JBW's official show thread

[Kashdinero]

*Ron Burgundy is standing in the middle of the ring. The audience is cheering loudly. They have paid top dollar to attend this second JBW SUPERSHOW, and they can't wait to hear from the man with the voice of a god.*

Ron Burgundy: Hello, Hello, people.. I'm Ron Burgundy, and this is the surprise SUPERSHOW!! Yes, shower me with your adulation, and I shall do the same for you in my thoughts. Now... Lets get a JBW chant going on here, or do I have to punch someone in the kidney!

"JBW!"

"JBW!"

"JBW!"

Yes, now thats the good hearty JBW spirt that we have all grown accustomed to... Wait *holds his finger to his ear piece, and nods his head.*.. OK, people, I was just waiting for confirmation for the final card for this evening, but I have been told that there is in fact no final card, and I've been instructed to tell you that, whatever happens happens, and you all better know that this is going to be one hell of a show.. Wait... *holds finger to earpiece again.*.. MmHmm.. OK, I've now been instructed to leave the ring, and make my way to my skybox, where a party like no other is going on. See ya'.

Peter: What a man... What a 'tache.. Ahem.. Aaaannnd here we go again people, it's time for another fun packed, adventure filled, x-rated, over the top, inteligence insulting, girlfriend alienating, suicide inducing, other efed humbling, promo & backstage skit heavy, awesome match having, crowd pleasing SUUUUUPEEEERRRR show.. And it is bought to you by the often late, always great Justifiably Badass Wrestling, I'm Peter Griffen, and I'll be your lead announcer for the evening, my colleagues tonight will be, the esteemed Pat Idontknowhislastname, the positively awful Dudley Ramirez, the perverted Glen Quagmire, and the ever crippled Joe Swanson...Take it away, Joe.

Joe: Once again, you amaze me with your kind words. Asshole. Glen?

Quagmire: He pretty much nailed me... Just like I nailed Bonnie that time! aaalrrrighht.

Dudley: OK, whoever made this guy lead announcer needs shooting real quick, Pat, I hate to say it, but why wasn't you made lead announcer.

Peter: Because WARFare is the premier show, you *bleep*

Pat: Well, enough of all that, all I'm interested in right now, is due to the fact that theres another SUPERSHOW, I get to watch some JBW SuperFly action! Up next is A Fatal Four Way, with the winner going on to face Avidco at Expect The Unexpected for the JBW SuperFly Championship.

Felix Guerrero vs Artemis Eclipse vs Negro Fuerte vs Infernio

He's a flash fucker, but we love him anyway!

Quagmire: And here comes our first competitor, none other than JBW's very own Guerrero.. Felix! My cat James had a friend called Felix.

Peter: Hah! Ain't that the same cat I killed and got a reward for it?

Quagmire: Yes... Bastard... But what I was going to say is that Felix is no pussy in that ring. The way a lot of people see it is that Felix has got this match in the bag, pardon the pun.

Black Death is upon us.

Joe: Now this guy is amazing. Did you see the offence he got in last week, during the six man tag match Pat? He might be a little out there, but if this is anyones match, it's this guys.

Pat: I definitely agree with you there, Joe, although, this guy is still covered from head to toe in that black ink he was apparently drowned in last week.

Peter: I like this guy 'cause he's possessed by evil spirits

it just got a little hotter
Peter: Now I do NOT like this guy! If ever there was a coat tail rider it's this guy. I know he's like Avidco's arch nemesis, but he really needs to loose the stigma of "Avidco's bitch" before I take him seriously.

Dudley: Ha, trust a moron to tell it like it is! I personally love everything this guy stands for, which is the complete opposite of what that little punk Avidco stands for, and I'll be rooting for him in this one.

He's from Boston. He's an asshole. How could you not hate him?

Dudley: Now this is my kind of guy! How this guy is being wasted on WARFare when he could be the star of the show (underneath K-Flare, of course) on Mayhem.

Pat: I think you're missing a few names there, Duds, but either way, I'm in slight agreement. Artemis is the real deal, and he brings a real mean streak that few -if any- in his division can match.. Folks.. This one is underway.



Artemis nails Infernio with the Rubix Cube, and makes the cover, but Felix Guerrero breaks it up and throws Artemis out of the ring. Negro Fuerte spins Artemis around and sprays black mist in his face. One stiff kick to the ribs later, and Negro Fuerte lifts him him up and brings him down on the top of his head with the match winning Spirit Driver


Joe: Totally called it. So, Negro Fuerte is going to get his chance at Expect The Unexpected. Avidco is in deep trouble.

Pat: Agreed, Joe, I don't know about that mist, though. Surely we're gonna be having to have the referee's check his mouth before matches.

Dudley: Haha! I loved that! Felix didn't stand a chance after Negro sprayed that shit in his eyes! I can't wait to see him do the same to Avidco at Eee Tee You! Now, it's time to check in on the one and only K "no, you're not worthy" Jammin It's to my understanding that he has just arrived.#

K-Jammin gets out of his Aston Martin, takes the Mayhem WHC belt and slings it over his shoulder. His girlfriend Lucy gets out of the other side and wipes her mouth. Out of nowhere, a dapper looking waiter walks over to K-Jammin with a silver sterling tray. On the tray is a pint of lager and a cigarette.

K-Jammin: What the fuck do you want Jeeves?

Waiter: I have been told to present this to you sir.

K-Jammin: What a beer and a fag?

Waiter: Yes sir, a pint of the finest Stella Artois and a...

K-Jammin: Yeah, a fag. I can see that quim face.

K-Jammin takes the pint of Stella Artois and knocks it back in three large gulps. It's downed in less than ten seconds.

Waiter: Very impressive sir, I'm sure. (waiter rolls his eyes)

K-Jammin: Nah mate, this is impressive. Thanks.

K-Jammin takes the cigerette and puts it in his mouth. He takes the pint glass and smashes it over the waiters' head. The waiter is busted open bad. K-Jammin then takes the tray and starts to pummel the waiter with it. The waiter is barely breathing. K-Jammin takes grabs him by throat.

K-Jammin: Who sent you with this shit?!

The waiters' eyes roll as he's drifting in and out of consciousness.

K-Jammin: I asked you a question Jeeves! Who sent you with this shit?!

Waiter: (barely breathing whispers) An... Old... Friend...

K-Jammin looks bemused. He takes the cigerette and shoves it up the waiters' right nostril. He stands over him, looks down and spits in his face. He takes his belt cleans it down and makes his way to the arena.

[Kashdinero]

Dudley: Someone's messing with K-Jam, and he hasn't even made it to the arena yet! Talk about hating on a guy.

Joe: Well, apparently one person has been here for quite a while... Lets check in with the homicidal car wreck that is The Alpha Dog.

(The sound of a shower can be heard as The Alpha Dog is shown in his room, sitting in a chair. The shower is turned off. Alpha's wearing his usual street clothes while holding a blunt in one hand and a shot glass in the other and by the look of the half full bottle sitting on the table next to the chair, Crown Royale was the drink that was being held in the shot glass. The TV is on but since Alpha is sitting with his head leaned back on the chair, he's obviously not watching it. A woman steps in front of the camera with her back towards it. She isn't wearing a top or a bra.)

Selena: I think you're sitting on my top.

Alpha: You look better with it off.

Selena: As much as I would like to agree with you, I don't think everybody should get to see...them.

Alpha: (laughs a little to himself) True...only The Alpha Dog deserves that viewing pleasure, right?

(Alpha stands up and looks where he's sitting. The leather zip up top was under him. He hands it to Selena. Alpha takes a hit off the blunt before sitting back down. Selena puts her top on before walking around to the back of the chair. She leans down and pushes her hands down Alphas chest before saying...)

Selena: You know it. Something is distracting you though. What's wrong baby?

Alpha: The Alpha Dog didn't get much sleep last night. The session with Kelly yesterday...brought up some things for Gabriel. He kept dreaming of shit from the past and unfortunately Gabriels dreams are also The Alpha Dogs dreams.

Selena: (Takes the blunt out of Alphas hand) What was he dreaming of?

Alpha: (Leans his head back to look at her) Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.

(Selena whispers in his ear)

Alpha: (smiles and laughs a bit) As good as that sounds, you have a match to get ready for and The Alpha Dog has to go out and talk to the fans.

(Selena walks around to the front of the chair and sits in Alphas lap in a mounted position.)

Selena: How much do I owe you?

Alpha: On the house (reaches his hand up and gently grabs her chin as he smiles) for The Alpha Dogs favorite customer.

