HWA official show thread

[Giddy]

Redemption #9

Location: Cleveland, Ohio (HOME OF THE MIZ!)

Tazz: Hello everybody, welcome to HWA Redemption! I'm Tazz alongside my interim broadcast partner Mick Foley!

Mick Foley: It's great to be here Tazz! And boy is tonight gonna be awesome! Not only do we have the debuts of KJ Punk and FYWU, but after the draft we have some big players- Azreal, Sly McGraw, Kryptonite and Chris King!

Tazz: But we did lose some tremendous talent- Arius, Eddie Juarez, and the Extreme Champion Brandon Medeiros!!!

Mick Foley: That means we have a vacant Extreme Title!

Tazz: I can't wait to see what unfolds!

Here Comes the First Draftee to Arrive!

Tazz: Here comes Chris King! He was a great star off on Havoc, and I think he can do great things on Redemption!

Mick Foley: His rivalry with the current Adrenaline Champion Carlos Alberto Ramon, and he was very close to beating him at Victory Point in a Cage Match!

Tazz: He's a great talent that's for sure- I can't wait to see what he does here!

Chris King: Finally we're here, my first night on Redemption! I'm more than happy to be a part of this great show, and I'm going to give everything I have, every single night! I'm going to make the most out of every chance I get. My first goal is to become the Extreme Champion, and put on the best matches I can with the other talent here, I feel like-

PRIMETIME!

*AJ Dixon's music interrupts the new acquisition*

Dixon: Well, well, well. Wat do we have here? Chris King is it? You must be one of dem new peeps dat I, Primetime AJ DIXON, won fa HWA PRIMETIME... I mean Redemption! You got some balls comin' in here and sayin' you gonna become da Extreme Champion. We all know dat da Extreme Championship has only one rightful owna' and dat is PRIMETIME! So why don't you get da fuck out of here wif ya bullshit claims, you are wastin' Primetime's TV time!

Chris King: Listen, Dick-son, I'm not taking anything away from your in-ring abilities, but personally, you kinda seem like a jerk-off, I don't know you all that well so I guess I'm just ballparking it, but yeah, Jerk-off. Why don't we go one-on-one right here, man to man, and see who deserves the Extreme Championship more, what do you guys think?

*King points to the fans and the cheer loudly*

Dixon: You're pretty funny King. Its good to know dat everyone who comes on ta Redemption is good at name callin'. You got to figure dey are good at somethin' since everyone sucks in da ring! You just fuckin' got here! Why don' cha jus get in line behind all the otha' fucking losers here on Redemption dat want a shot for MY title. How do you expect us ta go man to man when da one standing in da ring is a fucking joke? I only see one MAN in dis arena, and it is me! Imma say dis really slow so dat you and all da otha' idiots in dis arena can unda'stand it; You don't deserve a shot at PRIMETIME'S title. And it don't matta' what these morons think.

King: I'd like to think I am funny Dixon. Just like the crowd here like's to think you're funny lookin'. I am no joke, I promise you that, and if you really think I am, then I suggest you walk your ass down to this ring, so I can give you the punchline, spoiler alert, it's my foot going straight up your sorry ass! I'm looking at a lot of people in this arena right now, and the only moron I see is you, and you said it yourself, it doesn't matter what you think. Come down here and face me like a man! Show me what "Primetime" is all about!

Dixon: Still tellin' jokes I see. You should get out of my WRESTLIN' ring, 'cause all I've seen you use it as is a COMEDY STAGE! No matta' how hard you try ta pretend, you still a joke and ya wrestlin' is still a joke. You are not a wrestler King, you's a CLOWN! You should take dis little act of yours out of da ring and back to da circus where you belong. I hear dat da Ringling Brothers are still hirin'. Dis ring ain't fa fuckin' clowns. It's fa true wrestlers like Primetime. Last time I'm gonna say it. Get out of MY RING CLOWN!

King: You keep repeating yourself Dick-son, it's really annoying to be honest. You see, when I heard I was being moved to Redemption, I thought great, a new beginning, a new roster for me to test my skills against and put on great matches with. And then I get you. Your grammar's ridiculous, and if you're that dumb with your mouth I'm sure your body follows suit. If this is really your ring, come down here and prove it!

*Crowd pops. Dixon gets a pissed look on his face and drops the mic. He runs down the ramp, slides into the ring and gets right in King's face. It looks like it's about to come to blows when...*

IT'S BUSINESS TIME!

*Will I Am walks out with a microphone and AJ Dixon and Chris King step back and look up at the stage*

Will I Am: Ladies, ladies, ladies, quit your mothers' meeting and listen up. The GM is here to solve a problem. Now I don’t give a fuck what either of you have just said and quite frankly I wasn’t listening because... Well you bore me to death. I would have waited until you were finished bitching and moaning about whatever it is you were talking about, but as I said you bore me and I want the crowd to stay happy because a happy crowd means more money in the pocket of good old Will I Am!

*Crowd boos Will I Am, one more rowdy member throws a drink at him...*

Will I Am: Well that was dumb... SECURITY, get rid of that whole section, there’s plenty of people lined up outside who want to come in, but because I’m so good at my job we sold out the stadium. Before you throw them out, make sure they buy themselves another drink.

*A massive stockpile of security appears from backstage and removes the section of the audience where the drink was thrown from. After all of the section of the crowd has been removed, more people from outside are bought in. Unlike those who were thrown out, these people are chanting for Will I Am "THANK YOU WILL! THANK YOU WILL!"*

Will I Am: Record breaking time, damn, now I have to give the security a bonus! Anyway why are you thanking me? I get more money by letting you in! Now where was I? I remember now. AJ Dixon and Chris King were talking... Oh you’re both still here. Good. There’s a match later and your both in it. I’ll get back to that in a moment but first who enjoyed the draft?

