Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix Kane
Funny thing is that the first few notes of Beth and Kane's theme songs are similar, so, when Kane's music started to play after Eve's entrance, I just figured they'd given Beth's tune a remix. Zack Ryder immediately runs out and pulls Torres out of the arena, putting her a car. He notices that the tire is conveniently flat and starts to change it. We cut away in the middle of Ryder trying to change a tire. This made Zack look like such a geek in so many ways. First, shouldn't a top babyface be willing to stand up to Kane, even he he gets his ass kicked? Why run away like a pansy? Second, if you think you're in imminent danger and you're going to run away and you find a flat tire on your car, why would your first reaction be to change it? Come up with an alternate plan on the fly or . . . better yet . . . DRIVE AWAY ON THE FLAT TIRE. It's not good for your car and it's not something I would normally advise doing, but, if you're in mortal danger, it's possible. Is your suspension more important to you than your life?
Oh, god, it's not over. Zack is still trying to change the commercial after the commercial break. And then they cut away to Dolph Ziggler in the ring. Now Ryder looks even worse than he did before because apparently, despite having his plight broadcast on national television, Zack is such a loser that nobody will do anything to help him out, even though he and his girlfriend are apparently going to be murdered. Or chokeslammed. Or something.
John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler
The wrestlers do some clothesline-related spots off the ropes early and, about thirty seconds in, Ziggler hits his Rocker Dropper out of nowhere. It only gets two, but Dolph gets to stay on top and puts the boots to Cena in the corner. Ziggler slaps on a headlock and does a headstand while he's got the hold applied, which isn't a horrible spot for a braggart character. He drops a series of elbows and stops to do sit-ups, missing an elbow after the calisthenics wrap up. Cena starts doing his normal comeback, but, after the blue thunder driver, Zack Ryder changing a tire pops up on the Titantron. Kane finally jumps the guy (couldn't have done that five minutes ago?) and chokeslams him off the loading dock that we saw at the start of the show. Cena tries to run to his aid, but Ziggler has his sleeper hold on. Eventually Cena slams him into the steps and runs off, COMPLETELY no-selling the sleeper even though it was on him for about a minute. Cena runs outside and Kane, not surprisingly, jumps him and applies the jaw claw. The sleeper didn't do anything, but that move manages to put Cena out. Kane stands over Cena and Ryder's limp bodies and grunts to end the show.
Credit: Tony Acero