySamoan makes his way to ringside and he looks to bounce back from a big loss last week against Goldman. Last week AngrySamoan had a chance to be the number one contender for the TV title, but various distractions and a tough opponent kept him from obtaining his goals. AngrySamoan is halfway up the ramp and is giving his usual high-fives to the front row, but one fan grabs on to his arm and doesn’t let go. Wait a minute, it’s that same crazy fan from last week who pulls Angrysamoan over the barricade and is mercilessly beating on him! What the fuck is this all about?? The fan then picks up his chair and starts slamming it into the back of AngrySamoan’s head! Oh my god somebody stop him! Security runs in and jumps this wacko, but not before he left AngrySamoan a bloody mess. Angrysamoan has to have a concussion at the very least, and he has to be escorted back over the barricade and out to receive medical attention.


RomanFlare is still in the ring and he has a mic in his hands now. RomanFlare speaks


“Wait a minute, wait a minute. We still have a fucking match to get through. His fatass isn’t going anywhere until I pin him in the middle of this ring.”


Medic: You’ve gotta be kidding me. There is no way he can compete tonight. He’s seriously hurt!

Roman: I don’t care if he’s on his death bed, I’m not letting some nutjob fan keep me from my spot! *roman walks over to AngrySamaon* Get the fuck off that gurney *RomanFlare throws AngrySamoan off the medical gurney and rolls him around on the ground until he reaches the ring*.


Medical assistants try to pull RomanFlare off of AngrySamoan, but Roman throws them off of him and rolls AngrySamoan in the ring. He then picks AngrySamoan up and throws him down with a Dragon Suplex, right on the back of AngrySamoan’s already bloody head. He then covers AngrySamoan and counts his own pin 1, 2, 3

Romanflare wins the “match” as this crowd is now throwing stuff into the ring. Their disgusted with RomanFlare’s actions as am I!

[xStraightxEdgexSaviorx]

We cut to the back now where we see El Gabo on his handheld camera, and this is a good thing because we need the Jackasses to lighten the mood up around here for a minute. *El Gabo is walking down a corridor when he speaks*


“Hello I’m El Gabo, and this is ‘This Switch.’ Now as I’m sure all of our loyal fans found out, our Mayhem Tag-Team champions, The Silver Bros, had a bit of a scuffle when they delivered their promo last week, and maybe not so coincidentally, they lost in the main event. Well, I kinda sympathize with Silverdust on this one, so in my hand as we speak I have directions to an ‘Americans Against Homosexuality’ meeting that I found on the internet. Now this is a support group for those people who’s lives have been taken over by their loved ones homosexuality, and even though I don’t care or not what lifestyle SilverLace identifies with, I know that these people can help Silverdust deal with his problems. Afterall, these people are probably really understanding and can help out ‘Dust and ‘Lace solve their little problems. Now only if I can find Silverdust and give him the directions….oh wait a minute, I didn’t find Silverdust, but I did find my tag team partner The Red Ryda. How are you Ryda? What are you up to?


Red Ryda: Well El Gabo, I’m just here looking around for SilverLace. You see, he looked pretty lonely last week when he delivered his promo, and right here in my hands as we speak I have directions to a gay singles meeting that I found over the internet.

El Gabo: Oh really, well I’m looking for SilverDust because I have directions for him too. What a coincidence!

Red Ryda: Boy it sure is! *just then, the two jackasses in an awfully acted out ‘accident, bump into each other, and both of them pick up the other’s directions*


El Gabo: Sorry there double R. I’m off to go find Silverdust now!

Red Ryda: Sure thing Gabs, see you soon!

(God that was hammy)

El Gabo: Wait a minute, there’s Silverdust now! Let’s go give him the good news. *walks up to Silverdust*


Silverdust: And just what do you want? Can’t you see I’m busy?

El Gabo: Easy buddy, I’m just trying to help you. I couldn’t help but notice last week that you and your, umm, partner, were having a little trouble. Well, look, here are directions to a meeting of some people who are going through some of the same problems your going through. It’s all free and 100% anonymous.

Silverdust: But, your showing this on TV right now, so how can this be anonymous?

