Credit: 411mania
After a recap od last week, we go Live and The Hurt Business is walking backstage. Lashley is a happy man, and it will stay that way. He’s been through a lot. Enough to break a normal man, but he’s not normal. 16 years, he had to wait and watch others get opportunities he should have got. Years of busting his ass. Last week, when he beat The Miz, he got what he deserved.
The Miz and Morrison’s hair come out to the ring. He stands there empty handed because Bobby is the new champion. Did he expect to get his ass handed to him by Lashley last week? Yes. Did he expect to lose his title? No. Shane pulled a fast one after everything he’s done for the WWE. He doesn’t take vacations, he doesn’t get injured, so when he says his body is not feeling well, everyone should believe him, right? But we didn’t. We sit in our couches and he is a professional athlete.
This is what happens to them sometimes. He had cramps. And he still defended his title. The bell rang, he got counted out – he lost. But the only way the champion can lose is if he’s pinned or submitted. These are the rules. Is it shady? Of course, but he played to his advantage. He outsmarted everyone. He defended his title twice in one night. He worked so hard to get that title. He was forced to defend the title again.
Wait a damned minute…are we listening to The Miz go over what a recap at the top of the show just went over in immense detail?
Bobby Lashley (C) vs. The Miz – WWE Championship
Lashley retains with the Hurt Lock.
Winner: Bobby Lashley
Backstage, Drew McIntyre, who was watching the match, is interviewed and said that he’s the only challenger for the WWE Championship. He admired Bobby for putting the work in to become champion after 16 years, but does not appreciate the attack on him after beating five former world champions in the Elimination Chamber. He reminds us that he beat Brock Leanar and chastises The Miz before Sheamus brutally attacks him.
A furious Drew McIntyre walks backstage and demands Adam Pearce make a No DQ match between him and Sheamus which he nervously accepts.
Recap of the segment between Strowman, Pearce and Shane last week.
Braun Strowman is walking backstage and R-Truth meets him and he says there’s a lot to get off his chest. He has a note written. He apologizes for a lot of things, and Braun says he doesn’t need an apology. He’s going to demand one from Shane right now. Truth apologizes and asks him to forget it ever happened and that he’s a figment of his imagination.
Shane gets in the face of Braun, then says he apologizes, and leaves the ring.
Shane walks up the ramp, then he stops and turns. He thinks better of it, and continues to leave. Stops again, as Braun says if he has something else to say, then say it.
Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus – No Disqualification
Both Drew and Sheamus are asked if they can continue as they both hit the stairs outside, and the match is thrown out.
Winner: No Contest
Refs and medical personnel come to check on both men, as both seem out of it. Drew looks like he’s convulsing while Sheamus swings at the air, scaring Jamie Noble.
WE RETURN to RAW and get a video recap of the horror saga that is Orton v The Fiend guest starring Alexa Bliss.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Xavier Woods
Woods rolls up Benjamin after a distraction from Kofi.
Winner: Xavier Woods
Riddle is scoot scootin backstage, and wonders where he can park it. He knows if he leaves it ringside, Ali will try and break it. What will he do?
Kofi and Woods enter (exit?) gorilla. Riddle invites them to a COD match tonight. Riddle wants French toast, wants to invite Reginald, but Riddle’s music hits. Riddle asks Kofi to watch his scooter.
Here’s Orton to stop the clowning around. Orton wonders if there is something funny. Orton challenges him to a match, and AJ accepts.
Slapjack vs. Riddle
Riddle wins with Bro Derek.
Winner: Riddle
Backstage, Adam Pearce heads into Shane’s office. He wonders if there is something else Shane wants to say. Shane says he is going to the ring, because there is something else.
Shane awaits Braun, Braun wonders what he’s got to say. Shane wants a new mic. Says he has something to say. He gets a new mic, says he should really get whats on his chest off, all while he backs up the ramp. He wants to say this face to face. Shane says he has done a little self introspection. Shane had fun last week? Absolutely, he did. This is what he does. He has fun. Braun should, too. Is it at others expense? Sure. But that’s ok. As long as it benefits ihm. There are plenty of people that do this, braun isn’t one, though.
Shane tells Braun to relax. He has one thing to get done. Ah, but Shane doesn’t know if he can talk about this. Why are they there, then, asks Braun? Shane wants to get something done. He needs to come to an understanding with Braun. One thing…says Shane, as he walks down the ramp again. Shane changes his mind, again, says he would never ever come out and make Braun look stupid. Never. He would never do that. In fact, he finds stupid to be an abhorrent word. Terrible word. One thing Braun has, as Shane can tell by non-verbal cues, is that Braun is upset. Braun is not a puppet, he says, and Shane says he doesn’t want Braun to feel stupid. Shane would never say that word. They are disgusting and cruel. Never would he make Braun feel like that. There are a few other words that pepel may say, though. Like falling out of a stupid tree, hit every branch on the way down. Or someone just straight up calling him stupid.
This isn’t Shane, though. He’s not saying anything. Shane says some could compare Braun to a dinosaur: big man, little brain. But he would never, specifically, call Braun stupid. Would he? He then mocks Braun’s name, and runs to the back.
Braun is pissed. He leaves the ring and chases him to the back.
Shane runs all the way to the back, careful to assure his shoes squeak, and hops in a car, driving away with haste. Braun turns, fuming. He walks away, the not so stupid man that he is. Shane comes into frame and waves goodbye to Braun, then whispers that he is so stupid.
If you read this, and read every word above, I want you to know that YES, it is as bad as it sounds.
Nia and Shayna have a friend. It’s Reginald. Nia introduces him. Shayna is a bit annoyed. Reggie was fired and Sasha slapped him on Friday, but lucky for him, Nia brought him out to be ringside. Isn’t he cute?
Lana and Naomi vs. Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler – Women’s Tag Team Championships
Nia wins the match with a chokeslam on Lana.
Winners: Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler
Mandy and Dana are backstage and they explain that they are serious about the title. They are both a great team and as singles competitors.
In comes Charlotte to tell them both that she is ambitious, and yes she does want a title shot at Mania.
Dana and Mandy say so do they. They will leave everything they got in that ring. Charlotte says they have five weeks to show her what they got.
Further backstage, AJ says Randy is crazy in the head. Orton shouldn’t be focused on him; he should be focused on The Fiend.
After another unnecessary recap of the title match at the top of the show, we get to the main event.
AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton
After a distraction and as black substances come from Orton’s mouth, AJ wins with the Pheonemal Forearm.
Winner: AJ Styles
After the match, Orton is left in the middle of the ring, his mouth covered in black, all while Alexa laughs maniacally on the tron.
