**Edited on September 15th, 2020**
Sheamus, Randy Orton & Big Show vs. The Shield
Shield debut! I forgot how great these guys looked together. I remember the incredible streak they had against the many randomly chosen trios. Seems Orton was still in the doghouse, as I believe it to be the third Wrestlemania in a row he was demoted to the first hour. Sheamus and Big Show hadn’t moved much either, as far as career progression goes. There was something which made The Shield click, I wish WWE didn’t split them up so soon.
The commentary put The Shield over considerably. Funny how they still referr to Ambrose as a crazy lunatic, or on this occasion a “nut job”. Apparently Sheamus asked Randy to have Show on their team, but they took a long time to tag his big aging backside in. Funnily enough, the crowd were behind The Shield (the heels) more than Orton’s team.
The Celtic Warrior had the best flurry of offense for his team. Sheamus took The Shield on by himself for a short time. The numbers game gave The Shield the advantage again, as they set Sheamus up for the triple powerbomb in the middle of the ring. Show rushed in and clotheslined everyone to put an end to that. With everyone down, Show got on the ring apron and extended his large arm towards Sheamus for the tag.
Just as Sheamus was about to tag, Orton appeared (outta’ nowhere) and tagged himself in. Show was visibly PO’d with Orton as he stood on the apron watching his team-mate take on The Shield. After a DDT on Ambrose, and a RKO on Rollins, Reigns speared Orton and pinned him for the victory while Show watched. JBL called it! The egos could not get along. Predictable stuff, but it made The Shield look strong at Wrestlemania.
In the aftermath, Show got in Orton’s face and the crowd reacted to their heated bickering. Sheamus jumped in the ring to calm things down, but Show clocked Sheamus in the head with the strongest punch that ever lived (Austin Aries should use that), and followed up with another to Orton, who appeared to walk up to Show like he wasn’t going to get punched in the face. Umm .. it’s Big Show, he always turns. Overall a good match, acceptable as an opener, but nowhere near the quality of other Shield matches.
Mark Henry vs. Ryback
Silly buildup with Ryback trying to beat Henry’s lifting record. Ryback almost broke it (like we’re supposed to believe Ryback is stronger), but Henry wasn’t having any of that and held the bar down. The stipulation was neither guy could touch the other til their match, and Henry stated he never physically touched him.
JBL described this match as something from the Cretaceous era, which was a fitting description. I’m sure I could hear Goldberg chants as the two mastodons stared each other down. Again, the fans decided they didn’t like the babyface enough, so they booed Ryback, cheered for Henry, and added “sexual chocolate” for added flavour. They warned us it wasn’t going to be pretty, and they were right. Very slow pace, with Henry squeezing Ryback a lot. JBL sold it as an homage to the recently inducted Bruno Sammartino; except when Bruno did it, fans appreciated it.
The match trundled on for a while, and I felt the same way as the “boring” chants rung out. After six-minutes or so, Ryback got the upper hand and started the “Feed Me More” thing, which got the crowd invested. He tried to pick Henry up for the shell shock, key word being “tried”, as he buckled and was literally squashed by the big man. Henry rolled him over for the win, and the ending was shocking considering Ryback was the new “big guy” on the block, and I bet most expected him to go over.
Henry thought about leaving, but instead he wanted more and intimidated the referee and medics away from pancake Ryback. Despite being “knocked out”, Ryback revived like nothing happened, picked Henry up (to a quieter reaction than before), and then delivered Shell Shock to a decent reception. The booking was confusing, why give Henry the win if he’s only going to get shell shocked anyways? This was nothing but filler to put Ryback over at Wrestlemania, but I don’t think it helped much in the long run.
JBL made me laugh considerably as he played with the new WWE action figures. King was able to get them to move around as intended, but JBL couldn’t do it so he repeatedly pounded away on the Mysterio action figure instead, while expressing his hatred for Mysterio. JBL doesn’t always make me laugh, but when he does, it’s APA quality.
Team Hell No (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston (w/ AJ Lee) – WWE Tag Team Championship
Loved the team of Ziggler, Big E and AJ. It seemed like a natural team which could have gone further and achieved something. I believe this was Big E’s debut match as well, before his first singles on the following Raw. I miss AJ Lee’s mannerisms, not many women in WWE has ever matched her confidence and facial expressions. Ziggler looked strong enough to be doing more than challenging for the tag team championship, especially when you got big booty and lil booty providing backup.
Despite Team Hell No entering with Kane’s music, and Bryan chanting “No!”, the fans still chanted “Yes!”. I appreciated the fact they were giving Bryan a decent run as tag team champion, but at the same time I was hoping for more. Also I’m sure part of the problem was his “Yes!” chant getting more reaction than his matches, which is probably why Vince was reluctant to push him.