El Gabo: Look dust, that’s not the point. The point is, these people can help you, and I’m letting you know this out of the goodness of my heart. So here, take these directions to the meeting *hands Silverdust directions*.

Silverdust: Okay… wait a minute, how do I know this isn’t a trick or something.

El Gabo: Oh come on man, don’t you think I learned my lesson from last time? My neck is still feeling where Goldman kicked me. Alright man, that’s all I wanted to say. See ya around. *El Gabo walks away with a smile on his face*



We cut to our interview station and our resident interviewer Dave has caught up with Chris Parker just before his match against The Apostles.

Dave: Chris Parker, you have a match coming up next against the two original Apostles, Loki and Aeriel, do you have any thoughts on your opponents?

CP: You know what Dave, I don’t. I’m gonna let my actions do the talking for this week, but I will say this. I might have to face these people by myself this week, but it looks like from here on out I have someone who’s willing to fight by my side. And honestly, looking up and down the roster, I couldn’t have handpicked a better guy to have my back than Brandon Smithson. The guy is tough, motivated, and ready to kick some serious ass, just like me. Now if you’ll excuse me David, I have a job to do.

Dave: Well there you have it folks. Chris Parker vs. The Apostles is next.

Match 3: Chris Parker vs. The Apostles

The Apostles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7exPsqt_Z0Y
The Apostles make their way to the ring and they look as nasty as ever. I’m sure their pretty happy with themselves for now since this match is two on one, but with Brandon Smithson seemingly having Parker’s back now, they numbers game from here on out will be even.

Chris Parker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHy6QkW89T4
Chris Parker hits the ring to a big pop from the crowd and he’s wasting no time here right now. He starts off with Loki and this one is underway.


1, 2, kick out! No matter how much punishment Parker is going through right now, he just keeps kicking out! The heart on this man is undeniable. Loki finally picks him up and slams him down with his patented spinning chokeslam, and this should do it 1, 2, kick out again! This is ridiculous. No matter what The Apostles do, they can’t keep Parker down. Loki then tags in Aeriel and he delivers Chainsaw’s finisher to Parker, the variation of a Texas Piledrvier called The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and finally Parker stays down for the three count this time. Parker put up one hell of a fight against two men the size of The Apostles, but they were just too much for him in the end. The Apostles win this match.

We cut backstage to see St George's brother Theo, decked out in camouflage gear and he appears to be hiding behind a crate of boxes. It appear good ol’ Theo may have just been inspired at the brilliance that was MassDinero in the opener. A few seconds pass, and then Demonic walks past him, at which point Theo let's out an almighty roar and jumps the much larger Apostle and a scuffle ensues. In less than ten seconds it is over, and Theo is unconscious. Demonic looking very pleased with himself then carries Theo off over his shoulder.... Where is he taking him? What will V3 do when they find out?... Stay tuned.


Back to the Jackasses, only now it’s The Red Ryda who has the cheap dimestore camera in hand, and he’s apparently caught up with SilverLace

Hello, I’m the Red Ryda, and this is ‘The Switch’ part 2. Right outside of this door is SilverLace, who is sitting alone with his I-pod. I have it on very good authority that he is listening to “Pokerface” by Lady Gaga, and I’m about to give him the directions to the ‘gay singles meeting’ that I looked up online. Lets go talk to him. *opens the door a crack and we see SilverLace who is in fact listening to his I-pod and dancing around in the lockerroom. The Red Ryda is obviously trying to hold in laughter while he closes the door back up quietly* Hahahaha. That was just a good guess people. I swear to God I didn’t know that’s what he was really doing. Hold on, let me try this again. *collects himself and opens the door back up* Hey Silverlace!

Lace: Hey sugar! Wanna dance?

Red Ryda: *smiles* Raincheck buddy. But I think I might know some people who would like to dance with you.

Lace: Explain.

Red Ryda: Well, in my hand right now I have directions to a gay singles meeting.

Lace: I’m not gay though.

Red ryda: Well…okay. I still think you could meet someone there who is just like you. People who are very extravagant and hyperactive attend these things you know. It just seemed to me last week that when you said that thing about thedag, that you might have been feeling a bit lonely lately, and I think this would be a great way to meet someone, no matter what your sexual orientation is.

