Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, May 28th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, LA
Results by Tony Acero
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
We start with a nice little dedication to the fallen soldiers of America, then segue into the storyline of a man who played a Marine, quite horribly; John Cena. Slideshow recap of the match and Big Show ruining all the fun. This leads into last week when Show knocked Cena out in the back, finally putting us into the present, with The Big Show making his entrance.
Again, Cole calls Show’s knockout punch the “darkest day in WWE history.” Wow. Show is all smiles, he claims that this is him doing his job. It was easy making us smile. He truly didn’t mind doing it, but it was nothing but a calculated business decision. He was a business man who just happened to be a giant. He claims that he no longer has to wear the smile, though, because of his iron clad contract. Loud pro-Cena chant from out of nowhere. He claims that he is not an entertainer, he is a giant. He claims that there is no NFL player, NBA player, no phony UFC fighter and certainly not anyone in the WWE that is in his league.Show claims that perhaps this is why no one came to his defense. Just minutes after he was begging, Brodus Clay is dancing his ass off in the ring, along with children, without a care in the world.
He brings up Kofi and Truth, and how they just went along with the motions. It was easy for all of us just to move on, according to Show. He calls the crowd shallow and phony, but even after all of this there is one guy that disappointed Show more than all of us, and that’s John Cena. He thought Cena was going to create a locker room mutiny to get Show hired right back on the spot, but instead he did….Show points to the “great” promo of John Cena and his consistent dropping of “Loser.” Damn, Show, you had to bring that up? Show said that Cena made jokes instead of trying to get Show’s job back. He supposes he is nothing but a joke to all of us. Just one big joke. Cena hurt him when Cena decided he didn’t care, and last week, Show hurt Cena. He knocked Cena out twice within 24 hours. This is nothing compared to No Way Out, though, because Cena won’t be standing across the ring from a business man, it will be across the ring from an unstoppable giant.
Match 1: Santino Marella vs. Alberto Del Rio
Del Rio is quick on the attack, kicking Santino in the corner then bringing him in the center of the ring to hammer away on his face. He runs to the corner and Santino dodges, then hits an arm drag. Headbutt to the fallen Del RIo. Santino calls for the Cobra, but Del Rio kicks then quickly locks in the Cross Arm Breaker. Santino taps out quickly.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio (NR)
Afterwards, Del Rio removes the cobra sleeve then Ricardo Rodriguez announces him as the winner all up in the grill of Santino.
Backstage, Alex Riley is telling Eve that she’s doing a fantastic job. From behind, Big Show is here. Eve tells Show that he gets to pick his opponent tonight. Riley looks over to Show. He tells him to take it easy, then says that for the record, he doesn’t think it was right what Johnny Ace did and he admires Show. Big Show says he’s not picking Riley, but there is a message he wants to send to the locker room. He slams Riley against the concrete wall, totally messing up his headphones in the process.
Match 2: World Tag Team Championship Match:
Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger vs. R-Truth and Kofi Kingston
Kofi and Swagger lock up to start. Swagger misses a corner hit and Kofi dropkicks his ass. Kofi tags Truth then they double team Swagger with a double arm drag. Truth wants to know what’s up. He’s so excited that he does the splits, a juke and jive and finally a leg drop.Pin for 1…2..NO! Swagger is up and whips Truth. Truth holds onto the ropes, pop lock and drops it, then sends Swagger to the outside. In comes Ziggler and Kofi and Truth knock him out of the ring with a double baseball slide as we go to our break.
