A) Not your lawn.
B) Not a lawn
C) Nothing to do with you being old
D) You're not my better.
E) My keyboard is actually pretty quiet. Doesn't make that much noise at all.
F) You sleep with your computer off.
G) You didn't die in three wars.
H) You haven't been in three wars.
I know how much you love it when people take you literally.
P.S: Your lawn needs more care, trim it down.