JBW's official show thread

[samoan619]

*Before the Showdown logo and intro is shown, we are greeted by Montgomery Madsen who is backstage with The Archangel Kayden James*

Madsen: Welcome to JBW Showdown!! This is, Montgomery Madsen, for Showdown Backstage!! But before we start the show, I stand here with the Archangel Kayden James!

Kayden: You listen here you pompass little worm *grabs Madsen by the shirt*. I'm in no mood for your snippy little introductions, and I'm certainly in no mood for your upbeat demeanor. If I see so much as a smile from you, so much as a titter of happiness, I'll drop you on your head right here where you stand. Was that a smile!?! *tightens his grip a little*

Madsen: No, No, NO!

Kayden: Good *releases shirt*. Now if you have any questions for me, I highly suggest you ask them now before I lose my patience with you.

Madsen: Well, uh, I don’t want you to lose that, Archangel.. Last week Shining Light along with Loki and Ariel "declared war" on both you and your followers. It even appears he set an explosive under one section of the seating. What is your thoughts on these recent actions?

Kayden: Shining Light is a coward. Plain and Simple. Instead of facing me like a man, instead of fighting me what does he do? He uses his blasphemous mouth to enlist the help of two souls who are simply down on their luck. Are you so scared of me that you need the help of two people just to be able to face me? You hide behind your big screen, you hide behind your socially outcasted cronies. Your days of hiding are running out Judas and you realize that. It was one thing when you were attacking me, my God has given me the strength to overcome but when you start attacking my followers?!? You have went too far Judas, you have crossed that line and you will never be able to uncross it. I wouldn't even put it past that coward to attack me during this interview.

Madsen: Last question Mr. James as I don't want to take up too much of your time. What do you plan on doing about all the havoc Shining Light has caused?

Kayden: I'm going to start small, I'm going to take out his buddies first. Slowly one at a time........I'm going to enjoy this. He hasn't began to experience true pain yet. For every one of my followers he has hurt, he will get his just reward. Just like the bible says in *fist comes flying out of nowhere*

*Loki and Ariel jump Kayden from behind and start attacking him, driving him to the ground. Kayden James starts fighting back up, throws Loki's head into the wall, and swings at Ariel wildly, connecting on the bridge of the nose and driving Ariel to the ground. Kayden then mounts Ariel*

Kayden (as he's hitting Ariel in the face): You think you can beat me Devil! I will not quit, I will not stop fighting!!! You tell your boss how much this hurts! You tell him I'm coming for him!*loud thud echos as a chair slams Kayden in the back*

*Shining Light hits Kayden with a chair solidly and he slumps and rolls off of Ariel. Ariel and Loki run and grab chairs as Shining hits James over and over. They then take turns wearing him out until he stops moving and is bleeding all over his face, the back of his head, and all up and down his back.*



*Showdown Theme: Tech N9ne – The Industry is Punks*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLIWGOCXJW0

Sly: That was disturbing, i’ve received word that the Archangel is now under medical attention.. Let’s all keep him in our prayers everyone… But let’s not forget, that we are coming live from another sold out event at the Showdown Arena in Los Angeles, California!! THIS IS FRIDAY NIGHT SHOWDOWN!! JBW’s special brand of uncut extremity!! I’m Sly Sylvesterstein!!

Larry: And im the king of the world, Larry Zbysko, the only Living legend!! Shawn Michaels is an overrated piece of shit!! Heart Break Kid my ass, he’s more like a Fart Faced Shit.. That’s right, I said it!!

Sly: You say a whole lot, Larry.. But what did you say last week when RedRuM played El Kabong with your cranium??

Larry: I went to look for the Champion of TV Dinners.. Did you know where he ran off to after the show?? To the Welfare line, that’s right, with the rest of his kind of people..

Sly: What do you mean “his kind of people”??

Larry: You know, the black people..

Sly: *shakes his head in disgust* Well let’s just move on to our first match of the show, which is the Showdown Contract match for T1CG’s New Talent Initiative.. Another 3 way dance to decide who will not be here next week..

Larry: That’s right you discus chucking plate breaking artichoke eater.. Whoever gets pinned will not get a contract on Showdown.. And regardless of that bullshit, none of these fucking kids deserve a shot in this business.. It’s a fucking travesty like telling Kamala to go for a jog today, its just not right..

*Texas Taylor’s theme plays*



Sly: Texas Taylor is from a large family of pro wrestlers.. One notable uncle is Terry Taylor of AWA fame and he was also the Red Rooster in the WWF days.. Texas is from Tennessee and has been putting in lots of work in the indies out there..

