Airdate: Monday, December 12th, 2011 (USA Network)
Location: The Norfolk Scope Arena in Norfolk, VA
Results by Tony Acero of 411
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We get a nice lil video package showing the Slammy's of the past and some wow moments of 2011 before the start of the show. The opening is full of Flo Rida and comes off as a legit awards show, with a female voice over and the like. Pyros galore and we are welcomed by Michael Cole and we are here for the first Slammy of the Night.
"Tell Me I Did Not Just See That" Moment of the Year:
Presented by: Booker T and Hornswoggle
Hornswoggle is wearing an afro wig. Hornswoggle throws some slang out there and sells the match for this Sunday with Booker and Cody.
Nominees:
Jim Ross for the dance off against Michael Cole
Santino damn near wins the Royal Rumble
R-Truth gets Okey-doked by Lil Jimmy
The Miz mocks The Rock
Winner: Jim Ross
Jim Ross is out to accept his Slammy. He never thought he'd ever win a Slammy for getting JIGGY with it. Here is Cole on the mic....oh joy. He claims this is ridiculous. He can't beleive that we are only one award in and already it' a sham. Obviously, the dance contest was rigged and he is going to accept an award for it? The only thing JR did was get jiggily with it, cuz he's fat. Booker calls Cole a loser. Booker bets that tonight, Jim Ross could beat Michael Cole right now in...a Rap Off. Shades of The Greg DeMarco Show! Cole is down. He listens to Eminem, so lets get this thing done.
Michael Cole:
My name is Cole. That's my name.
I'm like JR, but I'm even smaller.
I went to Wrestlemania and I beat Jerry Lawler.
Good Ol JR, I'm better than you
I'm the voice of this show, not a fat tub of goo
JR, I know you're jealous, yeah you are
I think you should just take a hike
cuz you know that the whole wide world wants to be like MIKE!
Why don't you just crawl back in your hole
Cuz you just got screwed...by Vintage Cole.
Jim Ross is going to do this acapella:
Michael Cole, you're a damn fool
The King beat you like a Government Mule
I should be callin RAW cuz you ain't got no talent
(JR stalls)
You kiss the Kings feet now you can kiss my ass
Jim Ross wins this, but Booker says it's not over just yet...Booker calls for the Spinarooni from JR. We get....a variant of it, but essentially it's Jim Ross spinning. I swear, when he fell back, I thought he was having a heart attack. This was as bad as you can imagine...
In the back, Foley is walking towards the ring. It appears he is a presenter.
"Holy Bleep" Moment of the Year:
Presented by: Mick Foley and "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase
Foley claims that it makes sense why he's in here, what with all of his career, but why is Ted DiBiase here? Why did they get paired up? Is it because he's the wealthiest while Foley is the - DiBiase interjects with Cheapest. DiBiase says he is the Holy part of this
Nominees:
Sheamus powerbombing Sin Cara through ladder at MITB
Randy Orton RKO's Christian on the steps at Summerslam
Big Show and Mark Henry break the ring at Vengeance
Evan Bourne with the Shooting Star Press off the ladder at MITB
Winner: The Big Show and Mark Henry
Show comes out by himself and says that he's pretty sure Henry is a bit gun shy after what he did to him on Smackdown. He claims that what would go real good with this Slammy is the World Heavyweight Championship and after TLC, he's going to put those two together. Show says he is going to do what he does best, go into the ring and bust some heads.
Match 1: The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett
We come back while the match is in play. Show trucks through Wade Barrett in the ring and Wade is outside. Show follows. Show looks like he's going to toss Barrett into the table, but Barrett floats over and sends him to the ring post. Show is on his knees, face down on the table. Wade Barrett hops up to the second rope, looking to jump but Show is up and stares at him. Show crushes the fucking table in half with his bare hands then chops Wade into the ring. Wade goes for the chair, Show socks the chair and the ref calls for the DQ.
Winner: The Big Show (*1/2)
Way to show how cheap the tables are...
The next award will be presented by...THE ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES!!! AWESOME!
Pipe Bomb of the Year:
Presented by: The Road Dogg Jesse James
Road Dogg says he's trying to keep this all PG and says a few quick rhymes that are simply better than ANYTHING JR and Cole did.
Nominees:
We get a whole bunch of clips focused mainly on Punk, R-Truth and Miz as well as some Booker T commentary. There's a lot of funny here, to be honest, including a few clips from The Z True Long Island Story. Some Johnny Ace clips and a few other jabs at the wrestlers and the like. I think there are also a few clips here that could best be referred to as bloopers.
Winner: WWE Champion CM PUNK
Punk comes out with a mannequin....it's wearing a T-Shirt of The Dynamic Dudes. Punk calls it an honor and publically thanks Natalie Slater. Thanks a lot of others that I don't know, but like any good activist, he wants to inappropriately shed light on a cause. He wants to promote someone backstage that does not get the recognition he deserves...and like this mannequin, this person is boring, completely bland, 100% non-descript and lacking in human characteristics such as honor, pride and intelligence. Also, he is 100% anatomically correct. Please join him in honoring a legend, a tribute to....John Laurinitis.We are then shown a video package of Johnny Ace from back in the day as well as some subpar promos. Punk says Johnny couldn't be here to accept the award because he is watching Point Break in the back then mocks his voice.
The WWE shows a video package for tomorrow's Tribute to the Troops and as such, I find it fitting to do the same. Join ME, tomorrow night,... (Continues on next page)