We’re back live, and Swagger has a double chickenwing locked in on Kofi. It looks like during the break, Dolph distracted Kofi, leading to the upperhand. Kofi is in the heel corner, trying to fight off the attack, but Swagger overpowers him with some shoulderblocks. Swagger distracts the ref and Ziggler chokes up Kofi a bit. Swagger with a body slam to Kofi then a tag. Ziggler with an elbow drop and a pin for 1…2..NO! Dolph works the left arm on the mat for a bit. Kofi leads to the corner. He is up and Dolph goes for a splash. He misses, allowing Kofi to get the tag. Truth comes in just as Ziggler tags Swagger. Truth is on fiyah. He rolls up Swagger for some pin but Ziggler breaks it up. Kofi is in, he flies towards Truth. Truth sends him up and over sending him right into Dolph’s face. Swagger looks for the sneak pin, but Truth is out at 2, sends Swagger to the corner then hits the Paydirt and pins for the 1…2…3!!!
Winners: R-Truth and Kofi Kingston (**)
The commercial broke up what could have been a bit better, but it appears that this was more to get Dolph to leave the group than anything else.
After the match, Dolph screams to Vickie and Swagger that he is better than this. Vickie screams to let her help him, but Dolph isn’t feelin it.
Backstage, Santino is with a trainer, feeling on his arm a bit. Big Show is here, he says he gets to pick his opponent tonight, and he chooses Santino. He grabs Santino by the face. Here’s Brodus Clay!!! He hears Show’s got beef. Brodus says if Show wants to pick an opponent, pick Show so he can give him somethin else to cry about. Show says to forget about dancing, because tonight he won’t even be able to walk. The ladies come by after to make Brodus look super bad ass.
The music of People Power hits and Johnny Ace, Eve, and David Otunga come out to the ring. His name is…well, you know what it is. He has several announcements to make. His first is that tonight, The Big Show will indeed face Brodus Clay. Secondly, to ensure no interference between Cena and Show at No Way Out will take place in a Steel Cage. Lastly, since his victory over John Cena, he has become the most popular WWE Superstar in history. He is willing to prove it. He brings up WWE ’13 and how it needs a bit of a change. There is an unveiling to be had, and we have the new cover of the game with Ace on it. He looks like a zombified John F. Kennedy. He clls the game bigger than Pac-Man.
CM Punk is here to stop the celebration. On the way to the ring, Punk places his gum on the seat of Laurinaitis’ chair. The WWE Champion looks at the cover in the ring with a scrunched nose, then chuckles. Pac-Man, huh? Punk calls it a timely reference, but he does want to point out that neither Pac-Man nor Johnny have any testicles whatsoever. Punk tells Ace that he’s not popular. Being on the cover of WWE ’13 means a lot around here, so it probably comes as a big shock to Ace that the actual person that is on the cover of the game is a whole hell of a lot better looking than he is. A large banner with the cover comes hanging down, and it’s CM Punk. It looks pretty bad ass.
Punk tells Ace, “Mine is a whole hell of a lot bigger than yours!” He points out that a WRESTLING video game with an actual WRESTLER on the cover, what a concept. He says that Ace’s business is done here, he thinks, so please leave the ring. Punk says to wait, because he is sure Ace is going to put him in some bullshit match, but he’s got Bryan up next, so skidaddle. Ace wishes him luck then leaves.
Punk sets up the Ace cover in the corner and stomps it as we go to break.
Match 3: CM Punk and Daniel Bryan
Punk nd Bryan lock up for a short second until Bryan works the arm then gets a side headlock. Punk hits the ropes, Bryan comes back with a shoulder block. Duck, leap frog, hip toss from Punk. Arm drag into the arm bar by Punk. Bryan stands so Punk twists the arm. Bryan with a bridge then flips under Punk, taking him down. Bryan grabs the fingers, bends Punk’s arm back then steps on the elbow. Hammer lock by Bryan and Punk tries to fight out with an elbow. Punk hits the ropes, Bryan tries to leap frog but Punk hits an Inverted Atomic Drop. Punk with some knees to the kidneys of Bryan. He pins for 1. Punk with the scissors lock on the mat. Punk releases and turns it into a bow and arrow submission. Bryan rolls over and gets a pin for 1. Punk gets a pin of his own for 1. Jacknife cover from Bryan and he gets a 1, but Punk bridges out of it and turns it into a backslide…wait, no he doesn’t! Bryan goes for it as well, so Punk turns it into a back breaker and a pin for 1…2..NO!
