Everyone in the match played their part, although Orton felt like an afterthought. He never looked like the aggressor, aside from the Super RKO on Punk. I have to say, it was an improvement to the MITB at WM22, and just as good as the previous two. Very fun way to start the show. I’ll never forget when I saw it live.
Match #2 – Kane vs. The Great Khali
Oh yes, this is as bad as it sounds. So The Great Khali was in super monster heel mode, and The Undertaker was lined up to take the fall. But first, Kane has to job to him, because that’s his specialty at WrestleMania. Ok, we start with typical brawling, some clotheslines. That big palm thing Khali does. You know, the usual boring stuff. And then out of nowhere, Kane finds a giant meat hook!
Oh no, is he going to stick that in Khali? Not quite. Khali fights back, but Kane low blows him with the chain attached to the meat hook. ANDRE THE GIANT slam on Khali, which was really the only thing worth seeing. Khali stood up and tree slam finished Kane, and it’s over. I wouldn’t blame anyone for clicking the fast forward button. This match sucked, I can’t be any clearer.
Oh, but such an hilarious segment afterwards to make up for it. Crymetime, Eugene, Mae Young, Moolah, Slick, Brooke Adams, Kelly Kelly, Layla, Slick, Sgt. Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes, and so many more, I’m going to include videos at the end of the article, so you can enjoy these moments. RIP Dusty.
Match #3 – Chris Benoit (c) vs. MVP for the WWE United States Championship
MVP’s WrestleMania debut. Benoit and MVP managed a decent mid-card feud together, so the heat is there to get MVP over in some degree. MVP executed his game plan of working on Benoit’s arm so he couldn’t use the crossface to full effect. MVP appears to be out-wrestling Benoit in the first half. JBL overselling the game plan of MVP a little, which is to target the arms and shoulders. Repeated crossface attempts countered by MVP; so clearly done his homework. He does not get out of the german suplex combo though.
Surprisingly, Benoit went to the top, hit the diving headbutt .. and pinned MVP. Unlike the previous year when Benoit lost to a cheating JBL, he defeated his rival clean in nine minutes, and given time to celebrate with the title. The commentary labelled him a future WWE Hall of Famer, one of the best of all time. It was so hard to listen to. Not the best match, not the worst, but still a fairly average contest which was made MVP look good in defeat, and a good reward to Benoit for his continued loyalty.
Match #4 – Batista (c) vs. The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship
Boogeyman and Donald Trump backstage .. dammit Boogeyman, go get Trump some sandwiches! Anyways, on to this title match, I have mixed feelings when it comes to having the Royal Rumble winner not main event the show for the title. Isn’t that the point of winning the Rumble? To main event WrestleMania? And have you noticed how they always have Undertaker in the 3rd-5th match every year? Hardly ever in the main event? I can only recall it happening once.
I already called the Money in the Bank match, so I’ll cut this one to the highlights. Lots of brawling, and Batista doing a flying shoulderblock; which amazed JBL. A flying clothesline from Taker helped the momentum. They fight on the outside, with Batista whipping Taker in to the timekeepers table. Batista gets frustrated and hits a belly-to-belly on Taker. He hits the spinebuster on Taker, but counters his pin attempt in to a chokeslam! The good thing about this match is the streak vs title gimmick; you know something big has to happen for The Undertaker.
Batista tries for the bomb .. but is countered in to the Tombstone Piledriver! 1-2-3, and NEEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, THE UNDEERRTAKER! Sorry, I turned in to Howard Finkel for a second. I have to say, Batista did pretty well here, and the crowd were into it .. so why book it right in the middle of the card? I don’t know, maybe someone can fill me in and give some reasoning. Oh, almost forgot. 15-0!
Match #5 – ECW Originals (RVD, Sabu, Sandman & Dreamer) vs The New Breed (Cor Von, Burke, Thorn & Striker)
Yay.. it’s the old ECW guys at WrestleMania 23. Took ya time guys! Yeah .. I love ECW, but I didn’t love this eight-man tag. You know what’s missing? Blood, weapons, violence, excitement, everything. Just a match to give the old ECW fans something to cheer for, but sadly, it was a mere shadow of its former glory. The Originals won in six minutes.
Match #6 – Battle Of The Billionaires Hair vs. Hair Match with Lashley (representing Trump) vs. Umaga (representing McMahon) with Stone Cold Steve Austin as Special Referee.
Let me attempt to explain this. McMahon wanted to shave Trump’s head, Trump wanted to shave McMahon’s head. So instead of fighting each other, they chose a representative. And instead of picking any big names, they chose Lashley and Umaga. No one was caring for Lashley, and Umaga was still kinda new .. so he wasn’t anyone to care for either. Luckily, the match had Stone Cold Steve Austin.
During the match, Umaga and Lashley took liberties with the rules, and Austin made the crowd pop each time he manhandled and forced them to stop. Neither wanted to hit him back. McMahon sold his evilness, while Trump stood around with his smug smirk. Who are we cheering for here? Trump I guess? So the match dragged on, and on, and on a bit more. Despite the little excitement, both men were spent and couldn’t get up for a ten-count .. so Austin drew another sweet reaction by refusing to count the final ten.
Shane McMahon suddenly appears to create some excitement. Austin drags Umaga off Lashley by his eyes, so Umaga knocks Austin to the outside with a Samoan Spike. Shane enters the ring and works his magic on Lashley. Umaga and Shane work together to set Lashley up for the Shane Terminator. Love the move, but where was the buildup? Austin drags Shane out .. who was pretending to be the referee, and runs into another Samoan Spike.
Trump asks “What’s going on here?”. I agree with him for once, what the hell is going on here? A short time later, Trump ambushes Vince, knocks him down and fake punches like only a billionaire can. Nice one Trump .. at least you didn’t get him at a predictable time; it literally came from nowhere. Austin recovers and nails Umaga with a stunner, Lashley follows up with a spear, and Lashley wins the match on Trump’s behalf.
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