Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, March 5th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The TD Garden Arena in Boston, MA
Results by Tony Acero of 411
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
Straight out the gate, we get the music of one HBK playing, and out comes HBK! A nice HBK chant welcomes our lazy-eyed legend as he grabs a mic. He claims that nowadays, those chants give him a moment to catch his breath since he’s no longer used to doing all the ramp theatrics anymore. A few weeks ago, he caused a little trouble a few weeks ago. It got pretty heated between he and The H’s, but he desperately wanted Trips to take the match at Mania. He wanted Triple H to take down the streak, but he said no and now it’s all water under the bridge. HHH has changed his mind, and it’s going to happen. He not only accepted, but he upped the ante and now we’re in for a treat. He’s just here to find out what made HHH change his mind. He invites the horse down to hear from his mouth. HBK riffs the guitar to the tune of Triple H’s music and ol Suit and Tie comes out.
HBK knows that a few weeks ago, he was pretty hard on Triple H and he was tough, but he really wanted the match. It’s amazing, that’s why Hunter is the responsible one. He said some mean things and put that friendship on the line. He pushed the limits with Triple H and he’s gotta say, he’s amazed at how Triple H didn’t buckle at all. He calls him an Oak. haha. He thought of every dirty, underhanded and dispicable thing he could think of. He calls HHH a man of conviction, of honr and integrity. He didn’t give in. HBK doesn’t know anyone who can look at HHH and call him a coward only for Triple H to do nothing. That is why HBK calls him an oak. But…something made HHH change his mind. Someone said something that really pissed off HHH, so what was it? It was something so degrading and humiliating…what was it, HHH? What was it?
Hunter is about to talk, but Shawn says he wants to do what everyone else to do. He wants to see the footage. He wants to stand with HHH, his friend of 17 years, and all the fans to share this moment with him. The moment that made him break down and say he could do it. The recap shows Triple H’s walk out until Taker says that he can’t do what HBK couldn’t do because Shawn was always better than HHH. If you recall, this causes Triple H to take off his jacket and tie, then offer the HIAC match.
We come back, and HBK is staring at HHH who is looking forward. HHH turns to HBK. So…..that’s all it took. The worst thing that anybody could say to you is that I am better than you. Triple H says it’s got nothing to do with HBK being better or HHH being better. He’s tired of it. He’s tired of listening to it. He is tired of listening to people like The Undertaker talk behind HBK’s back saying he couldn’t get the job done. He is tired of people calling him a failure.Tired of people saying that on the way out, he was never as good as he thought he was in the first place. That eats up HHH. He’s his friend and also the guy who believes that HBK is the greatest in ring performer of all time. It kills me, it pains me beyond measure to look at you as a loser. That’s why I’m going to do it, Shawn. That’s why I’m going to finish it. I am going to end The Undertaker. I am going to end the streak. I’m going to end an era. I am going to do what everybody runs their mouth saying you couldn’t do…
HBK says oh well thanks, because he thought there was a problem. Silly him, Triple H has everything under control. Last year, it hurt more than anyone could possibly imagine and look at HHH and say he couldn’t get it done. Then he watched Mania and how he dominated The Undertaker. He watched Trips beat him within an inch of his life, then lose and he was right. This year, at Wrestlemania, he knows who is going to win, and he’ll be right again. Shawn looks to leave, but before he does, he comes back. I’m sorry, the reason I know that, is because I’ve been made…the special referee.
I like how Cole claims that this is blatant favoritism from Teddy Long.
Match 1: United States Championship Match
Santino vs Jack Swagger (w/ Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero)
Swagger starts with a kick to the gut and some hard forearms to the back of Santino. Johnny Ace and David Otunga come out as the match goes on Santino hits an arm drag and calls for the Cobra but Otunga is distracting the ref and Dolph clocks Santino in the face. He turns right into a Gutwrench Powerbomb, but out comes Teddy Long with Kofi Kingston and Aksana. Teddy and Johnny get face to face as we go to break..
Back to the match, Swagger is hitting his Swagger bomb but Santino has his knees up. Laurinitis gets on the apron to distract, so Teddy pulls him down. They get into the face of each other again, as Santino builds himself some Momentum! Dolph hits him in the back, so Kofi goes on the attack. Dolph hits him, though, only for Santino to hit him with the Cobra! Vickie is on the apron. Aksana is there to pull her off! Santino looks to hit the Cobra on Swagger! But the ref is busy with Long and Ace. Teddy Long sends Ace to the ground and the ref turns around just in time to see Swagger hold in the ankle lock. Santino rolls forward and Swagger hits the turnbuckle. Cobra!!! Pin! 1…2….3!!!