Ziggler kissed AJ Lee on the apron, taking the mick out of Bryan for what happened a year earlier. Bryan kicked Ziggler in the face, but history did not repeat. Big E was tagged, and Bryan decided to bring Kane in. I appreciated the following, as Big E picked Kane up like he was nothing and threw him around. As per usual, JBL oversold the mighty power of Langston, and how “NO MAN HAS EVER MANHANDLED KANE LIKE THIS BEFORE!!!” No JBL, it’s happened many times; chill out.
After some back-and-forth, Kane handled Ziggler in the ring, while Bryan kept Big E at bay on the outside. Ziggler hit the Zig-Zag for two, and AJ sold the frustration. Soon enough, Kane sent Ziggler flying with a thunderous chokeslam, sold to perfection by Ziggler. Bryan followed with a Dynamite Kid headbutt for the pinfall victory. Surprised by the lack of interference by AJ (who we can admit is always a nice distraction), but still, Big E Langston looked great. If the aim of the match was to make him look good in defeat then it accomplished in my view. A good match, but too much Kane vs. Ziggler, not enough Bryan, and virtually no AJ Lee aside from the expressions.
Chris Jericho vs. Fandango
Looking back, was it a good decision? I don’t think it was. In hindsight it’s easy to say Fandango wouldn’t go anywhere, but they had to try something. Jericho’s names for Fandango were pretty amusing at least; my favourite being “Fandanny Devito”. If you don’t know who Danny Devito is, you’re too young and should go watch some Taxi, Matilda, or Batman Returns before you continue reading; Taxi being my favourite, can’t get enough of that show.
Fandango’s dancing drew decent heat, so that’s a good start at least. Jericho took the advantage early, as he showed the new kid how to dance in a wrestling ring. After Jericho sent Fandango flying to the outside, Fandango surprised Jericho (and the fans) with a high kick on the apron. After a chinlock, Jericho took the advantage back with an enzuiguri. Fandango hit back with a flatliner followed up by his leg drop finisher .. 1-2-kick-out. So Jericho kicked out of his finisher already?
A short time later, Fandango tried the dreaded leg drop of doom again, and missed. Jericho missed the lionsault by a country mile, but still walked over to Danny Devito’s legs tfor the Walls of Jericho. Problem Chris? Yes, his knee was buckling after the overshot lionsault, and was incapable of turning him over. Surprisingly, Fandanny Devito rolled him up for the victory, leaving Jericho dumbstruck and embarrassed.
While it was a good match, probably the best of the night thus far, it didn’t skyrocket Fandango to super-stardom; his theme got over more than he did. While Jericho did the right thing of working a match to get a new talent over, in the end it felt like a waste of time for all involved. Still, they showed chemistry and it was easily the most shocking result of the night.
Alberto Del Rio (c) (w/ Rodriguez) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
Before the world title match, the old Rocky “Going The Distance” theme played, highlighting great moments from previous Wrestlemania. I freaking love the Rocky films, and that particular theme always grabs my attention, so to hear it while watching the clips? Amazing. Sadly it didn’t last long as P. Diddy appeared and ruined it. Dammit Diddy, Puff Daddy, whatever you want to be called; stop spoiling my nostalgia feels! He did his thing while I left the room to make a pasta dish, because making food was far more entertaining. It was nice as well, would definitely make again during Diddy.
Del Rio as the babyface, Swagger as the “Real American American American … American racist”. Colter cut one of his vintage heat magnet promos, belittling immigrants and those who sympathized. He talked down to those who spoke Spanish, Italian, Greek, Chinese, and even Yiddish (yes, he went that far). I always love a good Colter promo, even if it does end up south of the borderline silly. Swagger won the Elimination Chamber to become number one contender, so yeah … serious business.
Hmm. You know what? The match sucked because I’ve seen it so many times, and there was no heat between Del Rio and Swagger whatsoever. I’m not going to dignify this “World Heavyweight Championship” contest with anything extra. Del Rio made Swagger tap out with the armbar finisher after nine minutes; there you go. Zeb Colter’s reaction was gold, and it’s been used as a meme many times. An average match which not only bored me, but insulted the legacy behind the Big Gold Belt even more.
For those who want “WWE to bring back the Big Gold Belt and split the brands again”, this is a prime example of why they should never bring them back. Swagger vs. Del Rio is not a viable main event for a PPV, and WWE treat the Big Gold Belt as secondary for years. At the time WWE was guilty of burying the IC, US and Divas Championships as well, so the only title which mattered was the WWE Championship.
The Undertaker vs. CM Punk (w/ Paul Heyman)
Finally! I had to eat so many crappy appetizers to get to the main course. Can you tell I’m hungry while writing this? Well, I’m going to have to move on from food because the build for this was either 1) Brilliant, or 2) Taken too far, and I got to explain why. Paul Bearer died, and it was a sad time, and I’m sure many of us still miss him. WWE’s been known to push the envelope sometimes, specially when death is involved.