Larry: I remember this kid, yup that’s Terry’s nephew alright!! And he better tell his uncle he’s a fucking never will be!! Believe me I had him in the Boston Crab for 3 days straight and he wouldn’t submit.. That was when wrestling was the best.. When you could put a 72 hour match of rest holds and blading until someone passes out from loss of blood.. Those were truly the days..

Sly: Well let’s see if he got the Taylor touch, he’s got two guys wanting to take this job from him, for sure..

*Tennessee Taylor’s theme plays*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzldLJcorbo

Sly: Now here is Tennessee Taylor, and yes, he is from the same wrestling family as Texas Taylor..

Larry: So we got brothers.. I never knew that snotty nosed kid cutting our coke for us back then, had a brother..

Sly: That’s because they aren’t brothers.. They are cousins.. Tennessee Taylor is a born and raised Texas boy, not only that, he’s Terry Taylor’s oldest son and trained with WWF superstars Bastion Booger and Tugboat, in the early 90s..

Larry: Wait, so Texas is from Tennessee and Tennessee is from Texas??

Sly: That is correct..

*Larry slaps the shit out of Sly*

Larry: I had to slap you to wake me from this fucking ridiculousness.. Where the fuck is my shrooms at?? *Digs into his dirty stained tighty yellowish whities and pulls out a bag full of magic mushrooms and begins to consume the drugs*

*Tortuga’s music plays*



Larry: Another Luchasaurus Rex, don’t these guys belong on Welfare and Male-phlegm fighting for the Super Zip Your Fly division??

Sly: Well for one thing, its Luchadore, Warfare, Mayhem, and the Superfly division.. And secondly, he’s not a lucha style wrestler, he is actually a masked superstar out of the Carribbean.. Tortuga is Tortoise in Espanol, and he is known more for his tank like physique and super strong wrestling style..

Larry: Another fucking Spanish speaker, good fucking grief!! You got me quoting Chucky Brown over here!! We might as well start a gardening and landscaping division..

Sly: I really don’t like you, Larry.. You’re old school douchebag ways make me sick to the stomach..

*Larry makes Sly flinch*

Larry: You might not like me, but I make you crap your pants on live tv, once a week for the rest your career here in my business.. So fuck you, Sly.. Fuck you and the mother you came from.. Sly Sylvesterstein, what fucking kind of name is that?? Lazy, that’s what I’ll tell you..

Sly: Well this match is about to start, so we can forget about the name game..



Larry: Wow, this match wasn’t fair, but I can respect it.. Both men attacked him from the very beginning..


Sly: Yes, but what’s surprising is that Texas and Tortuga teamed up on Tennessee, Tex’s own cousin..


Larry: They made the right decision, when Tennessee was young he would pinch from our coke and heroine stashes and his mother would always cry about taking him to the E.R.. Fuck the E.R.!! We had King Kong Bundy sit on the kid and he shat out everything.. Im talking drugs, last night’s meal and I think part of his spine came out too..


Sly: Yeah, that’s seriously gross.. But Tennessee is going to have to take that walk of shame, as his cousin Texas and Tortuga, both get to keep their jobs here at the final New Talent Initiative Contract match..

[samoan619]

*Kevin Matthews theme plays as he walks to the ring with a mic in hand*

Matthews: Alright let's cut the bullshit and cut to the chase, Morrison Martel screwed the crap outta me last week.. Yeah I know what you're thinking in his case it was almost literally! But that's not the case, he cost me what would've been Match of the Year here on Showdown! But the thing that disgusts me the most is the fact that I have to face you at the PPV, it doesn't matter because I wanna prove to the boys in the back that I am a true champion and that I can take one for the team, that being said, I may be wearing a body suit to avoid catching whatever disease you may or may not have! Kayden James, I assure you that we'll tear the house down one more time for the title, you can bet on that! Now hit my music!

*T1CG’s face pops up on the Jabetron*

T1CG: Oh twin brother, you come week in and week out, demanding, commanding, with little understanding.. I really think you need to understand that I gave you this title, dear brother, cause I love you sooooooooo much.. This is in no way, your title.. It’s more of an accessory for you to wear when Morrisson Martel penetrates you from behind.. It will be an amazing sight, yes, it will!! And the whole Showdown audience can watch!! *The crowd begins to boo and scream ewww in unison* That’s definitely the sound im trying to hear!! Yes!! But to prove my point any further my sexy tiny penis having creepy twin, you will have to face the new #1 contender, Shining Light, tonight!! Now head to the back like a good little twat and play with your balls in your locker area like I do when you’re away..

Matthews: Fuck you T1CG!! The world is going to see tonight, and Morrisson Martel, if you interfere with tonight’s match.. THEN KEVIN IS GONNA KILL YOU!!!

