The first five episodes of Holy Foley are available to binge-watch on the WWE Network as of last night, so should you check them out or pass on scheduling them to your queue?
I’m just going to bury the lead right off the bat here and say this: Mick Foley is one of my favorite superstars ever, and I’m a big fan of a ton of his work outside of WWE as well, along with considering him to be a great human being the couple of times I’ve spoken to him—but this show is awful.
Of course, I say this from a personal perspective. There’s always a market to cater toward, and while this is not for me, but you might end up loving it. If you find your tastes lining up more with my side of things, you’ll know to not waste your time, but if you think I’m insane and couldn’t disagree more, by all means, I hope you love it and it goes on for many seasons.
I just won’t be watching with you. Why? Well, let’s see…
I could barely get through the first episode for many different reasons, but one of the biggest flaws is the overall atmosphere. Certainly, if you go into this with expectations that it is going to be a dark and gritty show, you’re out of your mind. This isn’t “The Life and Times of Mankind” in a kayfabe sense—we’re dealing with a guy whose catch phrase is “Have a nice day.”
But my god, this felt overly saccharine to a nauseating level.
We have an entire room dedicated to Christmas, our pilot episode involves a subplot of collecting expensive dolls, there’s a “Foley Family Dinner” that appears to be something that might become a regular centerpiece of the show as a storytelling device to drive home the wholesome vibe, and by the end of the 30 minutes, I felt like I needed to watch Reservoir Dogs to cleanse my palate.
For the record, I’m not someone who can’t handle some sap. In fact, I’d dislike this just as much if it were trying to be gloomy and depressing. Don’t get me started on a rant about goth kids. But even if I sweep that under the rug, what sucks is that this tone doesn’t mesh with the structure of reality television.
The source of any reality show is drama, without a doubt. Either you love this sort of thing or you hate it. I’m of the latter variety, as I can’t stand things like Total Divas (omggg you totally upset me when you said that, so let’s gossip until we come to the realization that we’re still friends until next week when we talk about the next upcoming marriage) or the Kardashians or the litany of copy/paste programming like that.
Still, if that’s what you’re going for, you can’t have the sweet and the sour. Family drama as the driving point of the plot doesn’t work if it doesn’t feel genuine, and when you present this cast in the way they’ve been set up, I don’t buy it.
TV fans are savvy enough to know now that much of reality shows is far from reality, as the concept thrives on putting the cast through certain situations and more often than not, those are fabricated. At best, they’re put in an environment and let loose, free to create their own mess. At its worst, we have scripted dialogue and what feels like an attempt to give everyone signature quirks.
“There’s never a dull moment.” – “We’re not normal!” – I get it. Aren’t you just ca-raaa-zayy!!10z1?
Show, don’t tell. As a fan of the US version of Big Brother, every time a houseguest comes into the season with that sort of forced energy and desperation to come off as “the wild one” it gets under my skin. Real weirdos can’t hide it. Fake weirdos can’t hide their true selves, either. (Side note: Sycho Sid’s son Frank was on this season again, and unfortunately, still didn’t win. I was rooting for that guy. Bummed.)
Anyone who is around kids experiences this sort of thing where a five-year-old will bug you to see how they’re a total whacko and to watch what they can do, just to see them jump in the air or run around in a circle or something like that. To humor them, you of course act impressed, but they grow out of it eventually. This is the adult version of that kind of setup, and your patience with that form of entertainment is going to dictate your pleasure. Does your limit as far as suspension of disbelief end with thinking AJ Styles hates John Cena, or are you also willing to buy into Hornswoggle beating Big Show?
I’ve glossed over it until now, but I want to briefly talk about the cast of characters that we have. Thankfully, Hornswoggle isn’t one of them. Rejoice. Then again, maybe he makes a guest appearance as an elf in Santa’s Workshop later on. I don’t know.
Primarily, this appears to be revolving around not just Mick Foley, but his daughter Noelle. That’s how it’s been advertised so far, so it isn’t surprising. Although the show hasn’t quite showcased it yet by episode 1, it seems from other sources that she is rather gung-ho about trying to find her place in the wrestling industry, so I’m kind of rooting for her to succeed in some capacity, whatever that may be. She’s also beautiful, which makes me jealous of her boyfriend Frank the Clown (lucky bastard), but I also never really liked clowns to begin with other than The Joker. The first episode doesn’t really exhibit him, though, so I have no clue what he’s like beyond that persona. I assume loud on the outside, crying on the inside. He probably has a ton of people in his car at all times, too.
I wouldn’t expect the two youngest sons (Mickey and Hughie) to be more than supplemental, as they’re too young to be getting into a ton of shenanigans. If you take careers and dating out of the equation, there isn’t much left for them to do other than be supporting characters. Foley’s oldest son, Dewey does not get caned, but is rather dealing with a job search and feeling a bit overlooked and underappreciated. The matriarch of the family, Colette, seems to fall victim to the trope of living vicariously through her daughter. If I wanted to watch a show revolving around that, I’d watch Ballerina Moms or whatever that show is called.
I’m sure this is a lovely family and I wouldn’t say anything bad about them as individuals, but I also have zero interest in checking out this type of a show dedicated to them. Something like a WWE 24 special where it is approached from a factual behind the scenes angle would probably be an incredibly interesting alternative that I would watch for sure, but this just isn’t that.
And that’s okay, if that’s what you enjoy. Some people like pepperoni on their pizza and some people like sausage—and some of you heathens out there don’t like pizza at all, and you should be locked up in an asylum.
If you’ve seen one reality show like this, you’ve seen them all, and if you love that sort of thing, you’ll probably be completely entranced by Holy Foley. With any kind of prior exposure to the genre as a pretense, just check out the previews and commercials and you will most likely have an indication of whether or not this is something for you.
On the flipside of things, if your idea of quality television differs from this, I suggest not even watching the first episode.
See it or Skip it? = Skip it. I commend myself for having the common decency to not title this article Holy Foley: Holy Shit, but that about sums it up.
Agree? Disagree? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, and be sure to lend your support one way or another to what seems like a great group of people—the Foley family, I mean, not the writers and producers of this show.