*The crowd roars its happiness at how the draft turned out*

Will I Am: Well that’s quite stupid of you then isn’t. In case you didn’t notice we lost our champion in the draft. He left us and went to Havoc. Oh I had such great title defences planned for him! There was going to be a massive gauntlet match involving every member of the roster but alas Medeiros is gone so the opportunity has passed. Oh well. The champion may have left, but he wasn’t taking Redemption's title with him. No I stripped him of that title the moment he left our brand!

*The crowd go mental, furiously*

Will I Am: Yeah, I knew you would like it. Anyway if you wankers shut up we need to find a new champion. AJ, King, remember how I said there was a match later tonight that you’re a part of, well the match is going to help decide our new champion.

*The crowd is hap, hap, happy agaaaaaaaaaaaain*

Will I Am: Calm down dickheads, they aren’t the only people involved in the match! The match tonight is going to be a battle royal involving the entire roster. Every single member of the Redemption locker room will be in the ring and they will fight it out to eliminate the rest of the locker room. However this is no ordinary battle royal. The match will end when there are four men left in the ring. At that point those four men can do whatever the fuck they want but as far as I’m concerned they are done for the night. Those four men are done for the night because by making it that far in the match they earn the right to compete in a fatal four way match at Do Or Die.

*The crowd cheers their approval*

Will I Am: Now you two morons.

*Will looks at AJ and King while the crowd get angry again*

Will I Am: You had better go get ready, because this is the only opportunity either of you are likely to receive anytime soon!

*Will I Am leaves and heads backstage*

Tazz: Did you hear that Mick!?! Tonight there will be a battle royal, and the final four will face in a Fatal Fourway at Do or Die for the Extreme Title!

Mick Foley: How would I have not heard? Anyways, this is gonna be awesome! Who do you think will be the final four?

Tazz: I... I have absolutely no clue! The entire roster is involved, anyone could pull it off!

Mick Foley: That's true Tazz... Anyways, up next we see the debut of KJ Punk when he faces the always dangerous Nick Cranium!

*Commercial Break*

[Giddy]

Methuselah Honeysuckle: My guest at this time, Nick Cranium!

*Camera zooms out to reveal Cranium standing next to Methuselah*

Methuselah Honeysuckle: Mr. Cranium... Why? You were a man children looked up to. A man people respected. But after that vicious attack on-

*Cranium grabs Honeysuckle by the neck, then steps back, and hits a HUGE clothesline nearly taking Honeysuckle's head off! Cranium begins to walk away*

Tazz: Don't say it Methuselah... Don't say it!

Mick Foley: He won't say it... He must've seen what-

Methuselah Honeysuckle: I was just doing my job-

*Cranium runs back over, picks Methuselah up, and hits a powerbomb through a table! Cranium smirks then walks off, ready for his match*



Tazz: Here comes KJ Punk! Man, I've heard great things about this kid!

Mick Foley: He's been hyped up big time- time to see if he delivers!

Punk: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is KJ PUNK. I’m Straight Edge just like my namesake and I’m here to run amok in HWA. I’m here to bash heads and break bones and that’s what I’m going to do. No matter who you are, if you get in my way I WILL make you pay.

*Taps unpadded right elbow*

Punk: My rolling elbow will soon become the most feared maneuver in the history of this company. It’s only a matter of time before I have some HWA gold wrapped around my waist.

Unfortunately for Nick Cranium, he’s going to be the first of a mountain of broken bodies that I will leave in my wake, and later tonight, I’m going to be the last man standing in the battle royal. I’ll then go onto Do or Die and claim the first of many championships that I plan on holding in this company.

KJ PUNK will never quit, KJ PUNK will never die! KJ PUNK………..IS…………..WRESTLING!!!!!

He Attacked a Man... WHO WAS JUST TRYING TO DO HIS JOB!!!

Tazz: We've seen a different side to this man in the last few weeks. He's always been a dangerous man, but now he's attacking innocent people!

Mick Foley: I actually like this new side of Cranium! I could see it taking him far!

Tazz: How can you say that? He attacked The Bullet for no reason, and he just attacked a defenseless interviewer!

Mick Foley: Nice guys finish last Tazz...

Match #1: KJ Punk vs Nick Cranium

(Start at 7:30)


Mick Foley: Did you see that powerslam!?!? That was awesome!!!

Tazz: KJ has done pretty well for himself, but right now it looks like Cranium is too much for him!

*Cranium gets up, and stalks KJ. KJ finally gets up, and Cranium hits a huge spear! He goes for the pin!*

1!

2!

KICKOUT BY KJ!

*Cranium picks KJ up again, but KJ pushes Nick back, then hits a dropkick to the face. Both men are scrapping to get up, and both men reach their feet at the same time. KJ runs at Nick, but eats a clothesline to the face. Nick gets KJ up and Irish Whips him against the ropes. Nick lifts Punk up for a spinebuster, but KJ turns it into a DDT! He crawls for the pin!*

1!

2!

AND CRANIUM BARELY GETS THE SHOULDER UP!

*KJ picks Cranium up by his head, but Cranium kicks out KJ's right knee, and hits a kickout spike DDT. Cranium grabs KJ by the neck and picks him up, then tosses him on the top rope. He sets up for a muscle buster, walks around, then slams KJ's back to the mat*

1!

2!

KJ gets out of it again!

Tazz: This kid has heart, there's no doubt about that!

Mick Foley: It's true, but he's fading fast.

Tazz: Don't count him out yet!

*Nick aggressively picks KJ up, but KJ hits a leg kick. Nick goes for a head punch, but KJ ducks it and hits a neckbreaker! KJ climbs to the top and hits a big diving headbutt!*

1!

2!

Nick rolls the shoulder off the mat!

