Sunday, June 16, 2024
EditorialDear Ric Flair, I Don't Want To See A 200 Year Old...

Dear Ric Flair, I Don’t Want To See A 200 Year Old Man Wrestle



Dear Ric Flair, I love you, you’re one of my all-time favorite wrestlers. I remember the first time I ever saw you on Mid-South Wrestling and asking my dad, “Daddy why is that man yelling?” I will always be jealous that I am not a jet-flying, custom-made son of a gun who takes women to Space Mountain. But, when I saw the confirmation that you will be wrestling again, I just had to write this. Even though you might say you want to die in the ring, I don’t want to see that, and neither do the fans. I apologize to you in advance Nature Boy, but I don’t want to see you wrestle in the ring ever again.

You Are Way Too Damn Old To Be Wrestling

The Mike Tyson vs Roy Jones Jr. exhibition fight in November of 2020 was one of the saddest fights I’ve ever paid money to watch. I didn’t even recognize the two 50-year-old men in the ring, they were shells of their former selves. I knew it was going to be sad, but for some reason, I had convinced myself that there was a chance it wouldn’t be, so I went ahead and watched. With Ric Flair announcing that he will be wrestling on July 31st in Nashville at the crusty old age of 73, I won’t be making the same mistake again, I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t want to see this, and I won’t be seeing this. The only badass I want to see that is 70 years of age or older kicking ass is Danny Trejo.

The Nature Boy isn’t an average 73 years old, he’s a worn and battered professional wrestler 73. His body has been through hell and back in the ring. If you add in all of the alcohol and drugs, and also factor in the plane crash that broke his back, I am willing to bet that his body feels like it’s about 173. I’m only 46, I competed as a boxer from 1998 to 2005, and hell, my body hurts all the time. Boxing is always said to be “a young man’s sport”. Wrestling isn’t necessarily the same, but I also wouldn’t say that wrestling is an “old man’s sport” either. I still train, but I know better than to spar or attempt to compete at my age. I don’t, however, know not to break my elbow on my skateboard at the skatepark, but that’s not relevant here.

Old Men In The Ring Are Gross

When these older guys put on a pair of wrestling tights, it’s really gross. It’s like when you go to the beach and there’s that one elderly guy there in a speedo whose skin looks like a wrinkled-up couch. It’s disgusting, nobody wants to look at that, dude. I don’t want to see Ric Flair on the beach in a speedo, just as I don’t want to see him get hurt in the wrestling ring. It would be gross, and it’s gross if the Tennessee boxing commission allows for this to actually happen.

Some fans are saying “Let the man go out on his shield!”, or “It’s his choice!”. I agree with that opinion in some respects, but I think I know how Ric Flair’s mind works. It’s how any long-time competitor or entertainer’s mind works. As performers, whether we like it or not, we have the mind of an addict, because performing is very addicting. Unfortunately, addiction kills.

When you get old, every once in a while, your inner voice sneaks up on you and says, “Hey bruh, you can do it one more time, go ahead, what’s the worst that can happen?”. That voice keeps calling out to you, like a telemarketer calling to tell you that your windows computer has a virus. Eventually, you give in and believe it. That’s what has happened to Ric Flair, even though he most likely has multiple people close to him trying to stop him. He believes that his windows computer has a virus, and the only way to fix it is to get back into the ring and wrestle that virus out.

Let It Go, Let It Go, Turn Away And Slam The Door

It is hard to give up doing the things that we love when we get older in life. In Ric Flair’s case, and for many other aging wrestlers, he’s trying to fill some kind of a void. Feeling loved is important, and when you’re Ric Flair walking out in that flashy robe hearing the crowd “Woooo!” at you, you feel loved. It is a feeling that can’t be achieved any other way, no drug or woman can substitute the feeling of the ring walk.

Let Me Be Selfish, Let Me Remember You How I Want To Remember You

Wrestling fans can be selfish, what a surprise, eh?  There’s a certain way we want to remember our heroes. Personally, I’ve always enjoyed Ric Flair the most when he was doing a promo. I still randomly watch his old promos on YouTube. To this day, no wrestler has even come close to cutting a promo on the same level as Ric Flair. This is how I want to remember The Nature Boy like he just snorted a gigantic rail of coke backstage before screaming a masterfully crafted promo until his blood pressure was 300/200 with his face beet red. That sounds selfish, right? But I’m a fan, and I am entitled as a fan, to be selfish.

In the ring, Ric Flair was a good storyteller as well, but if we’re being honest with ourselves, he’s never been that great in the ring. Flair only had two moves in the ring. Of course, there was the figure four, his classic finisher. And then there was the chest chop with a good ole “Wooooo!” to follow up for good measure. Ric’s daughter, Charlotte Flair, is much more physically talented and does things in the ring that Ric Flair could have never dreamed of doing, at any age.

Just Say No

Do you know when your wife and kids drag you to the movie theater on the weekend to see some animated kids’ movie that you could care less about? When you’re in line spending $50 at the concession stand, you look over and see some super old retiree working there sweeping popcorn up from the floor. The poor dude looks depressed as hell like he just lost his wife of 70 years. He can barely stand up straight or hold the broom and dustpan because his hand is crippled with arthritis. I don’t like seeing that, nobody does. You feel sorry for the guy, you might even say hello and try to talk to him, at least I do sometimes. Well, I hate to say it, but that’s exactly what this Ric Flair match is.

This is the wrestling industry saying, “You’re old as hell Ric, but we’re willing to exploit you to make one last buck off of you, and we don’t care if you die sweeping up our trash”. This is just like the movie theater that hired that poor old retiree and is paying him $8 an hour to “help him out” while they take advantage of cheap labor. It’s hard to say “NO” to the retiree who wants a job, so it has got to be much harder to say “NO” to Ric Flair, the living legend. Am I right? Wooooo!

To Be The Man, You Have To Retire Like The Man

So, to close out this intervention as lovingly as I can, I don’t want to see you wrestle again Ric Flair. Please, for the love of your fans, don’t go through with the match. Don’t end up like Randy “The Ram” Robinson in The Wrestler. You’ve given us, the fans, everything you have to give. You gave us more than we ever deserved. We love you and we appreciate every ounce of sweat, blood, and wooos you gifted to us. You are The Man, you will always be The Man. Thank you, we love you Nature Boy Ric Flair.

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