Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, December 12th, 2011 (USA Network)
Location: The Norfolk Scope Arena in Norfolk, VA
Results by Tony Acero of 411
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We get a nice lil video package showing the Slammy’s of the past and some wow moments of 2011 before the start of the show. The opening is full of Flo Rida and comes off as a legit awards show, with a female voice over and the like. Pyros galore and we are welcomed by Michael Cole and we are here for the first Slammy of the Night.
“Tell Me I Did Not Just See That” Moment of the Year:
Presented by: Booker T and Hornswoggle
Hornswoggle is wearing an afro wig. Hornswoggle throws some slang out there and sells the match for this Sunday with Booker and Cody.
Jim Ross for the dance off against Michael Cole
Santino damn near wins the Royal Rumble
R-Truth gets Okey-doked by Lil Jimmy
The Miz mocks The Rock
Winner: Jim Ross
Jim Ross is out to accept his Slammy. He never thought he’d ever win a Slammy for getting JIGGY with it. Here is Cole on the mic….oh joy. He claims this is ridiculous. He can’t beleive that we are only one award in and already it’ a sham. Obviously, the dance contest was rigged and he is going to accept an award for it? The only thing JR did was get jiggily with it, cuz he’s fat. Booker calls Cole a loser. Booker bets that tonight, Jim Ross could beat Michael Cole right now in…a Rap Off. Shades of The Greg DeMarco Show! Cole is down. He listens to Eminem, so lets get this thing done.
My name is Cole. That’s my name.
I’m like JR, but I’m even smaller.
I went to Wrestlemania and I beat Jerry Lawler.
Good Ol JR, I’m better than you
I’m the voice of this show, not a fat tub of goo
JR, I know you’re jealous, yeah you are
I think you should just take a hike
cuz you know that the whole wide world wants to be like MIKE!
Why don’t you just crawl back in your hole
Cuz you just got screwed…by Vintage Cole.
Jim Ross is going to do this acapella:
Michael Cole, you’re a damn fool
The King beat you like a Government Mule
I should be callin RAW cuz you ain’t got no talent
You kiss the Kings feet now you can kiss my ass
Jim Ross wins this, but Booker says it’s not over just yet…Booker calls for the Spinarooni from JR. We get….a variant of it, but essentially it’s Jim Ross spinning. I swear, when he fell back, I thought he was having a heart attack. This was as bad as you can imagine…
In the back, Foley is walking towards the ring. It appears he is a presenter.
“Holy Bleep” Moment of the Year:
Presented by: Mick Foley and “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
Foley claims that it makes sense why he’s in here, what with all of his career, but why is Ted DiBiase here? Why did they get paired up? Is it because he’s the wealthiest while Foley is the – DiBiase interjects with Cheapest. DiBiase says he is the Holy part of this
Sheamus powerbombing Sin Cara through ladder at MITB
Randy Orton RKO’s Christian on the steps at Summerslam
Big Show and Mark Henry break the ring at Vengeance
Evan Bourne with the Shooting Star Press off the ladder at MITB
Winner: The Big Show and Mark Henry
Show comes out by himself and says that he’s pretty sure Henry is a bit gun shy after what he did to him on Smackdown. He claims that what would go real good with this Slammy is the World Heavyweight Championship and after TLC, he’s going to put those two together. Show says he is going to do what he does best, go into the ring and bust some heads.
Match 1: The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett
We come back while the match is in play. Show trucks through Wade Barrett in the ring and Wade is outside. Show follows. Show looks like he’s going to toss Barrett into the table, but Barrett floats over and sends him to the ring post. Show is on his knees, face down on the table. Wade Barrett hops up to the second rope, looking to jump but Show is up and stares at him. Show crushes the fucking table in half with his bare hands then chops Wade into the ring. Wade goes for the chair, Show socks the chair and the ref calls for the DQ.
Winner: The Big Show (*1/2)
Way to show how cheap the tables are…
The next award will be presented by…THE ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES!!! AWESOME!