*KJ waits for Cranium to get to his knees before running off the ropes. Unfortunately for Punk, Cranium catches him on the rebound and hits a debilitating spinebuster!*

Tazz: Uh oh- that could be it for KJ Punk...

Mick Foley: Could be? No one could get up from that, especially not a-

DO YA SMELL IT!?!

Tazz: THE BULLET! THE BULLET!

Mick Foley: What the hell is he doing out here!?! We're in the middle of a great match!

Tazz: Karma's a bitch Mick, karma's a bitch!

*The Bullet runs down the ramp and climbs onto the apron. Cranium drops KJ and runs at Bullet, but Bullet just drops to the floor. Cranium yells at Bullet, but Bullet just mouths "Turn around". Cranium turns right into a rolling elbow by Punk!*

1!

2!

3!

WINNER: KJ Punk

Tazz: PUNK WINS! PUNK WINS! PUNK WINS!

Mick Foley: Yeah, with the assist from Bullet!

Tazz: That's what Cranium gets for bullying defenseless people! Anyways, up next we'll see the debut of another three new superstars- the team known as Fuck You We're Unicorns debuts next!

*Commercial Break*

[Giddy]

*Backstage Giddy and B-Mac are getting ready in the locker room*

B-Mac: Where's the Mexican?

Giddy: Mexicans like Pau smell. We'll find him by his stench.

Pau: Fuck you!

B-Mac: Why you gotta be so mean Taco Man!?!

Giddy: WHY TACO MAN WHY!?!?!

B-Mac: Yeah Taco Man! They told us to introduce ourselves! I am Mr. Riddler... *Points to Giddy* He is Mr. Joker *Points to Pau* And he is Mexican Penguin!

Giddy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA a penguin from Mexico!

We are so much better than the Magical Masturbators.

B-Mac: I hear they are pretty awesome...

Giddy: I hear that their managers are smelly and smellier!

*Giddy looks at his phone*

Giddy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Beth Phoenix may have broken her ankle!!!

B-Mac: Beth Phoenix. Noooooo she was gonna come see me!

Giddy: I cum when I see her too!

B-Mac: Of course you do you weird kid. Where is the Mexican. This promo is lacking a Tacoman.

Giddy: The pussy went to sleep... Let me go find him.

B-Mac: Oh Pau, Pau, where are you Pau!
We need you man...
We gotta beat up some jobbers!
We have a match against the job squad!

Giddy: Hey, where did my tube sock and lap top go!?!

B-Mac: I'll buy you taco...
B-Mac: Wait what? Pau, you disgust me!

Giddy: He probably went somewhere cooler... Like E-WF.

B-Mac: Pau, get back here? We need you to beat the jobers. Come back from
EWF!

Giddy: I HEAR HIM IN THE BATHROOM! Is that... Bobby Roode's theme?

B-Mac: Is that Bobby Roofed voice?

Giddy: WHAT IS DIS "ROOFED" YOU SPEAK OF?

B-Mac: It is, how you say, misspeak... I mean BOBBY ROOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Pau: DA!
Giddy: SON OF A BITCH, IT'S JUST ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

B-Mac: Who cares, he's back.

Pau: No I'm not.

B-Mac: Okay then, Giddy lets keep looking.

Giddy: Pau... I've got a nice warm bag of Taco Bell!

Bmac: We gotta find Pau or we will have to forfeit to the job squad! We could beat them by ourselves but that's no fun!

Giddy: HELL NO! WE ARE...

THE SPIRIT SQUAD!

Yeah, we need our Mexican-Gringo-Midget friend with us!

B-Mac: FUCK YOU WE'RE UNICORNS!

Giddy: I thought we were My Little Ponies...

B-Mac: No that's what Bodom touches himself to picture of.

Giddy: BODOM>YOU
BODOM>EVERYONE
BODOM!
BODOM!
BODOM!

B-Mac: Just cuz you want him to give you a Dutch rudder!

*Giddy throws up*

B-Mac: Dutch rudder

Dutch rudder

*Giddy throws upthen throws up again*

B-Mac: Dutch rudder.

Pau: Why would you bring that up ese?
B-Mac: To get you out of hiding.

Pau: Didn't work. I'm not here.

*Pau runs back into the bathroom and resumes whackin' it*

B-Mac: Giddy where the hell is Pau?

Giddy: HE'S TOUCHING HIMSELF THINKING ABOUT DUTCH RUDDERS IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM SIR!

B-Mac: Well Mr. Joker man. Should we finish this promo without him or?

Giddy: I should go to bed...

And write my EWNCW promo. Wait... Was that breaking the fourth wall? WHAT AM I SAYING!?!?! I'M GOING MAD!!!

Johnny Hot: I AM THE GREATEST WRESTLER WHO EVER LIVED!

B-Mac: fuk yu Hot...

Hopsin: YO YO YO!

Dingo: Piss off Hopsin

MK: FUCK Y'ALL FUCKING DICK ASS BITCH DOUCHES!

Ali: Why am I here?

Johnny Phantom: I'm a ghost.

Will I Am: Will you dickheads stop fuckng around and go wrestle your match!

Alex Kidd: I LOVE BTR!!

Athena: Where am I?

Phobos: Good question...

Diemos: Where's my car at?

Sweet Jones: I have no catchphrases...

Tereus: BOW DOWN BITCHES!!

Heskey: Roll up, roll up, free Rollins?

Giddy: This is Alex Kidd's new theme!

*Holds up radio*



Thanatos: Dickheads

Will I Am: Get the fuck out of here!

Giddy, Pau & B-Mac: FUCK YOU WE'RE UNICORNS!!!

[Giddy]

Job Squad Member #1

Tazz: Here comes a man who hasn't won a single match here on Redemption, Johnny Justice.

Mick Foley: His partners tonight, Chris Starz and Ramjam haven't been doing great either...

Tazz: Maybe with a win tonight they can get the ball rolling for themselves...

Mick Foley: Well they are against total goofs!

Job Squad Member #2

Tazz: Here comes Chris Starz...

Mick Foley: Hmm... He's not even wearing black and yellow tonight.

Tazz: And?

Mick Foley: His theme song is just "BLACK AND YELLOW! BLACK AND YELLOW! BLACK AND YELLOW! BLACK AND YELLOW!" over and over!

Tazz: *Listens for a second* ... You're right!

Job Squad Member #3- The Clown

Tazz: Here's a man who's actually pretty impressive in the ring, he just hasn't found his groove on Redemption yet.

Mick Foley: He did pretty well in his last few weeks on Havoc, but before then he sucked, and now he sucks again.

Tazz (sarcastically): You're optimistic aren't you!

Mick Foley: No. I'm realistic.

FUCK YOU WE'RE UNICORNS!!!

Giddy: HEY! THIS ISN'T EVEN OUR THEME!

FUCK YOU WE'RE UNICORNS- AGAIN!

Pau: Dammit no! This isn't it either!

B-Mac: And I swear to GAWD if you play Tiptoe Through The Tulips I will kill you!

FUCK YOU WE'RE UNICORNS!

*Giddy, Pau and B-Mac run onto the stage with huge smiles on their faces. Giddy's wearing a shirt that has a big # on it, and Pau's wearing a shirt with this design:



The three skip to the ring. Giddy is singing along, but the others aren't*

Tazz: Why is Giddy singing along but the others not?

Mick Foley: Well if you've had sex in the last 30 minutes you're supposed to. And Pau has never felt the touch of a woman.

Tazz: Sounds legit.

Mick Foley: These guys look like bigger goofs than Heskey!

Tazz: They look BAWS!

Match #2: Fuck You We're Unicorns (Giddy, Pau & B-Mac) vs Ramjam, Chris Starz & Johnny Justice

(Start at 4:00)


Mick Foley: And Pau kicks out!

Tazz: Johnny Justice is beginning to look frustrated! These guys may be goofs, but they're resilient goofs!

*Justice picks Pau up, bounces him off the ropes, and hits a thrust spinebuster. He taunts a little, but the fans gives no reaction (poor, poor jobber ) Justice tags in Starz, but Pau stomps him on his toe and tags B-Mac! B-Mac runs into the ring, but Starz chopblocks B-Mac in the knee. He goes for the pin*

1!

2!

*Pau jumps on the pin cover. Ramjam runs at Pau, but Pau ducks and Ramjam trips over him and falls out of the ring. Justice runs at Pau, but Pau spits beer in his eyes. The ref looks over and sees Justice holding his eyes. The ref walks over and is trying to figure out what happened. All of a sudden Giddy takes a Beretta out of his tights, runs in the ring, and shoots Starz in the knee. B-Mac rolls Starz up. Giddy yells for the ref!*

1!

2!

3!

WINNERS: FUCK YOU WE'RE UNICORNS!

Mick Foley: OH MY GOD!!! HE JUST SHOT... Oh it was just Chris Starz. Carry on.

Tazz: Anyways, nice win by the debuting FUCK YOU WE'RE UNICORNS!!!

*FYWU runs around the ringside area celebrating*

Mick Foley: Ugh. Man, Giddy is so annoying. It's people like him that ruin HWA.

Tazz: Why do you say that?

Mick Foley: What? Oh sorry.

*Commercial Break*

[Giddy]

*Heskey is seen sitting on his lockerroom floor with his grandma playing paddycake when all of a sudden Ali appears magically*


Ali: What the fuck are you doing?

Heskey: I'm playing paddycake with my grandma, I'M KICKING HER ASS!!!

Ali: Shouldn't you of had a funeral for her?


*Heskey rolls up his grandma*


Heskey: NOOOOOOOO, I am already 100-0 thanks to her, sssssshhhh she's sleeping...


Ali: Um uh she's uh not- we have a tag match.

Heskey: A WHAT!?!?!


Ali: A tag match. Get that fucking rape look off your face!


*Heskey gets up*


Heskey: So we have a-


*Heskey rolls up Ali 1...2...3*


Ali: Nice to see you pinning cookies anyways a tag match yes.. Will you stop giving me that rape face!

Heskey: I can't help it... Be my bitch!!!


*Heskey tries to grabs what he thinks are Ali's breasts but are really pockets*


Ali: You're thinking of Dingo Mac, that guy wants you. He has sprinklers in his pants every time he see you.


Heskey: I have milk come out of my penis want to see?


Ali: No thanks.... So tag team match. You still aren't dressed for it.. Two seconds...


*Ali waves his hands and Heskey is in ring gear and a new tee that has Ali on the front and Heskey on the back!*


Ali: Much better.


*Heskey looks at his new ring gear, takes off his shirt, pulls down his pants rubs the shirt on his penis and throws it at Ali Kazam. Ali Kazam catches it, looks down at it and watches it burn in his hands*


Ali: You sick fuck... Suit yourself. You are the worst partner in the world.. Anyway we have a match if we win I'll give you cookies!


Heskey: But Alex Kidd gave me cookies last week and I ran for em DID YA SEE, DID YA SEE!!!!

Ali: Nope. How about muffins thaen ya dickhead... Or this shiny EWA IC title?


*Holds up the belt he stole off dingo who stole it off DJ*


Heskey: I got 3 look.


*Heskey takes out the EWF, IWF and AWF World Championships*


Ali: So the muffins then?


Heskey: I want no muffins give someth-


*Heskey sees Barbie Panzer walk by and runs off after her with Ali chasing him*


Ali: You can't have her... Uh oh...


*Ali sees the rape face on Heskey*


Ali: How about we get Sasha instead?


