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CM Punk
Phillip Jack Brooks
  • Birthdate: 10/26/1978 (age 38)
  • Height: 6'2"
  • Weight: 218 Ib

He was titled in the WWE as "the longest-reigni...

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...Ricardo tags himself in. Beth hits the suplex. Ricardo realizes that if he is in the ring, Santino is as well, so he tags himself out again. Beth yells at him to stay outt of the ring. Layla hits a cross body from the second rope into a pin for 2. Faceplant from the champ, then Beth whips her to the ropes. Ricardo is in the ring for no reason, just as Layla hits a hurricanrana/side headlock takedown combo, sending Ricardo to the outside. Santino pulls out the cobra and hits it on the outside while Beth deflects a boot, kicks Layla's leg on the rope, then hits the GLam Slam and pins for 1...2...3!

Winners: Ricardo Rodriguez and Beth Phoenix (*)

The comedy aspect of the match made this all quite sloppy.

After the match, Ricardo Rodriguez cheers happily, rubbing it into the face of Santino. Santino grabs his shirt and rips it off, exposing a purple Justin Beiber shirt underneath it all. That joke isn't two years too late or anything.

Backstage, David Otunga is kissing the ass of Vince. He wants McMahon to know that in his opinion, Ace is doing a great job. But, if he were to be fired, Otunga cannot think of a better replacement than a Harvard educated lawyer with a physique similar to Vince's. Vince says he likes the way he puckers up, but he doesn't like lawyers. lol. In comes Kofi and he's looking for Ace. He wants Big Show, and he wants him tonight. Ace walks in and says fine, if he wants it, he's got it. Tonight, Kofi vs Show in a Steel Cage.

The music of Daniel Bryan hits, and out comes the man who took a three letter word and made it AWESOME! Bryan's got the mic. Daniel Bryan, CM Punk and Kane. Clearly, one of these superstars is not like the others. Haha. Bryan says that he is nothing like CM Punk and Kane. CM Punk and Kane both have a weakness. A weakness in the form of a 95 pound distraction named AJ.

In Punk's case, it's all about jealousy. Bryan proved that he is a superior wrestler when he made him tap, and now he's trying to make Bryan jealous by getting with AJ. Kane...well, Kane thinks it's getting to second base when a woman looks him in the eyes and doesn't vomit. Both Punk and Kane are obsessed with a women who is still in love with Bryan. Bryan then, hilariously says, "Once you go Bryan, there's no point in tryin." Oh yeaaaah. Bryan says he is not interested in AJ, though. What he is interested in is the WWE Title. This week, Q&A session will be very short. This Sunday, will he be the new WWE Champion? YES! YES! YES!

Here's Punk! He brings up the fact that Bryan talks about AJ an awful lot. The thing about AJ is that she's actually pretty cool, and they have one thing in common. Outside the ring, she is waaaaay out of Bryan's league. Inside the ring, Bryan's not even close to being in Punk's league. The other thing is that she is sort of crazy....and Punk happens to dig crazy chicks. There's only one thing he digs more...his WWE Title. Over the past few months, they've traded wins and Kane has beat them both. But either way, Punk is walking out WWE Champion. Bryan then says No! No! No!, assuring a Yes! chant. Bryan wants to know what happened to Punk. Bryan used to respect him but he has changed. He calls Punk the voice of the voiceless, yet panders to everyone. There's a reason why all of these people are voiceless; they have nothing intelligent to say. These people love to yell at Big Show about selling out, but the biggest sell out in this entire company iss Punk.

So says the superstar in the YES! YES! YES! t-shirt. Punk points to the stage and says almost a year ago, he's spoke his mind and people tell him that they think his promo was one of the best of RAW. He kind of rolls his eyes, because most people that say that are people that didn't like him beforehand. The only thing that has changed is...absolutely nothing. He's the same guy he was. He achieved success at the highest level on his own terms. He hasn't kissed anyone's ass, but he can't say the same about Bryan. They both shattered the glass cieling, but ever since then, Bryan has become self absorbed, insecure and obnoxious goat-faced morons. The crowd chants Goat Face. Whether you like it or not, Punk is going to give Bryan a wake up call when he puts him to sleep!