Winner and NEW United States Champion: Santino Marella (*)
Well that was just a mess! I’m indifferent about this right now, as I see the humoristic qualities, and the fans are FIRMLY behind Santino, but the match itself was clusterfuck due to the outside mess…which isn’t necessarily a complaint.
Johnny Ace demands for the music to stop and says that this cannot happen because this is his show. Teddy Long grabs the mic and says he’s wrong, playa, and calls out security. Ace is demanded to leave! Security takes both Otunga and Ace out of the building while Ace screams that he’ll get them. Teddy then gives the mic back to Justin Roberts to officially announcer the winner. Santino is crying. Wonderful! hahaha. He does the trombone, and Teddy, Kofi and Aksana join him.
We are informed that up next, we get “Rock’s History Lesson #1.” Well this should be interesting…
We’re back, and The Rock is on cam at the Boston Harbor. He says Finally, then looks at the screen. He says that tonight he is going to give Cena a history lesson. Lesson #1, in 1773, the great people of Boston had had enough of the British. The people started…a Revolution. The American Revolution. Tonight, they start the Rock Revolution. In 1773, the people took England’s Tea and tossed it in the Harbor. The Rock says tonight, there’s going to be a party of there own. WE zoom out to see a merchandise table of random merch. Rock tosses a shirt over the barricade and tosses it over the harbor. The John Cena garden gnome, midget shorts and various other shit. Next, the John Cena wristbrands and, his favorite, John Cena cologne…they actually make this. hahaa. He takes a whiff and says it smells like fear, Fruity Pebbles and possum piss. The Rock says that the Revolution begins tonight. He can take the garbage that has been shoved down the throats of people’s throats for years. You can take all of this, roll it all up in a ball and shove it straight up his candy ass! The Rock says that they’re going all across Boston until he ends up in the middle of the ring. He tells a Jabroni to get in a row boat and clean up the Harbor. The people’s party starts tonight…Boston, here we go.
Match 2: Alicia Fox vs. Eve
Alicia is looking more Jazz and less Rihanna tonight…Kelly Kelly is on commentary. We start with a go behind from Alicia, but Even gets in a side headlock then some rope work ends with Alicia hitting a jawbreaker. Eve trips up Alicia, though, then pins for the 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Eve (No Rating)
The music of Zack Ryder hits and out comes the man himself with a cane! I hope it’s a pimp cane. Ryder says he’s glad that he and Eve never hooked up because you know what they say, Broskis before Hoskis! He gets a woo woo woo and a You Know it!
In the back, Ryder is walking. Eve meets up with him and she says she has something to tell him. She stutters a bit then makes out with his ass. She walks away with an evil grin, leaving Ryder smiling like a 14 year old after his first time.
Earlier today, John Cena had himself a little moment in an empty arena. He claims that WM 28 is full of moments. End of an Era, legends remembered, and champions crowned, but through all that, all eyes will be focused on one match. But it’s not a match, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. There is no denying the fact that The Rock is the most successful superstar in the WWE. He is a superstar in and out of the wrestling business. He vowed not to come back till he found a worthy opponent and found one in him. he doesn’t intend to go to Mania and be just happy to be there. he wants to win, he needs to win. He grew up around here, and recently Boston is known as the city of Champions. For so many years, it was known as the City of Heartbreak. He remembers when the New England Patriots won 18 games in a row to lose to the Giants. Every NE resident shares his sentiment. It holds true then that no one remembers 2nd place. He’s done some wonderful things here in the WWE and he’s proud, but Mania 28 is everything. If he doesn’t win, he becomes another name in The Rock’s notebook. But if he wins, if he could go to Mania with his hand raised at the end, then he wins the big one. This is a match, an event that will make history. It is what it is supposed to be; the most successful event in the WWE. It will break records. No one will remember second place. That’s why he needs to win. That’s why Mania is so important. Because Mania 28 is sink or swim, all or nothing, his legacy.
