It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means! AEW Dynamite is live from “the most magical place in the wooorld”…. Long Island, New York. And tonight, is MJF DAY!
Also advertised for tonight’s show:
- AEW Tag Team Titles vs AEW Careers – The Gunns vs. FTR
- AEW World Trios Championships: House of Black vs. Best Friends & Orange Cassidy
- AEW Women’s World Championship: Jamie Hayter vs. Riho
- AEW CEO, Owner, Founder, President, GM + ROH Booker, CEO, Owner, GM + WON Booker of the Year 2019-2022… he orgasms when Justin Roberts says NOOOORRTHH CAAARROOLLIINNAAAA… high on coke, he never blinks… he has an important announcement tonight… TOONNNYYYY KHHAAAAANNNN!!!
- Sammy Guevara vs. Komander
- Juice Robinson vs. Ricky Starks
- FTW Champion Hook vs. Ethan Page
- We’ll hear from the Blackpool Combat Club
- The Acclaimed decide whether they are joining the Jericho Appreciation Society
Be sure to refresh this page frequently for ongoing live coverage of the results from tonight’s episode. Join our community in the comments section below to discuss what’s going down and chat it up!
#1. Ricky Starks vs. Juice Robinson
The match never got underway as Switchblade Jay White made his debut, assaulting Ricky Starks alongside Juice Robinson. White lands the Blade Runner on Starks to close the segment. Tony Khan also just made it official on Twitter… Jay White is All Elite!
“I guess this means this wasn’t the ‘important announcement’ then. So that’s still to come…”
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In a backstage interview with Tony Schiavone, Chris Jericho says he respects Adam Cole, but his celebration following last week’s main event was incredibly disrespectful to Daniel Garcia. Keith Lee, hair and beard white as snow, confronts Jericho, calling out his own disrespectful attitude, and challenges him to a match next week on Dynamite. Jericho backs away without an answer…
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#2. AEW World Trios Championships: House Of Black vs. Orange Cassidy & Best Friends – Winner: House Of Black
We’re in Long Island, so guess what… The Best Friends came to arena in Aunty Sue’s minivan. The finish say Buddy Matthews landed the curb stomp on Chuck Taylor for the pinfall.
“Besides, considering the teams involved, this was a typical spot-fest. It’s what happens every week, so there’s nothing to praise, and there’s no reason to critique this.”
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We see a creepy backstage vignette featuring Christian Cage and Luchasaurus. They leased The Fiend’s proprietary red lighting for this…
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#3. AEW Women’s World Championship: Jamie Hayter vs. Riho – Winner: Jamie Hayter
We saw a competitive match between the two women before Hayter pinned Riho following the ‘Hayterade.’
“…waiting for The Outcasts to attack, but they never do.”
Instead, we cut to the back, where Renee Moxley Good is standing by with Saraya, Toni Storm and Ruby Soho. The Outcasts send a message to Jamie Hayter, letting her know that they are coming for the AEW Women’s World Championship.
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Do you know what makes Daddy Magic’s nipples hard? Evidently, it’s the prospective of The Acclaimed joining the Jericho Appreciation Society. Out comes The Acclaimed. Caster’s rapping, taking digs and holing souls… umm… okay, that doesn’t make sense.
Anyway, Angelo Parker cuts him off, and lets The Acclaimed know that they will be teaming together in an eight-man tag team match on Rampage. Daddy Mac and Cool Hand Luke want to scissor with Caster and Bowens, but according to Billy Gunn, that’s not a wise idea. Instead, Billy, Bowens and Caster scissor each other, and the crowd goes wild!!
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Next up, it’s time for MJF DAY!! We’re in Long Island, which means Bizarro World, and this is going to be absolutely incre…. uh, uh, uh, MAGICAL!
There’s a jazz band on the stage, and out comes the hometown hero, with a specual mic reserved for him. According to MJF, when it rains in Long Islang, it doesn’t simply rain water, it rains…Pennies from Heaven.
MJF proceeds with his very own rendition of Pennies from Heaven.
“Alright, MJF is absolutely on the mic, and not just cutting promos. His voice is like that of an angel from heaven. This is beautiful.”
Joseph Salidino, the Supervisor of the Town, is in the ring. Apparently, this local politician isn’t that popular, and he’s being booed out of the building. The crowd keeps showering booes on this schmuck, until he admits that the key to the town given to MJF doesn’t do him justice. He presents a huge symbolic key to Long Island to the AEW World Champion, and the babies are up in the air!
The crowd starts booing this Saldino schmuck again before he leaves the ring and MJF finally has his time on the mic.
MJF has the crowd in the palm of his hand. The crown rains boos as he mentions Jungle Boy, Sammy Guevara and Darby Allin Some like Darby, Sammy, and definitely Jungle Boy. He says Jungle Boy’s girl has a wandering eye, and he has a small dick.
