Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, December 24th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The CONSOL Energy Center in Pittsburgh, PA
Results by Ken Hill
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
-We are LIVE (sort of) on Christmas Eve for Monday Night Raw, as SANTA CLAUS makes his merry way out on stage to wish us a Merry Christmas and give gifts to all the good boys and girls in the audience tonight. As he does, Alberto Del Rio (pre-face turn)’s music hits, and as Ricardo makes his way out to announce, Del Rio HITS Santa! Uh oh, Al’s never getting off the naughty list now…paramedics make their way out to help Santa as the audience riles on Del Rio with “You killed Santa” chants! St. Nick gives everyone the thumbs up to let us know he is alright as we go to break.
-Back from the break as we recap the “crime scene” of Del Rio hitting Santa Claus. The Divas and Superstars in the back are outside the Trainer’s Room as Booker comes out and says “Santa’s down” and the show must go on. Del Rio comes along and everyone is up in arms over him hitting St. Nick. Booker says Claus’s last words were that Del Rio would be in a “Miracle on 34th Street Fight” against…John Cena! Booker asks Cena to do it for Santa. “Santa” chants abound, and Cena agrees with a “SANTAAAAAA!” It’s on!
WWE Tag Team Champion Kane v. Cody Rhodes
We recap WWE Main Event a month ago where Cody took a nasty bump on the shoulder that almost ended his career. Kane starts out with a press slam and some uppercuts in the corner. Cody with a kick to the knee, some punches, then a wristlock. Kane pushes him over the ropes, but Cody hangs him up, then rams the shoulder into the ring post. Dropkick to the jaw gets a two count for Cody. Kane fights back, but Cody wrenches his shoulder in the ropes. Cody with rights to Kane in the corner, but gets pushed out of the corner. Cody kicks him into the ropes and wrenches the bad shoulder some more. Kane fires back with an uppercut, but Cody counters the suplex, and locks in a short arm scissors. Kane down for a two count, but goozles Cody, who fights out, but gets a boot, pair of clotheslines, then a sidewalk slam for a near fall. Top rope clothesline connects! Goozle countered again with shots to the bad shoulder, Cody slips out of a powerslam, and connects with the Disaster Kick! Cody looks to ram Kane into the exposed turnbuckle, but Kane reverses! Chokeslam, three count!
Santa’s Helper 8-Diva Tag Match: Layla & Natalya & Kaitlyn & Alicia v. Eve Torres & Aksana & Rosa Mendes & Tamina Snuka
Natalya and Aksana start out. Natalya with a corner float over and a clothesline. Alicia in, and she and Natalya hit a over-under double team clothesline on Aksana. Aksana recovers and tags in Tamina, who beats down Alicia in her corner. Layla makes the tag to Alicia and lays it in to Tamina, and does a little jig before Tamina comes back with a shot to the gut. Layla counters in the corner, but Tamina with a corner takedown and a Samoan drop. Rosa tags in for a two count, then stretches Layla out with a modified camel clutch. Eve in with a kick to Layla and a lax cover for two. Layla manages to make the tag to Kaitlyn, who clothesline Eve and hits a big powerslam. Rosa breaks up the pinfall, and all the divas in to hit their finishers on one another. It ends with Kaitlyn hitting her gutbuster on Eve and for the second week in a row, Kaitlyn pins the Divas Champ!
Winners: Kaitlyn, Layla, Natalya & Alicia Fox
-Big Show and Sheamus renew their rivalry in a “Lumber-Jack Frost” match…oh, HAHAHA, I get it! We also get an update on Kris Kringle after his rundown at the hands of Del Rio.
-Dolph and AJ resting by the fire, enjoying her favorite “Christmas movie”, that is, Ziggler beating Cena at TLC with help from AJ. Dolph says all anyone needs during the holidays is some “TLC”, and he and AJ laugh over how Cena didn’t see it coming.
-We again recap the “horrible incident” with Del Rio hitting Santa, and then we go to Matt Striker at Santa’s bedside, who gives us…no real update on his condition, other than the beeping heart monitor. Yeah, they’re really going the whole nine yards with this thing, aren’t they?
-The Lumber “Jack-Frosts” are out and about now, including Tensai with a hilariously undersized Santa hat on his chrome dome, as the Big Show-Sheamus feud continues NEXT!
Non-Title Lumber Jack-Frost Match: World Champion Big Show v. Sheamus
The two behemoths lock up, with Show powering Sheamus down. Lock up again, and Sheamus pushes Show to the ropes. Show asks for a test of strength, but Sheamus says “Nuh-uh!” and stomps the foot of the giant. Show comes back with a clubbing blow, then a monster chop to the chest. Show misses a corner charge, Sheamus hangs him up, then hits his Ten Shots to Show from the outside. Battering ram connects! Sheamus sets for the Brogue Kick, but Show ducks out to the outside. No one’s eager to push the giant back in as Sheamus and Show stare each other down going into commercial…
Sheamus with boots to Show, but Show with the big shoulder to Sheamus. We see Sheamus fighting off lumberjacks during the break. Show sings “Rudolph” while wrenching Sheamus’s arm, but Sheamus grabs his “big red nose” to break the hold! Sheamus tries for a slam, but Show falls on him for a near fall. Sheamus thrown to the outside, and a brawl ensues! Sheamus back in the ring with Show, who puts the boots to him. Sheamus comes back with shoulders, but Show comes right back with a big vertical suplex. Show presses Sheamus in the ropes, and Tensai with a cheap shot.
Show chops Sheamus twice in the corner. Show up for some punches, but Sheamus counters with a HUGE Electric Chair drop! Both men up before the ten count, slugging each other with right hands. Sheamus fires up, but Show with the goozle and Chokeslam, which only gets two! Show upset with the ref. Headbutt to Sheamus, but the Irishman comes back, then Show drops the (Yule) HOG LOG for a near fall! Haven’t seen that in a while. Show picks up Sheamus, cinches in a bear hug. Sheamus fights out with some stiff forearms, ducks the clothesline, and takes Show off his feet! Shoulders to the gut, but Show with a giant clothesline for another near fall. GIANT ELBOW gets yet another near fall, and Show is beside himself. He goes for the Vader Bomb, but Sheamus rolls out. Sheamus with a HUGE White Noise, which get a close near fall! Show catches the Brogue Kick, and Sheamus is tossed to the outside and another lumberjack brawl ensues. Sheamus rolled back in, Show preps the KO Punch, Sheamus ducks, BROGUE KICK! THREE COUNT!
-The heel lumberjacks ambush Sheamus post-match, but he and the face lumberjacks clear the ring and celebrate.
-We recap MizTV on “Tribute to the Troops” with Kermit and Miss Piggy. Miz pressures Kermit to admit his feeling to Miss Piggy, Piggy and Miz grill Kermit to marry her, Sandow “saves” us from any more of this “porcine provocateur”, and Miz defends Piggy’s honor by laying out Sandow. Yes, that all happened, and it was HILARIOUS!
-Later tonight, Alberto Del Rio…John Cena…Miracle on 34th Street Fight!
-We’re back with “Mr. Harvard” himself David Otunga in the ring. He feels only he is qualified to pass judgment on the Santa Claus-Del Rio situation. He feels Del Rio is the victim, and Santa is a “jolly geriatric.” Zack Ryder out now to stop all that noise with a “WOO WOO WOO!”
Zack Ryder v. David Otunga
Zack fires up early with clotheslines, but Otunga with a knock down and some big clotheslines in the corner, followed by a slam for two. Zack fights out of a chinlock, but takes a back elbow to the face. Otunga with a trifecta of short arm clotheslines to Zack for a near fall. Zack surprises with a roll-up for two, but Otunga with a big shoulder tackle for a near fall. Otunga cinches in a rear chin lock. Crowd behind Ryder. Otunga with clubbing blows, but Zack counters with a facebuster. Double knees by Ryder, then a missle-toe drop kick. Forearm in the corner, then BROSKI BOOT gets a near fall. Rough Ryder countered, Otunga misses the corner charge, ROUGH RYDER! Three count!
Winner: Zack Ryder
-Booker and Teddy laugh at Otunga’s loss from Booker’s office. Brad Maddox in to suck up to Booker, who says he already gave Maddox a shot, but is in the “Xmas mood” and gives him a chance by having him face one of Santa’s “elves” tonight…your guess is as good as mine on that one.
IC Champion Kofi Kingston & The Miz v. US Champion Antonio Cesaro & Wade Barrett
Cesaro with the waist-lock, Miz counters, but Cesaro with a take-down. Miz counters a corner charge with a boot, then a flapjack and a boot to the face for two. Cesaro comes back with a shoulder block. Barrett in with the tag, shots to Miz in the corner. Miz figths back with left hands, then floats out on a whip and hits a dropkick for two. Kofi tags in with a clothesline to Barrett, Barrett counters a waist-lock into the corner, and dodges the Trouble in Paradise. Cesaro distracts Kofi, and Barrett takes down Kofi. Cesaro with a sharp European uppercut and puts the boots to Kofi. Barrett tags in, puts a knee in Kofi’s back. Kofi counters out, but Barrett with a stiff clothesline. Cesaro tags in, and DEADLIFTS Kofi into a gutwrench for a near fall. Kofi hits his slingshot kick, Cesaro grabs Kofi, butgets booted off. Miz and Barrett in, and Miz delivers a barrage of lefts, followed by his corner clothesline splash, then the axe handle from the top. SCF attempt, but Cesaro stops that, Miz takes him down. Wasteland countered by Miz, Barrett in the ropes, TROUBLE IN PARADISE by Kofi from the outside. SKULL-CRUSHING FINALE CONNECTS! Three count! Miz and Kofi celebrate in the ring.
Winners: The Miz & Kofi Kingston
-Once again, we hear about the upcoming street fight made by Santa Claus between Cena and Del Rio, and another “update” on Santa’s condition.
-Back with Dolph and AJ, who “surprises” him with his MITB briefcase, and then REALLY surprises him (and me, rawwr) with her wearing his shirt and tight shorts.
-We AGAIN recap the Del Rio-Claus “incident” and once again, no ACTUAL update from Matt Striker. I know it’s the X-Mas special, but is this really the storyline they’re going with tonight? Really? REALLY?
-Brad Maddox out, we better not pout, better not cry, because Brad Maddox is comin’ to RAW! If he wins his match, that is, which is NEXT!
Brad Maddox v. Great Khali
Oh yeah, DEFINITELY didn’t see that one coming. Maddox is understandably upset, and slaps Khali. “YOU’RE NOT AN ELF!” Smart kid, that Maddox. Khali with a pair of stinging chest chops, then one that sends him out. Swoggle with a senton, but Maddox shrugs him off. He hangs up Khali and goes after the giant’s leg. Khali swats him off with a chop, but Maddox with the dropkick to the knee. Maddox poses, but Khali kicks him off. Maddox up top, but Khali chops him, then some clotheslines, and a Punjabi Plunge sends Maddox packing.
Winner: Great Khali
-Post-match, Swoggle wishes Santa to get better and then Khali “treats” us to a Punjabi rendition of “Merry Christmas.” RIVETING!
-THE CHAMP IS HERE…and so is Heyman, as he and Punk are apparently on their way to the ring.
-The WWE Champion CM Punk blesses us with his presence, crutches and all, as he and Heyman make their way to the ring. Punk clocks in at 400 days in the longest modern-day reign in history as WWE Champion.
-Punk mocks Khali’s singing. In all seriousness, X-Mas has been ruined…Steelers chant abound, and Punk says even he, a Cubs fan, isn’t stupid enough to cheer for a bunch of losers…but anyway, Punk laments how he is unable to compete. Ryback is the reason X-Mas is ruined, as Punk can’t even walk thanks to him and Ryback has ruined every winter holiday. Does WWE suspend, fire, or even fine him? Nope, Ryback gets REWARDED with a championship match. MAYBE if it had been proven he worked with a Maddox or a Shield, but that’s not the case, and Ryback is living a lie thinking he has a match with the Champ. His holidays are filled with rehab, while everyone else gets to pig out. Heyman buts in, saying we don’t BOO him. Punk has been WWE Champion for 400 CON…SEC…UTIVE days, yet he has been the victim of a documented conspiracy in recent months. Ryback’s had two chances to win the WWE Championship, and two times Ryback has failed. Punk says one legs or two, he’s better than Ryback. Ryback storms down to prove Punk wrong. Heyman talks him down, and promises a lawsuit if Ryback lays a finger on him. Ryback already got his X-Mas wish, the match he and Punk were supposed to have a couple weeks ago, on the first Raw of 2013 for the WWE Championship: Tables, Ladders, and Chairs! “TLC, TLC, TLC!”
WWE Tag Team Champion Daniel Bryan v. Damien Sandow
“NO! NO! NO! HO! HO! HO!” “Silence! NO! Silence! NO!” Bryan goes for the NO! Lock early, but Sandow ducks out. Bryan with a baseball slide dropkick and a knee off the apron. Back in the ring, Bryan with the corner dropkick for a two count. Sandow comes back with shoulders in the corner. Bryan flips ouof the corner, hits a lariat, then nails some kicks, misses the Buzzsaw, and Sandow with a roll-up for two. Sandow rams Bryan into the ringpost from the apron. Sandow slams Bryan’s head on the apron twice, and rolls him back in for a cover and a near fall. Slam gets another near fall. Rear chin lock by Sandow, who pulls Bryan down by the beard and puts the boots to him. Leg sweep and Cubito Aequet gets a two count. Bryan propped up for a superplex, but he fights out and knocks down Sandow. Bryan misses the headbutt. Terminus countered, NO! LOCK IS IN! Sandow taps! YES YES YES!
-12-man “12 Days of Christmas” Tag Team Match is NEXT!
12-man “12 Days of Christmas” Tag Team Match: The Usos, Tyson Kidd, Justin Gabriel, Santino Marella & Brodus Clay v. Tensai, The Prime Time Players & 3MB
Darren Young and Brodus start out. Clay knocks down Young, whip to his corner for a splash. Tyson in with a shot to the arm and a wristlock. Tyson counters Young, floats over, and hits a dropkick. Justin in, and he and Tyson hit a double team kick for two. Tensai in with a splash on Gabriel for two, but Justin comes back with an enziguri. Santino and Mahal tag in. Mahal takes down Santino, who counters Mahal and tags in Jey Uso, as Drew McIntyre comes in. Drew counters a float over with a nice kick, and Titus tags in. He slams Jey, then Tensai tags in. He jaw jacks Jey, who tries to fight back, but Tensai with a headbutt. Titus back in, goes for a corner splash, but Jey dodges him. Jimmy gets the tag, as does Slater. Jimmy with the forearms, splash, then “Shades of Rikishi.” Kidd and Gabriel take out the rest of 3MB, Brodus takes out the Players, Tensai takes out Brodus, but he gets a COBRA from Santino. Slater with the Smash Hit on Jimym Uso, but Brodus breaks it up. Jimmy superkicks Slater, Gabriel and Tyson tag in consecutively with a moonsault-elbow combo on the prone 3MB leader, then Jey polishes off Slater with a Samoan Splash for three! Brodus and company dance in the ring to celebrate the holidays!
Winners: Brodus Clay, Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd & The Usos
-Bryan is excited about the holidays! Kane isn’t happy, but got something for Bryan…HIS VERY OWN SLAMMY! Bryan has something for Kane…A PUPPY! “I’m starving! NO! NO! NO! Animals are our friends, not food! Daniel, can’t we talk about this?” No recap would do this justice…
-AJ gives us her rendition of “The Night Before Christmas”, lauding Dolph Ziggler and dissing all her exes, especially John Cena. She lures Ziggler underneath the mistletoe, and the two make out, knocking over the tree in the process. Lucky, lucky sonova gun!
-Matt Striker with a solemn look, as apparently Santa’s taken a turn for the worse. As Striker says this though, the heart monitor goes into a rendition of “Jingle Bells” as Santa’s feet start to clap together. YA GOTTA BELIEVE!
-John Cena makes his way down as his “Miracle on 34th Street Fight” is NEXT!
“Miracle on 34th Street” Fight: John Cena v. Alberto Del Rio
Ricardo is a VERY sad X-Mas panda, as he can barely introduce Del Rio. Cena with rights to Del Rio, and drills him with punches in the corner. Del Rio hurled to the outside. He counters a whip, and sends Cena into the steel steps. Kick to Cena’s arm. Del Rio rolls him back in for a two count. Del Rio asks for a mic, and tells us it was just an accident, that he wasn’t trying to hurt Santa, but lays into Cena with the mic. Cena screams “SANTAAAAA!”, grabs the mic, and drills Del Rio with the mic. Cena opens a gift at ringside, and it was just what he wanted…a steel chair. He waffles Del Rio with it, but Ricardo breaks it up. Cena chases Ricardo, but Del Rio ambushes Cena with boots. Ricardo hands Del Rio a present and it’s…”A PIE?!” Del Rio waffles Ricardo by accident with the pie! Cena fires back on Del Rio with a bulldog. Del Rio tries to retreat up the ramp, but Cena catches up with him and knocks down Del Rio. Cena opens up another gift, and it’s a TV monitor. Man, Cena gets all the good stuff! He brains Del Rio with the monitor as we go to break…
Del Rio has Cena down after Ricardo distracted him. Del Rio opens another present, and he’s not a happy camper as Ricardo gave him…A BEAR! Del Rio “surprises” Cena, but the bear glances off him, and Cena says “Are you serious? A bear?” Del Rio with a kick and punches Cena down the ramp, but Cena slams him into the barricade. “USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE!” Cena uses the tree! Cena opens up one more gift: A BOWLING BALL! Cena lines up, and OOOH, gets the Del Rio 7-10 split! Now, Cena has a fire extinguisher. Del Rio begs off, but Cena gives him “a white christmas” with the extinguisher. Ricardo with the sleeper. SANTA’S BACK! Ricardo’s happy, but gets sacked by Santa! SANTA SOCKO to Del Rio! AA by Cena! Three count!
Winner: John Cena
-Cena and “St. Mick” celebrate post-match as King and Cole sign off, wishing us happy holidays.
-End of show.
Credit: Ken Hill