Heskey: ME WANT BARBIE!!!!


*Heskey pulls down his pants chasing after her*


Ali: Wait wait.... I have barbie here...


*Heskey stops and Ali hands him a plastic doll. He shoves it up his ass and runs off after Barbie again*


Ali: Worst... Partner... Ever.


*Ali stands there shaking his head*

Tazz: Well... That was odd... We'll see them in action later on against Darkson and Dash Dangerous.Mick Foley: If Dash Dangerous will ever beat anyone it would be these two nuts!

Tazz: Well these two "nuts" are actually-

Sly McGraw

Mick Foley: Here comes one of the men who was drafted over to Redemption, from Havoc, Sly McGraw!

Tazz: This man was very impressive on Havoc, and had an amazing Junkyard match against Arius and Chris Divine at Hardcore Heaven!

Mick Foley: Yeah, but he ended up losing to Chris Divine.

Tazz: That may be true, but his showing in that match proves that he has a great future!

Mick Foley: We'll see...

Sly McGraw: Ya know, I had some pretty good times on Havoc during my run there but things are changing. The whole time I've been in HWA I've talked about change & it looks like it's starting to happen. The draft was a major thing here & I'm the main reason why. I'm by far the most important pick either brand made. See Sly McGraw is gonna be second to no one on Redemption!

I've got things I want to achieve here & that's gonna be a major issue for everyone else here. That Extreme Title is really calling my name. Now don't get me wrong, I have problems with nobody here but getting in my way wouldn't be too smart. That battle royal tonight is just a stepping stone to the big match at Do or Die. Getting into the final four will be a piece of cake. That's okay though, I don't mind working for what's mine.

Now that's enough talk, I gotta get ready for the main event.

AZREAL

Tazz: Uh oh... Here comes Azreal!

Mick Foley: This man is dangerous! Did you see him attack Lewis McGovern!?!

Tazz: Yes... Stay away from him at all cost Mick!

*Azrael walks down to the ring with the crowd booing loudly*


Azrael: Shut. The fuck. UP! All of you. Sly you say you're the best pick for the Extreme Title but that's not the case. You're nothing. Did you not see what I did to McGovern before I left Havoc? Hands down I am the best draft pick for Redemption and coming here is a new era in my career and in all of Redemption. I'm not the pathetic loser you saw leaving Havoc. Redemption shall be known as the brand where I brought the reign of hell on Earth and McGraw it starts with you!


Sly McGraw: Oh you're so confident big guy? That belt will be mine, no doubt about it! Don't believe me? You & me 1-on-1 right now!

Azreal: You. Are. On.

Match #3: Azreal vs Sly McGraw

(To 6:55)


*Azreal hits Sly one more time, then bounces off the ropes and hits a running big boot. He lifts Sly back up, then picks him up onto his shoulder and drops him down into a snake eyes, then hits a monstrous clothesline. Azreal goes for the pin*

1!

2!

*Sly kicks out!*

Tazz: This has been a very evenly matched show down!

Mick Foley: But it looks like Sly is beginning to fade!

Tazz: He keeps fighting and fighting- and I don't think he'll stop fighting!

Mick Foley: He'll have to stop fighting if Azreal knocks him unconscious!*Azreal mounts Sly then hits rights and lefts to the side of the head. Sly is groggy, and Azreal runs off the ropes and hits a senton splash! He goes for the pin again!*

1!

2!

*Sly kicks out AGAIN! Azreal picks Sly up, but Sly out of nowhere goes behind and hits a German Suplex! They're both down!*

Mick Foley: That was out of nowhere! How!?! He was out on his feet one second, then hits a match-changing German Suplex the next!

Tazz: Sly is a great competitor, and he wants to make a big impact here in his debut.

Mick Foley: But Azreal is a very sadistic man. He won't stop until McGraw is out!

*Both men use the ropes to pull themselves up. Azreal gets to his feet first somehow, and runs at McGraw. McGraw quickly turns and punches Azreal in the face. Azreal falls back, and tries to get back up before McGraw can get the advantage, but it's too late as McGraw kicks Azreal in the knee, then hits a huge F5!*

1!

2!

3!

WINNER: Sly McGraw

[Giddy]

*Sly gets up on the turnbuckle, celebrating*

Mick Foley: Wow... He proved me wrong! What a showing!

Tazz: Sly really earned that win, he fought all match!

Mick Foley: Azreal had an amazing showing, but tonight just wasn't his night!

*Sly gets on another turnbuckle, celebrating and interacting with fans from the second buckle*

Tazz: Azreal is a- Hey! What's Azreal doing!?!

*Azreal is standing right behind Sly, stalking him. Sly drops down and turns right into Azreal, who wraps his hand around his throat and hits a giant chokeslam! Azreal picks Sly up and throws him over the top rope down to the floor. Azreal slowly leaves the ring and goes to grab something from under the ring. He pulls out a steel chair, then walks over to McGraw. McGraw sees the chair in Azreal's hands and tries to fight him off with rights and lefts to the midsection. It's no use though, as Azreal kicks Sly in the face, then proceeds to strike Sly in the head with the chair. Sly falls back, and a stream of blood begins to pour from his forehead*

Tazz: What a sore loser. Come on, you made your point! Now get out of here!

Mick Foley: He's making a statement! He's new to Redemption, he needs to make a lasting impression!

Tazz: Then he should've won the match instead of losing and having a hissy fit!

Mick Foley: I hope he hears you and kicks your ass.

*Azreal takes everything off the announcer table and picks Sly up*

Mick Foley: LOOK OUT TAZZ!!!

