Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, January 9th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The American Bank Center in Corpus Christi, Texas
Results by Tony Acero of 411
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
Kane opens the show with a promo. He tells everybody in the crowd that they hate their spouses, jobs, and children, though they don't "embrace it." He says people chant "Cena Sucks" because he embodies the success that they cannot achieve and because they're not embracing the hate. I have absolutely no idea what the point of this angle is, and Kane just confused me further. The Big Red Machine's attention to Zack Ryder, who he runs down because he is a product of the fans. Kane says that he wants consequences for failing to embrace the hate. WHY?! John Cena runs in to put this godawful promo out of its misery, and they brawl in the aisle. The fight spills backstage, with Kane dominating and also punching out a few random security guards. We go outside to a loading dock and tease going off the side of it, but Kane throws Cena into some pipes instead. Cena wacks Kane in the knee with a crowbar, but the Devil's Favorite Demon no-sells it and punches Cena to send him flying into a pile of cardboard boxes. When Cena gets up again, Kane has vanished. And we hit the commercial break. What an anti-climatic brawl.
Match Numero Uno: Sheamus & Santino Marella vs. Wade Barrett & Jinder Mahal
Michael Cole says that what Mahal wears during his ring entrance is the "Indian version" of a turban, while Lawler says "Who cares what he wraps around his head?" Somebody get these guys some sensitivity classes, STAT.
Mahal and Santino start, but it's not long before Barrett gets in, starting the process of the heels trading off and getting the heat on our favorite faux Italian. Santino escapes a Marella chinlock with a jawbreaker, and Sheamus gets the not-so-hot tag after the match has been ongoing for about ninety seconds. Sheamus runs wild on Jinder with forearms, knocks Wade Barrett off the apron, and blasts Mahal with the brogue kick. Santino wants to tag back in and Sheamus lets him do so, setting up the cobra for a three count.
Winners: Sheamus & Santino Marella
Miz and Johnny Ace are backstage, and the former is complaining about not getting any protection from R-Truth. Ace says he can't do too much because he's got a lot on his plate, including the debut of Brodus Clay this evening. I'll believe that when I see it. Ace also makes sure to mention to Miz that he's not Little Jimmy . . . he's Big Johnny.
We're back from commercial, and we're getting the announcement of the first inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame for 2012. (Well, aside from Mil Mascaras, who was announced in a non-televised segment when they did the TV tapings in Mexico last year.) It's Edge. He gets a pretty standard video package for a Hall of Fame inductee. He was going to go in eventually, but this seems a little too soon after his retirement . . . but, then again, this is the HOF that includes Vince McMahon's limo driver, so who am I to question anything.
Backstage, Miz is having an unheard conversation with Mason Ryan, presumably trying to recruit him as a bodyguard. Mason blows him off.
Zack Ryder is on his cell phone with his dad, threatening to beat up Kane if he finds him tonight. Eve Torres walks up, and Ryder says that the two of them should go on a date. Eve says she'll do it, but after her match tonight against Beth Phoenix. After Ryder walks off camera, Kane reveals that he's been hiding in a closet.
Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan
This match was apparently set up by a video on WWE.com in which Kofi questioned how Bryan beat the Big Show this past Friday night on Smackdown. Normally I'm not a huge fan of running angle son the website, but if it's a choice between giving a little backstory for this on the web or just throwing it out there with no story at all, putting the angle up online is preferable.
Bryan gives Kofi a handshake to start the match. The World Champ misses a charge in the corner and runs into a boot, with Kofi using a high cross to follow up. It gets two. Kingston misses a leaping kick and the wrestlers exchange cradles for nearfalls. Bryan does his backflip over Kingston's head spot, but Kofi is unphased and goes for another high cross. Bryan avoids it and Kingston lands awkwardly, albeit in perfect position for the LaBell Lock. Kofi taps, and we've got another two minute match on the show.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
I find it interesting that, even though Daniel Bryan is apparently turning heel, they've still got Cole badmouthing him on commentary . . . so is Cole turning face as part of this as well? In any event, Big Show comes out after the bell. He's got a mic, but, before he can say anything, Bryan starts cutting a GREAT disingenuous heel promo about how he hated the finish, feeling it hurt the prestige of the championship. He says he'll give Show a rematch any time, and, of course, the giant tells us that Teddy Long has already signed the match for Friday on Smackdown in a no count out, no DQ match. Daniel does a good job of subtly showing us that he's scared shitless. Show offers a handshake and Bryan reluctantly accepts. CODE OF HONOR!
This was a pretty fun segment, all things considered.
They claim Brodus Clay is debuting after the commercial break. I've got $5 that says something happens that prevents his match from actually taking place.
Brodus Clay vs. Curt Hawkins
Justin Roberts refers to Brodus as the "Funkasaurus" and claims that he hails from Planet Funk. He's using Ernest "The Cat" Miller's short lived WWE entrance music, and he also appears to have stolen Flash Funk's Funkettes. Clay starts dancing around the ring in a giant track suit, and he gets some pyro from the corners when he's done. This may grow on me with time, but I was so looking forward to Clay as a serious heel that I'm... (Continues on next page)