*The crowd begins to chant “Kevin is gonna kill you” over and over again. Matthews walks to the back to prepare for tonight’s match*

T1CG: Oh but I’m not finished everyone.. Tonight is a special night.. Tonight I invited Warfare superstar, Shuriken Serra, to the show.. This is his hometown, Los Angeles, and we invite him for a Homecoming, Showdown Style!! I’ve hung dead animal carcasses all throughout the backstage area in celebration of the former World Champion visiting our show.. Also tonight we get to see, Sin vs Danny Tatum, my Iron Man Daniel May vs RedRuM for the Showdown TV title, The Hallucinogenics vs Wes Silverman & Johnny Phantom for the #1 contendership of the Showdown Tag titles, and of course our main event with my dear brother.. Oh yes, one more anus clinching thing to tell you all, the reason why we had this early show, is due to the fact of us being banned from the Warfare and Mayhem PPVs, but guess what butt fucking people?? I DID THIS ON PURPOSE!! WHY?? Because I love it!! Chaos, segregation, animosity, and desperation, what a wonderous putrid smell it makes.. Yes and we will have our own PPV this week to represent all this chaos, our very first Showdown exclusive PPV, In The Mouth Of Madness!! So everyone make sure you drop your used sperm and vaginal moisture wipes into the drop box by our masturbating section in the stands.. The reason why is because I devour them with my Erotic Circus after every show, aborted baby fetuses are also welcome in the drop box.. Ta-ta for now *winks creepily at the camera and then fades off*

Larry: I gotta give it up to the Creepy shit, he really knows how to set up a card and a ppv.. He also looks like he could set me up with some animal tranquilizers too, anything short of a horse, I don’t want it..

Sly: That’s because your ego is about the size of a large horse..

Larry: And my problems are the size of a Brontosaurus, but its not like I haven’t given the old arm drag to one of those dinosaurs.. *Pulls yellowish white rock out of his sock* This crack rock was cooked in prehistoric times and I saved it for an occasion like this..

Sly: What’s the occasion??

Larry: Well let’s just say, Shuriken, isn’t the only one having a coming home party tonight..

Sly: My stomach gets sour just thinking about what the hell that means.. But I can see the number one contenders match for the Showdown Tag Titles is getting ready to happen right now…

*Wes Silverman & Johnny Phantom come out as Phantom’s theme plays*



Larry: I bet that Silverman guy would loan me some cash.. He looks like he’s loaded..

Sly: That’s because he is JBW’s answer to a Ted Dibiase Sr.. He’s a former #1 contender to the World title and if I can recall he was also a TV champ.. Oh you know what, he’s never had gold, scratch that ..

Larry: Well he’s got the gold now because he is about to loan some money to good old , Larry “Never Pay You Back” Zbysko..

Sly: Well he and Johnny Phantom both have their chance to get back into the limelight tonight..

*The Hallucinogenics theme plays*



Larry: Now after I “borrow” the money from Silverman, im taking it right back to these guys.. T1CG says that he keeps these
guys on all drugs at all times and believe the living legend, that is my kind of party..

Sly: T1CG says he keeps, Trips 88, I mean Narcotic, on every drug at all times.. Contraband is more of a keeper but the
keeper is just as scary as the beast..

Larry: Yeah these two look like they’re ready to rip Silverman & Phantom to shreds..



Sly: The Hallucinogenics won the match with a devastating spike piledriver from the top rope.

Larry: I love what they called it, the Acid Tap.. Im gonna take some acid to go along with the shrooms, crack, and coke.. Oh
yeah this is my night!!!

Sly: And there is a lot more to come after this commercial break from tonight’s sponsor, K-Swiss..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5lxC2A8Ws0

*We come back from the commercial break with Ryusuke “The Shuriken” Serra walking through the backstage doors as he is greeted by different people from the Showdown staff and roster.. There are a lot of dead animal carcasses hanging around the back area, and not just any normal animal, there are three toed sloths, tigers, platypuses, gila monsters, giraffe heads and necks, and an assortment of other worldly creatures.. He walks passed a beautiful intern as she smiles and asks for his autograph, he asks “Where do I sign?” she says, “My vagina”.. He is a little startled by her forwardness and smiles it off then turns around and walks passed the locker room where he bumps into the Korean Slaughterhouse Lee Gun Kim*

Kim: *Spits at the Shuriken’s feet* You sicken me, you American swine.. Not only are you American Swine, but you follow the ways of the weak and feeble Japanese.. You disgrace my North Korean heritage and the almighty Kim Jong Il, by even crossing paths with me.. I demand you bow to your knee, and declare my superiority over you weak Japanese heritage or
*Pulls out the Seven Branched Sword from its hilter* I will have to show you why North Korea shall run dominion over all other nationalities..

