Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, April 9th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The Verizon Center in Washington, DC.
Results by Tony Acero
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
The Three Sooges...yup. "The Slapstick Comic Genuises." Plus, Mark Henry vs. CM Punk for the WWE Championship tonight!
Opening pyro greets us in the arena, live in Washington, DC! And what do we see, a lot of "YES!" signs! I appears that Big Johnny will be kicking things off tonight.
John Laurinaitis In Ring Promo
Johnny is going to introduce the new face of the WWE—a man not about catchphrases, but a man who will carry the WWE banner for years to come. He shows a video recapping Cena's promo, and Lesnar's insane reemergence. The crowd was more electric for Brock than Rock at that point. We of course see he "F5 Heard ‘Round The World."
Brock is out, and he hasn't changed clothes since last week! Michael Cole does mention the UFC—smart move. The pop isn't as crazy, but he isn't a surprise now. Brock thanks Big Johnny, which gets boos from the audience. He mentions Laurinaitis bringing legitimacy back to the WWE, and he's immediately interrupted by another big Johnny—Johnny Cena.
King wonders if this is a good idea for Cena as he heads to the ring. The crowd reaction for Cena is as expected. This moment is great, but would be even better with Paul Heyman. And they fight! It doesn't take long for the entire locker-room to empty, and who gets a pop? Daniel Bryan. I'm surprised he's out there. The locker room can't seem to hold them a part, and Cena is legitimately bleeding from the mouth. Cole calls it "chaos!" and I have to agree. I'm loving it, the exact opposite of Rock-Cena, where here was very little physicality until the match. Seriously, everyone is out there! Del Rio, Miz, officials, everyone. There's Billy Kidman in a suit, and Daniel Bryan is the guy who can actually hold Lesnar back!
Cena jokingly asks how he looks as Brock slowly leaves, and we go to break.
Very effective. Brock can talk, but not to Cena's level. No one wants to see him talk, they want to see him SMASH. This was a nice SMASH tease. I loved that the majority of the roster was out there, it really puts over both guys—which Cena can really use at this point.
We're back with highlights of what we just saw.
Teddy Long & Big Johnny Backstage
John Laurinaitis yells at Teddy Long backstage, as it was his job to contain Cena. He has to go and get Cena now, to explain his actions. Eve wants some time with Big Johnny, and it ends up being postponed for a phone call.
Brodus Clay & US Champion Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler
We started off with highlights of the birth of FunkTino, which I really liked. Mainly because it added some toughness to Brodus. Vickie is out to introduce the greatest tag team in the universe—Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler.
Ziggler & Santino start, and Dolph gets an early one count. Santino with a deep arm drag, and Swagger is in with Brodus. Some good big-man offense from Brodus, and this is already his longest TV match since the new gimmick. Swagger cuts out the knee, and works Brodus over the ropes as we head to break.
We're back as Dolph gets a two count on Santino, and Swagger is tagged in. Swagger keeps Santino away from tagging Brodus—probably a good idea. Cole references Swagger's new haircut—which I hate. The ‘do, not the reference. Ziggler back in, and he has a side-headlock on the US champ. In comes Brodus toa mild pop! Clotheslines and a headbutt for Dolph, followed up an Exploder Suplex and the Big Splash. That's enough for the win.
Winners: Santino & Brodus Clay (Brodus pin on Dolph, 7:52)
Good tag team match, proving they could still save the division. If they cared.
Backstage, Johnny blows off Otunga because it's a busy night for him. He then yells at Teddy Long, but Cena shows up. He says that Lesnar is gone, but Cena's still there—because he loves this. Cena vs. Lesnar is on. Cena asks for a match—and says Johnny can pick the opponent. He said legit a lot, so I imagine it'll be his new shirt. Otunga vs. Cena is booked for later, with Johnny a ringside.
Backstage, Santino is looking for the Three Stooges. We had a Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks sighting, so don't expect to see them again for weeks.
Later tonight: Punk -v- Henry!
We come back and revisit the two big issues of tonight—Cena-Lesnar and Santino looking for the Stooges. He finds Kane. And run-walks away.
R-Truth makes his way out. Followed by Cody Rhodes. Over/under on a Big Show appearance?
R-Truth vs. Cody Rhodes
R-Truth held the ropes open for his imaginary friend. Cody Rhodes is all business. I love that they're wrestling just to have a match. R-Truth in control early. Dances, & punches. Cody cuts him off, his the Alabama Slam and Big Show is out at 0:45. We get highlights of Cody losing last week. So Big Show introduced highlights of Big Show introducing highlights. Once those are over, R-Truth nails a Lie Detector for three.
Winner: R-Truth (pinfall, 1:38)
Nothing match that continued the Big Show-Cody story. Unless this ends with Cody going over, I'd rather he move on. And I doubt he does either...
Backstage, Santino opens a box that contained the Stooges. They're in character, as expected. I am not excited about their presence on the show of their movie. We finally go to commercial.
We return with the boys from Dream Machine, which debuts after tomorrow's live Smackdown on SyFy. Lord Tensei makes his way to the ring.
Lord Tensei vs. Yoshi Tatsu
Yoshi Tatsu is offended by Tensei, since he's not Japanese. Lawler explains that he doesn't claim he is, just he dominated the Japanese. Now while wrestling like a ninja, by the way. Tatsu is wearing all black,... (Continues on next page)