(She takes a big hit from the blunt, holds it in, gently grabs Alpha by both sides of his face, and wraps her lips around his. Alpha inhales after she unlocks her lips from his.)

Selena: You are The Alpha Dog. You are the greatest thing that has happened to JBW or in wrestling in general. No man in this building or in this world can hold a candle to what you are and don't ever let anybody tell you different.

Alpha: Baby...(blows out the smoke) your telling The Alpha Dog everything he already knows.

Quagmire: Oh, boy, I can't wait to see Selena debut later on tonight. I'm really hopig for a wardrobe malfuction in her match against Sasha... Speaking of debut's, its now time for Two Of A Kind to test thir mettle against a team thats been making waves on the Indy Scene.. Roberto and Uliose Pamich, otherwise known as Il Cavitto.

Pat: I've heard great things about those two, but I think they're aiming a little high if they think they can walk in here and take on a team of the calibre of TOAK...

Two Of A Kind vs Il Cavitto

And here come the brothers from Trieste

Pat: Now, I'm hoping for some real nice high flying moves out of these two here, and their natural chemistry is gonna play a big part of this match, but they're on the big stage now, and week in week out, Two of a Kind have been proving themselves here in JBW. They may be assholes, but they're our assholes. Roberto and his younger brother Uliose have got their work cut out for themselves.

Peter: For those of you at home, Uliose is pronounced You-Lee-Os-Ee

And here they come... Future tag champs?

Peter: Oh boy! These two are slowly becoming my favourite tag team around this place. "Mad Dog" Paul Conrad and Kid Wonder are gonna be big superstars in this business, you mark my words. Kid Wonder's no Ma$$Dinero when it comes to the money department, but his wallet pack a hefty punch in a bar round.. Not that he ever buys people drinks, but, I imagine it would. Now as for Paul Conrad, let's just say that he flys off the handle a little too easily for my liking, but he's definitely the right guy to be watching Kid Wonders back.

Pat: This ones underway, folks.


Pat: Now wait just a minute.. Whats Mr Santiago and Vaquero doing out here?

(ingnore draft shenanigans)

Kid Wonder gets a school boy on Uliose, and pulls his trunks to get enough leverage to score the cheap win. Mr Santiago looks impressed. He whispers in Vaquero's ear, and the huge man then spits in the ring and it lands on "Mad Dog"'s foot.

Both members of Two of a Kind throw themselves over the top rope and onto La Mafia Mejicana.

A brawl ensues, and referee run down the ramp to seperate them.

As the two teams are fighting, Uliose walks over towards his brother with an appologetic look on his face. Roberto looks disgusted with his younger brother.

He slaps him.

Hard.

Uliose looks shocked, but his shock soon gives way to anger and he double legs his brother and begins pummeling him.

The fans begin cheering wildly, as three referee's get in the ring, and try their best to get Uliose off of his brother. After a massive struggle, they manage to pull him off enough to allow Roberto to kick him off and get out of the ring.

Peter: Oh, boy, that one degenerated pretty damn fast after La Mafia Mejicana got involved.

Pat: I'll say, but what a sad start for Il Cavitto. I can't believe that Roberto slapped his brother like that! What an explosive introduction to the brothers from Trieste, Peter, I think that these two are done as a unit here in JBW before they even got started. Uliose has quite the temper on him, but that could get him into trouble around here.

Peter: Wait, wait, what's that on the JABETron?.

A video appears on the JABETron, it looks like a poor quality home camera recording. Brandon Smithson, Jay and Silent Bob are sitting on the floor doing what they do best...getting high.

Jay: So erm, Brandon what we going to do about that tag match thing at Expect the Unexpected?

BS: The six man tag match? Dont worry I have it all under control.

Jay: Come on then bro share it.

BS: You really wanna know?

Silent Bob nods his head.

BS: Ok then all I can say is be prepared....

Brandon Smithson then jumps up and bursts into song

BS: I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a warthog's backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride

It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer

Be prepared for the murkiest scam
Meticulous planning
Tenacity spanning
Decades of denial
Is simply why I'll
Be king undisputed
Respected, saluted
And seen for the wonder I am

Be prepared!

Jay and Silent Bob look at Brandon confused, as Brandon is standing in the middle of the room facing the ceiling with his arms outstretched.

Jay: Erm dude, thats your plan for beating Pauley and his team at the PPV? Really?

BS: Yeah why not?

Jay: You do realise you just sang a song from The Lion King right?

BS: What? Oh well, dont worry man Pauley Caddyshack is quivering in his high priced Italian leather shoes, now how do you turn this camera off?

Brandon messes about with the camera and the screen goes black.

Pauley is shown backstage with a look of disgust on his face...

Pauley: Vinnie, Marie have you seen what this bozo is doing, I mean singing a song from a kids movie, what a Goomba? Look guys hes treating us like some fools, doesnt he realise who I am huh, Im Pauely Cadillacs.

Vinnie: Hey dont worry boss, hows about we put a lions head in his bed since he loves em so much huh?

Pauley slaps Vinnie.

Pauley: Dont be stupid Vinnie, this aint no joke. We have to make sure these wiseguys know we run the show around here, not some potheads. Now look as the Capo of this little family, its up to me to set an example here kapeesh. So at Expect the Unexpected, we are going to war with these guys, and we are going to make sure that we come out on top, otherwise heads will roll my friends.

Dudley: Now, come Expect The Unexpected, Pauleys Mafioza are goona make sure Brandon's sleeping with the fishes.. Wait, we're just about to move on to a K-Flare segment! HolyJose, I might just crap in my pants!

[Kashdinero]

(The camera focuses in on K-Flare standing by the male bathroom--K-Jammin is talking as Rome is staring at his phone)

Jam: Someone sent me some Stella and a cigarette.

Rome: mhm.

Jam: The waiter said it was from an old friend.

Rome: mhm.

Jam: I don't have any old friends--some old flings, but no old friends.

Rome: mhm.

Jam: I mean, unless it's from Mr. Levesque, but I haven't seen him in years.

Rome: mhm.

Jam: Maybe it's from that random guy I bought a hooker in Las Vegas. I mean, I was on a roll--he didn't have to thank me.

Rome: That's interesting.

Jam: Ya know, you're a greater listener Romes. I'll catch ya later.

Rome: Word.

(K-Jammin exits stage left as Lenny Lightning walks up behind Rome and looks over his shoulder)

Lenny: Is that Scarlett Johansson?

Rome: Yes.

Lenny: Naked?

Rome: Yes.

Lenny: Not Photoshopped!?

Rome: Unlike your chest hair, yes. (Rome walks away, still staring at his phone).


Dudley: Heh, that was awesome, but we're still none the wiser as to who sent K-Jammin that ciggarette and Beer

Quagmire: Well I don't care for that much right now, because up next is Selena's debut!

Joe: I sure hope it goes better than Il Cavitto's.

Selina vs Sasha

How this chick can even walk after "warming up" for this match is beyond me

Quagmire: And here she comes, folks, and despite that sly look on her face, you would never have thought that she has been going at it like a maniac with The Alpha Dog. What stamina she must have!

Joe: From what I understand, she's quite the athelete, and has been plying her trade all over the world. Lets hope she brings her A-Game, though, as she's going up against one of the toughest people on the roster!

She's the toughest bimbo in town.

Dudley: Now this is what I call a lady. She just has an ellegance about her that can't be overlooked when sizing up her considerable talents.

Quagmire: I've been sizing her up from day one around here. Sasha is tough, rough, buff, and more than enough for me to unload my stuff!

Pat: Oh, boy... This one is underway, folks!



Sasha was defeated clean by Selina after a devatating kick to the head!

Selina gets on the second turnbuckle and begins celebrating for the fans, when TRACEY runs down the ramp, gets in the ring, and attacks Selina from behind with a vicious looking double axe handle, that sends her over the top turnbuckle and on to the unforgiving floor with a thud.

Sasha rolls out of the ring and drags Selenia back in by her hair.

The two blondes begin putting the boots in and Selina is in serious trouble.

Quagmire: Oh wait, giggity giggity goo, it's AYAKO!!

Ayako slides under the bottom rope and helps to even the sides.

Two impressive looking dropkicks later and the two blondes have been outsted from the ring. Ayako helps Selina to her feet and the fans applaud.

The Devil’s Reject’s theme hits

Pat: And here comes TDR, all of them! Ayako and Selina better make tracks! With these guys, you have no idea what to expect, so let’s listen in.