Pipe Bomb of the Year:
Presented by: The Road Dogg Jesse James
Road Dogg says he’s trying to keep this all PG and says a few quick rhymes that are simply better than ANYTHING JR and Cole did.
We get a whole bunch of clips focused mainly on Punk, R-Truth and Miz as well as some Booker T commentary. There’s a lot of funny here, to be honest, including a few clips from The Z True Long Island Story. Some Johnny Ace clips and a few other jabs at the wrestlers and the like. I think there are also a few clips here that could best be referred to as bloopers.
Winner: WWE Champion CM PUNK
Punk comes out with a mannequin….it’s wearing a T-Shirt of The Dynamic Dudes. Punk calls it an honor and publically thanks Natalie Slater. Thanks a lot of others that I don’t know, but like any good activist, he wants to inappropriately shed light on a cause. He wants to promote someone backstage that does not get the recognition he deserves…and like this mannequin, this person is boring, completely bland, 100% non-descript and lacking in human characteristics such as honor, pride and intelligence. Also, he is 100% anatomically correct. Please join him in honoring a legend, a tribute to….John Laurinitis.We are then shown a video package of Johnny Ace from back in the day as well as some subpar promos. Punk says Johnny couldn’t be here to accept the award because he is watching Point Break in the back then mocks his voice.
The WWE shows a video package for tomorrow’s Tribute to the Troops and as such, I find it fitting to do the same. Join ME, tomorrow night, with the LIVE coverage of Tribute to the Troops, starting at 5! More Tony, more fun, more JOE!!!!!
Divalicious of the Year:
Presented by: LITA!!!!
Lita brings up a few of her Divalicious moments before listing the nominees.
Natalya with a double sharpshooter
Kelly Kelly wins the Divas Championship for the first time
Kharma decimates Michelle McCool
Beth Phoenix with a Glam Slam onto Eve from the Top Rope
Winner: Kelly Kelly
Kelly is so shocked, but here comes Beth and Natalya! Kelly slaps Beth before she can say anything and holds her Slammy high, causing the Blonde Bombers to walk away… Is it odd that I want a tag match?
OMG Moment of the Year:
Presented by: Santino and The Bella Twins
Santino says there are moments that stop time and change history. The only thing you can says is omg. (pronounced as a word, not an acronym). The Bellas correct him and Santino questions the meaning of that. Bella 2 calls her an idiot. Santino calls them floozies and escorts!
HHH Tombstones The Undertaker at Wrestlemania
The Rock Rock Bottoms John Cena at Wrestlemania
The Superstar Walk Out on Triple H
Punk Takes the WWE Title at Money in the Bank
Winner: Triple H Tombstones The Undertaker
Here is the Mattel Street version of Triple H complete with water bottle and sledgehammer! Triple H does his full entrance and is looking quite upset. Let’s see if he can make me interested in seeing him and Nash wrestle…First of all, the OMG moment was not what you saw, it was a short period of time after that when the match was over that the moment took place. It was when The Undertaker, for the first time in his career, could not leave the ring under his own power. He was carried. Only one man walked out and it was Triple H. 9 Months later and The Undertaker is no more. The OMG moment was when the streak came to an end. You watch your mouth, Hunter.
This brings Trips to Kevin Nash. He wants to see one more time what Kevin Nash has done and we are taken back to two months ago when Nash gave Triple H a boo boo. Triple H tells Nash that he should have finished the job because Triple H is back. He is thinking that perhaps his 16 year relationship with Nash was built on lies and deception. This Sunday, it’s not going to matter who is right and wrong, this Sunday Might will make Right (don’t make that a T-Shirt). This Sunday, he will get the hammer because he is right. He will bring the hammer down on Kevin Nash over and over again because he is Right. This Sunday, all the lies and the deception is done. This Sunday he will show the orld that he is Right and Kevin Nash is simply…done.
