Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, March 18th, 2013 (USA Network)
Location: The CONSOL Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
Results by Ken Hill
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We recap Brock's annihilation of the New Age Outlaws and his ultimatum to HHH concerning the stipulation for their epic rematch at WM 29. Also, Punk takes things a step or twenty too far as he interrupts Undertaker's tribute to Paul Bearer and steals the legendary manager's iconic urn. What fate will Taker have in store for the "Straightedge Assailant"?
We start out big with John Cena, who's got a new yellow shirt to add to his ever-growing "rainbow collection." He sense the presence of Rock fans in the crowd tonight. He sees an even split between him and Rocky and tells the fans they have 20 days to pick a side. He has a message for the Rock, same as before: "Your time is over, our time is now." Since Royal Rumble '13, Cena's been on a wave of momentum, but he's remained focus and won't make the same mistakes he made last year.
Here come the Primetime Players of all people, with O'Neil, a.k.a. his uncle "Rufus Pancake Patterson", who's called "Pancake" because he flattens people. Cena's befuddled as to why they're out here, appreciating the effort, but their timing's off, and hopes he will see them at WM 29. "Rufus" objects, saying that's why they're out there, no one WANTS to see Cena at Mania, which actually gets an agreeing pop from the Pittsburgh crowd, but they sour the moment "Rufus" mentions the Players are who people wanna see. He goes on, reminding some fans about how Darren looks just like Cena and how he could be on the box of Cocoa, or Primetime, Pebbles! He thinks Darren could take Cena on, and Darren says Cena will be crying and weeping like the loser he is after tonight. They taunt Cena and he gets serious now. Cena challenges Young to step into the ring. Cena says he will show him what it means to be in the main event of WrestleMania. Cena gets ready for a fight and here comes Young and a referee.
John Cena vs. Darren Young w/Pancake Patterson
Cena works Young over before going for the STF, only for "Pancake" to pull him to safety as we go to commercial...
We come back from the break as Cena goes into his Five Moves of Doom, hitting the Five-Knuckle Shuffle on Young before polishing him off with the AA, all the while staring pointedly at the Wrestlemania 29 sign.
Winner: John Cena
Still to come tonight, The Undertaker will return with vengeance in mind for CM Punk.
Cole shows us footage of The Shield interrupting Mark Henry vs. Ryback on SmackDown. We also see Henry beating Ryback up with several World's Strongest Slams, saying Ryback won't run through him like the others. Ryback is walking backstage as we take another commercial break.
Ryback vs. David Otunga
Ryback picks up Otunga bodily and drives him into the corner turnbuckle. Ryback charges, but David gets a boot up. More glancing shots by Otunga, but Ryback drops him hard. Nice spinning powerslam by Ryback, followed by the Meathook clothesline, and it's "Feeding Time" as Ryback finishes off Otunga with the Shell-Shocked for the emphatic three count.
Post-match, Ryback makes his plans to tear apart the Shield alongside Randy Orton and Sheamus at Wrestlemania, but promises Mark Henry that their paths will cross before then, and it will be "Feeding Time." Ryback leads a "FEED! ME! MORE!" chant before Henry makes his presence known. However, Teddy Long and Vickie Guerrero halt him, Long warning him not to take another step, at least for now. Vickie announces that Ryback is off of Wrestlemania...'s six-man tag match, and he will instead face Mark Henry. Ryback is more than pleased and lays Otunga out with another Shell-Shocked to send Henry a message.
Fandango...FINALLY...debuts in the ring next!
Fandango and his lovely chica make their way down the ramp through a large, arching streamer curtain, tango their way to ringside and enter the ring to a lit-up "flaming" cutout of Fandango's person. Out next comes The Great Khali with Natalya.
Fandango says Khali is far too stupid to pronounce his name correctly. Fandango calls Natalya a Canadian slice of heaven and wants to let her try to say his name. Natalya goes "Fan...Dang...GO GET HIM KHALI!" Khali chases Fandango out of the ring, and the dancer walks away with his lady dancer. He says tonight was the night where we almost got to see the debut of Fandango. CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, he is not. A "you can't wrestle" chant breaks out.
Barrett defends his IC Championship against both Miz and Jericho later on tonight.
R-Truth vs. Damien Sandow
Truth comes to the ring, rocking some classic "Suntan Superman" pants. Sandow makes his entrance, quoting Henry David Thoreau: "Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." Thoreau would roll over in his grave if he saw R-Truth now, considering the "R" must stand for "Repugnant." Truth admits Thoreau was quite the poet, and comes up with one of his own, ending with four sweet words: "You gonna git got!"
The bell rings and they go at it. Sandow takes control with an early pin attempt. Sandow with a headlock now. Truth fights back and rolls Sandow up for 2. Sandow with a clothesline and right hands. Sandow with a suplex and another 2 count. Sandow with a side Russian leg sweep and the Cubito Aequet for another pin attempt. Truth comes back with clotheslines and right hands. Truth with a big head scissors and a kick to the jaw. Truth hits the Lie Detector, but Sandow rolls out of the ring. Sandow walks up the ramp and to the back, getting counted out.
Cody looks on, disappointed with his partner's loss, but the Bellas console him and fawn over his mustache. Kaitlyn comes up... (Continues on next page)