Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, February 20th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The Target Center in Minneapolis, MN
Results by Tony Acero
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We are LIVE in….where are we? Oh, we’re in Minneapolis, Minnesota. We get a recap of Kane’s dastardly deeds over the last few weeks, leading up to the match last night. Including Eve’s little hot moment of Cena lust, the wheelchair fall of doom, the little girl that cared and a few other things that sucked. We then go to the backstage area where Eve is talking to The Bellas. Bellas call Zack a great guy and ask if she cares. Eve laughs it off. She wants to correct the Bellas. They were not friends, Zack thought they were friends. People all over the world are talking about me now. Zack is an idiot, he didn’t even get to first base. The Bellas find it deplorable (which is hilarious). Eve says she’s got the big fish hooked. Just like she used Zack Ryder, she’s going to use John Cena. Well alright. She claims that Cena is going to try and apologize to her but she’s going first. She wants the Bellas to film her walking into Cena’s locker room
Oh but here is Mr. High and Mighty hisself. He removes his hat as Eve shows her emotional range. Cena laughs then walks away, leaving Eve to look like she just woke up in an unknown place.
We begin the in ring portion of the show with Cena’s grin and his music playing. He heads down to the ring, presumably to speak. Before he can, crying ,b>Eve comes down with a microphone. The crowd boos. She wants to explain. She claims that her words were taken out of context. Cena says that first of all, if she’s going to talk, she needs to speak up. Cena tells the crowd that she wants to explain, but he wants to let the crowd know what she said back. Eve here has apparently been sipping the skankjuice and her plan is to use her assets to further her career. Eve calls them friends, then Cena says that because of her he lost a broskii for a hoski. This gets a hoski chant. Cena gets so excited that he’s got crowd interaction, so he begs for the hoski chant. Eve says she can explain. They were jost joking. She says “we” which is interesting.” Cena says Eve should be waiting for the biggest fish, for The Rock. She is disingenuous, egotistical, and are perfect for each other…they’re both scandelous bitches! Eve gets on her knees and cries…haha. Too funny for words, here. Anyways, she gets all sad and stuff so Cena feels bad and tries to pick her up. Eve then goes all Single White Female on his ass and tries to make out with Cena. Cena calls for secuuurrrrity and tells Eve he is disease free and wants to keep it that way….Eve is left in shambles…think Rihanna, without the bruises. They leave the camera on Eve for far too long as the crowd. The crowd wants Ryder, which is a good sign for him, and Eve continues crying up the ramp in the arms of the refs. Seriously, why can’t we cut to a commercial? Finally…
This leads to an Undertaker package. Taker is asking for vengeance, nearly chanting it. He claims that every story has it. Clips of the epic haircut are shown as Taker repeats the word “Vengeance” so much you’d think the PPV was back. He claims that Triple H’s denials are unacceptable and Trips fate is sealed. Every story has an ending, I will write yours. Tonight.
It appears that Henry was given a match tonight due to Teddy Long suspending him and Henry coming to the aid of Johnny last night.
Match 1: Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
Lockup to start and henry sends Sheamus to the corner. The ref tries to break it up but Henry hits a right then a headbutt and a boot to Sheamus. Sheamus tries to fight back with a boot of his own so Henry fires back with a haymaker then a clothesline. Henry goes for another, but Sheamus ducks and clips the leg then hits a high knee and tries for a whip. henry overpowers and sends Sheamus to the corner, so Shemaus lifts the knees and Henry runs into them. He goes up top and hits a shoulderblock then a pin for 1…2..NO! Sheamus does the ol chest beating thing on the ropes but Henry back elbows out of it then drops a forearm to the back of Sheamus and sends him to the corner. Splash in the corner! Henry hits some shoulders! He goes for a clothesline, but Sheamus gets out and hits some rights. Think of that happening twice. Sheamus with some boots to Henry. The ref tries to stop Sheamus but he goes at it again. Sheamus beats his chest, looks for the Brogue kick but Henry dodges it and knocks Henry to the corner. He hits another corner splash and sets up for the World’s Strongest Slam. Sheamus hops out of it and hits the Brogue Kick! Pin! 1…2…3!!