Shuriken: Well to arms then.. *Unsheaths a hidden katana*

*The duel then begins to play on the Jabetron to the Showdown crowd*



*A sliver of blood flies poetically through the air as Lee Gun Kim drops to one knee and covers his chest that had been cut but not mortally wounded. Ryusuke then twists the swords handle and flicks off the fresh blood, he then slides back in the hidden katana and walks to his special locker room*

Sly: What an amazing work of swordplay, anything can happen here at the Showdown Arena, anything!!

Larry: Those two Orientals need to be cooking me some noodles, why the hell are they bringing swords, the only blade I need is a razor and that has its multi-purpose use..

Sly: Welcome home Ryusuke!! The hometown crowd is loving every minute of Shuriken being here.. What a night this has turned out to be..

[samoan619]

*Danny Tatum’s Theme plays*



Larry: Danny Motherfucking Tatum!! This kid has been on a winning streak since he debuted..

Sly: Oh and he fights dirty..

Larry: Is there any other way??

Sly: *Looks dumbfounded at Zbysko* Umm, yes..

*Larry punches Sly in the forehead with a quick jab*

Larry: Exactly..

*Sin’s Music plays as the arena goes dark with yellow lights and green mist beginning to fill the arena*

Sly: Sin has entered the building, I was starting to wonder if he even had an entrance.. Him and G-Scorp have been taking
this feud to groundbreaking new heights..

Larry: First the masked bastard kidnaps Scorp.. Scorp escapes and kicks all their asses.. Sin and Scorp then start disappearing and reappearing within a flash of the lights and then these two fought from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh all in the same 2 hour program.. Interdimensional Space Ace Twighlight Zone mindfuck type of shit..

Sly: That’s the first time I gotta agree with you, Larry.. The stuff these two have accomplished are definitely a mindfuck..

Larry: You fucking penguin faced Tasmanian butt hair collector, im talking about the synergy going on with my high right now.. Its an Interdimensional Space Ace Twighlight Zone mindfuck..



Sly: Sin dodges Tatum’s punch with the knucklebuster and puts him down with a two handed chokeslam.. 1-2-3 and Sin puts this match in the bag..

Larry: He needs to put whatever drugs the Erotic Circus is on for me in the bag..

*Sin walks his way up the ramp and then G-Scorp’s face pops up on the Jabetron*

G-Scorp: Sin, you slithery bastard.. I told you that I was going to show the world your true face.. The horrid demon that you are, I know that you are not human or even humane in that matter.. But I will be the one to destroy you, and we can do this right now like we do it every other week..

*Sin then runs up to the ramp area, as G-Scorp looks like he is about to run headfirst into the camera man that’s filming him on the Jabetron.. The Jabetron bursts with shards of glass flying everywhere, then we see G-Scorp gliding through it and lands a huge cross body onto Sin.. He then picks Sin up and drops him with a double arm DDT.. Sin is down and G-Scorp is getting ready to pull the mask off.. The mask goes past Sin’s mouth as we can scaly grey skin and sharp fang like teeth in his mouth.. The lights go off and then on, and G-Scorp is alone again.. He looks around wondering where Sin had disappeared, then shrugs it off and throws his hands in the air as the crowd screams wildly..*

Sly: They did it again!! Some more WTF for your coffee when these two get in the ring..

Larry: *Larry is snoring and Sly looks at Larry closely.. He thinks to himself and then SMACK!! He slaps Larry* Haha that’s all you got kid?? I’ve been hit harder by Child Support than what you did right there prissy boy.. You know what, that was alright..

Sly: *feeling surprised for the validation* Why, uh why thank you, Zbysko..

*Loudest slap ever is heard in the arena as Zbysko leaves a hand mark on Sly’s face*

Larry: Don’t you ever try to do that again, you hear me, fucktard??

Sly: Understood..

Larry: Now let’s get on to the TV Showdown match, its on the way..

Sly: Yes let’s..

Larry: *Smiles at Sly* Aint got much to say now huh?? Keep acting like a fucking puss and ill do it again, now work you fucking puppet!!

Sly: Ten-Four, let’s get to Daniel May vs RedRuM for the Showdown TV Championship

Larry: The Championship of TV Dinners, Sly..

*Daniel May’s Theme plays*



Sly: I would like to say he is probably the most technically sound on the Showdown roster.. One of the greatest in the ring right now, its just a lot of mishaps have kept him from getting that gold back.. But believe me, he is truly an Iron Man.. He went through the Gauntlet victoriously, and earned his right tonight..