Ayako and Selina head out of the ring, and through the crowd to saftey as The Devils Rejects get into the ring.*

Chainsaw: Silence yourselves. *crowd boos* I’d like to take this time now to publically address what happened last week on the supershow. TDA, you think you’re allowed to just…walk away from us without any repercussions? Oh no my friend. You don’t just walk away from The Devil’s Rejects. I believe you will find that it is physically impossible to spit in our eye and come out unscarred.

*Chainsaw hands the mic to Samson*

Samson: Your selfishness has gotten you into quite a bind TDA. The Devil’s Rejects are not a group you are just allowed to make a fool of. But that's not why we're out here.

**The rest of TDR look on confused**

Chainsaw: You didn't think we actually needed the entire regime to call out a single man did you? You 4 *points around to Tad Locust, RamJam, Ice Cream Man, and Black Tear* are out here to discuss the situation between US. You see, NONE of you won your matches at the last PPV. This is something that will. not. be. tolerated.

*Tad grabs a mic from a stage hand*

Tad: WHAT?!? I must have heard you incorrectly, brother. I could have sworn there was a hint of disappointment in your voice just now. Tell me I’m mistaken.

Chainsaw: Unfortunately brother, you did not mishear. You see, me and my forces, we agreed to let you be a part of this family on the basis that we would be helping each other to take our rightful claim of this company.

*RamJam interrupts*

RamJam: Oh, and I suppose you feel these needs haven’t been fulfilled then?

Samson: You will speak when spoken to you insolent lackey!! No, I KNOW our needs have not been fulfilled, and since TDA up and quit, and since there won’t be a joint show every week here, I have a sneaking suspicion that things won’t be improving any time soon. Simply put, your usefulness has run its course. Our allegiance died with TDA’s departure gentleman. The Devil’s Rejects: WARFare branch, is no…more.

Tad: This cannot be true. Chainsaw...brother, tell me this isn't true. Yo-you cannot really be kicking us out. We're...family.

Chainsaw: They *points to the Mayhem's side of TDR* are my family. You...you are nothing more than useless...dead...weight.

Tad: But...but if you just give me another chance...The Apostles lost their match at the PPV too.

Samson: Yes, and this will be an excellent lesson to them. Enough groveling! GET THESE UNGRATEFUL SWINE!!

*Chainsaw, Samson, Nightwolf, and The Apostles swarm after Tad, Ram Jam, Ice Cream Man, and Black Tear, and a brawl quickly ensues. The crowd is going nuts as these ten demons are clashing in a battle of epic proportions. Samson/Chainsaw’s crew are too much for the WARFare bunch though, and with the numbers advantage Tad’s crew are overmatched. After the assault on his brother is done, Chainsaw picks up Tad and hits him with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Samson has RamJam in the cruciatous curse, and Silva is kicking him in the head at the same time. Ice Cream Man is hit with The Apostles finishing move: a spinning chokeslam from Demonic onto the knees of Anomander Rake. Last but not least, Nightwolf hits one of his signature buckle-bombs to Black Tear, the impact of which sends him flying over the top turnbuckle to the floor. Chainsaw and Samson's crew kick the other member of the Warfare branch out of the ring, and stand tall inside while getting a massive amount of heat from the crowd.*

Pat: My word! The Devil's Rejects are falling apart at the seams here! First they lose TDA, and now they kick out the entire WARFare branch? Wow. Just, wow.

Dudley: And I for one cannot be happier. I knew these freaks couldn't stay bonded forever! It's just a matter of time before they disintegrate completely.

Joe: We can only hope.

[Kashdinero]

Peter: We can indeed, Joe.. *whispers.* We can indeed... now lets go backstage where none other than K-Jam is apparently having a few problems again.

Dudley: Whatever's going on with K-Jammin right now, I don't like it.

Mayhem World Heavyweight Champion K-Jammin is seen walking through a corridor.

As he approaches his lockerroom, an almighty commotion can be heard from inside. It appears that somebody is trashing it completely. Huge smashing noises can be heard. K-Jammin tries to open the door but it's locked from the inside. The smashing and destruction gets louder and louder and somebody can just about be heard laughing inside. The commotion stops. K-Jammin takes a step back and plants a huge boot to the door, which flies off it's hinges. As K-Flare walk in they are met by hundreds and hundreds of smashed china plates. The lockerroom has been totally trashed. The lockerrom window is wide open and it seems that the culprit has fled.

K-Jammin: Oh, fuck! What the fucking hell is going on around here!

Dudley: I think someones going to great lengths to make K-Jam look like an idiot. Thing is, it'll take a lot more than smashing a few plates to get the champ rattled... Whoever it is, they're not...

Peter: Worthy.. You know what, Duds, I was just thinking the exact same thing, except the exact opposite! Boy, I'm enjoying this. I wish K-Jammin was on WARFare, so we could laugh at his misfortunes every week, eh, Joe?

Joe: You, know, Peter, I'm going to have to agree with you there. I never tire of seeing K-Jam in peril.

Dudley: Hey, you two watch your mouths when talking about the champ! If anybody isn't worthy, it's you two pair of losers.. Speaking of losers, it's time to check in with the man who lost to K-Jam in that Iron Man match at New Horizons.

Pat: Finaly, someone who actually want's to entertain people. Ladies and gentlemen, lets check in with everybodies favourite rapper stroke wrestler... Ma$$Dinero.

Ma$$Dinero is seen walking through a corridor.

He is smiling, and appears to be in great spirits considering he hasn't been on the winning side in the past two weeks.

He is stopped by Jan -the lady who hands out the show scripts- who offers him one of the handwritten scripts. She instantly remembers the last humiliating time she offered Ma$$ one of these things and pulls it back before he can take it.

Jan: Ooops, sorry, Mr Dinero, I forgot that you don't read from these things.

Ma$$Dinero: Nah, gimmie that shit.

Ma$$ snatches the script.

I've been told that Straights, Zapph, Heel Turn and Ka$h have been working like dogs trying to get this thing straight, so the least I can do is show them the proper respect and give it the once over.

Ma$$ begins thumbing through the pages of the script.

Blah blah blah.. Hmm.. Blah, excetera excet- Oh, here we are -- "Ma$$ meets Siaki while walking through a corridor, they exchange pleasantries, insult a few people, and decide to go and challenge Samson and Chainsaw for the Mayhem World Tag Team Championship.".. Yeah, sounds about right, actually. Jan, if I see you again once more before I die, it'll be one time too many, but no doubt I'll see you again next week, so until then.. *farts*

Jan: Ugh.. You disgust me.

Ma$$: Not as half as much as you disgust me, you plump little potato head shit cunt. Ha!

Ma$$ carries on down the corridor, when surprisingly, he bumps into his former V3 team mate, and former World Heavyweight Champion, Psycho Siaki.

They both stand still for a moment, then Ma$$ starts to spit.

Two thirds of the big three are back in the vicinity.
Two thirds of V3 is five times more than our enemies,
Ma$$Dinero, Psycho Siaks known for many felonies,
like showing fools how its done in their own fucking territories

Siaki follows suit, and they begin to trade a few bars.

Take your lady and your territories, Manifest Destiny/
The baddest to ever live, so watch your wifey or she's sexing me/
We came, we saw, we conquer, like that/
She saw, I conquered, then came on her back"

Globally known as the best to tie boots...
Can't mention Ma$$ and Siaks without thinking of roots
Ohhh, lord have mercy, Ma$$Dinero's got a mic
and Siaki's by his side we're about to hear some home truths..

Truth be told, no one goes over on V3/
We're from, where the apes be, stomp em with the ape feet/
Bury the competition even deeper, I say eight feet/
Burying all the talent, like Michaels and Triple H be

If you write a promo thats more homo than JoMo,
and expect to get a push, you'll get pushed under a polo,
only the greatest ever get to be a champ

Together: fools hopes get crushed under this V3 tank!

Ma$$: Hahaha!! Thats what I'm saying, bruv! So, like, what the fuck are we gonna do next, bruv? K-Jam and Romes are obviously dead wankers walking, but I was thinking that now that you're back and all that, that we shou-

Psycho Siaki: Wait, whats that in your hand?

Ma$$: What, this? Its a spliff, bruv. I know it's not a blunt, but it's the only papers they had at the sho-

Siaki: No, the other hand, bro bro..

Ma$$: Heh. Yeah, now this right here, is what Ka$h call's a script, and he has been handing them out to peeps every show, but when it comes down to it, nothing what is in this script ever fucking happens.

Siaki: What, Ka$h gives them out personally?

Ma$$: Nah, there's this nasty fat chick called Jan who gives them out.