A good match considering the amount of weight in there. I enjoyed it, even though it was short. This also means that they are firmly behind Sheamus, in case you didn’t know.
In the back, Johnny Ace and Otunga are talking about the moment that he had during the PPV last night. A knock on the door is heard, and here’s Teddy Long. He shakes hands with Johnny but Teddy says this isn’t his home and he wouldn’t be hanging out with Otunga and Johnny if it were his home. Johnny says that him taking over Smackdown was Otunga’s idea, not his, but he likes the idea. Teddy says he likes the idea, too. He thinks that one GM is a great idea. He says to ask the Universe who would do the better job. Ace says he doesn’t care about the crowd. All he cares about is the Board. He then mentions how much taller he is than Teddy. Do you know what a pile of compost is? It’s a stack of manure and I didn’t know they could stack it that high. They mention the main event tonight, a battle royal of 10 men (5 from Raw and 5 from SD). Teddy says that anyone on the Smackdown roster is better than Otunga. Ace says Otunga will face anyone on the Smackdown Roster. Teddy says ok, then calls Otunga Pee-Wee Herman’s fair god-momma. hahaha.
Match 2: R-Truth and Kofi Kingston vs. Primo and Epico
Both Kofi and R-Truth are showing a bit of wear and tear from last night’s match. Truth and Epico to start. Truth hits the ropes then a shoulderblock, a little pop locking and some rope work followed by a clothesline and a pin for 1. Epico comes from the ground with an elbow, is tossed to the ropes, blind tag, and hits a kick but Truth is there with the splits then a spin kick. Primo is in and takes control of Truth , preventing a pin by toe holding the leg and knocking Kofi off the apron. But Truth hits Primo and gets a tag anyway. Kofi in high with a clothesline, hits Epico off the apron, some clothesline and a Boom Drop! Rosa gets on the apron, distracting the ref, so Epico runs in and hangs Kofi on the ropes. Primo is looking for the backstabber, but Kofi arm drags out of it. Trouble in Paradise! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Winners: R-Truth and Kofi Kingston (**)
If I were to rate the match, it was alright for the time given. It’s the booking that bugs me, as it appears that the only thing Truth and Kofi have in common is that they are black. They were teamed for no reason, and got a win over the champs which means this most likely isn’t a one-off teaming. Just seems rushed and nonsensical.
We’re back!!! We get a nice video package of the newest entry to the 2012 Hall of Fame, RON SIMMONS!! It makes Simmons look more bad ass than ever and shows just how great of a competitor he was. Man, I gotta watch some tapes of this guy…he won the Championship off a Powerslam to Vader! VADER!! They go through his AWA days, his WCW days and his APA day before leading to his trademark “DAMN!” outcries. Congratulations, Ron Simmons!
A recap of Jericho’s crash landing from last night is shown before we get Mathews and Jericho in the backstage area. Jericho is fuming. Mathews points out the obvious saying he wasn’t eliminated. Jericho calls it a travesty of justice. The rules clearly state that you must be submitted or pinned. He wakes up in the trainer’s room deemed unfit to continue? That was unfair. He was never eliminated. What kind of a champ is Punk to allow that? Jericho is the best in the wold at everything he does and believes that with every fiber of his being, he knows it, he is it! Tonight is the end of the world as you know it and every superstar in the battle royal is going to understand exactly what he’s saying and CM Punk will know it to be true.
Back to the show, and Otunga comes out with Johnny Ace on his side. Likewise, Ezekiel Jackson comes out with Teddy Long on his side.
Match 3: David Otunga (w/ Johnny Ace) vs. Ezekiel Jackson (w/ Teddy Long)
Lock up is short lived as Zeke sends Otunga to the mat. Otunga runs right into a shoulderblock then here comes Zeke with the fore arm to the back and hard rights into the corner. Otunga fires out of the corner with a clothesline and a pin for one. Otunga with a cravat and some forearms then another pin for 1. Otunga stands and Zeke hits some back elbows then a hard clothesline. Zeke in the corner with some hard clotheslines and a whip to the corner. He goes for a splash but Otunga misses and hits his finisher and a pin for 1…2…3!
