Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, February 13th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The Valley View Casino in San Diego, California
Results by Tony Acero
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We start with a recap of Kane breaking into the Women's Locker room to hover of Eve Heidenreich-style. This is coincided with a Cena video package of the hate slowly taking over. I'm sure this all looked great on paper. After the video, we go live to a very zoomed in face of Kane. He claims that tonight, two things will happen: John Cena will embrace the hate, and someone will take a ride in an ambulance. Who will it be?!
Anyways, we start with Lawler in the middle of the ring with...what the hell? All 6 members of the Elimination Chamber match are in the ring behind podiums and it looks like we are having our first ever...Elimination Chamber Debate...wow, what a way to start RAW. All 6 men get introduced and Punk mockingly says, "Vote for Me!" King says he will ask a question and each person gets 45 seconds to respond.
1. The odds are against you, what makes you think you can walk out WWE Champion?
Before Punk can answer, Johnny Ace comes out to interrupt with David Otunga by his side. He is happy to be here tonight. He is happy with the board and their decision. That is all, apparently. Back to the question.
CM Punk: I would like to say three things. First, to the WWE Universe; I give my word, I promise you that this debate will not end in violence. The second thing is to ol Snicklefritz, Johnny L. I want to congratulate you on keeping your job. I know there's a lot of people out there watching that may assume he has something over the heads of the Board of Directors, but he knows for a fact that he has just been doing a lot of begging. The third and final things is regarding the Chamber match. Why do I think I'm going to win? I am the best wrestler in the world (quick shot to Jericho scowling).
Dolph Ziggler is given the chance to rebuttal, but Vickie Guerrero would like to be excused. She says that there should be no booing allowed.
Dolph Ziggler: Everyone knows I'm a better wrestler than CM Punk. He is better than everyone in the ring. He backs it up every single night, while there's people like R-Truth that don't even know what state he's in.
R-Truth: Well if I'm elected, the first thing I'm gonna do is trade Vickie Guerrera and Dolph Ziggler to Smackdown for Hornswoggle and a box of spiders...he calls King "your honor." If I'm elected I'll make it legally required to shout what (WHAT!) Don't what me! (WHAT) Ok, what me! In every line of the pledge of allegience. Back to the box of spiders. He will take that box, stomp em, and put em in a blender, and make my grandmomma's favorite...Spider Stew. Then, I will gulp it down to get the energy he needs to outlast everyone in the chamber and become the WWE Champion. God Bless Little Jimmy and God Bless United States of America.
Lawler wants to go to The Miz. Miz was in the main event at last year's wrestlemania. Miz corrects him by saying he WAS the Main Event at Wrestlemania. That's why WM 27 was such an astronomical success. Miz wants to talk about the superstars in the EC. Kofi is an afterthough, Truth should be replaced by Little Jimmy, and CM Punk is 0-2. As for Dolph, this is his first time in the Elimination Chamber the only time he's ever scored for the first time is with an old woman. He is about to go to Jericho, but the buzzer cuts him off...then King cuts him off...then the buzz goes off again...he sort of shoots on Jericho for a bit until Kofi cuts him off.
Kofi Kingston: I might walk in an afterthough, but I just might walk out the next WWE Champion.
Lawler says this brings us to Chris Jericho
Chris Jericho: It's obvious that I'm surrounded by neophytes in this ring and in this entire arena...but all of you need to quiet down because the true best in the world at everything I do is about annunciate. You want facts? Here's a fact. There isn't a human being that has been in more Elimination Chamber matches than me. The last time I was in a Chamber match, I walked out the World Heavyweight Champion. Seriously, let's be honest here. My list of accomplishments in my career outweigh the list of all five of these wannabes completely. This brings me to you, Punk...Look at me when I'm tlaking to you, boy. You might as well give me that title right now because your master has come to reclaim what is his.
Punk totally denies him by asking if Jericho was talking to him. He wasn't listening to a word Jericho was saying, because he was remembering when he left and placed 7th in Dancing with the Stars.
R-Truth goes on some rant about Flipper...
Lawler tries to bring it about and announces Kofi vs. Chris Jericho right now. Jericho drops his podium and walks up to Punk. He removes his OBSCENELY expensive jacket and Punk grabs his belt and raises it in the air. Jericho pushes Truth's Podium down then turns and walks right into Trouble in Paradise from Kofi. Oh dear...
Match 1: Kofi Kingston vs. Chris Jericho
We come and the match is already underway with Kofi stompin a mudhole in Jericho! Jericho comes back with a back elbow, but Kofi drops some stomps and hits a knee to the back of Jericho. Cole calls Jericho "very vocal in the past couple of weeks." Um....ok....Kofi sends Jericho to the outside then dives through the ropes right into Jericho, and Kofi is pumped. Kofi slams Jericho's head into the announce table. Back in the ring, Kofi mounts the shoulders of Jericho until Jericho powerbombs him!! Jericho with some right hands then hits a back suplex. Jericho drops an elbow then pins for 1...2...NO. Jericho with a half underhook choke hold. Kofi is up, he turns into it and hits an elbow. He sends Jericho to the ropes and goes for a dropkick, but Jericho holds the ropes and Kofi falls to the ground. Dropkick from jericho then a pin for... (Continues on next page)