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John Cena
John Felix Anthony Cena
  • Birthdate: 04/23/1977 (age 37)
  • Height: 6'1"
  • Weight: 251 Ib

Cena is known as "the face of the WWE for a lon...

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...preview of "Total Divas" on E! Kaitlyn and The Funkadactyls out for 6-diva tag action and the crowd is THRILLED! (*cue dull Johnny Bravo crowd* Yay)

Divas Champion Kaitlyn & The Funkadactyls vs. AJ Lee & The Bellas

AJ isolates Cameron more or less for the duration of the match, taunting Kaitlyn and blowing her kisses (lucky girl). Cameron escapes and...misses the tag...oh, now she makes the tag to Kaitlyn. AJ's scared shitless, but slaps Kaitlyn anyway. Not a good idea. The Bellas think the same way and ditch AJ, who gets speared for the 3.

Winners: Kaitlyn & The Funkadactyls

Time: 2:46

Mark Henry is STOMPING his way to the ring as he has a message for the Celtic Warrior...NEXT.

~Commercial Break~

Diddy promotes the Be A Star anti-bullying campaign.

We go to the ring and out comes Mark Henry. Henry says Sheamus acts when he comes out. Henry doesn't have to act tough because he is tough. Henry gets the crowd to chant "WHAT?" and he calls them puppets. We see footage from SmackDown where Henry attacked Sheamus from behind.

Henry goes on talking about Sheamus and the Hall of Pain until the music hits and here comes Sheamus to the ring. They have words and talk about Extreme Rules. Henry says they can fight right now and don't have to wait. Before they can fight, Wade Barrett's music hits and out comes the Intercontinental Champion for a match that was already signed against Sheamus. Henry can be sooo forgetful sometimes.

~Commercial Break~

Non-Title Match: IC Champion Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

Henry is on commentary while the match is underway. Henry says Cole is ate up with stupid and tells him to be quiet. We need more Henry behind the announce table. Sheamus with forearm shots on Barrett from the apron. Sheamus knocks Barrett off the apron into the announcers table. Sheamus teases that he's going to throw Barrett into Henry. Henry gets upset but Sheamus drops him with a Brogue Kick. Sheamus comes back in off the top on Barrett with a battering ram for a 2 count. Barrett blocks a hold and rolls Sheamus up for 2. Barrett with Winds of Change for a 2 count.

More back and forth. Barrett ducks a Brogue and kicks Sheamus in the gut. Barrett with a big mule kick shot to the jaw for another 2 count. Barrett goes for the Bullhammer Elbow but Sheamus counters with White Noise. Sheamus nails a Brogue Kick for the win.

Winner: Sheamus

Time: 4:39

Right after the bell, Henry waffles Sheamus and goes to town on him with a belt he stole from one of the EMTs. He throws him to the outside, whips him some more and drives him into the floor with the World's Strongest Slam. "MAKE A JOKE NOW!"

We see some of the brutal marks left from Henry whipping Sheamus on the Irishman's back. Yikes.

We get a Tale of the Tape between the two "Monstrous" superstars in Kane and Ryback. Their first-time match-up is NEXT!

~Commercial Break~

Ryback piefaces Kane. Kane unloads on Ryback, but Ryback shoves him off and gets shoulder blocked for a two count. Kane with a big scoop slam for another 2 count. Kane clotheslined to the outside, but he lands on his feet and pulls Ryback outside. Ryback turns it around, however, and sends Kane into the barricade as we take our last commercial break.

Mid-match break...

Ryback covers Kane for a 2 count. Another slam and a splash gets 2 for Ryback. Front headlock by Ryback. Kane reverses a whip, but Ryback gets an elbow up and Thesz presses Kane, slamming his head into the mat. Kane fires back with a big boot. Kane goozles Ryback, but he just rips Kane's hand off his throat and shoves him off, but Kane hits a big DDT. Kane with the corner clothesline but Ryback shoves him off and Kane gets spine-busted. Kane blocks the Shell-Shocked with a suplex for 2. Kane up top for the clothesline, but Ryback trips him up and grabs him from the top rope, hitting the Shell-Shocked for the big 3 count.

Winner: Ryback

Time: 8:42

The Shield's music hits and Bryan hits the ring while Ryback seemingly bails. Cena's music hits and he runs down to the ring (again, NOT selling the Achilles injury) to back up Bryan. They're outnumbered and the Shield attacks, but Ryback comes in swinging with a steel chair. As Bryan takes out Rollins and Reigns...Ryback rams the chair into Cena as he's about to AA Ambrose! Big chair shot to Cena and Ryback screams "RYBACK RULES!"

End Show.

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