Lace: Do you go to them?

Red Ryda: Hell no! I mean, no, I don’t go to them, but I’m not lonely. I have plenty of friends and the JBW fans like me.

Lace: The fans like me! How could they not with these pecs. *takes off shirt and starts rubbing his nipples*

Red Ryda: Well, look friend I have to go now, but you have fun with…um, whatever you’re doing. You really should go to that meeting though, you’ll have fun.

Lace: By dear.

[xStraightxEdgexSaviorx]

We wanna take this time to remind you now that on July 17th in Wembley Stadium, JBW will be proud to bring to you Monarchy of Aggression, live and only on PPV.

Back in the ring now…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YAVg...layer_embedded

Psycho Siaki’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring with a HUGE response from the crowd. Siaki is now in the ring with a mic in his hands, but the crowd hasn’t stopped popping yet so he can’t start talking. Finally the crowd dies down and Siaki speaks

Smithson, let us get this straight before we mislead the people any further.. And while we're at it Chainsaw, im gonna address what you said last week too, we'll put it all in one nutshell because it goes hand in hand.. You see Chainsaw, you're right.. We are the same, you, me, even Smithson.. Now we could all dress it up and try to costume it with our own agendas, but deep down inside we are all the same.. Not one any different, you see we share this similarity, because we are all warriors.. I am definitely not a role model, that is unless your role is to be in battle.. What i've fought for and what i've stood for here, has been shown day in and day out, I began the legacy of the Mayhem World Heavyweight Championship.. I stood for all that is JBW.. If anything came against our almighty company, I was always in the frontline to annihilate those that came our way.. You see what I represent is the top of the food chain in a world full of predators.. The call of nature has no means of tranquility when its time to feed.. And with having an understanding of that, is the path of the true kings of our sport.. Smithson, I respect you but I have no reason to hold my words or pull punches.. This is no game, this is an art.. The art of war to be exact.. You are either with us or against us.. For the fact that you are a warrior like I, I accept your challenge.. You deserve to get back at me, and in the spirit of competition, I look forward to when we finally collide.. Tonight give it your all and ill do the same because these people will see what it looks like in the eye of the storm.. Speaking of eyes, let me say something before I go Chainsaw, your time is coming real soon.. Wembley Stadium is on my mind and all I can hear is tick, tick, tick... Clock out time is around the corner..

Siaki is about ready to step out of the ring and to the back when…


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhyiqGIJQus

Brandon Smithson comes out with a ref and it looks like we’re gonna have Smithson vs. Siaki right now!

Match 4: Brandon Smithson vs. Psycho Siaki





Wow what a brilliant match! One of the very best Mayhem has ever seen, and even though he couldn’t pick up the win, Brandon Smithson sure put up one HELL of a fight here. This honestly could have gone either way for either competitor, and it may have just been Smithson’s coming out party even though he lost to Siaki. Siaki starts to head up the ramp when he turns back around to Smithson. Siaki slides back in the ring and the two men share a heartfelt handshake. Smithson then raises Siaki’s arm in the air, and this battle appears to be over.

**Commercial break**

We cut to the back now and we see Wes Goldman talking with his tag-team partner RedDevilSativa.

WG: You know I’ve been looking all over for you. What the hell happened tonight?

RDS: Calm down. I was just at the bar across town. And what do you mean what happened? It’s just a match.

WG: *scoffs* Just a match. I was on a WINNING STREAK. And YOU ended it! I needed that momentum to carry me over to the TV title match, but no, you had to fuck it all up for me!

RDS: What the hell? You still have your match and you have until the 17th to get momentum back. It’s not like I cost you your chance or anything.

WG: No, you’re wrong. You’ve cost me plenty. I’ve had to carry you for way too long now. As far as I’m concerned, you are no longer a part of the GoldDiggers!

RDS: What?! That’s not fair!

WG: What’s not fair is you holding me down for so long. But, we are buddies you and me, so I’ll tell you what I’ll do; next week, I’m gonna have you fight for your opportunity to be a GoldDigger against two people of my choosing. Whoever wins the triple threat match gets to team up with me.