He has another story for us. He says when he was a kid, and still today, he’s got Attention Deficit Disorder, A.D.D. We get an A.D.D chant.
He also had a teacher in 8th Grade, one Mrs. Benedict. Sounds like a stupid bitch. Oh wait, she is! MJF talks about his love for professional wrestling and how he always dreamt of being a wrestler and a world champion.
When he wasn’t attentive in class, this stupid bitch mocked him and told his classmates to not be like him. On the last day of school, Mrs. Benedict asked him why he was not paying attention. He cited his dream of being a professional wrestler, and Mrs. Benedict mocked him again.
But now, he has the key to Long Island. He’s the reigning, defending, AEW World Heavyweight Champion. Don’t be like Mrs. Benedict. DON’T BE A STUPID BITCH.
He tells any Long Island kid that is struggling, that if you work hard, if bust your ass, you can be anything you want to be…except MJF.
MJF grabs the BBB and head back up the ramp. He asks Long Island if they’d like to hear an encore. YES! YES! YES! One of the guys hits their mark a bit early. MJF gets in his face him, saying they practiced this. He apologizes to the crowd.
Surprise! the guy turns out to be Jungle Boy. He attacks MJF to a chorus of boos. Ground and pound! MJF reverses! The babies are up in the air!! Agents and referees are come out to break them apart. Out comes Sammy Guevara. The belt is lying there, and he hoists it up as MJF struggles to break free from the officials surrounding him.
Sammy heads down the ramp as we cut to the commercial break.
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#4. Sammy Guevara vs. Komander – Winner: Sammy Guevara
The finish saw an incredible spot. There was a rope walk by Komander, and Guevara caught him with a cutter off the top rope himself. Guevara followed that with the GTS for the victory.
“Nevertheless, Excalibur had the time of his life calling this one.”
Sammy cuts a promo on MJF after the match, and here’s the first Cody Rhodes mention of the night. Guevara goes on a rant about how he is loyal to AEW, how MJF never wrestles. As far is Sammy is concerned, screw Darby Allin, screw Jungle Boy, and screw MJF, ’cause Sammy is the (next) AEW World Heavyweight Champion.
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#5. HOOK vs. Ethan Page – Winner: HOOK
Matt Hardy, in Ethan Page’s corner, provided an assist to HOOK here, turning on Page. HOOK followed with RedRum for the submission. Excalibur thinks it’s all a joke anyway, trying to convince us that this was in any way shocking.
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We head to Nigel McGuinness standing by with Tony Khan. TK talks about how Cody Rhodes and The Young Bucks laid down the foundation for AEW with All In five years ago. That’s the second Cody Rhodes mention of the night, and not only has none of them have been an underhanded shot, but this was incredibly respectful. Later this year, we will see the sequel, AEW All In!
“Anyway, Tony didn’t blink for the first 50 seconds of this, and that just gave me the creeps.”
Adam Cole joins TK for the announcement. AEW is heading to London for AEW All In at WEMBLEY STADIUM! WOW!! Celebrating 100 years of Wembley Stadium, AEW All In will be held on August 27 later this year. WOW! AEW All In at Wembley Stadium.
“Just repeating myself ’cause I guess that’s what Tony schtick.”
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The Blackpool Combat Club start assaulting a bunch of jobbers in the ring. Apparently, this is a match? Anyway, Danielson proceeds to cut a promo about how himself, Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta are the only true professional wrestlers in the company.
He slanders the EVPs and calls them amateurs. Out comes Hangman Page, and Mox, Claudio and Yuta assault him, as Danielson continues to rant. There’s a CM Punk chant going. Danielson exclaims how much he loves his stablemates and how much he loves professional wrestling, before he takes a screwdriver to Hangman’s forehead. That’s just sick…
He reiterates how they are the only real professional wrestlers in the country. OO..KAAYYY. Also, apparently, “AMATEUR!” is Danielson’s new catchphrase, and he is essentially the “leader” of the BBC for now.
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#6. AEW World Tag Team Titles vs. AEW Careers: The Gunns vs. FTR – Winner: FTR
This match saw some incredible false finishes. The crowd was hot for Dax and Cash, and rightfully so. The Gunns tried to cheat their way out of this multiple times, including trying to get disqualified by low-blowing Dax. Cash begged the referee not to.
Apparently, FTR NEEDED to win the titles. Even if they won by DQ, they would have had to leave AEW. Anyway, the finish saw a double Sunset Flip for the 1-2-3!
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“This may be Cody Rhodes not winning at WrestleMania, the WWE sale and the abysmal post-Mania RAW speaking, but tonight’s Dynamite wasn’t half-bad! Even a little too eventful maybe. AEW just needs to stop with these meaningless spotfest indie-rific outlaw matches, especially anything involving Orange Cassidy.”
See ya for SmackDown on Friday… signing off, Tathya Sachdev.
