Firefly Fun House: A Step-By-Step Guide to Bray Wyatt’s Madness


– Mercy The Buzzard comes out with the classic ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage line, “Too Hot To Handle, Too Cold To Hold!

Saturday Night Main Event


– We time warp back to the 80’s where Bray Wyatt can be seen behind the original WWF steel cage structure (locked behind the structure of kayfabe?). Channeling Hulk Hogan and other superstars of the era, Wyatt proceeds to insult everything that was wrong about wrestling. Mocking the obsession with steroid taking meatheads with little talent, sends a clear message of how little he cares for how the business was.

– Hulk Hogan embodies the 80’s with his admitted ego and unrelenting patriotism, so it makes sense for Johnny Large Meat (Cena) to channel him. After all, he is a cheaper and less-liked version of a ‘Real American’ manufactured for a modern audience. “Cream Rising To The Top” is another Randy Savage reference. The desire in Cena’s promo to sell WrestleMania matches the intensity of his weight lifting.

– The lesson Wyatt wants to teach, is how an obsession to maintain the perfect body image to become a superstar sends an unhealthy message. He & Abby watch in awe as Large Meat trains beyond the limits and loses all feeling in his arms. This is dark, because many athletes died young due to training too hard (combined with steroids, drug cocktails & partying) to keep up with the rest of the pack. McBossman tells Cena to “keep your hands up!”, which is like a manager demanding his boxer keep on fighting when he’s clearly in danger of severe injury or worse. “Egomania running wild” is the first time Wyatt gives us an idea of what he’s trying to do.

Word Life (Untouchable)

– ‘Doctor of Thuganomics’ John Cena is here, and it’s the first time he becomes self-aware. Whether this is because Wyatt lets him, or because the gimmick gives him some kind of power? Is unknown. Either way, it sure helps Wyatt to prove a point to us. Of course, the crowd going “six-to-midnight” means they are sexually aroused by him reverting to this gimmick; because Cena knows they loved this time of his career the most. As a joke by Wyatt (showing he still has some control), John can only speak in rap form.

– Cena fights back and targets Wyatt’s original character ‘Husky Harris’ for being overweight. Wyatt’s crowd reactions and body language tells us he’s not happy, although it could be a ruse to teach him a lesson. After another vintage dick joke, Cena ends his freestyle by saying Wyatt is a slut for opportunity, but only in the way he sucks and fails each time. This is partly true, as Wyatt has sometimes struggled to make the best out of his opportunities.

– Cena’s insults feed Wyatt in to making a (babyface?) comeback, passionately touting that he had to earn all his opportunities while Cena was handed everything as the Golden Goose (AKA Chosen One, Vince’s Golden Boy). “You’re Not A Hero” means John is not universally loved and has never done anything unselfishly without an ulterior motive. There’s always been a large amount of disdain directed his way. In saying that, Make-A-Wish would adamantly disagree with this line.

Lonely Up There

“You’re A Bully” is another line with substantial weight. To some, it could mean how he politicked to keep himself on top of the mountain (like when he used his influence to persuade Vince to bury The Nexus). But the most likely meaning, is that he’s the antithesis of what he preaches. Starting in the Attitude Era, Rock’s (& others) promos often comprised of him taking opponents weaknesses and verbally trashing them for entertainment. He’d embarrass them to get ahead, but doing so in a way the fans would eat it up as quality television.

Cena’s different though. While preaching admirable values of ‘Hustle, Loyalty, Respect’, he spent much of his career doing the opposite. Remember when he popped the crowd by saying Roman Reigns couldn’t cut a promo? It’s just one example of many, showing his desire to get ahead and stay there at other’s expense. His no-selling after some matches could also be seen as a selfish need to place himself above everyone else. Even Hulk Hogan had the class to put over Andre The Giant on their way to WrestleMania III, by admitting (in a press conference) his palms were sweaty because he worried about stepping in the ring with him. Can we say Cena has ever been as generous?

“Poor, Lonely John Cena” could be a personal dig at the way he chooses career goals over family life. Or it’s more like saying the phrase “it must be lonely up there on your pedestal”. Never being able to admit to his own ego because he’s wired to be displayed like a piece of art in a museum. Of course, Cena typically no-sells these points and frustrates Bray. To move things along, Wyatt uses his own chain against him to take us to the next level.

I Was the Color Red in a World of Black & White

– Bray Wyatt transforms in to his original incarnation from FCW (Florida Championship Wrestling). We can tell this is earlier than his main roster form because his shirt is brighter. What he means by the above quote is that he was a unique presence in a business filled with corporately made characters who are scripted to be shades of one another. He got over with the fans by daring to be different, and doing so by not relying on someone else’s creative process. Effectively, he had the “Whole World In His Hands” in more ways than one.

“Abigail Spoke Of This Day My Entire Life”, Wyatt says this while looking back at their WrestleMania XXX match. What’s significant here, is that his sister promised he would win and it was a prophecy to be fulfilled by John Cena. Despite claiming to be a man of the people, Cena chose not to listen and refused to give them what they wanted. Instead, he defeated Wyatt and the prophecy went unfulfilled. This in turn, manifested itself in Bray’s thoughts for the past six years; and could be the biggest factor behind The Fiend’s existence. Without John Cena’s ego, the Firefly Fun House may never have been created in Wyatt’s mind.

– Bray wants to rewrite history to give the world what it wants and fulfill the prophecy. He calls Cena “Superman” (like how fans mock by calling him Super Cena), before dancing around with his lifeless body. This is likely a callback to when Thuganomics Cena said he’d been nothing but a “disappoint since coming to the dance”.

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