Last year, I decided to explore the idea of revisiting how Survivor Series used to be made up of cheesy named, gimmicky-themed four-person teams, rather than the brand warfare of Raw vs. SmackDown we’ve seen in the modern era.
We’re talking the days of The Hulkamaniacs, The Rude Brood, Roddy’s Rowdies and The 4×4’s (Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s team…brilliant). Full-blown late 80s cheese.
In the spirit of that, if WWE were to ditch the Raw vs. SmackDown idea and go back in time to this booking philosophy, what teams could we make out of the current roster and what terribly awful gimmick names could we give them?
Thus, let’s get into another fantasy booking scenario edition of MAKE THE TEAM!
Warning: Remember, I’m purposely going for as cheesy as possible with some of these names. They’re awful by design. By no means would I actually pitch these teams to be on the legitimate roster if I were writing for WWE in 2021.
4-Person Teams on the Roster Right Now
The Hurt Business consists of MVP, Bobby Lashley, Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin. That’s the only real team we currently have that is already decided for us.
With that in mind, let’s try to fill in some blanks.
The Bloodline +1
Roman Reigns, Jey Uso and Jimmy Uso don’t have a fourth. However, Jimmy and Jey’s brother just joined the roster. Solo Sikoa would kind of have to be the fourth by default.
Diamond Mine +1
Three members of Diamond Mine wrestle right now in The Creed Brothers and Roderick Strong (with Ivy Nile in the women’s division). Malcolm Bivens is just a manager. Hachiman is supposed to just be their trainer, but I would assume he could fill the role of the fourth. If not, and we’re adding a new member to the crew, I would think maybe a repackaged Grayson Waller could fit there, if I had to put someone in that spot.
Joe Coffey, Mark Coffey and Wolfgang are already a trio of Scotsmen on NXT UK. Let’s give them a fourth one to really truly lead the group in Drew McIntyre.
Since Alexander Wolfe was given the boot, we need a fourth person to go with WALTER, Fabian Aichner and Marcel Barthel.
Of all the candidates, my favorite option is The Governor, Danny Burch.
Eddie Dennis leads up Primate and T-Bone. Technically speaking, Wild Board was part of this group, but he hasn’t been seen in months and there’s been no full clarification why. As far as I’m aware, he’s injured, so you can factor him in as the fourth if/when he returns.
If we’re scratching Wild Boar off the list, I’d nominate Saxon Huxley to take his spot.
Legado del Fantasma +1
Ruling out Elektra Lopez (as these aren’t mixed tag team matches), Legado del Fantasma’s other three members are Santos Escobar, Raul Mendoza and Joaquin Wilde.
Put Gran Metalik in there. The whole idea is Mexican luchador tradition and he’s one of the premier wrestlers of that caliber in WWE.
Hit Row +1 / The New Day +1
The trios of Ashante “Thee” Adonis, Isaiah “Swerve” Scott and Top Dolla (with B-Fab) as well as The New Day’s Big E, Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods are two teams I cannot figure out a fourth person for. I’d love to hear some suggestions in the comments!
Toxic Attraction +1
Mandy Rose, Gigi Dolin and Jacy Jayne were to get a fourth member temporarily, I’d nominate Liv Morgan. Clearly, what she’s doing on her own isn’t working for the wins-losses tally. She’s super attractive, plays into it, likes to fashion herself with things like the tear drops and all. Why not? It’s all theoretical and temporary anyway.
New Team Ideas (Completed)
The Most Beautiful Women in WWE = Carmella, Eva Marie, Franky Monet and Jinny
These women may not be yours or my personal picks for the top 4 most attractive in the company, but that doesn’t matter, as they tout themselves as being definitively the hottest in some ways. It’s a little bit of a stretch for Monet, but she fits better than B-Fab or Aliyah.
The Enigmas = Boa, Dexter Lumis, Finn Balor and Jeff Hardy
These are more ethereal characters. You’ve got Boa with Tian Sha, Lumis is as odd as they come, Demon King Balor is there and The Charismatic Enigma wants to bring Willow into WWE.
The Four Horsewomen = Bayley, Becky Lynch, Charlotte Flair and Sasha Banks
Duh. Even though this would seem highly unlikely in the current environment given the reports about Flair’s tenuous relationship.
The Zoo Crew = Keith Lee, Lince Dorado, Matt Riddle and Randy Orton
Bearcat. Lynx. Stallion. Viper. This would totally be Riddle’s doing in naming the group.
The Daughters of Doom = Natalya, Raquel Gonzalez, Tamina and Xia Brookside
They’re all daughters of former pro wrestlers. Flair could fit in this, too, but obviously, she’s used elsewhere.
The Sons Shine = Bron Breakker, Charlie Dempsey, Dominik Mysterio and Von Wagner
Sons of Superstars unite.
Team Joshi = Asuka, Io Shirai, Meiko Satomura and Sarray
Self-explanatory. These are the four Japanese women’s wrestlers on the roster.
Team ROH = Cesaro, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn and Seth Rollins
Team Alt = Blair Davenport, Cora Jade, Rhea Ripley and Shotzi Blackheart
Not the best name, but I couldn’t think of something gimmicky enough. These are the grunge/alt/whatever chicks.
Fall, Pray and Destroy = Karrion Kross with T-Bar, Mace and ???
This would basically have to be a unit of three big hulking brutes who cause destruction, but I couldn’t think of a fourth to fit the bill except Sam Gradwell and he didn’t seem right.
Warrior Women = Aoife Valkyrie, Ember Moon, Kacy Catanzaro, Xia Li
A valkyrie, a War Goddess, an American Ninja Warrior and have you seen Xia Li in the past year?
War & Peace = Erik, Ivar, John Morrison and Mansoor
The Viking Raiders used to be War Machine. Morrison lately is all about meditating and focusing his chi. Mansoor is a perpetual “let’s talk it out, guys” type person. I think Morrison and Mansoor would also have fun with the face paint kind of idea, too, if they all dressed the same.
Witches & Bitches = Alexa Bliss, Isla Dawn, Mei Ying and Scarlett
Spooky Superstars paired together who are all seemingly witches. The name idea popped me.
Stacked Deck = Ace, King, Jack and Joker
I liked the idea of The Irish Ace Jordan Devlin leading a team where it’s kind of random until they realize they can name themselves after this.