Bryan is sent on the apron and Punk grabs, but Bryan hangs up the arm. Bryan goes up top quickly and hits a flying knee off the top rope! Punk is down so Bryan baseball slides, kicking Punk out of the ring. Bryan goes for another, but Punk moves. He hops up on the apron and hits a springboard crossbody
IT’S AJ!!! She’s wearing a CM Punk shirt, black shorts and a red belt, looking all Punked out, and looks good enough to eat…over and over again. CM Punk rolls Bryan into the ring as we go to break.
We are back, CM Punk is stomping Bryan in the corner and AJ is looking on dreamily. During the break, Bryan hit the running knee off the apron, but now Punk has the control. A Suplex attempt in the middle of the ring goes wrong as Bryan flips out of it, runs up the ropes and flies over Bryan with a backflip. Punk goes up for a crossbody but Bryan turns and tosses Punk off the apron. Bryan with a dropkick to the head of Punk. Bryan pulls the fingers of Punk back towards his kidney. PUnk is up with some kicks, though, but Bryan bounces the arm off of his shoulders. Bryan heads to the corner and flies across the ring with a dropkick into the face. Pin from Bryan, but he only gets 2. Punk with some kicks from the ground but Bryan continues to attack the left arm of Punk. Suplex with a bridge pin. Nice! 1….2..NO! Punk kicks out. Bryan works the arm yet again, but Punk uses his knees to get out of the hold. Both men up and Punk hits a couple of back elbows. Bryan slams the arm against his shoulder yet again! Bryan hits the ropes and Punk hits a knee to the gut. Punk with some kicks, then an elbow. He sends Bryan to the ropes. Back heel kick! A clothesline! Neckbreaker and a pin for 1…2…NO!!! Kick to the jaw, Bryan misses a hit and Punk gets a small package for 1…2..NO! Bryan with some hard uppercuts. Bryan sends Punk to the corner, no, reversed. Punk flies over the ropes, gets up top and hits a flying clothesline for 1…2…NO!!!
Bryan is down. Punk is going up top. He’s looking for the elbow! Bryan is up and hits the ropes hard, crotching Punk in the process. Punk hangs from the top so Bryan hits an uppercut. He goes up for a suplex. Stalls. Hits a Superplex from the top!! Bryan looks to pin for 1…2..NO!!! AJ looks so worried…..and so hot. Bryan goes to the corner, and he’s taking off the turnbuckle cover. AJ is trying to let the ref know distracting him. Bryan comes to yell at her then turns into a high kick to the head. Punk notices AJ and tells her to leave, that she shouldn’t be out here. Punk runs to the corner, for the knee, but Bryan flapjacks him into the corner. Bryan pins for 1….2…3!!!
Winner: Daniel Bryan (***1/2)
Great match with great chemistry and a great hot chick on the sideline. Everything worked here except the VERY end where Punk looked a bit forced to fly for that headshot in the corner.
Afterwards, Bryan shouts YES! around the ring, but Kane comes in from the corner and hits him with a chair a few times before chokeslamming him on a chair! Kane looks to the fallen CM Punk. Kane goes for the chair to attack Kane, but AJ slides a chair into the ring and Punk goes cray cray with it, attacking Kane. AJ watches with a big smile. She’s totally turned on right now. Punk looks towards AJ as she smiles like she wants his straight edge.
Cody Rhodes is on commentary for the following match.
Match 4: Christian vs. The Miz
Lockup! Miz with a kick into a sideheadlock. Christian with a back elbow. He goes to the corner, flies off with a sunset flip, but Miz flips out and hits a hard kick to Christian’s face. Nicely done. Miz sends Christian in the corner and socks him down. Cody brings up that he was 13 when Cody debuted in the WWE. Miz with the clothesline in the corner then flies off with a hard axe handle into a pin for 1…2…NO! Miz with a cravat from behind. Christian fights out but only for a short while as Miz hits a neckbreaker/backbreaker combo and a pin for 1…2..NO! Miz mounts Christian and butt stomps him. Chin lock from Miz. Christian is out and Miz sends him in the corner. Christian knocks him down with some rights then flies off with a dropkick. Miz hangs up on the ropes and Christian hops off and clips him with the right. Christian slides in. Inverted DDT from Christian. Christian calls for the Spear, but runs right into a boot from Miz. Pin for 1….2….NO!!! Christian with some rights in the orner. The ref breaks it up. Cody calls to get up. Christian flies off the top rope with an elbow. He’s looking for the Unprettier. Cody stands nearby the apron for the distraction. Miz rolls up off the distraction for 1…2…NO!!! Christian goes up top and Miz looks for the SKull Crushing Finale. Christian with the Killswitch attempt, but Miz gets out. Christian sends him in the corner. Miz flies back and Christian with the Killswitch. Christian with the Frog Splash and pin for 1…2….3!!!!
Winner: Christian (***)
In the back, Ace wants to talk to Eve and Otunga privately. Eve sends Teddy Long to go get her coffee. Otunga hilariously says he’s fine. haha. Ace points out the STF tap out that Otunga had and how he tapped out after like 3 seconds. He had that hold on him twice during the PPV and didn’t tap out at all. He then points out that Eve was in charge of Smackdown and couldn’t even get Sheamus to retire. Otunga says he’ll take on Sheamus tonight. Teddy is here with the coffee. It’s cold, so Eve spits it and spills it on Teddy because it’s cold. Teddy says it’s supposed to be cold, foo, it’s Iced Coffee!
The Miz is still in the ring when we come back. He wants the match beforehand to be taken away from the record books. He won the match at Mania for Johnny Ace, but where is his bonus and his title match? He is not leaving this ring until he is treated like the superstar he deserves.
Randy Orton is here! Miz tells Orton to step right out of the ring, he is going to ——
Orton RKO’s Miz like nothin. He hops up on the apron for the crowd, and….well, that’s it.
Backstage, Dolph Ziggler tells Vickie that he needs to be by himself, he wants out of the tag team. Vickie says she’ll see what she can do. Nicely done, there.
Cole and King take Memorial Day and make it an important John Cena moment. It’s a video package with a Cena voiceover. USA Chant ensues afterwards, and there’s some fellas in uniform in the crowd. Thanks to everyone past and present, y’all!
Match 5: David Otunga vs. Sheamus
Otunga starts with a kick and some rights but Sheamus turns that around like nothing, sending him in th e corner with some rights. Otunga tries for a hip toss, but Sheamus stops him and hits him right in the chest. Otunga is on the apron, and Sheamus runs to him but Otunga hangs him up. He runs in the ring, shoves Sheamus into the corner, then hits a hard clothesline. Side headlock on the ground then he hits some hard rights. Otunga with a shoulder block on the ground. A pin for 2, one more for 2, and a final pin for 2. Otunga with some knees in the corner, then some hard clotheslines. He poses, then whips Sheamus into the corner and tries for yet another clothesline, but Sheamus comes back with some axe handles then tosses Otunga on the apron and starts hammering on his chest. White Noise from Sheamus. Sheamus with the Brogue Kick and a pin for 1….2…..3!!!
Winner: Sheamus (*1/2)
Nice to know that Otunga still sucks.
SOMEBODY CALL MY MOMMA!!!
Cole informs us that Brodus Clay is 22-0. Big Show comes out in a beanie and what not. He tells Brodus that he was a big fan. He thought he was a sellout when he put on a diaper at Mania 21. He did embarrassing things in his career for the sake of business, but Brodus is doing it nightly. Brodus leaves the ring and it looks like he’s ready to head up the ramp as Show continues to talk shit. