The Top Ten Lamest Finishers in Wrestling!

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Finishers are a pet peeve of mine.   The basic idea is that a talent finds a move that they are going to use to take out an opponent at the
end of a match.  This is what is going to put the final nail in the coffin
and get them the big three count.   

Some are great.  Hell’s Gate is a legitimate Jiu Jitsu move. 
Sweet Chin Music is a thrust kick to the underside of the chin that would knock
almost anyone out.  One good Rock Bottom could knock the wind out a
man.  The same could be said about the Last Ride, or Batista Bomb, or any
of the other myriad of power bomb variations.   The list goes on and
on.

However, there are a lot of finishers that are just silly.  I almost
consider it an insult to my intelligence that people do them and that other
talents sell them as finishers.  

So..  Here we go.  THE TOP TEN LAMEST FINISHERS IN WRESTLING


10.  CM Punk’s GTS (Go To Sleep):  Ok.. Let’s
look at this one.  Punk puts a man on his shoulders and lets him
go.   The person lands squarely on their feet, but their head bumps
into his knee and that knocks them out.   If the opponent fell flat
and their head bounced off his knee and snapped backward, the finisher would be
better.   If Punk pulled their head in and delivered a Muay Thai
style knee strike, it would be credible.  Having them land on their feet
and barely hit his knee makes it look silly.


9. Hogan’s Leg Drop:  The opponent is laying on the
ground.  Hogan jumps up and lands with all of his weight on his behind,
however, the back of his leg lays across the man’s chest.  This is,
somehow, devastating.  The opponent doesn’t take the brunt of Hogan’s
weight.  It is not some kind of intense strike.  He just drops his
leg across their chest, and they are out for the count.

8. Rey Mysterio’s 619:  Rey sweeps his opponent and they ALWAYS
just happen to fall with their chest draped over the middle rope.  It is
worth noting that this never happens when anyone else delivers a sweep, but it
always does for Rey.  He then bounces off the opposite side of the ring
and swings himself around through the ropes which takes away whatever momentum
he may have had.  However, the fronts of his legs hit the opponent and
send him flying backward toward the middle of the ring.   Alrighty
then.. 

7. Santino Marella’s Cobra:  I will give credit where it
is due that he did finally change it to the throat strike which is mildly
credible  The original was just goofy.   First he makes a
production out of bending his arm.  Then he uses four fingers and pokes
the guy in the forehead.   He doesn’t hit him with a closed fist, or
an elbow, or a chair, or a sledge hammer….  He pokes him with his
finger and the guy goes down..  I can’t imagine why anyone over the age
four would do this, and even then it would just be annoying.


6. The Great Khali’s Giant Chop:  Khali has an
opponent standing in front of him.  Since he is over seven feet tall, he
stands taller than his opponent, so he does an overhand chop where edge of his
hand strikes the top of the opponent’s head.   This is not even a
hard, intense, strike.  It is actually done fairly slowly and
lightly.  Still, it immediately drops the opponent to the ground. 
Really?  Really?  Really?   Ok.  I need to stop
channeling the Miz..  LOL


5.  Undertaker’s Tombstone Piledriver:  On this one,
you have to give Taker credit for dramatics.   He builds it perfect
and he ends it perfect with his opponent flat on his back, arms on his chest,
and Taker over him with his tongue out in one of the most dominant looking pins
in wrestling.   But..  Let’s look at the actual move. 
Undertaker picks the man up, turns him upside down, and puts him in a bear hug
of sorts.  Then he drops to his knees.  The opponent’s shoulders are
even with his hips, and the opponent’s head remains in between his legs and off
the floor.  Unlike most piledrivers, this one makes it obvious that the
person is not really dropped on their head..  So, what knocks them
out?  

4.  Big Show’s Knock Out Punch: Knock out punches are
real.  Watch boxing or UFC long enough and you will see plenty. 
Probably the best looking one in wrestling right now is Roman Reigns’ Superman
Punch.   But, what about Big Show’s?  Well… I guess the idea
is supposed to be that Big Show’s size and his huge fists would make a punch
deadly.  That may be true if he actually threw it hard and fast.  Big
Show, however, throws it slow and barely makes any contact.   How
does this knock out anyone?

3. 
Dusty Rhodes’ Bionic Elbow

Ok.. Again..  Credit where it is
due…  Dusty did this long before people actually
followed MMA as a mainstream sport.  If
you watch MMA, you will see some WICKED elbow strikes to the head.   Not only are they effective, they can be
deadly if they are executed properly.  
Fortunately, MMA is set up to stop the fight well short of the point
where death is likely.   But let’s look
at Dusty’s elbow strike. 

He doesn’t
strike with the point of the elbow.  He
strikes with the back of his arm.  He
doesn’t strike with his weight, strength, and momentum.  He strikes from above his head.  He doesn’t strike a vulnerable location on
the opponents head.  He strikes the
hardest part of the top of the head.  To
make it worse, he stomps with each elbow. 
This makes a lot of noise, but it does nothing for the strike.

2.  Mick Foley’s Mandible Claw (Mr.
Socko)
:   I guess that idea here is that if someone
stuck their hand in your mouth and made you gag, you would struggle so hard to
get their hand out that you would fail to notice your shoulders on the
mat.  That’s probably true.  However, in real life, if someone did that to
me, here is what I would do. 


First, I
would bite down HARD.  The likelihood is that
they would let go. If I couldn’t bite down, or they somehow didn’t let go, I
would roll away from them.   If I couldn’t
roll, I would strike hard and fast from both sides of their arm and snap their
elbow the wrong direction.   At that
point, they WOULD let go.  They would
also run off screaming in pain and make an appointment with their favorite
orthopedic surgeon.

1. The Rock’s People’s Elbow:  Ok..  This one really borders on the absurd.  As a result of one thing or another, the
opponent is lying flat on their back in the middle of the ring.  At this point, The Rock does the obvious
thing any of us would do (sarcasm  intentional).   He begins to run back and forth across the
ring, bouncing off the ropes as he hits each side.   Of course, the opponent is in his way, so he
has to jump over them each time he passes. 
 The opponent just lays there,
which makes sense.  If The Rock wanted to
run back and forth while I took a little cat nap, I would lay there too.   

Of course,
we are supposed to pay no attention to the fact that the guy on the mat has now
had plenty of time to recover if he was actually hurt in the first place. Once
he is done with his little jaunt across the ring, he just stops in middle.  He doesn’t even ATTEMPT to take advantage of
bouncing off the ropes, because he STOPS.  
Now, he does a basic elbow drop and the opponent is down for the
count. 


Before
someone else mentions it, The People’s Elbow does bear a strong resemblance to
Cena’s Five Knuckle Shuffle.  The only reason
that ridiculous maneuver wasn’t included is that it is not a finisher.

I also
realize that I am picking on some of the biggest, best, and most respected
names in wrestling.  The list includes
current stars, legends, and even three Hall of Famers.   My intent is not to diminish the overall
quality of their work or disrespect them in any way.  Some of these guys are brilliant on the
mic.  Some of them are extraordinary ring
technicians and masters of ring psychology. 
Some of them made an impact doing things no one had ever done before or
since. 

I am only
pointing out the oddity of these particular moves and their inexplicable effectiveness
as finishers.


Of course,
your thoughts and comments are welcome.

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