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CM Punk
Phillip Jack Brooks
  • Birthdate: 10/26/1978 (age 38)
  • Height: 6'2"
  • Weight: 218 Ib

He was titled in the WWE as "the longest-reigni...

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...could have the whole HART family over again. Vince says they'll talk about it later. She says she'll wait right here for it. Vince doesn't look interested. He makes the walk, and here's the Funkadactyls. They press their booty inhto Vince and want him to override the decision to ban Brodus from RAW. They both throw a lil fit, then say that they hear that Vince knows how to get funky....Vince then says "Somebody Call My Momma" the lights go out, and the two girls get down and dirty with ol man Vince. This goes on long enough for Vince to cross his arms, look at the screen, and run into.....Zack Ryder. McMahon gives him a WOO WOO WOO YOu Know It then walks off.

Cue the Goldberg chants.

Match 4: Ryback vs. William Fillmore and Rutherford PS Hayes

J1 runs riight into a powerslam, make that two powerslams. J2 decides to leave the ring, sayin F that. He runs around, but Ryback makes it to the outside and clotheslines his ass down. Ryback picks him up and presses him over the ropes, back into the ring. Ryback is back in. He lifts both men. The crowd is loud with the Goldberg chants. He hits a double Samoan Drop like manuever then pins em both.

Winner: Ryback (NR)

The only thing different here was that one ran away. Losing interest...fast

Back to the show, and we've got Hornswoggle and Vince McMahon watching the recap of his imitation of JR. Vince claims that he's got some tips. He makes fun of JR's face, then says Stone Cold a few times. Fucked up....lol. He sends Hornswoggle out and here's John Cena. Cena tells Vince that the sooner Ace is out of the job, the better. Vince says that this is coming from someone that didn't do too well at Mania. Cena says that now, Mania wins and losses are how we measure success? Vince lost to Hogan, his son, etc. McMahon wants to change the subject, and wants to know if Cena can stop Show. Cena says that this Sunday, he's got Show. Cena brings up the words "You're Fired" and tells McMahon to use em tonight.

In comes Otunga. Otunga says that he only practices law when he--McMahon cuts him off and tells him that no one likes anyone that would actually pucker up and kiss another man's behind. He then says no offense to the man sitting on the couch, randomly; William Regal

Match 5: Steel Cage Match

Kofi Kingston vs The Big Show

Big Show makes his way in and Kofi is quick to attack. He hits right after right, but Show stops him with a blow to the back. Show sends Kofi face first into the cage. Big Show lifts up Kofi and bod slams his ass in the center of the ring. Big Show squishes Kofi's face into the cage then pulls back and tosses him with one hand into the cage. Big Show steps on Kofi's chest in the corner. Show sends Kofi back first into the cage, again. Kofi tries to fight back ,but Big Show lifts him up and sends him cross bodied into the cage once again. Big Show with a kick to Kofi. Another kick. He lifts upp Kofi and kicks him in the gut over and over again then yells at the crowd. Kofi tries to fight with some kicks, but Shoe just steps on him like a bug. Show whips Kofi into the corner then channels his inner 2pac and asks the crowd to Smile for him! He runs and is about to splash Kofi, but Kofi moves. A dropkick, then he is whiped into the cage, but Kofi spidermans that shit and latches on. He hops off then hits Trouble in Paradise and pins for 1...2..NO!! kofi runs for the door. He nearly makes it, but Show pulls him back. A kick to Show, and he tries to escape once again. Show pulls him back then hits him with a WMD. He taunts the crowd some more. Kofi is laid out, and the ref tries to wake him. King calls the match over, considering Kofi doesn't move. Show then leaves the cage through the door.

Winner: The Big Show (*1/2)

Not every slaughter is fun to see. This was beyond boring, and it didn't add anything new, as we already knew that The Big Show was a wrecking machine.

Match 6: Sin Cara vs. Curt Hawkins

Lockup to start, and Curt works the arm. Sin Cara hops out of it and grabs the wrist. Curt gets a wrirst lock of his own, and he uses the ropes to bounce off and hit an arm drag. Cara uses leverage to send Curt to the