Completely Rebooking Kevin Owens

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Oh damn. I’m sorry. Really, I am. I could have done anything with my free time. I could have covered any number of wrestling related topics. I could have given my two cents regarding any of the major real-life developments that have come to the forefront over the last few weeks. I could have…. But I didn’t. Or I won’t. Whichever. I’m here to do the worst thing imaginable…. Fantasy book. Again, I apologize. But hopefully you’ll finish reading this and find yourself overwhelmed by a feeling that I didn’t waste your time.

Kevin Owens…. Yeah. That guy. Big fan. Triple H is too (if reports are to be believed). Vince…. Who’s to say? Kevin Owens is a guy who pulled a Tensai and just flat out beat John Cena when most people thought, “nah, they wouldn’t do that. Not now at least. Not this early into his run.” But beat John Cena he did. Straight up, no bullshit, right in the middle of the ring (read that last sentence as if it was Vince Russo saying it). But then what? A couple clean losses later and he’s just kinda feuding with Cesaro. Now we all like Cesaro, and this is a pretty sensible feud for both men, but…. I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right. Though maybe “what should Owens be doing” isn’t the right question. Maybe we should be asking “what should have Owens done.” Or not. But that’s the direction I’m going.

Let’s travel back to May 18, 2015. A (kinda) plucky (sorta) young Kevin Owens quasi accepts John Cena’s US Title open challenge. And by that I mean he cuts a promo on Cena and then gives him a pop-up powerbomb. Fast forward 13(!) days and BAM, Cena/Owens 1. Owens wins, the internet rejoices. All this, I’m fine with.

Now, to change things up:


The next night on RAW (June 1), Kevin Owens comes out and says, “I beat Cena 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring. I am the greatest champion in this company today. I AM NXT. I AM the future. And as far as I’m concerned, I’ve proven everything there is to prove. And if you want to see me back up every word that I say, all you have to do is tune in Wednesday nights….” And that’s it. Owens just leaves.


Cena misses RAW but returns the next week (June 8). He calls Owens a great fighter but says if he were a real champion and a real man, he wouldn’t cut and run back to NXT. Cena announces he will face anyone who wants a shot at his title at MitB. At the PPV, Cena faces, idk, Luke Harper.

Next day (June 15), we begin an angle that will continue through the next few months. Basically, Owens talks a lot of shit…. But never in person. Always via “satellite” or video package or whatever else. But never have him show up to RAW or Smackdown or any other televised (non NXT) wrestling program. Just have him remind Cena and the fans over and over that he beat Cena and that he is the NXT champion. Have Cena basically say that’s a lot of talk for a guy who hides down in Florida when he has an open invitation to join the main brand. At the same time, have them both hype that not only is Owens scheduled to defend his NXT title in Japan, but that John Cena will be in attendance as well.

Shimmy onwards to The Best in the East live network special (July 4). Have the match basically unfold the same way with the same outcome. Post match, have a backstage interview with Owens. It was a fluke loss, he will win his title back, yadda, yadda, yadda. Enter John Cena holding the US Title. If Owens was looking for a title belt, look no further, cause the champ is here. End scene.


Next RAW (July 6), have Cena come out talking about his US title open challenge and how great it was to tour Japan and how Owens lost his NXT championship. Basically say “you have no more excuses Owens. You lost your title but I’m here and if you’re looking for a fight, I’ll give you one.” Again, have Owens continue his trend of not appearing live on RAW. Basically have him say he has his rematch clause and he will regain his NXT title.


At Battleground (July 19), Cena holds another US title open challenge. He faces, idk, Jericho.

Post Battleground, we have Cena mainly focus on his new feud (Rollins) but have him take subtle digs at Owens. Like how Rollins is the future and the greatest champion NXT ever saw. Stuff like that. Have fun Owens packages air with him, idk, interviewing John Cena fans on the street.

NXT TakeOver: Brooklyn (August 22), Owens loses his rematch against Finn Balor.

SummerSlam (August 23), Cena vs Rollins. Ref bump. Cena gets the upper hand. Owens interferes, pop-up powerbomb. Rollins hits a pedigree for good measure. Rollins wins.

RAW (August 24), Cena is like, wtf, bro? We get a “live via satellite” response from Owens. But, SWERVE, Owens was in the building the whole time and attacks Cena later in the night. The real and true feud restarts.


Night of Champions (September 20). Cena/Owens 2. Cena wins.

RAW (September 21). Cena basically calls Owens out for being all talk after losing to Balor twice and then him (Cena) in their rematch. Owens basically says “fuck you, I want a rematch and I want it in Hell in a Cell.”

Hell in a Cell (October 25). Owens wins! Probably in a heel no-good-tactics kind of way.


Then, if you want to continue things further, have Team Cena vs Team Owens at Survivor Series. You can have Cena get a little bit of redemption and have the overall series tied 2-2.

So… That’s it. A doozy of a post, I know. But share your thoughts below!

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