*Tazz and Mick take off their headsets and run to the side as Azreal lifts Sly up for a powerbomb! Azreal lifts him even higher, like a Last Ride, and powers him down through the table! Sly writhes in pain, as Azreal laughs over him. Azreal picks him up and rolls him back in the ring. Azreal rolls back the pads revealing the cement below. Azreal rolls into the ring himself and picks Sly up and puts him on the top turnbuckle. He climbs to the top turnbuckle also, then picks Sly up, and spinebusters him onto the cement below! The crowd chants "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" as we cut to commercial*

*Commercial Break*

*When we come back Darkson is standing in the ring already*

Tazz: Wow... That was just bullshit. The little bitch lost so he attacked the man who beat him! That's fucking ridiculous!

Mick Foley: I was advocating it earlier, but I agree it did go way too far. During the commercial Sly was taken away on a stretcher, and it was announced he would have to be removed from the Battle Royal main event.

Tazz: So now he'll be the only man on Redemption without the chance to become #1 Contender.

Dodge

Tazz: Here comes Dodge- man was he impressive at Hardcore Heaven!

Mick Foley: Hell yeah he was! He defeated "The Teacher" Ronald Calvin after running him down with a car, ending his career!

*Dodge makes his way out to the ring, with the crowd booing him. He demands for a mic, and talks over the crowd in his deep southern voice*

Dodge: Ya'll seen what I can do! You all witnessed it with your own 2 eyes what I seen to that little weasel, I ran him over with a motorized vehicle!!

*Crowd Boos*

Dodge: I am Dodge I am the most dangerous guy on this brand, I am the most dangerous guy in the company. I am the most dangerous guy in the world!

*Crowd Boos*

Dodge: Shut up you know it's damn true! You know you are all scared of me!

*Dodge points at the random people in the crowd*

Dodge: If you aren't scared of me raise your hand!

*Mostly everyone sitting in attendance raise there hand*

Dodge: Who's gay?

*Crowd boos, and Dodge just laughs, and then he rolls out of the ring and grabs a random person from the crowd and drags him from over the barricade. He acts like he is going to hit him, but stops and the fan is covering his face scared to death*

Dodge: Haha! That's what I thought!

Tazz: Wow... Well Dodge is a dick now.

Match #4: Dodge vs Darkson



WINNER: Dodge

Tazz: Well Dodge just made very short work of Darkson!

Mick Foley: Darkson just got destroyed... Very impressive by Dodge!

Tazz: Dodge is a monster!

*Commercial Break*

[Giddy]

Who?

Mick Foley: Who the hell?

*A man walks onto the stage with a shaved head and a short scruffy beard and mustache. He's wearing jeans and a leather jacket. He has a very, very pissed look on his face... He looks very, very familiar.*

Tazz: Who is that... I know that face...

Mick Foley: I know what you mean Tazz, I just don't know!

Tazz: He looks like he means business tonight though!

Mick Foley: He's grabbing a mic- let's see what he has to say.

*The man grabs a mic and enters the ring. He stands there for a second, relishing the fans around him*

???: You don't recognize me do you? Yeah I get it- it's a big change. The whole Ano Doom thing fucked my speech from Southern to Northern- so I'd "sound more like him"- so I could be his perfect little slave... And I changed my image pretty drastically... But it's still me!

*Crowd Pops Realizing Who It Is*

Tazz: OH MY GOD!!! IT'S- IT'S-

Mick Foley: CODY MCDERRELL!!!

Tazz: HOLY SHIT!

Cody: Now I know y'all know me as that goofy hillbilly... But this whole experience has changed me. No longer am I the happy go lucky man that went into Redemption, no. That was all changed when a big freaky goth fucked up my life. Ano Doom, you son of a bitch, you thought you could mess with me!?! Really!?! What you did to me is something that I will never, ever forgive you for! You took 3 months of my life away so I could be your bitch! Well guess what Doom- thanks to Chainz I'm back in control of my own body!

*Crowd Pops*

Cody: And Doom I am going to warn you right now- I am taking down you and your "Coalition" one by one. And I will save each and every man and woman you have conned, used and abused. Heartbreaker, Cassandra, even Gorgaroth- they're all great people who were cheated by you. But now... They have someone willing to break them out, free them from the coma you put them in. And that man is your's truly!

*Crowd Pops Louder*

Cody: It sickens me to think that there are men out there as vile as you, men that would do such a terrible thing to innocent people. You said you were helping us, but you were only helping yourself! You used us for your own personal needs! When you needed some dirty work done you made us do it! When you wanted something done that you were to fucking lazy to do, we did it! AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! Doom, get your ass out here!

*Cody looks at the entrance area, but nothing happens*

Cody: I'm not playing Doom! I will not let any other's suffer for any longer! I know what they're going through- it's hell- and I said get your ass out here!

*Cody waits for another 30 seconds, but nothing happens. He raises the mic to his mouth once again, but the lights go black. The lights stay out for another 30 seconds, and when they turn back on Cody is laying on his back with blood pouring from his face and head*

Tazz: What a coward! A God damn coward! Cody made a heartfelt speech, standing up for all those who Doom is using, and the man attacks him with the lights out!

Mick Foley: ... I'm still in shock that that was Cody McDerrell! Last time we saw him in control of himself he was a goofball! Now look at him! He's serious, he's focused-

Tazz: And he's laid out.

*Commercial Break*

[Giddy]

Tazz: Paul Heyman! I hope he has some good news!

Mick Foley: As much as I love Paul... I think Will I Am deserves the job.

Tazz: How can you say that!?!

Mick Foley: He's done great! He's made the show entertaining every single week!

Tazz: I'm disgusted Mick.

Heyman: Well... It looks like the board of directors have made a decision!

*Crowd Pops*

Heyman: Well actually... The didn't choose me.

*Crowd Boos Loudly*

Heyman: BUT... They didn't choose Will I'm a Douche either!