Siaki: Is that bus driver looking lady that got spit roasted by K-Flare?

Ma$$: Yeah, thats the one... Wanna have a look through it?

Siaki: Can't hurt.

Pat: Oh, those guys are my heroes. Like, I can't wait to see what they have in store for us later.

Dudley: I wouldn't be surprised if it was those two assholes that had something to do with the plates being smashed.. Ahh, whatever... Lets just start the next match already.

The Jackasses vs The Silver Bros

something tells me things are about to get a little camp around here.

Peter: You know, I don't envy you guys having to put up with these weirdos week in week out on Mayhem.

Pat: Yeah, they're pretty out there, but no one can deny the in ring skills of these two. As ludicrous as "The Bunny Hop" sounds, if SilverLace nails you with that, then your ass is in trouble.

Pat: Ha! That was funny because it had two meanings.

The ultimate pranksters... Its those jackasses, The Jackasses.

Dudley: What a pair of losers these two are. Last week they try to embarrass The Silver Bros, but it didn't turn out the way they expected. We would show you the footage, but no one wants to see that again.

Pat: Folks, this renewed rivalry is about to get ug- OH, LOOK, WAIT A MINUTE!! It's Brick "The Bastard" Godslayer and Damian Icarus!!!

Dudley: Didn't these guys do enough damage last week? Poor Kiddson ended up in hospital with a severe stinger after that vicious move they gave him last week.

Brick and Damian rush the ring and begin attacking everybody! Red Ryder catches a devastating looking clothesline from hell from Brick, and SilverLace eats Damians boot.

El Gabo begins elbow smashing Brick in the back, but Brick just turns around and laughs in his face. Gabo swings a punch but Brick catches his fist, and squeezes.

El Gabo drops to his knee and begs for mercy.

Damian cuts off his crying with a shining wizard knee to the face.

SilverDust weighs up his options and bails out of the ring.

Brick gets out, but on the opposite side, and walks over to the time keepers table. He snatches the hammer out of the time keepers sweaty hand and rings the bell.

DING! DING!

Damian grabs Red Ryders arm and drapes it over SilverLace's chest. Damian calls for the extremely intimidated referee to get back in the ring.

One.

Two.

Three.

Brick and Icarus make their way up the ramp, to deafening cheers.

Dudley: That was a travesty I tell ya'! A travesty!!! Who do these guys think they are? I can't believe that they just came down here and destroyed two of Mayhems top teams!

Peter: Are you kidding me? That was freaking awesome.. Speaking of awesome lets check in with Rob Rage.

[Kashdinero]

Rob Rage is in the back, alone apart from the cameraman filming him. He is looking a lot more subdued than his usually bubbly self. He is wearing jeans and his new top

RR: Right, first things first I need to apologise. I need to apologise to all of the Resistance, especially my partners Chaos & Cage, for what happened at the supershow. It was me who drew Haze into that match, so it was my fault that we lost. I’m really sorry guys; I should have handled my business before something like that happened. We had that match in the bag, and I cost you it, so, again, I’m really sorry.

Right, now I’ve got that out of the way, time to address Mr Haze. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, because I did, on national television, with millions of witnesses. I told you that if you got involved, you would receive twice the beat down I usually give you. You ignored my warning, and you paid the price, the is no two ways about it. Put simply, I made sure that was the last match you would ever cost me. Let this instance be a warning towards the whole of JBW roster, just look at MPH, he messed with me, and now it looks like he will never compete in a ring again.

It saddens me that I had to release my Rage so early in my career here in JBW. I don’t enjoy it, at least not retrospectively, maybe when I’m doing it. However, don’t think for one second that I regret doing it, and don’t think for one second that I won’t release it again. That is all.

Pat: Geez, poor Rob is feeling down in the dumps about losing his temper, but he shouldn't be too hard on himself. Haze was an asshole, plain and simple. Now, I know what might cheer him up, I know its gonna cheer me up, and I'm feeling on top of the world right now... Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Polly-Pablo...

But instead of Polly_Pablo's theme tune, Al Qaeda Rashida's theme hits, and she comes storming out onto the stage with a microphone in her hand. The crowd begins booing fiercely.

Al Qaeda Rashida: Silence you infidel dogs, and take a look at this JabeTron of yours. I'm thinking that you will hate me even more after you see this.

Polly is shown lying unconcious backstage. Suddenly five or so medics are on the scene, and they begin checking her over.

As you can see, your precious little Polly won't be coming out here to bore us with her idiotic patriotis-oofff!

Rashida is speared to the floor by PandaMassacre, and the two begin rolling about on the floor laying into each other with heavy punches. Several referee's rush the stage and seperate the two ladies.

Dudley: Get her, Rashida! Show that infidel dog who's boss!

Joe: Have you heard yourself, Dudley? Wait, I'm told we have to go backstage, to follow up on this Polly situation.

The cameras cut backstage where NVON can be seen talking on his phone.

NVON: OK, Kiddson, I'll speak to you when you're out of hos-

Suddenly NVON is barged out of the way as Rob Rage runs through the corridor knocking everything over in his way. The camera hurries, to keep up with him, and soon it is clear why the necessity for Rob's haste.

Polly-Pablo is being rushed into an ambulance, as an upset Rob Rage looks on. As soon as she is in the door closes and Polly is whisked off to the hospital.

Nico van Oranje-Nassau is back on the scene and he spins Rob around and throws his broken iPhone in his face.

Rob Rage twitches.

His face goes red.

He twitches again.

He then cracks his neck and appears to calm down slightly.

When he sudenly snaps, and his rage can no longer be contained.

He lifts Nico off of the floor and slams him down hard onto the concrete, immediately following up with some sick looking stomps. Within seconds security are on Rob and they pull him off.

Rob struggles free and begins stomping on Nico's chest again, before more security arrive and they finally get Rob under control.

Peter: Holy smokes! He really lost it!... Again! I don't know how many more times management are going to tolerate something like that.

Really? Another music change?

(The music hits followed by a loud ovation from the fans)

Peter: The Alpha Dog! Epicness is this mans middle name. The Alpha Epicness Dog!

Joe: He isn't scheduled to compete tonight but seeing as to how he has a mic in his hand, it's clear he has a few things to say.

Dudley: Great! Now we get to listen to a psychopath spout off about god knows what.

(The Alpha Dog walks out to the ring wearing his usual leather jacket, jeans, and Chuck Taylor combo. He's also wearing his new shirt that shows on the front of it saying, "WHAT'S HIS MUTHER EFFEN' NAME?!!" with a picture of a Pitbull above it. The Alpha Dog gets in the ring and stands on a turnbuckle with his arms up. He then points at one of the fans signs that says, "What's his name?" He then gets off the turnbuckle and while still looking at the fan with the sign...)

Alpha: Wait a minute! YOU DON'T KNOW HIS NAME?!!! YOU DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE MAN WHO HAS CREATED AN AIR OF UNCERTAINTY HERE IN JBW?!! YOU DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE ASS KICKIN, NAME TAKIN, (in Bill Cosby voice) PUDDING (Back to regular voice) LICKIN, FAST DRIVIN, INDUSTRY CHAGIN, ADRENALINE FUNELIN, AND ANY CHALLENGE TAKEN SON OF A BITCH RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?!!! (The audience is going crazy at this point.) Well...he's going to allow the audience to clear that up for you...because his name is...

(Alpha lifts the mic in the air as the fans scream, "THE ALPHA DOG!!!!")

Alpha: And don't you forget it! Now, The Alpha Dog is out here for two reasons tonight. The first reason is because of a question that has been asked of The Alpha Dog more and more lately by not only all of his fans but also by some of the people in the back and that question is...(closes his eyes)"Alpha....when are you going to go for the big one? When are you going to go for the Warfare World Championship?" (The audience lets out a loud pop) Now, while The Alpha Dog appreciates the thought, the Warfare World Championship would...just...be...wasted. Come on! Think about it. A title around this waist would just be cutting into the viewing pleasure of looking at this waist. What The Alpha Dog wants...is to have amazing matches with the best that JBW has to offer and The Alpha Dog is doing that so The Alpha Dog is just fine with continuing his kicking ass, riding his motorcycle, and eating his vanilla, chocolate, and butterscotch pudding.

(The fans start a combined chant of, "Alpha Dog, Alpha Dog, Alpha Dog!" The Alpha Dog is smiling while they do that.)