RDS: Unbelievable. *walks away*

WG: Lucky shit should be grateful I’m giving him that. *Yes_I_Am walks up to Goldman*

YIA: Having some man troubles there Goldman.

WG: Cute. Is there something you want, you know, besides a clear ass kicking.

YIA: You know Goldman, you can learn a lesson from your opponent last week.

WG: AngrySamoan? You mean the guy laying in a hospital right now? What could I possibly learn from him?

YIA: You could learn that karma is a bitch. You see, a couple of months ago, you injured my tag-team partner The_Crippler, and since then nothing has gone right for you. Well, he’s coming back from injury next week, and you can bet your ass that we both will be coming for you when he does. Good luck finding a new partner by the way. *Yes_I_Am walks away*

[xStraightxEdgexSaviorx]

Ladies and gentleman, it’s time for our main event, so right now we’re gonna cut our cameras to ringside.

Main event St. George vs. Anomander Rake

St. George
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YAVg...layer_embedded
St. George makes his way out to the ring with a huge pop from the crowd and he’s ready to get some for Mass. He also knows he has to be careful here, as we all know Chainsaw cannot be too far right now. St. George grabs a mic and speaks.


”Chainsaw, I know you’re out there somewhere China so I want you to have a listen. I hav-“

Just then, Chainsaw’s image appears on the big screen. He is at some remote location near a body of water, and it looks like he legitimately wasn’t here tonight. *Chainsaw speaks*

*in a mocking accent* ‘ello there me china. *laughs and goes back to his normal voice* It’s come to my attention that you might be a bit worried that this match of yours with Anomander Rake might be some sort of set up. Something planned by me to distract you and maybe sneak attack you in the ring. Well George, you were wrong. You don’t have to worry about me coming to the ring and beating you up, because as you can clearly see, I’m not even there tonight. Another thing you might be worried about is me stalking after and abducting your dear old brother Theo. This is another thing you simply don’t have to worry about George…because the stupid fuck actually came to me! Hahaha. Have fun in your match George. I know I’ll have fun doing what I’m doing.

Just then George runs out of the ring after Chainsaw, when Iron Ape comes out with a mic and speaks.

“George get back in that fucking ring now or I’ll have you fired and arrested. You signed a contract that stated you would perform against whoever the general manager puts in front of you, and dammit your gonna do it.”


George still tries to leave, but Iron Ape’s armed security guards stop him fomr leaving. *Ape speaks again*

You’re wasting time George. You could have already been done with Anomander by now and on your way to Theo. Stop making this harder on yourself and do… your…job.


The cold, cruel general manager is getting heavy heat in his direction, and so does Anomander Rake when he steps out to ringside with no music. Anomander makes his way to the ring and the tone of this arena has completely changed from a few minutes ago. This match is underway in any case, and St. George wants to get this one over quickly I assure you.




St. George wins the match, but I think we can all agree that the match was secondary here. George tries to escape the ring when Anomander hits George with a low blow. The rest of the Apostles now hit the ring, and they are just beating down on St. George. Where the fuck is V-3 to stop this? After about a minute of beating on George, Anomander picks up George’s head to see that Chainsaw has once again appeared on the tron, and this time he’s not alone. He looks like he has a group of about 50 people with him, and none of them look to be up to any good. Oh God, Chainsaw does have Theo, and he’s standing with him next to some diabolical looking structure in the shape of a man. It’s made out of wood, and there are multiple compartments in it with various animals locked inside of them. There’s one more compartnment left to be filled though, and it’s in the shape of a man. This is sickening! *Chainsaw speaks*

“Oh George I can only pray that you can hear me right now. Do you see these people behind me right now, they are a cult. Moreover, they are a cult that demands a human sacrifice, and guess who volunteered to be it? That’s right George, it’s your loving brother Theo. *Chainsaw turns to someone in the crowd* Is the wickerman ready?”

