The DEFINITIVE English football banter thread

[Mojo Tartarus]

So Liverpool's first 3 home games next season are: Man City, Arsenal and ManU! Said we'd win it next season!

[Y2Jryder]

So Pau and Steve are 'offside' now?

[Mojo Tartarus]

AVB approached by Spurs apparently!

Not sure about that, wrong direction for me.

[BennyTheBall]

Dear Mr. Lambert,

First of all, we would like to express our delight that you have decided to take on the role as manager of Aston Villa FC. We would like to reassure you that you have full control of all of the team affairs.

However, we would like to inform you of a something. When you're predecessor was in charge, he signed Brett Holman. This deal was completed back in March, so there's sod all we can do about that, I'm afraid. We're sure that he will be an asset to your team, but if you feel otherwise, we hear that he makes a great cup of tea.

But, other than that, the team is all yours.

Kindest regards,

The Aston Villa FC Board

P.S. Paul Faulkner went to see Massadio Haidara a few times last season, and he feels that this is a player that you should sign. In fact, we insist upon it. No need for you to do anything. We'll sort out the transfer. You just sit in your office, scratching your arse whilewe do your job for you.

But seriously, everything else team-wise is yours.

Love you.

[Mojo Tartarus]

Dear Mr. Lambert,

First of all, we would like to express our delight that you have decided to take on the role as manager of Aston Villa FC. We would like to reassure you that you have full control of all of the team affairs.

However, we would like to inform you of a something. When you're predecessor was in charge, he signed Brett Holman. This deal was completed back in March, so there's sod all we can do about that, I'm afraid. We're sure that he will be an asset to your team, but if you feel otherwise, we hear that he makes a great cup of tea.

But, other than that, the team is all yours.

Kindest regards,

The Aston Villa FC Board

P.S. Paul Faulkner went to see Massadio Haidara a few times last season, and he feels that this is a player that you should sign. In fact, we insist upon it. No need for you to do anything. We'll sort out the transfer. You just sit in your office, scratching your arse whilewe do your job for you.

But seriously, everything else team-wise is yours.

Love you.

My sarcasm-sense is tingling!

Not the start his tenure needs really! After last season's debacle though, top half finish would be good for you!

[BennyTheBall]

Not the start his tenure needs really! After last season's debacle though, top half finish would be good for you!

To be honest, if the team plays like they want to win, then that is a big improvement.

[Y2Jryder]

Vertonghen still not signed with Spurs? weird

[BennyTheBall]

Vertonghen still not signed with Spurs? weird

Redknapp leaving would have thrown a spanner in the works. May still happen, but there is the more pressing issue of finding a managment replacement.

[JSullivan]

Redknapp leaving would have thrown a spanner in the works. May still happen, but there is the more pressing issue of finding a managment replacement.

This.

According to Vertonghen's agent, the deal still looks likely to happen.

[BennyTheBall]

According to Vertonghen's agent, the deal still looks likely to happen.

Famous last words.