Match 3: CM Punk and Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan and Chris Jericho
Punk and Jericho to start. They circle the ring a bit then lock up! Jericho with a side headlock takedown. Headscissors to escape. They do it again. A third time, and Jericho pushes Punk. Punk answers back with a few kicks, then some roope work ends with Punk monkey flipping Jericho and hitting some arm drags. Punk sends Jericho to the ropes, but Jericho holds on and rolls toward Bryan and tags. That was a nice ass exchange. Bryan calls for a test of strength but only momentarily as he kicks Punk. Punk sends Bryan to the corner then tags in Sheamus. Sheamus with some forearms to the back then sends Bryan over the ropes, but Bryan golds on and hits a shoulder block to Sheamus. Sheamus gets him caught up in the ropes though and beats on his chest with eyes bigger than Beaker. He pins for 1…2…NO! Oh Lord, they put the camera on AJ and I lose concentration.
Punk is tagged in and gets an inverted atomic drop then a kick to the chest. Punk hits the ropes, but there’s Jericho to kick the back of Punk. Bryan tags in Jericho as we go to our first break.
We’re back and Jericho has Punk in a chinlock. Punk stands out of it and turns. Some rights to the gut of Jericho is enough to break the hold. Punk hits the rope, but Jericho hits a sidewalk slam and a pin for 1…2..NO! Jericho with a blow to the shoulder then a kick to the back of Punk. Jericho with a kick to the front of Punk. He hits the ropes and Punk stands quickly to hit a leg lariat. He goes for a pin and gets it! Here comes Sheamus with some double axe handles and a big body slam. Bryan is in the ring so Sheamus shoulder blocks him. Jericho stands and runs right into the Irish Curse. Pin for 1…2..NO! Sheamus is on the apron. He’s looking to go up top, but Bryan pulls at his leg. Jericho with a springboard dropkick to Sheamus. Sheamus is on his knees so Bryan runs and hits him with a low dropkick! Jericho grabs Sheamus and sends him back into the ring. he reaches for a pin but Jericho drops an axe handle on him to stop it. Jericho with some hard rights then a knee to Sheamus. Jericho with a kick to Sheamus’s head then a forearm into a cravat from behind. Jericho cinches it in as Sheamus weakens. Sheamus turns into it and hits a right then sends Jericho to the corner. He runs, but Jericho hits a kick then goes for a bulldgo out of the corner but Sheamus sends him flying and Jericho goes knees first into the turnbuckle. Jericho crawls to a pin, so does Sheamus! Punk off the springboard with a clothesline! he reaches for the back. A Swinging neckbreaker then he sends Bryan to the corner and hits a high knee! He rolls Bryan to the ground then goes up top! He’s calling for the elbow! Yes! Pin for 1…2…NO! All four men in the ring now with Sheamus trying to hit the Celtic Cross. Jericho interferes. Jericho goes for the Walls but Punk rolls it up into a pin. Jericho reverses momentum and the pin goes in his favor for 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Chris Jericho and Daniel Bryan (***1/2)
Nice exchange to start and a pretty well put together match, all things considered. They kept it Jericho heavy, which is interesting considering how little we’ve seen him wrestle in recent time.
The Rock is now at the statue of Paul Revere, famous for “The British or Coming!” What if, instead of Paul Revere, it was John Cena. First of all, they would have shot him on sight based on the outfit. If Cena lead the American Revolution, we’d be bowing down to the Queen. The people back then would be pleading for someone to shut the mouth of Cena. The Rock would travel back into time, go to 1776 just to whoop John Cena’s ass! He says that his dick is bigger than the horse’s. Ben Franklin would says screw the kite, The Rock invented electricity. The ladies would all line up, ready to give The Rock that SWEET Boston Cream Pie! They’d be singing to The Rock. Johny Cena went to town a riding on a pony, Rock stuck a feather up his ass and called him a Jabroni! They’d be so happy about the ass whoopin and if Paul Revere would be alive today, he’d be screamin with Joy, “The Rock is comin, The Rock is comin!” But before that, The Rock is coming to the arena….tonight!
We come back to a replay of Long kicking out Ace before The Miz’s music hits. We are about to get a Miz vs The Big Show match. Just as the bell rings, Show runs after Miz, but Miz slides out and here’s Cody on the mic. Cody says that this is a wake up call. He doesn’t have a clip at Show losing at another Mania, instead, he’s got Show at his natural habitat. Wrestlemania 18, eating at the WWE restaurant in New York. There’s a clip of Show with hair, looking for food. After the distraction,
Match 4: The Miz vs. The Big Show
Miz goes on the attack after the distraction, but Show fires out of the corner with a spear then hits the WMD to The Miz for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: The Big Show (No Rating)
To short to mean anything, but it was mainly to get the Cody/Show feud on RAW.