(please disregard video after 1:26)


I can’t believe Chainsaw is seriously gonna do this. I cannot watch! Wait a minute, what’s this? It’s…it’s V-3’s tank!! BOOM! Holy shit, that gun actually worked, and V-3 actually knew how to use it! V-3 blew up the structure the cult was gonna put Theo in, and Siaki jumps out of the tank and grabs Theo from the clutches of that huge cult member. We can see a clearly infuriated Chainsaw having a hissy fit while Siaki throws Theo back into the tank and V-3 drives off.

Back in the ring now, St. George escapes the grasps of a stunned group of Apostles, gets the upperhand and gives them all a few really stiff shots before fleeing ringside.

V-3 has got the upperhand from Chainsaw and crew this week, but will they be so fortunate next week? Find out next Saturday! JBW!

[RomanFlare]

WELCOME TO JBW SHOWDOWN!

Sly: Ladies and Gentlemen, WELCOME to the best show on television, the most entertaining program on cable, and the highlight of the night, TUESDAY NIGHT SHOWDOWN! We are LIVE from the University of Texas in Austin, Texas! And tonight we’ve got a slightly larger show for you than normal—5, count’em 5 matches on the slate! And our main event is on the scale of the cold war! Tonight, The Alpha Dog and HolyJose vs the Marcus Beerstein and the deity Zeus Apollo! It will be cataclysmic! And this week, my guest at the table is none other than…. Malcolm Cage! How’s life been?

MC: It’s been great, Sly. And it has gotten even better now that I get to sit here and commentate with you. We have an exciting night tonight and it all gets started, right now, with a handicap match.

Match #1 – The Sleeper vs The Jackasses (Handicapped Match)
Here comes the Mayhem TV Champion!

MC: The Sleeper has been on a tear as of late, but with the Jackasses’ high risk flair, they may be able to pull out a win here.

Sly: He certainly has a hill to climb as he faces TWO opponents!

Here come The Jackasses! They’re as happy-go-lucky as always!



Sly: The Jackasses are going up the turnbuckle. El Gabo is standing on Ryda’s shoulders, and he launches at The Sleeper who catches Gabo with a monster right hand! Ryda tries the flying cross body again, but eats a big boot. He’s lifts Ryda up into a Fireman’s carry… Sleepytime! Sleeper rolls Ryda over for the 1, 2, 3!!

MC: I don’t know how, but The Sleeper did it. He was backed into a corner and ended up preserving to take out the duo.

Sly: The TV Champion surely proved his mettle today, walking up the ramp with his arm and championship high! Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re throwing the feed to backstage!

"*Camera pans in on HolyJose walking into THE ALPHA DOG'S dressing room* Well looks like tonight you and I are teaming up to face Zeus Apollo and Markus Beerstien. You and I have had our problems with those two FSA members, Hell I even challenged Zeus twice and came up on the short end of the stick and well Markus can't win a match without having someone else interfering. After seeing your actions last week with your attack on Zeus I knew this would make for a great, no Legen..wait for it...Dary! tag team match. Alpha Dog tonight we take on those two FSA assholes and on the 20th Episode of Warfare I will beat Beerstien for the TV title and am hoping for great competition to defend against it. as for tonight lets focus on these two shit bags. I got your back and you got mine"
(Gabriel Looks at Holy Jose)”Yes...The Alpha Dog is ready to team up with you, THE CATAHOULA BULLDOG HIMSELF, HolyJose. Now The Alpha Dog has not been in the JBW for very long, so he does not know how awful it must be to face Marcus Shitstain but The Alpha Dog IMAGINES it feels like going up against a Chihuahua, and for The Alpha Dog, Chihuahuas don't even REGISTER on his RADAR.

(Looks at the camera) NOW ZEUS APOLLO, for the past two weeks you have seen what The Alpha Dog can do. Now The Alpha Dog has heard that you are undefeated. Unfortunately for you, none of your opponents have been The Alpha Dog. The Alpha Dog is MEAN, MERCILESS, AND FOR DAMN SURE DOMINATING AND YOU WILL FEEL EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF WHAT THE ALPHA DOG IS TILL THE ALPHA DOG NO LONGER CONSIDERS YOU AN ENEMY!