Larry: Who fucking cares, it’s a Hungry Man title.. Its microwavable..

[samoan619]

*RedRuM’s theme plays as he walks down the ring with his title*



Larry: Fuck you, you incense selling, dvd bootlegging, loud in the movie theatre, goose knuckle eating fat bastard.. I got something for your ass.. *Flips middle finger into the ring*

Sly: The tension is really rising, not only in the ring, but right next to me too.. What a match this is going to be..



*Daniel May gets hit with the 2x4, it breaks.. RedRuM picks May up, May fights back and RuM releases his grasp.. May with the cross, the hook and a heavy lariat, RuM is down.. May is signaling for his finisher.. Caesar runs into the ring and attacks RedRuM, the ref calls for a DQ.. Daniel May begins to help RedRuM as he begins to wail on Caesar in the corner.. RedRuM gets up and then rushes a big body splash onto both May and Caesar.. They both go down, Zbysko drops his headset and grabs a kendo stick from under the table.. He slides in from behind and connects a loud bamboo crack onto the back of the head of RedRuM.. He is out, Zbysko picks Caesar up and raises his arm like he is the winner.. They begin to stomp RedRuM in the ring and then Caesar taunts the crowd by signaling with his hands that this is his belt and then we fade into a commercial break*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv5OIvwqkvM

*We return from commercial with the spotlight in the ring on the announcer*

Announcer: Los Angeles, California!! Welcome back home your very own, multi time world champ, Ryusuke “The Shuriken” Serra!!



*the crowd pops extremely loud for their noble hometown hero* LETS GO SERRA! *clap clap clap* LETS GO SERRA! *clap clap clap* LETS GO SERRA! *clap clap clap* LETS GO SERRA! Shuriken, with a smile on his face, makes his way to the ring and gives high fives the crowd. He enters the ring, shakes T1CG's hand, T1CG leaves the ring , and Shuriken grabs the mic. The crowd still chants "LETS GO SERRA!! LETS GO SERRA!! LETS GO SERRA!!!" and Shuriken points the mic at the crowd*

Shuriken: YEAH!!! That is what I like to hear from mi pueblo!!!

*crowd pops loud*

Shuriken: It is good....IT IS GREAT being back home again! Back to my birthplace....back to my childhood....back to my teen days....back to the beginning of Shuriken!!! *crowd pops loud* Yeah alright! I would like to thank JBW for giving me the chance to visit SHOWDOWN and visit my hometown of LOS ANGELES!!! *crowd goes wild* Yes....Los Angeles...the City of Angels! *crowd cheers* And also....the City of Champions! The Lakers, The Dodgers and so on and one more champion from LA is standing in the middle of this JBW ring and speaking to all of you....that is GOOD TO BE BACK!!! *crowd pops loud* I would also give my thanks to, believe it or not, T1CG for the kind invitation. SHOWDOWN is a great show! We get to see the up and comers showcase their skills so for one day....they make the switch to either WARFare or Mayhem and be able to break that glass ceiling. I broke that ceiling on 3 different occasions.....I am a former 3-time World Champion because I believed that I can make it to the top of the business. *crowd pops* I did it with honor and I did it with respect. I may not like some of the guys antics in JBW but I do respect for what they do here. We work hard for your entertainment. The stage handlers, the light crew, the ring crew, the guys in the back, and that popcorn vender over there! YEAH I SEE YOU LOUIE! *gives a thumbs up and the crowd laughs* But to be serious....from the bottom of my heart....I want to say this in front of you guys here and the people "reading" this: Thank you for supporting us! Thank you for your kindness! Thank you for inviting us to your homes and lives!

ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!

*crowd pops loud and Shuriken leaves the ring, but then Lee Gun Kim steps out to the stage with a bandaged chest.. Shuriken stands at the ramp and looks at Kim, ready for battle.. Then steps out Alexi “The Android” Asminov, and the devil Bahamut.. They all begin to rush Shuriken on the ramp, Shuriken is dodging and counter attacking in such fluidity.. Asminov is hip tossed off the ramp and stage to the concrete, it then becomes a mix of martial arts blows being traded between Kim and Shuriken.. Shuriken gets in a palm to the stomach, which knocks the wind out of Kim.. But then the 6’11 Bahahmut connects with the rolling wheel kick to Serra, and the Shuriken is down.. Kim gasps for air as he crawls towards Serra.. He screams like a rabid animal in Serra’s face as Bahamut picks up Serra then drops him with a diving sidewalk slam off the stage to the concrete. Medical attention comes to the scene but Serra gets up with a little help and then makes it to the backstage*

Sly: That was despicable!! Our roster should not be trying to ruffle any feathers with the other brands.. This could be bad, real bad.. Zbysko is no longer in for tonight and I will keep hold up fort for our main event match up tonight, The Vatican Assassin, Shining Light vs JBW Showdown Heavyweight Champion, Kevin Matthews!!

