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“My driver was bringing me back to the hotel after fight rehearsal when I noticed a hell of a commotion up ahead in the street. As we were going uphill everyone was screaming and pointing at a baby stroller that had gotten away from a highly distressed mother. It was a steep hill and the baby carriage was rapidly gaining even more speed. I could only think of the safety of the poor child inside the stroller. The stroller was careening through intersections as cars were slamming on their brakes to avoid hitting the runaway carriage…I knew I had to do something fast. I told my driver to do a 180 in the middle of the street and chase the baby down…The 180 was executed with perfection and I climbed out of the window and perched myself on top of the mini van and yelled at my driver to pull alongside the speeding infant. The poor child was screaming his head off…I got on my phone and got in touch with the Vancouver PD and Fire Department…They were aware of my position and were working to keep all of the intersections clear and unobstructed…I was confident that with Vancouver’s finest working with me, we would be able to bring this poor distraught child back safely to his mother…Well, we were still going downhill…I figure the stroller was going close to 70-80 miles per hour. I didn’t know strollers could go that fast…Boy was I wrong. Well, I was getting ready to go for broke…The time was now…I yelled at my driver to get closer…It was a hairy situation to say the least! Then…I jumped for the stroller…I was going to jump right over the stroller and when I was above the baby I was going to pluck him from the runaway carriage, cradle him in my arms, and just keep rolling until we came safely to a stop. Well…That never happened. The stroller hit a rock…Lurched to a stop…The baby flew out and was flying through the air. Meanwhile, I had already jumped. I would have been in perfect position to snatch the terrorized toddler from imminent peril and certain destruction but since the stroller had hit the rock, I ended up skidding across the mean streets of Vancouver empty handed and in an effort to save my hide, I rolled into a ball and started rolling down the street like a 250 pound human bowling ball, when all of a sudden 10 pedestrians, yep 10, were crossing the road just at the wrong time. I was probably doing 40-50 miles per hour and knocked down all 10 people, a perfect strike…But where was the baby??? My question was soon answered when I rolled into a gutter and came to a stop…The human gutter ball…No I’m not making this up…I heard the cries of the wailing young whippersnapper and when I looked up I was I could not believe what I was seeing…The bamboozled ankle biter had been snatched out of midair by a low flying bird of prey. It was a Bald Eagle to be exact…I could almost see the big bird smiling with satisfaction that he had just caught his next meal…Well, not if I had anything to do with it…As a high as a kite hippie skateboarded by, I snatched the handkerchief off his head and placed a rock inside it, David and Goliath style. As I was slinging the stone at the bird, the bawling bambino proceeded to bust loose with an insurmountably bodacious bowel movement. The befuddled and baffled Bald Eagle didn’t know what the hell was going on and as the stone glanced of his belly, he let loose of the turd spewing tyke and took off for safety. As luck would have it, luck was on my side when the rapidly descending tot bounced off of a flock of Sea Gulls and landed safely in the arms of a Vancouver Fireman. The baby was safe and unharmed and finally reunited with his mother.”