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John Cena
John Felix Anthony Cena
  • Birthdate: 04/23/1977 (age 37)
  • Height: 6'1"
  • Weight: 251 Ib

Cena is known as "the face of the WWE for a lon...

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Event: WWE Monday Night RAW

Airdate: Monday, May 6th, 2013 (USA Network)

Location: The Roanoke Civic Center in Roanoke, VA

Results by Ken Hill & The 411 Report

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

Last week is highlighted with Ryback walking out on Cena and Team Hell No, or so we thought. Paul Heyman and Brock Lesanr also took a little "tour" of WWE HQ and plan on showing us footage of their "corporate invasion."

Cena comes out to kick things off, and a big pop for the WWE Champ as he charges down to the ring. He says there is unrest in the WWE Universe, questions to be answered. He decides to bank on the ancient knowledge of Daniel Bryan. YES, it wasn't smart of him to wrestle on a bad ankle. NO, it's not going to stop him from wrestling Ryback at Extreme Rules. Then, he goes on into some spiel about him and Betty White, "DTF" (Doing the Fandango) and doing something by himself when no one watches (Way to stay PG, John).

As he goes into his "DA CHAMP IS HERE", Vickie interrupts as only she can. She reminds us of the matches already made for 2 weeks from now. She says it would only be fair if both champion and challenger were present to make the stipulation for the WWE Championship match.

Ryback is out. He and Cena stare each other down, and Cena is given the option of deciding the stip first. Cena says he doesn't really care. He jokes about "Vickie's granny panties on a pole" or a "Whine-Off" (Sounds WAY less thrilling than a Hug-It-Out stip). He mocks Ryback's heavy breathing and dates himself with a "Fried Green Tomatoes" reference.

Ryback remarks how Cena can barely take a step without hurting, and finds it ironic that his Achilles' heel is LITERALLY his Achilles' heel. He decides on a match where Ryback rules and Cena literally won't be able to stand for a 10 count: Last Man Standing. That wiped the determined grimace right off Cena's face.

We see a little more footage of Heyman and Lesnar at WWE HQ in Stanford, CT.

Orton is WALKING as he looks for revenge on Damien Sandow NEXT!

~Commercial Break~

The stipulation for the WWE Title match is recapped, and we see footage from last Friday of Big Show distracting Orton while Sandow ambushed The Viper with the Terminus.

With Randy waiting in the ring, Sandow makes his entrance. He decides to sing a song for Randy based of the Viper's own entrance theme, with his own personal lyrics mocking Randy's tatoos, lack of facial expression and so on. The crowd actually approves!

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton attacks Sandow and unloads, taking it to the floor. Sandow tries to regroup but Orton levels him with a clothesline and backdrops him onto the fan barrier. Orton brings it back in the ring for a DDT off the apron, but Sandow goes back out driving Orton into the barricade, and he retreats into the ring. Orton follows and they brawl some more. Orton brings it back in the ring and keeps control. Orton with a series of right hands in the corner. Orton keeps control and poses for the fans. Sandow takes advantage and turns things around. Orton fights back and nails a suplex, and we go to commercial

Mid-match break...

Sandow has assumed control, hits the Russian leg sweep and follows up with the Cubito Aequet for a near fall. Orton makes his comeback shortly after, hitting his clotheslines and the snap powerslam. Sandow gets an elbow on Orton coming to the corner and goes up top, but Orton drops him coming down with a dropkick. He hits his VINTAGE hangman DDT and the RKO polishes off Sandow for 3.

Winner: Randy Orton

Time: 9:25

As the announcers gush over Randy's win, we pan up to the stage, where Big Show stands over a knocked-out Orton. Replays show he ambushed Orton at the entrance way with a big KO punch. Official tend to the downed Viper.

ALBERTOOOOOO DEL RIOOOOOOO and World Champion Show-off Dolph Ziggler face off one-on-one, and Fandango is in action next...with cheesy dance music in tow!

~Commercial Break~

RAW...IS...JERRRRICHO! Y2J and his sparkly jacket are here to entertain, starting with a long line of messed up names for Fandango before saying he'll be scoring the man's match with true dancers...Tons of Funk! Because when we think of excellent dancers, we think "Sweet T" and "Funkasaurus."

Fandango makes his entrance to a decent pop, with the titantron playing his music in a "sing-a-long" type format for easier Fandango-ing. He...