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John Cena
John Felix Anthony Cena
  • Birthdate: 04/23/1977 (age 37)
  • Height: 6'1"
  • Weight: 251 Ib

Cena is known as "the face of the WWE for a lon...

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...up and then lands a nasty European uppercut. He almost gets the pin but Goldust interferes.

Cody manages to get enough breath to fight back, and knees Cesaro out the ring. Swagger shouts encouragement, and Cesaro climbs in the ring enough to tag Swagger as Cody tags in Goldust. Goldust is all over the ring and Swagger can’t get any offense started. Cesaro runs in to try and help and Cody grabs him and they brawl outside. Goldust jumps off the rope and looks like maybe he has Swagger, but Swagger gets him in the Anklelock. It’s almost over but he counters, Swagger goes flying into the corner. He bounces back and gets the Anklelock again and this time Goldust can’t get out of it.

Del Rio comes out with a mic. He doesn’t care about Sandow and what he did to Cena. He’s mad because Cena has the title, and he’s going to make Cena pay.

Match 8: Summer Rae vs. Natalya

Summer dances around and Natalya just looks at her.

Natalya has the upperhand although Summer fights back hard, it’s pretty evenly matched. Summer works Nattie into a crazy submission hold but she turns it around and gets out of it. Summer yells obnoxiously at Nattie, and tries a leglock. Nattie can’t seem to get herself together in this match at all.

This match is like 90% headlocks.

Summer takes a second to dance over and get a smooch from Fandango, but Swoggle and Khali smack him away. Natalya finally realizes she’s in a match and locks the sharpshooter like she should have done fifteen seconds into this match.

The Randy Orton Celebration (Hopefully With Party Hats) is up next to main event RAW!

Everyone in the locker room is apparently partaking in Orton’s party. Shield is guarding the ring.

Out comes Triple H and Stephanie, both with mics.

Triple H launches into a story about who he thought the future of the WWE would be, in other words, a very grandiose introduction for Randy Orton.

Orton saunters out.

He and Triple H shake hands and share a manly hug, and then a group hug involving Stephanie.

Stephanie addresses the superstars at the top of the ramp, saying he’s everyone’s champion. He is what they aspire to be. She asks them to show him the respect he so richly deserves.

Randy says having the title makes him better than everyone. He basically berates the rest of the guys.

Then the Big Show walks out… well, runs out, and heads to the ring. All three guys of Shield attack him and only slow him down. The Usos, Cody and Goldust pull Shield to the top of the ramp where everyone attacks them. Show slides into the ring and everyone scatters.

Show’s like “What’s the worst that can happen? Ya gonna arrest me?” He’s talking about his lawsuit, and how he’ll take all their money, because he has nothing to lose. Orton sneaks up from behind him and whops him in the head with the belt. He tries it again but Show KOs him with one fist. Orton is flat on his back.

Triple H takes off his nice suit coat, unbuttons his shirt, and points threateningly at Show, but does not actually get in the ring. Stephanie holds him back. He walks towards the ring again… but… nope, still doesn’t get in. They stare each other down and then Show gets out of the ring. Only then does Triple H get into the ring. And that’s how it ends.

Credit: Amanda Chamers