(looks at HolyJose) And as for you...for the past couple of weeks The Alpha Dog has seen what you have done in the JBW, The Alpha Dog has seen how you have come after SHITSTAIN week in and week out. That shows The Alpha Dog you have no quit in you. EVERY ONE IN THESE LOCKER ROOMS, other than The Alpha Dog, ARE CHIHUAHUAS! ZEUS...CHIHUAHUA, SHITSTAIN...CHIHUAHUA, GABRIEL...(shakes his head then looks to the side confused for a moment then looks at the camera) Snair......CHIHUAHUA! (Looks back at HolyJose) YOU ARE THE CATAHOULA BULLDOG TEAMING UP WITH THE ALPHA DOG AND WHAT DO THE BIG DOGS DO TO LITTLE BITCH CHIHUAHUAS, THEY RIP THEM APART. Tonight the big dogs will show the JBW...NO FUCK THAT THE WORLD...that the FSA are not gods, or monsters, but just men.(Looks into the camera) MEN WHO SHOULD BE AFRAID OF THE BIG SCARY DOGS. So get ready to kick some ass tonight.(Turns to walk away) Just one more thing though...(then he turns back towards HolyJose then grabs him and stares in his eyes with wild eyes)don't...make...The Alpha Dog...regret...this...match.” (lets go and walks away.)

Sly: It looks like the participants in our main event are getting fired up and so are we! Hopefully this next match can please the fans here tonight!

[RomanFlare]

Match #2 – RomanFlare and the Apostles (Loki and Aerial) vs The Golddiggers (Wes Goldman and RedDevilSanta) and Helmsley (Elimination 6-man tag team match)

MC: This is going to be a good one folks. A six man Elimination match. Haven’t seen one of these in a long time, man. None of these guys like each other, so it should be interesting to see who comes out on top.

RomanFlare is making his way down the ramp. He doesn’t seem to be in a good mood tonight.
Here come his tag team partners, Loki and Aerial!

Sly: Am I the only one who thinks Aerial is a girl’s name?

Helmsley comes out with the Golddiggers! They're sprinting to the ring, ready to start this one!

Sly: Loki and Helmsley seem ready to throw down! The Bell is rung!



Sly: Loki has Helmsley choked on the middle rope! The ref breaks it up and is yelling at Loki—Roman just smashed Helmsley’s head with a sledgehammer! Loki is just picking up the pieces now as he delivers a mean powerslam! 1-2-3! The Golddiggers are now by themselves in a 2-3 disadvantage!

Eliminated by pinfall – Helmsley: 4:38 into the match (3-2 sides)

*a handful of minutes later*

Sly: RedDevil has Roman down in the Golddigger’s corner, whaling on him with lefts. He pulls him out and tags in Goldman. Wes is ascending the turnbuckle as RedDevil gets Roman in an Electric Chair! No! Doomsday Device! What a barbaric attack! Wes rolls up Roman with the 1-2-3. The Golddiggers have tied this one up at 2!

Eliminated by pinfall – RomanFlare: 8:12 in to the match (2-2 even)

*a minute or two later*

Sly: Aerial lifts RedDevil into a suplex—Look at that power! He’s holding Red up, taunting him! But Red swings down—DDT! Red’s turned the tables! As Aerial climbs to his feet, Red springs off the second rope—Tornado DDT! Red hooks the leg—1, 2, 3! The Golddiggers have swung a 3-2 disadvantage into a 2-1 advantage!

Eliminated by pinfall – Aerial: 9:34 in to the match (2-1 Golddiggers)

Sly: Loki is storming into the ring, Red ducks and—SUPER KICK! Loki drops to a knee, dazed, but not down! Wes is in the ring now—The Golddiggers set up and, DOUBLE SUPER KICK! Loki is seeing stars as Red covers for the 1-2-3! The Golddiggers won!

MC: What a crazy finish for this one. These guys really gave it there all. Chainsaw won’t be happy with the outcomes, though!

Sly: As the Golddiggers celebrate, we'll go to commercial!



MC: What thedag was that? That commercial was weirder than Manabu’s lawsuit.

Sly: Hohoho! What a witty comment based on recent events! I’m sure our regular viewers are in STICHES! On a serious note folks, it seems our next match has been canceled. What was to be a non-title cage match between igetwild and Sincara was been suddenly cut with no explanation at this time. Should we get some information on the subject, we will notify you. Until then, the show must go on! Next is a tag-team match that was to be our 4th match.