I remember an incident (from the same year if I remember right) when Jerry Lawler almost died at ringside, and Heyman pretended to have a heart attack in the ring a few weeks later. Now that was going too far for me, even if I knew it was to draw heat, and knowing Jerry agreed to it beforehand, it still felt bad and I blamed Vince for encouraging it.
Punk had an excellent run as WWE Champion, the longest reign in recent history, but he was often relegated to help the part-timers. He’d come a long way in a year, the previous Wrestlemania saw a babyface Punk defeat Jericho in an excellent match (but still playing second fiddle to Rock vs. Cena), and this year he was wrestling in the biggest match of his career. It holds historical value, as it was the last match The Undertaker won to keep the streak alive, and this time it was a tribute to Paul Bearer. The video package showed Punk and Heyman mocking Bearer by stealing the urn and pouring his ashes over the Undertaker.
Unlike Taker’s previous matches with Triple H, the fans were given plenty of reasons (in the buildup) to hate Punk. The reaction wasn’t so one-sided though, as the fans appreciated Punk even if he did mock Paul Bearer. We were made aware that Bearer would have appreciated the way Punk and Heyman used his name for heat. The arrogance of Punk was at an all-time high, and Heyman added to it by repeatedly displaying the urn to mock Taker; the strategy was to anger and frustrate him in to making mistakes.
Once again, Undertaker contributed to the match of the night. I’m not going through the play-by-play, instead I’ll provide a video of the match below. While it wasn’t perfect, and while it didn’t give the same drama as Taker’s previous encounters, it was still a great match with amazing visuals. Punk played the bad guy, he didn’t try for a babyface vs. babyface reaction; he was constantly fishing for heat. Listen to the reaction when Punk goes for Old School. Also watch out for the table spot; I’m not going to spoil it! Also Living Colour played “Cult Of Personality” for CM Punk, which surprisingly was the only “big entrance” of the night.
Triple H (w/ Shawn Michaels) vs. Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) – No Holds Barred & Triple H’s career on the line.
Ahh! Another Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar match. And they had to follow Punk vs. Taker with no Divas tag team match to give us a break. Even a Ron Simmons moment would have been enough.
So the story .. Brock Lesnar destroyed Vince, HBK and everyone in sight, giving Triple H “a reason” to get off his backside and wrestle for a change. I’m sure they already fought at Summerslam, and Triple H lost so it was time for the favour to be returned. Also Heyman managed to work the career-ending stipulation in, as he knew Triple H wouldn’t refuse. I find one-sided career stipulations to be incredibly annoying; 99% of the time it’s telling you who the winner is in advance.
They fought it out in the beginning, with neither man really selling anything. Triple H treat Brock like he was just another monster; not selling his moves like Cena or anyone else would. Suplex City by Brock, to no reaction. At this point I noticed how dead the crowd was; like I’ve said before, deadly silence is the worst thing that can happen to any match or segment of a show. I’m sure Vince was panicking backstage as Lesnar started screaming like a wild animal to wake the fans up.
Even Shawn Michael’s involvement didn’t get much reaction. He would run away from Lesnar, and tried to help Triple H, but I believe the fans wanted nothing to do with this. For the longest time in a No Holds Barred match, no weapons were used. Sensing Lesnar’s momentum, HBK got in the ring and jumped on the F-5 ride, giving Triple H time to recover and make the save.
You know what I hated about this? Triple H trying to be the underdog babyface while using his “cerebral assassin” character, instead of reverting to the classic D-Generation X Triple H. If it’s No Holds Barred, why didn’t Triple H and Shawn turn it in to a handicap match? Surely they could have reunited D-X and got the New Age Outlaws involved or something? Anything but Triple H trying to play the good guy.
Lesnar showed how you put someone through a table with a surprise suplex throw. There was no build to it, and I think Lesnar was expecting a reaction, but even that was met with deadly silence. I became worried as Lesnar took his screaming to another level, and went as far as suplexing Triple H on to the broken announce table. I could sense the desperation as he continued attacking Triple H to no reaction.
Lesnar used the steel steps, twice. Not just the top half, but the bottom half as well. Such a boring no holds barred match I have to say. It carried on for a lil while, til the turning point. Triple H wrapped Lesnar’s arm around the turnbuckle post and smashed a chair against it. From there Triple H worked on his shoulder and arm more, and locked in the Kimura. Lesnar fought out of it several times, only for Triple H to lock it in again. If it was a babyface the fans liked, it might have been great. Heyman tried to interfere with the chair, but HBK equalized the situation with a Sweet Chin Music. The match ended with a sledgehammer shot, and an anti-climactic pedigree on the steel stairs.