[samoan619]

*Shining Light’s music plays, a row of lit candles is set along the ramp as he walks from under the busted Jabetron with a hooded shroud over his head covering his eyes but not his mouth (think the Assassin’s Creed look), as he walks passed each set of candles, their light goes out until he makes it to the ring and says a prayer in the corner*



Sly: The Vatican Assassin, the leader of the Assassin’s Creed.. Shining Light, has been in probably the most monumental feud in JBW history.. Him and Kayden James have declared a holy war amongst each other and now he has to focus that fire onto winning this Showdown championship.. They took out the Archangel early tonight, and we’ll see if he can pull this off..

*Kevin Matthews’ theme music plays as the stage and ramp area become engulfed in smoke. The lights flash on and off as the silhouette of Matthews is shown while the smoke clears. He lifts one hand in the air and then BOOM!! A large explosion as Matthews heads down to the ring with his title over his shoulder*



Sly: Our Showdown champion, Kevin Matthews, is the ultimate opportunist.. In PWI latest issue, they voted Kevin Matthews in the top 25 talked about talents.. No matter if you love him or hate him, you know who he is, and you have an opinion about him.. We also heard that Chris Jericho and Edge are also big fans of Matthews.. Well let’s see if he can keep his momentum going as this main event begins..



Sly: Shining Light is our new Showdown Heavyweight Champion!! This match was amazing with Kevin Matthews dominating in physicality, but Morrisson Martel comes into the ring and slaps Matthews with the double dong dildo again.. Shining Light then took the opportunity for a Russian legsweep which he then locked Matthews in a crossface type submission that lead to Matthews tapping out.. What an amazing match, I cant wait to see the rematch go in effect.. In The Mouth Of Madness this Friday!! Be there or be square!!!

*JBW logo is shown and the show ends*

[samoan619]

*We are at the Anaheim Convention Center in Santa Ana, CA.. JBW Showdown is holding their own press conference to promote their branding and their first exclusive PPV "In The Mouth Of Madness"*

Announcer: Welcome press and public, to JBW Showdown's very first press conference.. We would like to start things off by inviting the GM of Showdown to address the public before we get to any questions.. Now here is the GM Showdown, That 1 Creepy Guy..

*T1CG walks in with a naked midget over his pelvic region.. The midget's neck is being held up by a belt, and I think the midget is actually dead*

T1CG: Yes, everyone this is the latest in the Deviant Fashions, Nude Midget Corpses are the new baby fetus belts.. But welcome everyone to JBW Showdown.. As you all know, we have been banned from Warfare and Mayhem PPV events, and believe me this kind of chaos makes my nipples cum.. Yes they lactate, but let's get to our first PPV, In The Mouth Of Madness.. We will have a few of our superstars on the card come out.. Just know, i've made arrangements, that if anyone interfered in our press conference from any show besides Showdown, they will be decapitated.. So let me tickle you butthole clits, with our Showdown Tag Champs!! YAAAAAAY!!

*Broc and Sully come out, shoving each other slightly on the way to the podium*

Announcer: We can now move on to the questions, let us begin with Sully and Broc, wh....

Broc: Excuse me Broc and Sully

Announcer: Right uh... Broc and Sully are....

DS: wait, what why should you go first, it's Sully and Broc

Announcer: Eh whatever.. Sully and Broc ar...

Broc: No shut the fuck up, Broc and Sully

Announcer: You know what I don't give a shit anymore, you get the point, they're at a fucking table ready to answer questions..

Reporter A: Phillip Yerahz from Modern Communist Times, um this question is for Dave..

Broc: Why should he go first? Ask me a question dammit

DS: Seriously shut the fuck up, you'll get your turn

Reporter A: Right well anyways, Dave, on Showdown, two weeks ago, you defeated Broc in a boiler room brawl, do you guys still have any injuries that might bother you in your match against The Hallucinogenics?

DS: Yes, I'd be lying if I said otherwise because, me and Broc, obviously pushed ourselves to the limit in that match, and I obviously came out the better man, and the best thing out of Pittsburgh..

Broc: Oh come on, the only reason you won was because I was distracted..

DS: By what??

Broc: Well you told me my shoe was untied, and I told you to go to the back of the line and then you just started hitting me, I obviously wasn't ready..