Winner: David Otunga (*)
That was about as bad as you thought it would be.
We are brought back to last week where HBK added some much needed excitement to The Undertaker/HHH feud. This is where HBK asks Triple H to look him in the eye…which one, I’m not sure. After the video, Taker is walking…oooooo. We get a feet-only view as we go to break.
We are BACK with the Dong of the Deadman! Taker is out with Deadman hoodie. No hair in sight from here, other than the facial. Rather than raising the lights, Taker goes straight for a mic. He begins by staring at the mania sign then says that for nearly a year every passing moment of every passing day, he has lived with the memory of the beating that he took at the hands of Triple h last year. It has been a living hell. Not a physical one, though, the wounds have all healed. It’s been a hell of uncertainty. An uncertainty that he can no longer bare, so three weeks ago he came and challenged HHH for one more match to end the uncertainty forever. Never did he expect the answer that he got. He claims that Triple H missed the point though, it wasn’t his choice to make. This has to come to an end. We are on the verge of apocalypse. We are the last of our kind. The suit, the tie, all the corporate liabilities are just layers to cover up the real Triple h. We have to end the uncertainty. This is something that you cannot lie to yourself about. You can lie to Shawn about it, but you will not lie to me, says Taker. He claims that Trips will come out here and look Taker in the eyes. This thing is biggeer than Taker and Trips, it is…the apocalypse.
Triple H is out and he is suited up! He is sad eyed as he scoots up to Taker. He says that three weeks ago, Taker came to the ring and issued a challenge. Triple H looked into his eyes and what he saw—–Taker cuts him off with a shut up. You can save your pity, I don’t need it. But let me tell you what is pitiful. Pitiful is the excuses that you keep coming up with not to do this! Triple H understands how bad he wants this. Triple H says he’s right, they are the last two, but their fate is not to end it, it’s to insure that it carries on. Trips fate is to make sure that this business is here and that it exists in the future. Taker’s fate is what it’s always been…to be the leader, to carry the torch. To carry it and lead the way. Triple h says it’s bad for business. Taker wants Triple H to make this clear for him. Is it bad for business if Taker’s gone…or is it bad for business that Triple H will be gone? Triple H says it’s just plain bad for business. Triple H claims that he’s never been more certain of anything in his life, and he thinks that honestly, Taker is really certain of it as well. Taker isn’t asking for redemption or vengeance, he’s asking Triple H to put an end to him. Triple H knows what he has to do to beat him, he has to finish him and deep down inside, that’s what Taker wants right? Triple H is not going to put an end to it. He’s not going to be the one. that finishes it. Taker says that Trips can put whatever spin that he wants on this, but at the end of the day all Trips is going to see in the mirror is a coward.
Triple H gets back in the ring he was just about to leave and he does the “oh no you di-int” walk. He is sick to death of this coward thing! He gets into Taker’s face and yells then stops himself. He grins. He sees Taker’s game, it ain’t gonna work. He’s sorry, but the answer is no. Triple H leaves the ring. Taker, with his back to the tron, says he thinks he just figured it out. Trips can’t do what HBK can’t do, because he knows that Shawn was always better than HHH. Trips takes off his jacket and loosens his tie! The first button is unbottoned! The second. Oh sheeeeut. He walks down the ramp, lookin to rumble. He’s face to face with Taker, now. He says that Shawn couldn’t get the job done, he knows damn well that he can. He can finish Taker, he knows it, Taker knows it. After some jib jab from H, he finally comes out and says it…he will face Taker at Wrestlemania on one condition….
HELL IN A CELL!
