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CM Punk
Phillip Jack Brooks
  • Birthdate: 10/26/1978 (age 38)
  • Height: 6'2"
  • Weight: 218 Ib

He was titled in the WWE as "the longest-reigni...

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Event: WWE Monday Night RAW

Airdate: Monday, October 8th, 2012 (USA Network)

Location: The Arco Arena in Sacramento, CA.

Results by Ken Hill

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

- No pyro, and we're live in Sacramento as Cena's music hits to the usual positive-negative fracas. JBL, JR, and Micheal Cole at ringside. Cena's surprised by the reaction, and feels like it's been a year instead of a couple of weeks. He then segues into what's been going on since he's left, including the tag champs, the Divas division, and then goes into an awkward point of asking out AJ. Good to see he's dating so soon. He talks about how loud the crowd is, and yet it feels like they don't have a voice. He claims Punk is responsible for taking the crowd's voice away, and asks why bother calling himself best in the world if no one in the world wants to watch his "crusade" for respect. Cena almost begs Punk to consider accepting his challenge for Hell in the Cell, regardless of his own condition. He says people don't rag on Punk for being a Heyman guy, but because he's not a man. Cena leaves the ring, but then RYBACK'S music hits and he storms by Cena to the ring as he prepares for action. We flash back to JR Appreciation Night and Punk shirking away from Ryback, who came out to defend JR from Punk's harsh words and actions.

Handicap Match: The Colons v. Ryback

Ryback lays out the cousins with some slams, but Primo drops him with a kick to the knee. The duo lay into Ryback with dropkicks and strikes, but only get a brief 2 count. Primo locks in a sleeper hold as Epico slaps Ryback, who just fires up and shrugs off Primo into Epico. He nails Primo with the Meathook, then hits it on Epico, and polishes them off with a two-man Shellshock for the victory.

Winner: Ryback (Not much of a shocker here, but an actual tag team is a step up from infinite pairs of jobbers)

- We're back with the Funkadactyls and Brodus Clay, who "boogie" down to the ring for what seems like to be in-ring action against R-Truth, but Truth begs off, claiming Little Jimmy's going through some changes, puberty to be more exact, and just wants to strut his stuff tonight instead of seeing Truth fight. Clay, Naomi, and Cameron oblige and start dancing with Truth and Jimmy. I felt my IQ drop a dozen just typing all of that out.

- Mr. McMahon interrupts. Yes, no one but the boss can have an embarrassing dance to their name! He announces that he will be making a "State of the WWE" address, coming up next! Brodus and Truth dance up the ramp as we go to break...

- Back from commercial, as Mr. McMahon is introduced to a nice pop and standing ovation from the Sacramento crowd. He refers to "goat-faced demons, big red machines, leprachauns" and such as the state of the WWE. He says there's room for that, but WWE should also be about action, drama, pathos, and the best facing the best...speak of the devil, as Punk's music hits and the WWE Champ and Heyman make his way to the ring, with Punk in a new "GTS" shirt. Vince voices my opinion on it. He gets at Punk disrespecting him for interrupting, but Punk lashes out at him for supposedly taking shots at him for not facing Cena. He laments how many shots he's given Cena and yet he comes back for more. He takes cracks at the audience, even those that cheer him, and asks if Vince respects Punk. Vince does respect his title reign, but he's not a "CM Punk guy." Punk doesn't care, as he used to be a spoke on the wheel last year, and now, he is the wheel. Punk says Vince should be kissing his feet, and wonders why he isn't appreciated like JR and Jerry Lawler. He goes so far as to threaten to walk out, except this time he won't come back. Vince questions if he really thinks he's indispensable, and Punk says he's the only reason Vince's jet has fuel. Vince says it's not about himself or Punk, but the WWE fans, and right now, they're saying someone needs to shut Punk's mouth. He lambasts Punk for thinking he measures up to legends like Andre and Stone Cold. Punk claims he fought his way to the top while Austin took shortcuts, and says Steve's best moments were picking on a idiot millionaire, and now that millionaire has become ever stupider and a senior citizen. Punk sees everything Vince's done as a slap...