At the top of the ramp is Santino with the Slammy, Trips holds up the hammer, scaring him to the back. Well that’s not right…
Trending Star of the Year:
Presenters: David Otunga and Tony Atlas
Otunga is out with his mug. Atlas starts his laugh while Otunga tries to give out the award. Otunga tells him to stop laughing. The four nominees will face in a Fatal Four Way tonight and the winner will be announced after. Atlas says he is laughing a Otunga.
Match 2: Zack Ryder vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler goes right after Ryder! Cody attacks Bryan. Cody with a knee to the gut of Bryan then a forearm to the back. Bryan flips Cody over and Ryder flips Ziggler over. They hit the ropes and each man flies into their adversaries. Nice.
Back! Ryder and Bryan are starin at each other, then get ready to lock it up. Lock up in the middle. Ryder with a side headlock but Bryand sends him to the corner and gets a few kicks in. To the opposite corner, but Ryder hits the double knee, sending Bryan to the low corner. Bro Kick! Ryder with a pin. 1…2..NO!! Ryder with a whip to the corner, Bryan back flips over and we get a double cross body in the center of the ring. Rhodes runs in and covers Bryan for 1…2…NO! He covers Ryder, but there’s Ziggler to break it up! Ziggler and Cody in the middle of the ring. They opt not to fight and instead decide to attack the faces. Ziggler goes after Ryder and Cody hits Bryan in the gut. Ziggler sends Ryder to the outside then kips up. Cody with a Side Russian Leg Sweep then leaves Bryan for Ziggler. Ziggler with a dropkick to the back of the head of Bryan then pins for 1 and that upsets Cody. Ziggler says he was simply holding Bryan down. Ziggler shoves back. Daniel Bryan with a roll up for two. Ryder is back in and Ziggler is there to attack. Bryan hits the ropes. Roll up. reversal. Cody and he trade like 13 pins until Bryan gets a 2 count. Cody sends Bryan to the outside then calls for Ziggler to hold up Ryder. COdy then sends Ryder to the outside. Ziggler with a roll-up! 1…2..Here’s Cody with a right hand! Alabama Slam!!!! NICE!!! Pin for 1…2….NOOOOO!!!!
Ziggler shoots out of the corner with a double clothesline onto Bryan and Ryder. Cody with a Beautiful Disaster onto Dolph. He pins and Bryan breaks it up for two. Bryan with some hard kicks to Cody in the corner! OUCH! He runs and hits a dropkick to Cody!! Bryan is going up top! He’s seething! Here’s Cody to hit the ropes, tho! He crotches Bryan! Ziggler goes for a splash in the corner but Ryder moves and ZIggler hits turnbuckle first. Cody and Ziggler are on opposing corners for some double Superplexes!!! All four men are down. Cody is up first, then Ziggler. They trade rights back and forth. Here’s Ziggler with a kick! Ryder hops to Cody with a Rough Ryder, but Cody tosses him over himself and the Rough Ryder is hit onto Ziggler!! NICE! Cody with the Cross Rhodes onto Ryder, he goes for a pin but Bryan goes for the LaBell Lock. Ziggler is there to break it up and hit the Zig Zag on Cody!
Winner: Dolph Ziggler (***1/2)
A great Fatal Four Way from these guys, but I expected as much. I do question the quickness that Dolph got up from the Rough Ryder, though.
King is in the middle of the ring to present the Trending Star of the Year Award. The winner is…
Winner: Zack Ryder
Dolph hits the Zig Zag on Ryder and grabs the Slammy himself! hahaha.
Game Changer of the Year:
Christian is out on crutches and in a neck brace. He wants to award himself the Courageous Moment of the Year Award to himself for showing up tonight. He also here to present the Game Changer of the Year. It’s for the moment that changed the entire landscape of the WWE. Before he rolls the footage, he wants to know why he is not nominated. How is he not nominated for Superstar of the Year? He won TWO World Heavyweight Championships this year!! He calls the fan’s faces Stupid and blames them. He asks for One More Match, of course.