Alpha: The Alpha Dog hopes that clears that up. Now on to the next reason The Alpha Dog is out here....The Resistance. (Loud pop from the fans.) Now The Alpha Dog joined up with Lenny, Connor, Bill, Nick, and Malcolm and formed this group with one goal in mind... get The Devil's Rejects off of Warfare. The Resistance was vigilante and strong and The Resistance never backed down from this war with The Rejects but now...well The Alpha Dog would just like for The Resistance to come out to the ring. Come on out guys.

The Resistance!

Quagmire: I wonder what this is all about.

Pat: Well Quagmire, with TDA no longer in charge of Warfare that means The Devil's Rejects are no longer allowed on Warfare. That means The Resistances objective is completed. I have a feeling...

Peter: Oh no.

(Lenny Ray Beauregard, Malcolm Cage, Connor Chaos, and The Nasty Crew get into the ring. The entire Resistance is standing in the ring as Alpha continues to speak.)

Alpha: Well guys. The reason why The Alpha Dog has asked you guys to come to the ring is because of the future of The Resistance. Now, The Resistance was formed with the common goal of getting rid of The Devil Rejects and now that TDA is no longer in charge and The Rejects being scattered and divided...the goal has been accomplished. Now The Alpha Dog knows that The Resistance didn't really have much time together but this is it. (Some of the guys in the ring look disappointed including The Alpha Dog) But just because The Resistance isn't together doesn't mean that this group of guys shouldn't remain vigilant. Nobody knows what's beyond the arising and who knows...The Resistance may get back together again. Until such a time comes, The Alpha Dog has been happy to work with each of you guys and he hopes that you guys go and prosper.

(The Resistance shakes hands and then hold their arms up to cheers from the fans as Uprising plays for the last time that we know of.)

Pat: Now that is a classy bunch of guys... Now, now lets move one to something slightly less classier.

[Kashdinero]

The screen switches to a dark room with pulsating lights and "I want Candy" playing in the background. Rome and Jammin and sitting in chairs, watching something off camera.)

Jam: And when I finally broke open the door, all my china plates are laying on the ground--smashed!

Rome: Why did you bring china with you?

Jam: I didn't! I left them at home! Someone broke into my house, drove them here, and smashed them!

Rome: Even your Dale Ernhart Jr. plate!?

Jam: EVEN JR!

Rome: What a dickhead! Who did it? And do you have change for a hundred?

Jam: Yeah (takes Rome's hundred and hands him 5 twenties). I don't know! I think it's the same asshole who sent me a Stella and a fag.

Rome: Who sent you a gay dude?

Jam: A cig, you twat.

Rome: Oh. (leans forward and throws a twenty off camera) You still don't know who did it?

Jam: Not a clue!

Rome: You know what? I'll cheer you up. (waves a fist full of money in the air) Candy--a lap dance for my friend here?

Dudley: Those guys are my absoloute idols. When they get together, no man alive is worthy... I think we need to take it easy, and have ourselves another match before we overdose on greatness.

The Nasty Crew vs La Mafia Mejicana

For new guys, these two are making waves around here.

Pat: We saw Mr Santiago and Vaquero earlier, guys, and they caused quite the scene after the Ill fated Il Cavitto and Two Of A Kind match. I hope they're gonna be looking over they're shoulders in this match, because TOAK must still be pissed after Vaquero spat on Paul Conrads boot.

The. Nasty. Crew.

Peter: Well here comes a pair of guys who arealways pissed off an ready for a fight.. Bill Bastion and Nick Riot. With names like that, you know you're in for an ass whooping when you find yourselves on the opposite side of the ring.

Pat: This one's underway!



Pat: Oh my god, it's Two Of A Kind, and they've got a ladder!?!

Paul Conrad throws the ladder into the ring, slides under the bottom rope and slams the ladder into the face of Vaquero.

Mr Santiago recieves the same welcome from the cold steel.

Bill Bastion and Nick Riot go to grab Kid Wonder, but he ducks and "Mad Dog" wipes them both out with the ladder.

The fans are once again going crazy as TOAK leave the ring, leaving both teams laying.

Joe: Wow, TOAK just layed down the law, right there, but now, guys, we're gonna go backstage, where a certain asshole by the name of HolyJose has arrived.

Camera Shows This car blasting Bullet For My Valentine arriving to the building



*Out Steps out HolyJose where Zap Alderman is waiting for him*

HJ *taking off his Armani Sunglasses*: What do you want?

Zap: You're late.

HJ: So? I'm here before my match and scheduled time what has your panties in a bunch?

Zap: I'm your boss you don't speak to me like thar. Second I WAS going to grant you your rematch against Malcolm Cage tonight for the TV title but seeing as how you're late, I've given him the rest of the night off, so you won't be getting "your" TV title back tonight.

HJ: What? No I was scheduled to go into a match against Malcolm Cage tonight for MY TV Title! Yout can't do that!

Zap: Looks like I just did HolyJose. I have a show to run and you were not here so I gave Malcolm the night off!

HJ: Fuck this! Listen here I am gauranteed a rematch I demand it! You can't fucking do this.

Zap: You're guaranteed one yes but not tonight now I have other pressing matters to attend to. Have yourself a good evening, now I need to get back to my office for a meeting with Serra and JMan.

Dudley: Well thats no way to treat a former World Television Champion and World Heavyweight Tag Champion.

Pat: Duds, I have to cut you off there, we have footage of a peculiar meeting our cameras just picked up to show everyone.

*Our camera’s follow Tad Locust, RamJam, Ice Cream Man, and Black Tear backstage where they're still nursing their injuries from earlier on. Standing there waiting for them though is a short, pale man in an all black suit with a black undershirt and a black tie. His jet black hair flows long, and it matches his long, well kept beard. The unknown man and Tad lock eyes for a moment, and the unknown man gives Tad an eerie smirk as and brushes him off and takes his troops off camera.*

Pat: Wow, peculiar indeed.. Pat: Well guys, I hate to do it, but I’m being told that we’re gonna cut backstage to The Devil’s Rejects lair/aka their lockerroom. Let’s listen in.

Samson: Finally, the dead weight is lifted off our shoulders. Now, it’s only us, the TRUE Devil’s Rejects. Anomander, Demonic, I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson here tonight.

Anomander: Very valuable. We vow to never fail you again master.

Chainsaw: Good, because if you do, then what happened to Tad and his group will be nothing compared to what we do to you two.

Anomander: I understand.

Katie: I jusr wish I could have been out there for that.

Chainsaw: *chuckles* Oh…it couldn’t have gone any more perfect then the way it did. You all noticed how easily they went down. No wonder why they were such pushovers at the PPVs.

Samson: Yes, can you imagine weakness like that being associated with us? But in all seriousness, we need o do something about TDA. We got a measure of retribution earlier tonight, but TDA is a bigger fish.

Chainsaw: Yes Sam, in due time we’ll-

Nightwolf (who has been looking on angrily this whole time): Chainsaw. May I have a word with you?

Chainsaw: *looks confused* Yes you can, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me while I was speaking.

Nightwolf: *nods his head* Outside.

*NightWolf and Chainsaw step outside of the lockerroom*

Nightwolf: Listen Chainsaw, I’ve been thinking a lot as of late. I’ve been thinking about how you told Katie that if she wanted to leave The Rejects she could have, but now that TDA has left, we’re going to go after him. And how, even after all the loyalty and trust you and Samson have been preaching, we go out and do something like that to Tad and his guys. It just seems like there’s a lot of hypocrisy coming out of The Devil’s Rejects lately, and I know it isn’t coming from me.

Chainsaw: Do you forget yourself??? You…ingrate! *starts poking NW in the chest*I am the leader of this group and you are my servant. Now you just listen to me-

NW: NO. You listen to ME! I wasn’t done talking. You know, the hypocrisy isn’t all I’ve been thinking about. I’ve been thinking about if I somehow fail to do exactly what you want me to do, am I gonna suffer the same fate as the guys we just ran over? Or how about this Chainsaw…how about the fact that YOU were the one who just said we’re supposed to be helping each other take our rightful place in this company, and yet, before I joined TDR, my career was exploding, and now, I’m being put on the back burner. How about that? You know, I’ve been thinkin about all of these things, and, well, fuck it, I QUIT!

*crowd can be heard cheering in the background*

*Chainsaw lets out a mighty roar and goes for a hard right cross to NW’s jaw, but NW ducks, and instead it’s NW who grabs Chainsaw by his face and slams his head into the wall, leaving a huge dent. The crowd pops hard at NW’s assault on Chainsaw, and the commotion causes the Reject’s lockerroom to empty, only to find Chainsaw holding his head and NW long gone*

Dudley: I knew it! I knew it! These guys are history! I’m telling ya! It’s all downhill from here for TDR!

