Airdate: Monday, May 21st, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The Richmond Coliseum in Richmond, VA
Results by Tony Acero
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
After a slideshow of Ace and Cena's match, we start practically the same as every other Monday after a Pay Per View, with John Cena coming to the ring to talk about the match he had last night. He even brings this up by sayin that he's had many a Monday when he congratulates his opponent from the night before. Cena points out that if Ace would have lost, he can almost guarantee that Show would have been re-hired, even the dumb ass computerized General Manager. He then mocks Cole, but it sounds more like Johnny Ace, as it appears that's the only voice Cena knows how to do. He says Show Benadict Arnold's him then accentuates the fact that we are stuck with "this people power garbage!"
Eve welcoming the Permanent General Manager of both RAW and Smackdown, and the man who beat John Cena last night, Mr. John Lauranaitis. Johnny Ace comes out on a motorized wheelchair apparatus and Eve helps him out of it so that he can stand atop a crutch. Ace said that the docs told him he has a possible broken clavicle, an injured ACL and possible spinal injury, not to mention all the contusions over his body. He cannot lift his left arm or move his left leg. This is all ok, because he is a fierce competitor in that ring. But when he is out of it, he is an executive. No one can lay a finger on him ever again, and if they do, that person will be terminated. He wants to now introduce a man that he re-hired, and a man that John Cena will face at No Way Out, The Big Show!
Here comes The Show! Show is out in a suit. Show is noticeably disappointed as the fans start a You Suck chant. He is sure that everyone wants an explanation, but frankly none of us are entitled to our explanation. Last week, he was on his knees to Ace, doing something that he's never done before. No one loves this business more than he does. No one. He was so upset that he found himself crying. Everyone watched a grown ass man cry. The crowd calls him a sell out as he points out that we didn't give him any sympathy. He did what he had to do, what each and everyone of us would have done. He has an ironclad contract now, and he's proud. How dare Cena and any of us judge him. He is screaming all of this, by the way. He will be judging Cena on June 17th, because he's going to knock out...
Here comes David Otunga, seemingly randomly. He's got a mic. He points out that Cena lost to his boss, and now it's time Cena loses to him. Cena is on the mic, he wants to tell Otunga something real quick; he is not in the mood. He tells David to go watch reruns of Law and Order, because if he gets in the ring with Cena tonight, he promises that Cena is going to hurt him. Otunga is still down, but he pauses. He wants to dedicate this match to Mr. Laurinaitis.
Match 1: David Otunga vs. John Cena
Cena rushes into the corner, so Otunga grabs the rope before Cena can grab on. The ref breaks them up and he does the rush once again, only for Battletoad Otunga to leave the ring. Cena follows and OTunga slips back in. Cena follows, and out goes Otunga. Cena tries to trick him, chases Otunga out of the ring and back into it only for Otunga to beat on the back of Cena. He flexes for Mr. Ace, and Cena takes the opportunity to go on the offense. Some rights and a toss into the corner. Clothesline into the corner, then another off the ropes. Cena holds up Otunga for an AA, takes enough time for me to do my taxes, hits the AA on Otunga, then locks in the STF.
Winner: John Cena (*)
Not that Otunga needs to be kept strong or anything, but no one thinks for a second that Otunga is anything more than Ace's Carlton.
After the match, Curt Hawkins, Tyler Reks, Darren Young and Titus O'Neil attack Cena! They pound on him for a minute before Sheamus's music hits! Out comes Sheamus, trucking over Johnny Ace in the process! Cena and Sheamus toss the four young superstars over the top rope, but here's Ace. He questions the four young superstars, says he didn't give them permission, then sends them to the back. As for Cena and Sheamus, it looks like the audience likes to see them in action, so they're going to be in a tag team match in a 2 on 3 handicap match. Wait, for the first time ever on RAW, it'll be a 2 on 3, Handicap, Lumberjack Match...you mean we don't get anything on a pole?
We're back with Ricardo Rodriguez in the ring, presumably waiting to announce Del Rio. Santino's music hits, instead, though, and he comes out with the Cobra on hand. He says that he doesn't understand Rodriguez, and he doesn't think anyone does. He says that he doesn't roll his r's and calls his eyebrows catepillars. Ricardo tries, and Santino says it sucks, then rolls some R's of his own. Ricardo and he roll em back and forth, sounding like a squealing Chewbacca. He pulls up the Cobra and Ricardo backs off. Ricardo tries to remove his jacket, but gets stuck and Santino claims he has no choice, but to hit the Cobra. He wants to now show how it's done. He requests Del Rio's music and announces him as weighing in at 108 give a craps, coming from some place in Mexico.
Before any match happens, we get a promo for RAW's 1,000th episode. More dubstep! They announce the show at being 3 hours each and every Monday...
Del Rio doesn't look too happy at Santino announcing him.
After a break, we come back to Cole and King trying to cover up the dumb mistake of Ace saying he resigned Show on Saturday, thus meaning he was a WWE Superstar and interrupting the match on Sunday would mean he'd be fired....geez, man.
Match 2: Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio
Lockup to start. Side headlock from Orton. Del Rio leads him into the corner. Orton is able to hit some kicks then a body slam. He drops a knee, but Del Rio is out of the way. Del Rio with a... (Continues on next page)