We’ve got part Three of The Rock’s History Lesson. We’re outside of the Boston Common where we fought for our Independence and didn’t stop until the fighting was done. He says that the American Revolution that lead to the birth of the greatest country is in comparison to something else being overthrown. The Rock Revolution overthrowing John Cena. The Rock can entertain all around the world, but there’s only one place where he can take his size 15 boot and take it straight up a certain smiling Superman’s ass, John Cena. The Rock has the charisma of George Washington, the brilliance of Benjamin Franklin and the you know what of John HaaaaanCock!!!! The Rock says he is going to make history come April 1st. John Cena will fall to The Rock. Tonight, March 5, 2012…The Rock Revolution has begun. We are LIVE in Boston, and The Rock is coming! He’s coming face to face with Cena and he’s going to tell the world EXACTLY what he sees. If ya smelllllll what The Rock…is cookin.
Next week, we are going to get a response from The Undertaker in regards to HBK’s new position in the match.
We get an inset promo from Truth mentioning Kane. It goes off on a minor tangent when he asks who is he talking to.
Match 5: R-Truth (w/ Lil Jimmy) vs. Kane
Kane misses a right so Truth goes on the offfense. Kane pushes him down twice before hitting a big boot. Kane tosses Truth into the corner and hits some right hands then a knee to the sternum. Kane with a snapmare into a leg drop. Kane with a pin for 1…2..NO! Kane sends Truth to the corner, hits a splash. He goes for another, but Truth hits a back elbow, splits under a right then hits a kick and goes for the scissors kick, but Kane deflects it and hits a chokeslam for 1..2…3!!
Winner: Kane (*)
Another short match that was more for a match at Mania than a match itself.
The music of Randy Orton hits, and here he is! He’s walking down the ramp. Kane holds on to Kane’s leg so that he can’t escape and Orton hits an RKO on Kane! He asks for a mic and slithers down to Kane. It’s good to be back!
We see John Cena walking backstage. Cena and The Rock is up next as we go back to commercial.
– Back from the break and out comes John Cena to a very mixed reaction from his hometown crowd. Cena says he thought they would be excited and they just boo more.
Cena talks about The Rock’s history lessons and says they are everything Rock needs to be – electrifying and entertaining. The crowd chants for Rocky. Cena wonders what Rock is really saying in his promos. Cena compares Rock to Jersey Shore’s The Situation and says he’s trying too hard. Cena says last week we all saw that Rock was shook up. Cena says Rock wasted 20 minutes on a Twitter promo and when Cena came and left, Rock was left stuttering over his words.
Cena goes on and says it’s a bad idea for Rock to meet him in the ring. Cena says Rock’s best stuff has been either pre-taped or live via satellite lately. Rock wonders who will be at WrestleMania – the dude wasting 20 minutes talking about Chinese take out or the greatest WWE star in history. Cena says he wants The Rock back and asks the fans if they want it. Cena calls out The Rock and here he comes marching to the ring.
Rock said he was going to look Cena in the eye and tell the world what he sees. Rock approaches Cena and says he sees fear in Cena’s eyes. Fear that Rock is taking everything away from him. Some of the crowd chants for Cena now. Rock goes on about the fear in Cena’s eyes and the doubt in his words. Rock says he sees right through Cena. Rock says Cena didn’t shake his confidence and we get chants from the crowd. Rock says he has never been more confident about something in his life. Rock says Cena will always be a little boy that went down as The Rock’s bitch. Rock’s music hits and he leaves the ring.
Cena gets pissed and goes off on the mic. Cena says Rock has lost his damn mind if he thinks Cena is afraid. Cena says he is the son of a bitch who will make history at WrestleMania by whipping The Rock’s ass. Cena goes to ringside and celebrates with fans, taking a drink. Cena hits the ring for more celebration and goes to ringside where his family is. Cena introduces his dad, his wife and others to the camera and says that’s Boston, that’s his people and Rock can’t see them. RAW goes off the air.
Credit: Tony Acero