Pat: I-I can’t believe it, but I think Dudley is right! Dudley is actually predicting something that has a chance at becoming true! Unbelievable. Way to go Nightwolf!! Good on ya for leaving that prick where he lays! I think the rest TDR has just made themselves a new, powerful enemy, or at the very least, they’ve most certainly lost one of their strongest members. What does this mean for Nightwolf though? Where will his career go from here? Now, Ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna find out how the meeting between WARFare World Heavyweight Champion JMan, and Ryusuke "The Shuriken" Serra, and Zap Alderman went.

[Kashdinero]

*Shuri’s music hits*

*The music hits and the crowd pop loud. Shuriken walks down the ramp, enters the ring, and gets the mic.*

Crowd: REMATCH! REMATCH! REMATCH! REMATCH! REMATCH!

Ryusuke: Haha! I was about to get to that. *smiles*

*crowd laughs*

But on to business.....First I need Warfare's World Heavyweight Champion out here. So Jman, I need you out here please so we can discuss our little matter.

It's the champ!

*Jman walk through the curtain to a huge pop and charges down the ramp in his usual fashion.*

Ryusuke: Now Jman, I have talked to Mr. Alderman about the rematch and.....he said no....our rematch won't happen at Expect the Unexpected.

*crowd boos loud*

Ryusuke: We can try again later but Mr. Alderman has given us a match against each other. A tag team match! The only catch is that it our tag team partners has to be....well....names that aren't established here in JBW. So I picked Mr. Steve Austin, and no JBW fans not Stone Cold.

*crowd laughs as Serra hands Jman the mic*

Jman: *After a short pause* That sucks that Zap said no. I really don’t get it. *crowd pop* What do I have to do now? Pick a jobber to tag with? *Shuriken nods* Jobber…jobber…jobber…Shame Lenny Lightning isn’t around anymore. *the crowd laughs as Jman continues to think* Ah! I have the perfect guy! Cap’n Edu! *Small pop from the crowd* Dude deserves one night with the big boys after all he’s been through. He’s fighting for a helluva cause too. *looks Shuriken straight in the eye* Shuri, I know this isn’t the rematch both of us wanted but I still wanna kick your ass tonight.

*big pop from the crowd as Jman hands the mic back*

Ryusuke: I'm looking forward to our tag team match. Oh....and I will win it, champ.

*The scene ends with a staredown between the two men*

Pat: OK, folks, now, lets go backstage. Believe it or not, but Todd Stevenson is standing by with WARFare's World Tag Team Champions Manabu and Snair!!

Peter: Oh boy, for real, Pat? No fooling? Ah, man, its been over a month since we last heard these two speak. I'm telling ya', Pat, we had ourselves a regular old conspiracy going on around here. Todd, take it away.

Todd Stevenson: Thank you, Peter, and yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I have none other than Manabu and Snair with me, and the question on everyones lips is, well, why have you guys been so tight lipped?

Manabu: Watch your tone there, Todd. See, these people may cheer for me now, but I wouldn't hesitate to put a disease like you out of its misery in a half a heartbeat.

Snair: What he's trying to say is, who says that our lack of mic time had anything to do with us? Why would we who have made a living out of talking chose to suddenly stop telling it like it is?

Mana: And why suddenly would we chose to start speaking again now that TDA is out of the picture?

Snair: Simple answer is, TDA has been trying to hold us back, and now that that wastrel has left JBW -again, I might add- we are apparently allowed to talk again... And its now time for The Age of Sinocence to reign once ag-

Mana: Enough with the "Age of Sinnocence" bullshit! It wasn't over then, and it's not over now, so stop acting like a disease and drop the Sinnocence crap, Snair San.

Snair: Oh, and calling people diseases is soooo over with the people right now? Ha! Anyway, old friend, one thing is for certain, no matter who says what, the fact of the matter is, 'air-'bu are over, and as long as we have the public on our side, we have all the inspiration we need to continue to hold this gold.

Mana: You know, Snair, my oldest disease, I couldn't have said it better myself. For far too long I have taken my aggressions out on these people, when the true threat is that which lurks within JBW... TDA may have gone, and Zap Alderman appears to have good intentions behind his actions, but mark my words there is a corrupt and diseased cog in the machine, and Snair and I intend locate and destroy it.

Todd: It is to my understanding that you have yet to be told who your opponents are at Expect The Unexpected. How much does this unsettle you going into what will be your first defence of the titles on PPV?

Snair: Who's to say we're going to be unsettled at all? Manabu and Snair will be as ready as we always are, no matter who is put in front of us, an-

Mana: Ha! What, like you was when you lost the World title to Serra?

Snair: Would that be the same World title that you've never held?

Mana: Yes... Another conspiracy, hahaha! Oh, Snair San, you do point out the most obvious things... On the subject of obvious things, its obvious that out of all of the members of The Five Star Attraction, it is the pair of us that have turned out to be the most durable. I'm sure that no matter who it is we'll be facing, we will do what we have always done... Survive.

*Suddenly, former dual champion HolyJose bursts onto the scene, and gets in Manabus face.*

HolyJose: Are you kidding me with that FSA shit!?! Man, I'm sick to death of people thinking that the FSA were anything more than SuperNova's whipping boys!

*Turns to Snair, then back to Mana.*

If you two are so confident that you'll leave EtU as the champs, hows about I use my well placed connection's and find myself a partner and challenge you for those belts. You don't have the style and flair to wear them like I did, and lets face it, those belts didn't mean shit before I had them, and they don't mean shit now! So at Expect The Unexpected, expect for HolyJose and a partner of his choosing to relieve you of the hassle having to carry those glorious belts with such poor taste. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a partner to find.

*HolyJose turns and goes to walk off, but he suddenly turns and slaps Manabu in the face as hard as he can, before fleeing the scene, leaving Manabu with an enraged look on his face.*

Peter: Holy shit, HolyJose just signed his own death warrant. I don't care who he brings to Expect The Unexpected, he can expect to leave there with more than a few lumps and bruises!

The Sleeper

**The Pyro explodes with a bright thunderous BOOOOM! And when the fire and smoke clears The Sleeper is standing in the walk way. Sleeps wastes no time walking and runs at a full sprint straight to the ring, he obviously has something to say. Sleep slides into the ring as all of the fans in the arena are cheering for him. The crowed sees that Sleep is not in the best of moods as he just stands in the ring looking over the crowed, straight faced, waiting for them to stop cheering.**

Sleep: BI GET YOUR BITH ASS OUT HERE, RIGHT MUTHA FUCKING NOW!!!!!

**Sleep waits a few minutes, but BI doesn't come out**

Sleep: BI, I know you're here fool, I saw your gay ass arrive. Quit being a scary little B-I-itch and show your face before I go back there and hunt yo.....................

BodomInvader

BI: What the fook do you want you bloody bastard. I was finished with you after last week when I got myself involved in one of your matches. Now you know how it feels to have a hater come out and ruin your plans. But now we are even, I'm done with you and ready for my next competitor. You bore me now.

Sleep: It ain't over until I say it's over between us. Obviously you never seen the Sleeper in a fight, I don't stop until one of us is unable to walk out of this ring.

BI: Well I'm bored with you, so there is no chance of another match happening between us. I don't have the time to keep on foolin' with the likes of you.

Sleep: I guarantee after this match, neither of us will want a rematch. At Expect The Unexpected I challenge you to a "Flying Tables Match".

BI: I don't even know what the fuck a "Flying Tables Match " is, but I will give you a couple minutes of my time to hear about this match. And me hearing you out doesn't mean I will to agree to the match either.

Sleep: Well this is how the match goes, unlike a regular tables match where you just have to put your opponent through a table to win. The only way to win in this match is by either throwing your opponent off a ladder or off the top rope through a table or by jumping off a ladder or the top rope yourself and driving your opponent through the table. So what do you say do you have the cajones to see me in this ring just 1 more time?

BI: As cool as your match sounds I will have to decline your offer, but I'll be sure to watch that match in the back. Because like I told you 2 other times already, you're boring to me now and there is way better talent in the back. I'm ready to move on from you now, and go to the next challenge ahead of me.

**Suddenly Ka$hDinero walks out on to the stage with a mic in his hand.**

Ka$hDinero: Look, do me a favour, Bods, stop being a pu$$y. The match is set, and that is that, bitch!

**Ka$h walks backstage again.**

BI: What, that's not fair. I don't feel I need to lower myself anymore by wasting my time here on Mayhem with that loser anymore.