*Crowd Pops Loudly*

Heyman: The board said they loved my work as special guest General Manager, but they also think Will I Am is doing a pretty good job... And they said since this is a wrestling company, we should decide this by wrestling! They have decided that at Do or Die it will be me and a partner of my choosing vs Will I Don't Know How To Run a Show and a partner of his choosing!

*Crowd Cheers Big Time*

Heyman: And we all know that Will's just gonna pick his little cubicle worker bitch, but me... I'm not sure. I mean obviously my first choice would be Sweet Jones, but I have a feeling he's going to be occupied with an Extreme Title match that night-

*Crowd Pops*

Heyman: So I'll be evaluating the wrestlers here on Redemption! And I guarantee you this Will- when I get my hands on you, you'll wish you never messed with me or Jones! I will-

IT'S BUSINESS TIME BITCHES!

Tazz: Ugh.

*Out comes someone who to interrupt Paul Heyman, but who could it possibly be I wonder, YOU WILL BE SHOCKED I’M SURE. THE MYSTERY MAN IS STANDING ON THE STAGE GETTING BOOED OUT OF THE BUILDING!*


Will I Am: Hey man, what’s up? Did you say something important?


Heyman: As a mat-

Will I Am: Shut up Heyman!

Heyman: No, you shut the fuck up! How dare you-

Will I Am: How dare I? I dare however the hell I want moron. This is my show. And after Do or Die it will still be my show.

Heyman: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good one! You know that will never happen! I've seen more fights in my sleep than you have in your life!

Will I Am: I know what’s going to happen. Yes I know what’s going to happen. I’m going to kick your fucking head in! Heyman, this is my show, I made it into a money making giant and in any business money is power. Not only have I made this company money, but I also have more money than anyone else here. I have the money therefore I have the power around here!

Heyman: Just pick a partner and shut up!

Will I Am: You don’t now and you never will tell me what to do you stupid mother fucker. I am in charge around here. The board can say what they want but in the end I get my way! You hear me Sullivan? You do your thing I do mine! Anyway, match at DO OR DIE... Hmm. Got my partner sorted out already I think! Yeah I do. I assume you are teaming with Sweet Jones the loser!

Heyman: I just explained this-

Will I Am: I’m talking asshole! My partner is going to be Johnny Phantom and we will win. Now get the fuck out of my ring. I better not see you until Do or Die when I kick your ass and remain the boss! Goodbye Heyman! Soon I will be able to say that for good and boy will I enjoy it. Now I’m heading backstage. Please leave the ring so that the show can continue!


*Will I Am walks backstage*

Heyman: He's an obnoxious one ain't he?

*Commercial Break*

[Giddy]

Tazz: Well apparently management nearly forgot about this match, but up next it's Ali Kazam & Ivanhoe Heskey vs Dash Dangerous & Kevin Tears!

Mick Foley: I thought it was Dangerous & Darkson?

Tazz: Yeah, but he already had a match, so oh well.

Mick Foley: Well... OK.

Kevin Tears

Mick Foley: This is... Quite the theme.

Tazz: Well it fits Kevin Tears perfectly!

Mick Foley: I honestly don't know much to say about him. He used to be known as Crybaby Kevin... He loses all the time.

Tazz: Pretty much.

Dash Dangerous

Mick Foley: Here comes another man who's done virtually nothing.

Tazz: Nothing!?! He beat Johnny Hot!

Mick Foley: He didn't beat Johnny Hot. Sweet Jones screwed Johnny Hot. And since then he's been destroyed... Numerous times.

Tazz: Yeah... This won't be pretty.

Magical Masturbators

Tazz: And here comes a tag team that has burst onto the scene in recent weeks, the "Magical Masturbators" Ivanhoe Heskey and Ali Kazam!

Mick Foley: These two are losers... But they're talented in the ring, I have to admit.

Tazz: It's nice to finally agree on something... The past few weeks you've been a real dick ya know?

Mick Foley: Eh, I'm just trying to make it so we're not both two goody two shoes.

Tazz: ... Makes sense.

Match #5: Magical Masturbators (Ali Kazam & Ivanhoe Heskey) vs Dash Dangerous & Kevin Tears



WINNERS: Ali Kazam & Ivanhoe Heskey

Tazz: Once again an impressive outing by these two! They may be weird, but they just keep on winning!

Mick Foley: It's true... Although their opponents weren't the best.

Tazz: That may be true, but they still destroyed them in good time for facing jobbers!

Mick Foley: True, true. Well up next is the main event battle royal!

*Commercial Break*

[Giddy]

Redemption Theme

*As we come back from commercial almost the entire roster is in the ring, except Chris King, AJ Dixon, Azreal, Sweet Jones, Johnny Phantom, Cody McDerrell, Ano Doom, Chainz and of course Sly McGraw, who will not be competing*

Mick Foley: Oh man, this is gonna be a great one!

Tazz: I predict... Doom, Chainz, King and Jones!

Mick Foley: Not Dixon?

Tazz: No... Sorry, I just don't see it!

Mick Foley: You're ridiculous.

Chris King

Mick Foley: We heard big talk from him earlier- now it's time to see if he can back it up!

Tazz: I've seen what he's done on Havoc- I'm sure he'll flourish here!

Mick Foley: But he's in a completely new setting. Unfamiliar surroundings lead to bad things.

Tazz: True, but I believe he can do it!

A Changed Man

Tazz: Here come Cody McDerrell- a man I don't even recognize!

Mick Foley: Earlier he called out Ano Doom, and was left laying!

Tazz: He was attacked while the lights were off!

*Cody walks out with a bandage on his forehead. He's trying to show no pain, slapping hands with the fans, but he's being careful with his midsection, and grasping at it every once in a while*

Tazz: Uh oh... Looks like he was really roughed up earlier.

Mick Foley: That's really gotta screw his chances tonight.

