Total Bellas? More Like Total Bull.


So here we go … I’ve lost my patience and I’m ready, willing, and gable to rip this show to pieces. If you are offended by naughty language, this is not for you. Do you know what I’m sick and tired of? Reality shows highlighting the lives of idiots with money. Dumb reality shows who take a family … and puts the biggest idiot of the family center stage so people watch and draw life lessons from it. You know what it reminds me of? The family in the picture below.

Have you ever tried to watch Chrisley Knows Best? For some unknown reason I have. It’s a prime example of how a family can have so much, and live in such luxury … yet still come across like idiots. Led by Chrisley, even the children can see what makes him frustrating to the average human being. To them, it’s perfectly normal for their father to act like a flamboyant bitch who will go as far to tell his ten-year old son to get a job so he can pay him back.

And it was the same for Total Divas. Except on that show it wasn’t just about the Bellas (although they did somehow become the stars) as we got to see other WWE divas too. Let’s be honest though, it was still crap. It wasn’t even reality TV. The only person I ever met who loved watching Total Divas was the girlfriend of one of my old friends, and she’s never been a fan of wrestling. She had to ask her boyfriend who Bret Hart was. Only WWE can produce a show about Divas, yet attract an audience who have never had anything to do with wrestling, and still don’t afterwards.

So when I saw Total Bellas advertised .. my first reaction was “Oh .. total bulls**t”. That’s what it is though .. I can’t explain it any other way. It’s not just that though, I watched an old episode of Road Trip on the network last night, and all the Bella Twins could bang on about was what you call the meter which measures the distance traveled. They spent several minutes trying to remember whether it was an odometer, or a speedometer. Later in the show, “Nicole” tried to tell Brie how to live her life, and Brie responded by telling her she can’t do that anymore. But they do it to each other all the damn time! Man .. it hurts. Listening to them drone on hurts my head more than a Glenn & Abraham skull bashing.

I’ve asked around and I still don’t get their appeal. Believe me, since they came back and started getting stronger reactions from wrestling crowds, I’ve tried very hard to understand their appeal. They are fake, bitchy, always arguing like children, and the way they treat their husbands borderlines on the absurd. I don’t have a wife, but if I did and it was either Brie or Nikki, I don’t care how hot they are … I don’t care if Nikki has a nice pair of jugs … there’s only so much one can take, and I certainly would kick them out of bed and out of the door.

I’ll say one thing though, Brie is far more grounded than Nikki. I think it’s because Bryan doesn’t put up with her crap while John lets Nikki do anything. John is supposed to be this 15-time champion, but when I see him on these shows he comes across as nothing more than a background character. He’s almost like a trophy husband for Nikki than the other way around. That’s how she treats him though .. she expects to do things her way, she begs for things, and John won’t say a word or get upset because it’s John. I’m not the biggest fan of his wrestling character, but when you see him outside a ring he’s nothing but a perfect gentleman, someone you wouldn’t mind chatting with.

He’s a role model for young kids, but then Nikki comes along … and starts bitching like a little bitch, bitching about this, bitching about that, bitching til someone gives her a slap. In Whoville they say … Nikki is the Grinch who needs to shut up and notice how much of a bad influence she can be.

I have a daughter, and the last people I would want to see influence her are The Bellas. Hell, even Stephanie McMahon is a better role model. Gail Kim is a better role model than all of them combined, she is the epitome of what a hard-working woman is, and she doesn’t treat her husband like a door mat.

I understand that “reality” shows are designed for conflict. In a proper reality setting, it would be quite boring as we’d watch them sitting around getting along 99% of the time. But the problem is … The Bellas have many who look up to them, while they act like 14-year olds who just got dumped by their boyfriend after a one-month relationship. I can’t recall any moment where I felt they were genuine and not simply reeling off their lines. I can admit to having been moved by a John Cena promo in the past. I’ve definitely been moved by Daniel Bryan and how humble of a human being he is.

So what do they have? Aside from being “hot” twins who happened to get married to two former World Champions? Nothing. Are they good in the ring? Well, I’ll be nice and say Nikki is x100 better than she was ten years ago. But In terms of wrestling ability are they on the same level as Sasha, Charlotte, Becky, Bayley, Asuka, Emma, Paige, Natalya, Gail Kim and others? Absolutely not. They will never be “wrestlers”, they will always be “Divas”. While WWE claims to have moved on from Divas, they still want Nikki to go over on Natalya to be the leader of a Smackdown team which is likely to consist of “wrestlers” once again following a Diva.

Someone somewhere must be watching this crap for it be on the air. Someone is looking up to The Bellas like heroes, despite their obvious shortcomings. We live in an age where someone can be so fake, so bitchy, so arrogant, so entitled, yet they are looked up to because they preach about being strong and fearless against other women and strong men. They act like teenagers and are praised for doing so. They only give the illusion of what it means to be a strong woman. The Bellas are the WWE equivalents of The Kardashians, they are famous because they are lucky instead of having real talent.

And it’s all bought into … because deep down, girls want to be able to act like them. Some want to be “fearless”, they want to show men who’s boss … yet at the same time they fail to realize how acting in this manner pushes them away. I don’t care whether you’re a man, woman, or an alien from the planet Zog … I don’t want to listen to you bitching because your partner likes to keep the dog collar on the dog. I don’t want to listen to a wife say “I’m doing this and my husband won’t mind because it’s me, I’m so bad … but I’m going to do it anyway”. We don’t need the fakery. Surely we can find television shows with a bit of substance? Something which can not only keep us entertained … but teach us how to be a mature human being.

I’ve banged on about this subject a little too long. Apologies if this came across as being bitchy about a pair of bitches, but I’ve held back for about ten years and needed to get it off my chest. Perhaps the real Bella Twins are nice people? Perhaps they are so good at acting .. I was drawn in to believing that’s the way they act every day? Either way, I just want to say that I will continue to search very hard for their appeal. I don’t like cricket, but I can understand why some do. I don’t like eating tomatoes on their own, but I understand why my sister loves ’em. I don’t like the Bellas, and I still can’t figure out why anyone likes them. And that’s the point really, I needed to get that message across to see if anyone else feels like me. I’m not the only one who sees this … right? Thanks for reading my stuff again, the next one won’t be as angry, and instead will be very informative and professional. See you again.

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