on the cover, which allows Bryan to cinch in the No! Lock. Swagger struggles, but he makes the ropes. Bryan readies a corner dropkick, but Swagger dodges, and Bryan lands on his ankle. Swagger chop blocks Bryan hard, then cinches in the newly-renamed Patriot Lock (little better) and Goatface taps!
Winner: Jack Swagger
We're reminded of the big 6-man tag match, and Paul Heyman is WALKING as his surprise from Vickie is NEXT!
Vickie and Heyman in the ring, as Vickie introduces herself to us ever-so nicely, and tells Heyman this surprise will change his career and his life. She's brought on an assistant...BRAD MADDOX! Maddox out now, and he's been given this opportunity of a lifetime due to his loyalty...Hi...and service to the WWE for exposing Heyman and the Shield. He and Vickie argue over his position as an Assistant.
Heyman: "Is this my cue to vomit?"
Heyman doesn't care about either Maddox or Vickie and goes to leave, but VINCENT KENNEDY McMAHON interrupts and Heyman immediately starts brown-noising. Vince shuts him up and reminds Paul about recovering from hip surgery, as well as Heyman saying that he'd do anything for the stipulation for the match between Rock and Punk. He says just firing Heyman would be too easy. Instead, next week, Vince will be there, crutches and all, and he and Heyman...will fight! The crowd and Heyman are stunned, as Vickie and Brad look on amused. Did Vince book himself in a literal handicap match? RIVETING!
Six-man tag team action, Jericho, Ryback & Sheamus versus The Shield, NEXT!
We recap the BIG news of Cena putting his WWE championship shot next week on the line to finally shut up CM Punk once and for all...I'm sensing a double DQ or countout next week to make the triple threat a reality.
Six-Man Tag Team Match: Chris Jericho, Sheamus & Ryback vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns)
Should be interesting to see how this plays out with Jericho in the lead role; feels a little more fitting with Jericho's past history and knowledge of renegade groups in WCW and WWE.
Ryback and Rollins start out. Ryback lifts Rollins into his corner for some shoulder thrusts. Jericho tries to get Ryback under control. AMbrose and Jericho tag in, Jericho with an elbow and a suplex for two. Ambrose reverses a whip, but Jericho gets a boot up and hits a missile dropkick for two. Ambrose stops Jericho with an elbow to the chops. Reigns and Sheamus tag in, and the two big men square off. Sheamus unloads on Reigns with rights, but Reigns backs him into the corner. SHeamus with a whip, Reigns counters with a big kick. He charges Reigns into the corner, hits the high knee, then White Noise! Sheamus preps for the Brogue Kick, but Rollins pulls Reigns out...SHEAMUS NAILS AMBROSE WITH THE BROGUE! Damn, that landing into the barricade by Ambrose looked sick. The rest of the Shield tend to him as we go to break...
Reigns with a chinlock on Sheamus. The Irishman fights out, but Reigns with right hands. Rollins tags in, and he hits a running dropkick for a two count on Sheamus. Rollins with the front headlock on Sheamus. He's driven to the corner, where Rollins delivers some boots. Reigns tags in, charges, but Sheamus gets a boot up, and hits a big clothesline. RYBACK TAGS IN! IT'S FEEDING TIME! Spinebuster to Rollins! Meathook connects! FINISH IT! Shell-shock, ref's distracted...SPEAR BY REIGNS! 1...2...Kickout! Ambrose beats Ryback down, and drives him into the corner, raking Ryback's face with his elbow. Nasty-looking, that. Reigns in, and chokes Ryback on the ropes. Rollins in with a stiff boot to Ryback's face for a near fall. Ambrose tags in, and hits a nice falling neckbreaker for two. Reigns in, and misses another charge! And...HERE COMES Y2J! Clothesline to Ambrose! Dropkick to Rollins! Bulldog to Ambrose, Lionsault gets 1...2...Thr-NO! Reigns and Sheamus go wailing on one another! Ambrose reverses a whip, Jericho rolls through...WALLS OF JERICHO IS IN ON AMBROSE! Reigns gets cut off by Sheamus...ROLLINS HITS A SPRINGBOARD KNEE TO JERICHO! Y2J is out cold as Ambrose covers...and gets three! The Shield win again!
Winners: The Shield
Sheamus looks on stunned once again, as Jericho and Ryback slowly recover from the big loss.
Vince fights Heyman (What's he thinking?) and Cena puts his title shot on the line against CM Punk (What THE HELL he's thinking?) The Rock celebrates tonight!
Damien Sandow vs. Kofi Kingston
For all of us half-wits, today is President's Day. According to Damien, several of his ancestors assisted the Presidents, such as Osaius P. Sandow, who brokered the New Deal for Teddy Roosevelt. His New Deal for us? That we remain silent as he saves us from the doldrums of our self-imposed ignorance! You're welcome! He blindsides Kofi, beats him down with boots and fists, and throws Kofi into the ring post hard. R-Truth's music hits! SANDOW GONNA GET GOT! Truth spears Sandow and just wails away on him, tossing him back in the ring before dropping Damien hard with an scissor kick (SUCKA!) and tosses Sandow out to the floor! "JIMMY BOOM" vs. Rhodes Scholars? Eh, why not?
Winner: No Contest
We get a preview of G.I. Joe Retaliation...featuring DA ROCK!
Lawler: "THE...VI...PER! I'm going to do all my commentary like Fandango now." Not exactly the change we're looking for, Jerry :P
Randy Orton vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Kane
Lock-up, Orton gets shoulder-blocked. Orton with a boot to the stomach and a shot to Kane's bad arm. Orton props Kane up in the corner and sits up on the turnbuckle to hit some Sheamus-like shots to Kane. Kane squirms out and hits an uppercut to send Orton tumbling to the ringside floor as we go to break...
Orton fights out of a sleeper hold, but Kane drops with a big boot with Randy coming off... (Continues on next page)