DS: Deja vu..... Anyway, you are such a fucking complainer, Jesus you sound like Kevin Matthews over here..

Reporter B: Amanda Hugginkiss for the Men's Leather Quarterly, This question is for Broc..

Broc: Shoot..

Reporter B: Recently you guys have been arguing over who is the best thing out of Pittsburgh is, now that, this is over, do you guys think you can focus more on defending your titles as a team, rather than enemies??

Broc: Well, I hope so, as long as this bitch doesn't get in my way..

Reporter C: Finar-Finar from the planet Finar, and this question is for Sullivan..

DS: Go ahead..

Reporter C: In your short JBW career, you have shown a lot of promise, as has Broc.. When both of you are done and retired, who do you think will be remembered as "the best thing out of Pittsburgh"??

DS: Well obviously I will, but, Broc may be a whiny bitch, but he's also a damn good competitor, so 2nd best thing out of Pittsburgh ain't bad..

Broc: That's bull shit and you know it, I'm the best thing out of Pittsburgh, you would be lucky to be on the top 10..

DS: I'm sorry but what happened last Friday??

Broc: Okay well.... Your shoes are untied..

*Dave looks down, and immediately after Broc tackles him, through the podium, and to the ground the 2 begin to roll over each other, throwing fists, claws, scratches, and even biting*

[samoan619]

Announcer: Security!! Please get over here to break Sully and Broc u...*

Broc: Broc and Sully!!

Announcer: Alright you know what that's it I fucking quit, your time is over!!! Let's bring on our next superstar, The Archangel Kayden James..

*Reporters swarming around and lights flashing for Kayden James as he walks through the door*

Kayden James (under his breath): I'm going to kill That1CreepyGuy for making me do this. *takes a deep breath*

All the Reporters at once: KAYDEN KAYDEN CAN WE HAVE A WORD!

Kayden: I want to make this perfectly clear. I didn't come here to talk to a bunch of people about how I'm feeling. Ask your questions one at a time and let's be done with this.

Reporter D: Damien Demento for Untalented Wrestler Weekly.. You have to be one of the fiercest competitors on the Showdown roster, what has made you so successful in the ring so far??

Kayden: I have been fascinated with the art professional wrestling my entire life. When I was a child I watched Ricky the Dragon Steamboat, The Macho Man Randy Savage, Bret and Owen Hart. As an adolescant I watched Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, and Chris Jericho. I studied their technicality, every move they made. I had no idea at the time that my God was preparing me. He was preparing me to be the saviour of this sport, to be the Angel of change that is so desperately needed. To answer your question, my God has made me so successful here and will continue to do so until my mission is completed.

Reporter E: Bill Knockley for On The Toilet Digest, We all know that you have a strong bond with God and in the beginning the fans didn't respond too well to that.. But as of lately, we have seen more and more people coming to see you.. Church Youth groups come in flocks to the Showdown arena, in support of you.. Why do you think things are different now??

Kayden: That answer is simple: When you are truly led by God, your message will ring true with the hearts and minds of the people you are talking to. That's all that has happened here. At first the Devil had their minds clouded, and they resisted the pureness of the message that I have been preaching. As they listened and began to heed the message, they began to be freed of the shackles that Satan had on them and wanted to come here to hear more of the message. I can almost respect them for making the turn to my God's true light. Almost....

Reporter F: Khloe Kardashian here representing for my BABY LAMAR ODOM <3!! Oh I mean, Khloe K for Whorebags Who Do Nothing Magazine.. Speaking of God's true light, you've had your hands quite full with Shining Light here as of late. What exactly is your problem with him?

Kayden: *face instantly turns into a grimace* You want to know what my problem is Shining Light? Y'know people ask me often why I call him Judas Iscariot, the apostle who betrayed Jesus in the Bible and I guess now is as good of a time as any to voice it. You see Shining Light like Judas in the Bible pretends to adhere to God's word. Like Judas he smiled at the thought that he has deceived so many into believing that he is of God. Shining Light claims he's here to preach a message but is only here for one thing, to acquire a championship and worship that golden idol, the same as Judas worshipped the silver he acquired to betray Jesus. That "book" that he carries with him and pretends is the Bible is nothing more than meaningless propaganda. THAT is my problem with him.

Announcer: Last question for The Archangel..

Reporter G: Baboon Orangutan for Banana Of The Month Club Newsletter, is there anything you would like to say to Shining Light?