[RomanFlare]

Match #4 – The Aristocrats vs the Pittsburgh Pain

The Warfare Tag Team Champions--The Aristrocrats!

Here comes Warfare's young up-comers!



Sly: God of War tags in Broc… Broc wraps thedag around the waist. GoW hits the Double-Knee facebuster and Broc lands the german suplex! Jman is in to break up the pin but eats a lariat—Broc gets the 3 count! The Pittsburgh Pain have secured a victory over the Tag Team Champions! This should catapult them into the thick of the Tag title race! As the Pain celebrate, we throw it to the backstage again!

Here's Warfare's reporter Todd Stevenson in the lockeroom area ready to interview the FSA members Zeus Apollo and The Warfare TV Champion Markus Beerstein

Todd: Guys tonight you'll face two of the biggest FSA detractors in JBW, Holyjose and the "Alpha Dog" Gabriel Xanders , are you ready for your match??

Markus: Damn, you're here in Showdown too!!!, they don't money to pay for better reporters!!!??, OK,, you'll see little piece of mindless human being, We are part of the greatest stable of all JBW, we're always ready, and of course we always win

Todd: What about you Zeus??

Zeus Apollo stands in silence and ignores Todd

Markus: Let me remind you this Zeus Apollo the God man, He does not wastes this time talking to insignificant trash like you, he looks at you as like you are nothing, OK

Todd: I...

Markus: Shut up Todd, We need to prepare for our match, My boy Jurgen is waiting us with 2 six pack of beer in our private and fancy lockeroom to discuss the tactics for later tonight. So my pathetic rival Holyjose, tonight I'm going to give you a taste of what's coming in the episode 20 of Warfare when I defend my title against you, oh yeah, take a look at this Title.

Markus shows to belt to the camera

Markus: Take a good look, because it would never be yours!!!!, and you the pussy Dog what-ever-is-your-name, You commited the biggest mistake in your life by attacking this man on my side, Preapre to feel his divine fury you idiot!!, I'm sure you want to put him in Triangle Chokehold, right Zeus??

Zeus knobs in agreement with a smile in his face

Markus: Perfect!!, come on lets go, that beers are waiting us

The two are leaving

Todd: Well you heard them, The FSA the two are ready for the tag team match..

Markus: Sorry Zeus, I''ll be right back with you, Hey TODD!!!

Markus Beerstein delivers a powerful fist to Todd's mouth, Todd is laying unconscious

Markus: hahahaha, that's better!!!!!, lets go my friend!!

[RomanFlare]

Main Event – Gabriel Xander and HolyJose vs Marcus Beerstein and Zeus Apollo

MC: Here it is our main event. I’m excited for this one. I have wrestled with most of these guys and I know that with all these guys in a ring at once that they will put on a good fight

Here comes Gabriel Xander and HolyJose!

The Warfare TV Champion and The Greek God!

Sly: The fans are absolutely on fire for this match! The tension is thick in this arena!

MC: For a new comer, Gabriel Xander has been in the thick of it all. HolyJose and I have had our times together against the FSA. Markus Beerstein and me had a match for the TV title and we still have a distaste for each other. And Zeus and I had our troubles between FSA. All I know is that these guys are going to tear the ring apart trying to beat each other.



Sly: Xander has backed Beerstein into a corner and hammering him with shoulder thrusts. He pulls Marcus out and clotheslines him. Zeus is in to break up the pinfall, but Jose has Xander’s back—Zeus spills out to ringside from a nasty lariat. Marcus is up on his feet—Xander lifts him as Jose jumps-- FLAPJACK-CUTTER COMBO! Xander coves the champion for 1-2-3! HolyJose and The Alpha Dog have won! What an upset! The crowd is blowing the roof off as they celebrate in-ring!

MC: Man what another great Showdown we had here for you guys. Lots of superstars that are sure to make huge leaps here in the JBW, but none just quite like Malcolm Cage!

Sly: Ladies and Gentlemen, Goodnight!