It wasn’t anywhere near their previous encounter, and it was doomed to fail before they started. Simply put, Triple H does not make a good babyface unless you dress him in D-X attire and do everything to make Lesnar hated; he’d only wrestled a few matches since coming back and didn’t have the heat yet. The fans had already seen match of the night, and they’d seen Lesnar vs. Triple the previous year, so if anything it felt like a filler match you get between the match of the night and the main event. Disappointing.
The Rock vs. John Cena – WWE Championship
“Twice in a lifetime” is what it should have been billed as. Because the previous Wrestlemania set records, Vince wanted to dip his toe in to this cash cow one more time. And what better way than to give Rocky the strap (despite Punk doing the full-time work) and interview “The Millions” who paid to see him in person? Don’t get me wrong, I love Rocky, but to see this match again for the WWE Championship was highly unnecessary.
Wouldn’t it have made more sense if it wasn’t for the championship? The story focused on Cena’s bad year, and how he wanted to avenge his loss, and how he NEEDED (like he was going to die if he didn’t) to beat The Rock at Wrestlemania, so I can’t understand why the belt had to be involved. Maybe Vince wanted to sell “The People’s Champion”? If that’s true, then it worked because the PPV was the second highest attended Wrestlemania of all time behind Wrestlemania III. Can’t deny Vince’s business decisions, but for some of us it’s tiresome.
I noticed how they didn’t have stupidly long entrances with celebrities this time. They started out with a slow feeling-out process; in other words they had thirty minutes to kill. After some headlocks and stuff, they suddenly started going for STFs and Sharpshooters. You know what’ makes a bad wrestling match? When wrestlers assume they can hit sixty finishers with no build and expect to keep fan interest.
To be honest I don’t want to call the rest of this thing; I’ve said enough about this PPV. After Cena kicked out of FOUR Rock Bottoms, I was fed up. I remembered how much it sucked when I saw it live, and it only annoyed me further. The fans were hating on Cena as usual, but it’s not like they were blowing the (invisible) roof off for Rocky either. After so many Rock Bottoms, STFs, Sharpshooters, AA’s, and a stolen Rock Bottom by Cena, Rock tried stealing the “You can’t see me”; sad to see him imitating Cena. Like the previous year when Cena lost due to his Peoples Elbow mistake, Cena tried for it again.
The best part was seeing Cena doing the arm waving (before the People’s Elbow) like he wanted to draw heat; that’s as close to heel Cena as you’re likely to see. Rock sprung up to do what he did the year before, but Cena was smart to it and did his “you can’t see me” gesture. After so many forced false finishes, Cena nailed the AA to keep Rocky down. 11th WWE Championship reign for Cena.
Yes, I’m exaggerating again, but the match was like this 1) feel-out process, 2) big moves, 3) more big moves, 4) stolen big moves. There wasn’t much selling, and there was no middle; almost like someone recorded over the middle of a movie with some random TV program you don’t care for. Rock was injured during, which could explain why they fast-forwarded to the end. As the show came to its conclusion, The Rock looked dejected, but he still shook Cena’s hand, hugged him, and held his arm up out of respect. Cena ended with the typical “The Champ is here!” as The Rock walked out.
And I’ll admit, I’m happy I got through it, because there’s only one Wrestlemania left in the series. As you could probably tell, I wasn’t happy with Wrestlemania 29. I forgot how lackluster the mid-card was, I forgot about the brutal silence for Lesnar vs. Triple H, and I forgot about the lame attempt to recreate the main event from the previous year. CM Punk vs. Undertaker was the climax, it completely blew everything before it away, and anything following seemed average.
Considering Punk’s departure a year later, it’s safe to say his match against The Undertaker was the highlight of his career. Even though he held the WWE Championship as long as he did, he was never showcased like he was at Wrestlemania 29. Vince’s reluctance to push new stars to the top of the card was highlighted again. In the mid-card we saw potential from The Shield, Team Hell No, Big E, and even Fandango, so while Vince was trying to get new stars over, nothing mattered if you was scheduled before Punk vs. Undertaker. It was a show of two-halves, the first half being Raw/Smackdown matches, and the second half featuring the six biggest names Vince could find to draw 80k+ fans to the event.
Wrestlemania XXVIII was better, and while this one didn’t suck as much as Wrestlemania XXVII, it still ranks pretty low. So I’m going to rate it as an average show, one which could have been better considering the roster, but it wasn’t a steaming pile of dung. It had its moments, and it drew a large crowd, but it failed to live up to expectation. With that said, I’m going to finish up by adding pictures, editing, and saying thank you for reading through my half-arsed ramblings of a three-year old PPV I revisited last night. Ta Ta for now. See you again for Wrestlemania XXX.