**BI walks into the back in a sour mood because he didn't get his way and The Sleeper got exactley what he asked for. And The Sleeper stands in the ring with a smug smile on his face as the crowed chants "SLEEPY LOC....clap...clap........clap...clap...clap...SLE EPY LOC.**

[Kashdinero]

Pat: Are you kidding me? A Flying Tables Match? I sure do like the sound of that, but what was up with BodomInvader acting like a baby, not wanting to have anything to do with it?

Dudley: Pat, BodomInvader is a lot smarte than you, and I think he knows what he's doing. Speaking of knowing what he's doing, lets che- Holy shit!!

*As the lights dim and the smoke appears, the greyness of the arena begins. The music hits and we know The Sandman is on his way down.*

Dudley: "Week in and week out we have to see this. It NEVER gets any easier on me. Ever since he attacked me I've been having nightmares and have been seeing shit... I don't even know what to think anymore..."

Pat: *Looks over at Dudley and raises his eyebrow.* "You're kidding me, right? You're ridiculous, you know that? We all know how pathetic you are but, this is going real far. Call a Doctor, get some meds and shut up already."

*Dudley gets a sad look on his face and doesn't respond to Pat. The Sandman has made his way to the ring now and has a mic in hand the music has ceased but the fog and greyness remain.*

The Sandman: "I've been told by management that I'll be facing Daniel Truth again at the next Pay-Per-View, Expect The Unexpected. Now, I honestly don't know what else I have to do with this man to prove how dominant I am of him. He's meek, he's shallow, he's nothing. I've taken his very being and made him a shell."

*The crowd cheers heavily at The Sandman's claims. All of a sudden, the cameraman that's in the ring filming lunges at The Sandman and hit him with the camera. He takes off his hat and peels off s bit of spirit gum to reveal that it's DANIEL TRUTH!! The lights come back on and we see The Sandman on his knees shaking his head. Daniel smacks him with the camera again and The Sandman falls down.

Daniel locks in a choke hold on The Sandman with his left arm and tries to go for The Sandman's mask with the right. At that moment The Sandman grabs Truth by the neck and throws him across the ring. Daniel looks on and leaves the ring as The Sandman is getting up. The Sandman points at Truth as Truth is smiling and holding his neck he asks for a mic.*

Daniel Truth: "You've not broken me Sandman. Not at all. I'm ready for more actually. I've been in your game, I've listened to your talking... you're right. I've taken MANY things for granted... That Championship was one of them. I know I cradled it with all my greed but now I want it back. I want it back because I've been awakened! I hit you with a chokehold THAT fast *snaps fingers*... I'll do it again too... camera or not. I'll make you submit and TAKE my Championship back at Expect The Unexpected!"

*Truth tosses the mic down and motions around his waist that the Championship is coming back to him while The Sandman holds the World Heavyweight Television Championship high above his head.*

Pat: "Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen! It looks like were getting one more match between The Sandman and Daniel Truth! It's going to be at Expect The Unexpected in December and it will most definitely be for the Mayhem World Heavyweight Television Championship!"

Dudley: "I hope Daniel Truth makes him submit! That would make me such a happy person! I'll be living that match vicariously through him. Every time The Sandman gets hit, I'll be doing that in my head.... YEAH!"

Pat: *Looks on with disgust.* You really a troll of a man... we have to go to commercial break, we'll be right back!

*commercials*

[Kashdinero]

*HolyJose is seen entering Mt. Prophecy and bangs hard on the door until Belladona answers the door in a skimpy outfit*

HJ: Where is Prophecy?

Belladona: Come on inside and take a seat Master Prophecy will be right out.

*Prophecy walks out*

Prophecy: HolyJose what do you want? This better be important if you are just barging in.

HJ: Well Prophecy I here is the thing. I was suppose to have a match with Malcolm Cage for my TV title but our esteemed general manager Zap decided to say no and so now I'm looking to regain my tag titles. The one problem, see, after I took out the dead weight known as Azrael I am left without a partner which is why I'm here. I need..

Prophecy: Let me stop you there Jose. I am honored that you thought of me but here is the thing. I am too good to be in a tag team. I am only good enough for the World title I cannot step down to the tag team division. It wouldn't be fair to me. I respectfully decline your offer look somewhere else.

HJ: Huh...well good thing I wasn't here to ask you if you'd be my partner. You see I want Ragnorok! I understan you're a singles competitor but I need a pure beast and Prophecy like it or not you're the only one I can trust on WARFare no one else is in my league. Ragnorok is the perfect partner so what do you say?

Prophecy: Actually Jose, you're not in my league but you and Ragnorok as the new World Tag Team Champions. You have yourself a deal.

*HolyJose and Prophecy shake hands on their agreement. Ragnorok walks out and is just breathing down on HolyJose but are at an understanding has Ragnorok nods his head in approval*

Joe: I have to hand it to Jose there, he really picked a winner in RAGNAROK. The way he manhandled Cap'n Edu last week was hard to watch.

Peter: Ooh ooh, guys, guys, we have to move on... It's time to check back in on Ma$$ and Siaki.

Ma$$: So, what did it say in there about what we're gonna be doing next?

Siaki: It says we're gonna be kicking the shit out of Chainy and Sammy.

Ma$$: I swear, those things are getting more accurate as the weeks go by... Who else is in there? What's KJam up to?

Siaki: Someones been playing tricks on him all night, and I flicked through to the end...Here.. take a look.

*Siaki passes Ma$$ the script, and Ma$$ looks over last page.*

Ma$$: Holy shit! Is that really gonna happen!?! Whoa!! But, it says here we're gonna be beating up Sam and Saw in the second to last segment of the show... What are we gonna be doing until then?

Siaki: Shoot?

Ma$$: Hells yes!! You first... SamSaw?

Siaki: Chainsaw is more like a rusted nail file, plus he could never beat me anyways.. And Samson, I dunno what to say about that dude.. I say we light him on fire again, but this time, with his girlfriend, Chaining Bra, I mean Chainsaw.. Zeus Apollo??

Ma$$: I don't are how many hammers he has. If that guy ever got in my face, I'd show him about the power of a god with my fist!.. Sandman?

Siaki: Yeah his name sounds about right, since his promos and matches always put me to sleep.. HolyJose??

Ma$$: That big bastard needs to cool his bacon. I swear, every time I see him I just wanna punch him in the face. He may have been a boy band loving geek, but he was a cool guy.. Now he just wants to play the bad guy, but the only thing bad about him is the smell he leaves in the backstage area on burrito night.. K-Flare?

Siaki: K-Jammin and RomanFlare come together as K-Flare, better yet known as the human centipede called K-Fed.. The world says its their fault for the destruction of Brittney Spears.. Even though I can applaud the destruction of anything pop music related.. I say their asses are next when it comes to some boot to glute shit.. Ryusuke Shuriken Serra??

Ma$$: Ooooh, our buddy, Shuri'... Nice guy, but you'd kick his fucking head in! Shuriken vs Siaki would be like watching KENTA trying to beat Kenta Kobashi in his prime! Just wouldn't happen. I think he needs to lower his standards a bit when it comes to dream matches... I can see it now... Ryusuke "The Shuriken" Serra vs... Lenny Lightning.. Hahaha!! -- The Prophecy?

Siaki: Oh he's been doing the damn thing, ever since the Ego Trip split up.. Still, I'd make him tap out, no problem.. Kevin Matthews??

Ma$$: The epitome of a walking lady garden. I knocked that prat out once before, and, I would gladly do it again, and, y'know what? There's not a member of the roster that wouldn't cheer me on as I did it. Title or not, that moose fucker could NEVER hang with m- I mean, us.. Broc and Sully?

Siaki: Never heard of the guys, wait are those the two creatures from Monsters Inc?? My kids love that movie.. Oh wait is that the tag team that look like Tenacious D and wrestle with Steeler jerseys on?? *Mass nods* Oh never heard of em.. Silver Muthafuckin Cena??

Ma$$: The EWNCW Champion.. That in itself is the biggest pile of shit I've ever heard... I guess he leart a thing or two from when we used to tag back in the day.. Alpha Dog?

Siaki: Three words: Male Pattern Baldness, still, gotta love the Alpha Dog though.. Christmas is around the corner remind me to buy him some Scooby Snacks or whatever the young canines eat these days... At first I was thinking frisbee, but it might be a little advanced for the pup.. The Devils Advocate??

Ma$$: I don't know what the fuck is going on with my old friend these days.. To tell you the truth, bruv, I just wish he would either get back in the ring or fuck off forever... SHOWDOWN?