Vince McMahon is fired by HHH
Kevin Nash returns at Summerslam to give Del Rio the Title (why is this Nash’s nomination?)
The Rock vs John Cena
Winner: The Rock Challenges John Cena
Cena is out! There’s Hate, but he is above it. He thanks the fans. This award moment is not resting on the shoulders of one man, it’s because of a team. He is not here to take all the credit, so without further ado, allow him to introduce to us…The Most Electrifying Man in all of Entertainment, THE ROCK!!!! Ah, but of course…The Rock isn’t here. How rude, Cena! How rude! Cena brings up that he’s said he would never leave. He says this was a severe error on his part. We typically get a satellite video or clip from Rocky…so he says to roll it! There is no clip. He says this is worse than JR’s rap! He will apologize then for Team Bring it for not bringing it. He says that this moment is now worth more. He realizes that The Rock will see this and he hopes it fuels his dedication and preperation. The real game changing moment is at Mania and he promises that they will get John Cena at his very best. He just wants The Rock at his very best. This award means they changed the game for the year, but April 1st, this will change the game forever. And he’s outtie.
Match 3: Alberto Del Rio and The Miz vs. CM Punk and Randy Orton
WE’re starting with Punk and Miz, here. Punk goes for a high kick but Miz dodges it. Punk with a sweep and Miz backs into the corner. Punk with a go behind. Snapmore into a kick to the back. Body slam and a leg drop then Punk works the arm, sweeps the leg and tags in Orton. Orton stomps the leg, then the hand, and drops a knee to the shoulder. Pin for 1. Orton with a suplex and a cover for 1. Orton with a right to the gut of Miz then sends him to the corner. Miz kicks and hits a DDT then a pin for 1…2..NO! Miz tags in Del Rio and Del Rio kicks Oron hard in the back then stomps Orton. He chokes him up on the ropes. The rref breaks it up as Miz chokes up Orton. Del Rio with a dropkick to the back of Orton’s head. Tag to Miz. Orton tries to fight out of the corner but Miz gets him with some lefts. Miz pulls Orton away from the ropes then pins for 2. Miz with a cravat from behind and Orton looks bored. Orton is up as Miz cinches it in. Orton back down. Orton reaches the ropes but Miz says no. Orton with a back suplex. Tag to Del RIo. Tag to Punk. Punk flies off the top rope with a clothesline. Neckbreaker and a pin for 1…2..NO! Punk with a knee in the corner. A bulldog and a pin for two! Punk calls for Nap Time! He gets Del Rio up, but Del Rio fights out, pushes Punk to the ropes and tugs on the ref. Miz uses this distraction to pull Punk back on the ropes. We go to a commercial as Del Rio tags in The Miz
We are back with Miz hodling in a choke hold on Punk Punk gets out of it with a backslide pin for 1…2..NO! Miz comes from the mat with a clothesline and a pin for two. Miz holds onto Punk and tags in Del Rio. Rio with a kick then some knees. He works the left arm but Punk gets out of it with some headbutts. Punk with an arm drag then a swinging neckbreaker. He is reaching for Orton. Del Rio tags in and Miz comes in to prevent Punk from tagging. Miz wih a knee to the back of Punk! Miz with a kick to the chest. Miz with a leg drop. Miz hits the ropes, goes for a boot, but Punk is there with a roll up! He gets two! Miz takes over and tags in Del Rio. Del Rio with a hard kick then a single armed DDT and a pin for 1…2..NADA!!! Del RIo tosses Punk to the corner then kicks the arm of Punk. He tags in Miz. Miz with a clothesline into the corner. Miz with a cover. 1…2..NO! Miz is hopping up and down like a froggy. He hits the ropes then kicks Punk right in the jaw! Miz calls for the Skull Crushing Finaly but Punk goes for the G2S! NO Miz with a backbreaker, he goes for the neck breaker…but there’s Punk with a high kick to the head! Miz tags Del Rio! Punk reaches for Orton but no! Del Rio pulls him out. From out of nowhere, Wade Barrett pulls Orton off the apron! Miz goes for the attack but Punk is there to send Del Rio to the outside! There’s The Miz with the Skull Crushing Finale! Pin. 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Alberto Del Rio and The Miz (***)
The Miz and Del Rio grab the ladder and toss it into the gut of Punk then slam it into Punk’s back. Miz places the ladder onto Punk and Del Rio stomps on it. Miz asks for the mic as Del Rio locks in the arm bar, using the ladder! Miz says that Punk will make it to TLC but one of these two will take the title come Sunday. Miz says he’s coming for him in 6 days. He says his pipe bomb will blow up in his face. He is done!