Sweety Pie Jones

Mick Foley: Here comes a man that the General Manager of this show Will I Am has waged war on- Sweet Jones.

Tazz: All because he supports Paul Heyman- I hope this man wins tonight and proves Will I Am wrong!

Mick Foley: Eh... Maybe. He's pretty good, but there's some major skill in that ring.

Tazz: I think he can do it. He's great, and he is focused.

HE'S A PHANTOM

Mick Foley: Speaking of impressive, here comes Johnny Phantom!

Tazz: Johnny Phantom is the David Otunga of HWA, without the law degree.

Mick Foley: He's amazing... So amazing... So amazing... So amazing... It's amazing... It's-

Tazz: OK stop now.

Mick Foley: Fine!

CHAINZ!

Tazz: Man, this guy is great! He is the man that freed Cody McDerrell, and stopped the terror of Ano Doom!

Mick Foley: No... That was an SUV.

Tazz: Come on Mick. Are you really trying to say Chainz isn't one of the best in the ring?

Mick Foley: Of course not! I'm just correcting your mistake.

Azreal

Tazz: Oh no... This man's attack of Sly McGraw earlier was despicable. It was scary to watch. He left Sly too injured to compete in this match tonight.

Mick Foley: You're right. That went way too far. He could've broken his spine on that concrete!!!

Tazz: That was dangerous not only for McGraw but for Azreal! He could've easily hurt himself!

Mick Foley: He's reckless. Who knows what he'll do to win this match here!?!

This Man Can't Be Happy... I Mean, He Did Get Hit By An SUV!

*The lights go black, then lightning hits the center of the ring where no one is standing, and Ano Doom is there, menacingly*

PRIMETIME!

*Primetime walks out to the largest boos all night. He just laughs at the fans and keeps walking*

Mick Foley: Not only do I believe that this man is a future Extreme Champion, but I believe he's a future HWA World Champion!

Tazz: I agree that his future is bright... But I still don't think that tonight's his night!

Mick Foley: I don't understand that.

Tazz: Everyone is gunning for him since he's such a dick- it'll be like Muhammad Hassan in the 2005 Royal Rumble!

MAIN EVENT-Final Four are #1 Contenders: 28 Man Battle Royal



(To 4:51)


Tazz: It's down to nine! Dixon, Jones, Kazam, Heskey, Doom, King, KJ Punk, Azreal and Johnny Phantom!

Mick Foley: I'm going to go with Phantom, Doom, Dixon, and Kazam.

Tazz: I think I'll go with Jones, Kazam, King and Doom.
*Jones runs right at Phantom and begins pounding away at him in the corner. He picks him up and tries to through him over, but he catches himself and punches Jones away from him. He then hits a springboard crossbody! Kazam is fighting Dixon, when all of a sudden Heskey runs up and rolls up Dixon. 1..2..3! Heskey believes he's won, so he celebrates! He jumps all around the ring with everyone looking at him. He climbs to the top turnbuckle, then climbs down the other side, and jumps to the floor, greeting fans*

-IVANHOE HESKEY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED-

Mick Foley: He... He just eliminated himself!

Tazz: He's certainly not the brightest bulb in the house.

Mick Foley: That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen!

*Refs try to escort Heskey out of the ringside area, but Heskey just keeps rolling them up. He then gets up and runs away. Johnny Phantom is looking at Heskey, laughing at his stupidity, when all of a sudden Jones comes up behind him and eliminates him!*

Tazz: That has to feel good for Jones! Those two have been rivals since the third week of Redemption, and he's finally getting some revenge for all he and General Manager Will I Am have done to him!

Mick Foley: Speaking of Will I Am it looks like he's coming to the ring!

*Will I Am storms to the ring and gets on the apron in front of Jones. Jones runs up to him and grabs him by the color of his suit. He is screaming at him to get the hell out of here, but Phantom sneaks back in the ring and kicks Jones square in the nuts. He then picks him up and tosses him over. Phantom rolls out himself and walks off laughing with Will, looking back and admiring his work*

Tazz: Are you kidding me!?!?! This is some bullshit!

Mick Foley: Do you know what this means though Tazz? It means that we're only two people away from knowing who will be in the match at Do or Die!

*KJ runs at Doom and kicks him in the leg. Doom just freezes and looks at Punk. KJ goes for another kick, but this time before he can connect Doom hits a right to the face, knocking him back. All of a sudden out of no where Azreal big boots Doom, sending him flying out of the ring!*

Mick Foley: Only one more will be cut!!!

*KJ steps towards Azreal but Azreal hits a nearly decapitating clothesline! King hits a reverse DDT on Dixon, but turns into a chokeslam by Azreal! Then Azreal turns to Kazam, the last man standing. Kazam tries to mount some offense, but gets spinebustered for his troubles! Azreal stands in the middle of all the laid out bodies and laughs maniacly*

Mick Foley: It looks like Azreal can just pick up any of them and-

WHAT THE HAYELL!?!

Tazz: SLY! SLY!*Sly comes out with a back brace on and a patched up head, but hobbles to the ring. He slides in, and ducks an attempt at a clothesline by Azreal, then tackles him over the ropes! IT'S OVER!*

WINNERS: KJ Punk, Ali Kazam, AJ Dixon, and Chris King

*Sly tries to go after Azreal more, but security pours out and separates both men. The winners are all still laid out in the ring!*

Tazz: Wow! At Do or Die it will be Chris King vs Ali Kazam vs AJ Dixon vs KJ Punk for the Extreme Title! I can't wait!

Mick Foley: But look- Azreal left them all laying! Who knows what would've happened if Sly hadn't interfered!?!

Tazz: Well that's all we have for tonight folks, goodnight!

*Show fades out with KJ, Kazam, Dixon and King all still laid out and Azreal and Sly being dragged apart*