Siaki: We'd destroy the whole roster, each and every one of them.. Their names all suck, but I found a way to categorize them by KO, Pin, or Submission.. They couldnt last a day on the Mayhem roster.. Warfare??

Ma$$: Man, just having those guys in the same building as me is making me want to go and take a K-Jam. Fuck WARFare, and their attitude of being the number one show. WE are the only show in town worth talking about, right, bruv?

*Siaki nods,*

OK, last one... EWNCW?

Siaki: Buried.. They don't want to go against the almighty JBW, none of them would go over, well at least over us.. I can't vouch for the rest of these guys, but to us, the EWNCW aint nothing but a shitty toilet in the bathroom of life.. Now that spliff in your hand has been having my attention this whole conversation.. Can we smoke something before we beat the shit out of SamSaw?!?

Peter: Oh, boy. I wish I could be on Mayhem to watch these two every week... Ahh, thank god for SUPERSHOWS!.. Anyway, folks, we're about to have our next match. It's featuring two new guys from the SuperFly Division, so you know it's gonna be a good one.

Andy Amazing vs Dylan Cross

It's Dylan Cross

Joe: And here comes our first new competitor here for this match up. He's been making a name for himself all across the Indies, and I think that he'll be a fantastic adition to the SuperFly Division.

**dylan makes his way to the ring. He does his usual entrence, crawling along the barrier until he gets to the end. jumping from the end onto the ring apron. he climbs to the top rope and walks it until he gets to the other side. He grabs a mic from the stagehand and it looks like we will hear from dylan cross**

So normally i let my actions speak for me but tonight Managment told me i had to say a few words on my opponent Mr Andy Amazing and myself so here goes

Im Dylan Cross, a parkour freak and the superfly divisions next champion im here to show my skills off to the world starting with Andy Amazing

** dylan throws the mic to the crowd and starts to stretch**

His names Andy, but he's Amazing.. It's Andy Amazing.

Peter: Guys, the way in which Andy dealt with those thugs last week was Amazing! I watched that piece of footage a hundred times! No way is Andy gonna lose in his first match in JBW.

Pat: Well, we'll just have to see about that, Peter. Dylan is quite the acrobat in that ring.

Quagmire: Hey, don't count out Any's ground game in this one. It's not all about the flying you know? I think the only real winner here is gonn a be the fans.
he



Peter: See, I told you he was Amazing, what an awesome match up between these two, that has to be match of the night so far.

Joe: I'm in agreement with you there, Peter, that one could have gone either way, but in the end it was Any Amazing with Hells Gate that helped him get a big win here in his debut.

[Kashdinero]

Peter: Well as long as Andy is winning, I'm a happy man, and as if that wasn't enough, we're gonna go straight into our next match up. It's time for Jman and Serra to take their feud a step further.

JMan and Cap'n Edu vs Ryusuke "The Shuriken" Serra and Steve Austin

It's Serra and Austin.. Serra and Austin!!

Quagmire: Now, we've seen Austin in a few high profile matches, but this has got to be his biggest match up to date. I mean, tagging with Serra has gotta be a dream come true for this guy.

Peter: I'll say, boy, if I was a wrestler, Serra would be the first guy I'd want to team up with

It's the champ and his unlikely partner!

Joe: JMan is a fine upstanding citizen, and it warms my heart to see him help out Cap'n Edu in this way. If he gets the win here tonight, he could earn himself a lot of money, and find himself one step closer to freeing his wife.

Pat: The real story is Serra and JMan are in the ring against each other again for the first time since Nwe Horizons. I wonder if Serra will make a better showing of himself here... This one's underway!!



Zeus Apollo makes his way down towards the ring -hammer in hand- and knocks out both Edu and Austin, causing the double discualification.

He then lays his hammer in the corner of the ring and holds his fists up towards Ryusuke and Jman, and the three of them begin brawling. They are broken up when this music begins to play.

The Prophecy makes his way out, and stands at the top of the ramp with a somber look on his face. He motions to the back as Ragnarok, VKM and BellaDonna make their way out to. The group, lead by The Prophecy make their way to the ring slowly, Jman, Shuriken and Zeus look at each other in the ring, and prepare for a fight.

The group surround different sides of the ring, Prophecy looks at them and nods, as Ragnarok, VKM and The Prophecy climb onto the apron. Zeus sensing the impending brawl launches himself at VKM kncoking him off the apron, he immediately launches himself over the top rope and onto VKM, as the might Ragnarok clashes with Shuriken, and Jman trades blows with The Prophecy in the ring.

Zeus delivers several quick blows to VKM who tries to block as he lies on the floor, BellaDonna hits Zeus across the back with a steel chair, Zeus immediately turns round and warns BellaDonna off, giving VKM enough time to hit Zeus with a lowblow as BellaDonna blows Zeus a kiss. VKM then picks up a sledgehammer from under the ring, Zeus grabs and tries to tear it from VKMs hand, but BellaDonna jumps on his back and covers his eyes, allowing VKM to slam Zeus in the ribs with the hammer, before delivering a blow to the side of the head, knocking the King of the Gods down.

Meanwhile Shuriken punishes Ragnarok with some heavy kicks to the ribs and legs, almost knocking the behemoth down. Shuriken launches himself off the guard rail and slams Ragnarok in the skull with a hellacious boot, knocking him off his feet. Shuriken turns his attention to Prophecy, but Raganrok sits up and delivers not one but 2 huge chokeslams to the former champ. He then drags Shuriken to the steel steps, where he then slams him into the steps repeatedly, Shuriken then uses the ring apron to try and get back to his feet, but is met by a boot to the face of his own.

Jman knocks Prophecy into a corner turnbuckle, as Proph tries to beg him off and ask for a breather. Jman stops and looks around to see that VKM and Ragnarok have surrounded him. Jman runs at VKM but Ragnarok quickly grabs him and hits him with a debilitating powerbomb. VKM pulls the steel steps and throws them into the ring, where Proph hits a Diamond Cutter move on Jman, busting the champs head on the steel steps. Jman tries to get a few hits in, but the blood is starting to get into his eyes. Ragnarok pummels the champ and only stops after the orders of The Prophecy, who brings in the Warfare World title. He lays it over the beaten and bloody champs body, as Ragnarok, VKM and BellaDonna make their way to the lockeroom.

The Prophecy surveys the surroundings with a sick grin on his face before heading back to the lockeroom himself.

Dudley: Now that was a fine piece of business. I think what we just saw was The Prophecy putting himself into the title picture at Expect The Unexpected. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I would love to have The Prophecy on Mayhem, and if he brought The Legion along with him I'd love it even more. But now, I think we're gonna check in with K-Jam, again.. I think things are still bad for him backstage.

K-Jammin walks through the corridor, he has a look of anger on his face.

Dudley: K-Jammin, how come you're leaving?

Kjam: I'm not fucking leaving, some twats just told me that my Lamborghini has been fucked up!

As K-Jammin opens the door and enters the car park, he sees his car has been plastered from top to bottom with Brittany Spears posters. Sprayed over the posters in bright White spray paint are the words "I'M BACK!"

Kjam: WHAT THE FUCK?! What the fuck is this?! Motherfucking cunts, Brittany Spears posters... what are you like 12 years old? Fuck this!

*K-Jam gets out his phone and searches for a number. Once he has found the one he wants he dials.*

Hello, Romes. Look, I've had enough of this bullshit! I'm just going for a shit, and I'll meet you at the gorilla postion in ten minutes... Alright, laters.


*The scene cuts back to Ma$$ and Siaki.

They are walking with intent.

They get to a scary looking locker room door, give each other a look of encouragement.

They boot the door off of its hinges and storm their way in.

BOOM BOOM

CRASH

BANG

WALLOP

KAPOW

KRUNCH

SPLAT

Ma$$ and Siaki walk out, straighten their selves up, and walk off. They begin talking amongst themselves, when just as they are about to reach the gorilla position, Siaki spots someone.

Siaki: Oi, Ma$$, is that who I think it is, just minding his own business?

Ma$$: Yep. It's that little masked freak who keeps on going on about winning all three brands titles. I'm gonna fuck him up again! Wait here, bruv.

Ma$$ crouches down low, and sneaks up behind RomanFlare...

BOOYA!

Ma$$ nails Roman with "MFWTLAAIGWTBTS!"

Siaki quickly runs up and catches him before he falls. Ma$$ grabs his legs, and they carry him off.

About ten seconds later, K-Jammin arrives at the gorilla position. He looks at his watch, and says

"Fuck this, if Romes can't keep time, I'm going out there myself.