A-Lister of the Year:
Presenter: Vickie Guerrero and Goldust
Goldust calls Vickie a winner tonight. He says she is the only one who wears more makeup than him. Excuse her.
Vickie says Snooki couldn’t be here but left a pre-recorded message. Here’s Snooki with the award. She calls it awesome, thanks her fans and says we are great. She plugs that show she is on She loves Vince and wishes Zack Ryder luck at TLC. WOO WOO WOO! You Know it!
Josh Mathews is in the back with Mark Henry. Mathews wants to know Henry’s state of mind knowing he must face John Cena. Henry says if Show thought what he did before was bad, he ain’t seen nothing yet. The title is staying with him. As for Cena, he disrespected Henry and if he were him he wouldn’t be worried bout Mania, he’d be worried about tonight, getting inducted into the Hall of Pain.
Jinder cuts a promo before the match. You don’t care, I don’t care, Sheamus doesn’t care
Match 4: Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal
Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick and I guess that’s it…no pin, no countout, just a Brogue Kick…
Winner: No Contest
Participants: Rey Mysterio
Rey says it’s good to be back. He wants to know if we are ready for the biggest award of the night. He believes that this award is the greatest honor because the WWE Universe gets to decide who wins. If being Superstar of the Year is a great honor, then performing for all of us is the greatest honor…on the real.
Alberto Del Rio
Winner: CM PUNK!!
Johnny Ace is here instead! He comes out and shakes the hand of Rey then pushes him aside. He introduces himself, of course. He tells us of the main event but says that currently, Punk is in no condition to accept this award, so he humbly accepts it for him.
They show the promo for 1/2/12 that is above. Who is “she?” Who! IS! SHE?!?!
Match 5: John Cena vs. Mark Henry
Cargo Pants Cena gets pushed to the corner after a lockup by Henry and we get a break…we are back just in time to see Henry splash Cena in the corner then pin for 1…2..NO Dice! Henry kicks Cena around a bit then hits the ropes and goes for a splash, but Cena moves quickly! Hery runs for Cena, but Cena hops over and lifts him up! Oh but Henry falls right atop Cena!!! Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Henry from behind gets a skull crush, and it actually looks convincing. Cena is fighting out of it, however and ends up hitting a back suplex. Cena cannot be seen and he hits the five knuckle shuffle. He goes for the Attitude Adjustment but just crumbles under Henry’s weight. Henry covers for 1…2…NO WAMMY!! Henry starts bashing Cena in the corner then chikes him with the boot. Henry lifts Cena up onto his shoulder but Cena hops off and hits some rights. He hits the ropes. A shoulder block, but Henry stands. He goes for another, but Henry cinches in a bear hug. Cena fights out, hits the ropes and runs right into the WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM!!! The lights go out!! FIRE HITS!!! It’s…..KANE!!!! AND HE’s MASKED!!!!! The Mask is executioner style and looks like Jason Voorhees fell in paint.
Henry leaves the ring and Cena stumbles right into the grip of Kane. Kane chokeslams him and does the four posts on fire thingy. He reaches for the mask….then takes it off…and he’s wearing another mask that looks much more beastly than the previous one. It almost looks like Taker. I should note that he has hair, and considering how bald Kane was, there’s no way this is real.
That’s all, folks! See ya tomorrow for Tribute to the Troops!
Winner: No Contest
Credit: Tony Acero