Taker then pats Triple H on the shoulder and walks out of the ring. Rather than the original Taker music, we get “The Memory Remains” by Metallica, which seems to be the theme of the Triple H and Taker match leading into Mania. I prefer Johnny Cash, but I suppose this works…
Recap of the Chamber match with a photo slideshow of Show getting into the Pod to beat Bryan’s ass. Cole confirms Taker vs Trips in a Hell in a Cell match.
Bryan in the ring; based on his accomplishments, people all over the world consider him a role model. He defeated five men inside the Chamber and is still the World Heavyweight Champion, YES! YES! YES! Santino’s music hits and he comes out. I suppose there is going to be a match here.
Match 4: Santino vs. Daniel Bryan
Bryan goes for a right, but Santino ducks and hits some of his own only for Bryan to hit a kick and some rights. The Santino chants are loud. Bryan sends him to the corner but he hops over Bryan, does the splits and is able to hit an arm drag. Bryan flies and Santino calls for the Cobra. Santino pulls it out but Bryan hits him in the back before he can get it all the way on. Santino tries to get some offense in only for Bryan to lock in the LaBell Lock and Santino taps!
Winner: Daniel Bryan (*)
There goes Santino’s push, I see. Too short to mean a damned thing.
Match 5: Kelly Kelly and Aksana vs. The Bella Twins
Bella and Kelly start off and Kelly is quick to slam Bella’s face to the mat then tags in Aksana. They do a double boot choke but Nikki is quick to drop Aksana then hit a snapmare. She gloats so Aksana trips her up then gets a couple of kicks in before hitting a body slam. She stomps a cigarette that’s invisible then hits an elbow…sorta, and pins for 1. We get a switcharoo of the twins, a faceplant and Brie covers for 1…2..3!!
Winners: The Bella Twins(1/2*)
Waste of time
When we return, Cena will address The Rock.
Cena is in the ring. He claims it’s cold outside, but he’s bout to turn the heat up. Before he was interrupted by Eve, he was out here to talk about The Rock and Wrestlemania. You know, the guy that’s not here this week. The guy that will be here next week to address him, though. The crowd chants for Rocky and he holds the mic to them. He says he used to love that chant. He used to love The Rock just like us, then he morphed into Dwane and became a disciple of Team Film It. He is no longer the People’s Champion. He’s got a staff of writers and some rent-a-cops. This is the part where he is supposed to say he, “He looks forward to Wrestlemania because he respects The Rock.” He doesn’t. He respects Dwayne for what he’s done in film, for convincing the WWE Universe that he has a mangina. And he cane make his boobs bounce. Throughout all the comedy, he’s got beef, though. Next week, he should show up, raise an eyebrow and hold the millions in the palm of his hands then kick it back to Hollywood. He’s got news, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. He claims that this isn’t a movie. What makes him proud is the fact that he always showed up and he never left. He’s got his “swag” voice on tonight. When it comes down to Dwayne, the first time he got a shot at the spotlight, he was gone. Then he came back a year ago and said he’s home and was never going to leave again…and he left again. He said the only reason he came back in the first place was to promote Fast Five and his twitter account. April 1 means everything to Cena, because he’s not just fightingfor himself, but for every person in the back whose dream was to be a WWE Superstar and STAY a WWE Superstar.
He is fighting for the small percent of people who are proud to be (I’m sorry) a professional wrestler. You know what the greatest thing about Mania is going to be? April 9th, the Monday after when he is at RAW and Dwayne is on a movie set. He wants everyone to enjoy all of this. It’s going to be one hell of a ride, as entertaining as Rock is going to be, as many boots to asses, he doesn’t have the club in the bag, son. He’s here, he’ll always be here and Rock will have to kill him to beat him. He makes the claim now that he’s beating The Rock. He’ll see Rock next week, Movie Star. While the passion is there, it’s hard to take truth. This very character that Cena portrayed tonight should be Cena all along, he may actually have a following larger than what he has now.
Before the Battle Royal, Punk is out with a blazer and it appears he will be joining us at the booth.