Kayden: Judas...When I had a problem with you, what did I do? I went to the dressing room and confronted you. I told you to come to that ring, look me in the eyes, and we could settle this like men. What did you do!?! You come on the big screen and declare a false "war" on me? You attack those that follow me? Those that worship a true and just God and see me as the mouthpiece of it?You refuse to fight me like a man, you coward, you piece of wayside garbage. Now what do you do? You acquire two cronies to fight your fight for you. You blind sidedly attack me and beat me but yet here I am. Look at what you did to me! *takes off his trenchcoat to reveal black and blue bruises and cuts up and down his back*.


That's okay Judas because unlike you I am not scared to fight for what I believe in. Every week I've been coming to that ring and fighting. I've been proving to my fans and followers that I am that Angel of change that I claim to be. What have you done? Absolutely nothing and you're too dumb to realize it. Tonight at the Pay-Per-View I'm going to take that belt from you, take that precious golden Idol that you hold so dear, and burn it. From it's ashes will be created something new, something holy, something worthy to be worn by God's true servant. That's just the beginning Shining Light, you're only just beginning to know the meaning of true pain. The Archangel has spoken. *turns and walks away*

Announcer: Thank you Mr. James, and we will now move on to our final speaker, former World Heavyweight Champion, Kevin Matthews..

*Kevin Matthews walks with a fresh new Armani suit tailored with KM cuff links and buttons. The cameras begin to flash like crazy as the reporters are all fighting to be called*

Reporter H: Mr. Matthews!! Mr. Matthews!! This is Dave Meltzer from The Wrestling Observer Newsletter here and I wanna ask you, how does it feel to be a JBW Superstar after claiming earlier this year that you'd rather die before jumping ship?

KM: First of all, Dave Meltzer you're a stupid idiot who attends these kind of things and twists our words, so why in the hell should I even answer a question from you. Here's a headline for you, Matthews doesn't want to be associated with crappy dirtsheet sites! Next Question!

Reporter I: Hello Mr. Matthews, my name's Ryan Clark from.....

KM: Woah, woah woah, before you go any further, Ryan Clark, you copy and paste things off of sites and I don't call you a credible reporter, so I don't wanna answer you either! Now no more reporters from dirt sheets!

Reporter J: Hi, I'm Paul from Los Angeles and I do gay porn.. I go to every Showdown episode in LA, and I would like to ask you Mr. Matthews, what is your strategy coming to this PPV?

KM: Good question, I think that I ill stay focused during the whole match and make sure I entertain my fans as much as possible, but most of all, I will retain my Showdown Championship at the PPV

Reporter K: Hi, Mike from Canada, from the Weekly Smoke Signal.. I wanna ask you Mr. Matthews who is your dream opponent in wrestling?

KM: I would've loved to face Devon "Hannibal" Nicholson from Great North Wrestling in Canada, but he retired a month ago and I didn't have the opportunity to face him one on one, he's my best friend and he was one tough SOB in the ring. Now, no more questions I gotta go to my hotel!

Announcer: Now this will conclude our..

*A thunderous voice is heard*

Thunderous Voice: THE EWNCW SHALL DESTROY ALL OF THE JBW!!! THE TIME OF REVELATIONS HAS FALLEN UPON YOU ALL!!!

*A spotlight falls upon one bulking barbarian, it's PRIMUS KHAN from EWNCW*

Khan: I LIVED FOR CENTURIES AND WATCHED CIVILIZATIONS CRUMBLE!! AND THE TIME OF JBW AND THEIR RISE WILL NOW PLUMMET TO THE DEPTHS OF HADES!! BY MY VERY HAND, ITS YOUR TIME TO FACE JUDGEMENT, JBW SHOWDOWN!!

*Khan brings out a large Battle Axe and swings it at the reporters, they scatter and dodge, except for Mr. Ryan Clark, who's chest cavity has been crushed by the hefty blow.. Ryan Clark takes his final breath that very moment.. Khan then heads towards the podium area with axe in hand.. He kicks the announcer to the floor, as the announcer backs up and ends up being cornered.. Khan lifts the axe, executioner style, and then a flash of light flies across Khan's neck, and then the blood begins to spurt, as Khan's head slides off and falls lifelessly to the floor.. Lee Gun Kim, is now seen with the Seven Branched Sword and its got EWNCW blood all over it.. Sirens are being heard all throughout the conference area as the reporters and others begin to look for means of escape.. One camera on the floor continues to film as it was not turned off.. We see Sin, crawl creepily through the room, he slithers around Khan's head... He lifts his mask just to reveal that mouth full of fangs and reptilian grey scaly skin, and he begins to devour the head of Primus Khan.. We then fade to black as this conference is over..*

[Kashdinero]

Lol, PRIMUS KHAN IS DEAD!!!

[Kashdinero]

Sin Cara ate Primus Khans head.

[Kashdinero]

This is JBW.

And it's about to be blown away... Again.