Match 6: Battle Royal for #1 Contendership to the WWE Championship:
The Big Show, Cody Rhodes, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Wade Barrett, The Great Khali, The Miz, Kofi Kingston, Santino Marella, and Chris Jericho
So, everyone attacks each other, with Khali and Show in the corner being…big guys. Kofi and Dolph and Wade are locking horns while Miz and Truth do their thing. Cody has Santino in one corner as well. Dolph has a shirt hanging from his trunks and it’s really annoying and dumb. Everyone then flocks to The Big Show as he hangs on the ropes, but he moves so Khali takes the place and gets tossed over the ropes. Khali is out as we go to a break.
We’re back, and CM Punk welcomes us, ignoring Cole in the process. Kofi is hanging off the apron and Miz nearly sends him off but instead joins him on the apron. Miz and Kofi both on the apron then Dolph and Cody fly out on the apron as well. Dolph is hanging from the ropes by his feet as Jericho tries to eliminate him. Miz and Kofi are both back in and fighting over eliminating him. Cody and Wade are trying to eliminate The Big Show, but he foot stomps both of them. Truth and Santino are tied up. Truth then attacks Miz while Show is stepping on Dolph Ziggler’s back. Kofi and Truth double team The Miz and toss him to the outside, but he hangs onto the ropes! He flies back in and goes for a double clothesline but he gets sent over again. He hangs on, AGAIN! Truth and Kofi look, then we get a double dropkick from the Braid Brigade and The Miz is Eliminated! Show sees them and hits a chokeslam! Jericho runs in and hits a Codebreaker! Rhodes is there with the Cross Rhodes! Wade lifts up Santino for the Waste Land, but Santino ELIMINATES WADE!! Truth runs to Santino, but Santino Eliminates Truth as well!! Show then grabs Dolph Ziggler and presses himv over the ropes, Eliminating Ziggler!! Truth and Wade were to catch him but it looks like they were a bit slow on it and Dolph may very well have hurt himself.
Show is in the corner and Cody and Santino are on the offense. Jericho and Kofi are locking up. Kofi with a kick to Jericho, he whips Jericho int othe corner, but Jericho reverses only to run into some feet. Kofi goes up top, looking for a cross body, but Jericho sends Kofi flying to the outside! Cole calls Kofi, “Kofi Rhodes” and Punk calls him out on it. The final four now, with Jericho, Cody, Santino and Show. They are each at a corner as King says Wade may have a broken arm and Dolph is hurt as well. Jericho is coaching Rhodes and Santino to attack Big Show. All three gang up on him and Show sends them flying. Cody hits him with the Beautiful Disaster! Jericho with the Lionsault! Santino hits the ropes and does the salute/elbow drop. Santino looks like it hurt him more than Show. haha. Jericho sends Santino over the ropes, but he skins the cat! He pulls out The Cobra!!! Jericho doesn’t see it!! Santino with the Cobra to Jericho!!!! Cody then clotheslines his ass over the rope, saying “Your 15 minutes are up!!” Nice! Show and Jericho are stirring. Jericho is up first. They get Show up for a double suplex, but they can’t lift him! Show ends up suplexing them!!! Jericho nearly slides out of the ring! Show just chokes up Cody and sends him to the outside. Show then chops Jericho down. Cody is holding on to Show’s leg so he goozles him! Jericho is up. Show has both! He sends Cody off the apron! Jericho locks in a Sleeper hold!! Show lifts Jericho over the ropes! Jericho still has the hold in! Show is slowly going over the rope! Here’s Cody, he pulls Show down! Show is eliminated!!!
Winner: Chris Jericho (**1/2)
This was actually pretty fun. The winner was never in question, and seeing Santino get a few eliminations was cool. Unfortunately, it looks like Dolph and Wade were both hurt. I can only hope that it’s not too bad, as I’d love to see them at Mania in some way, shape or form
After the match, CM Punk goes up to the apron and gets in the ring. Punk is smiling, and he extends his hand out to Jericho. Jericho smiles himself and backs up, then leaves. No handshake for Punk.
Credit: Tony Acero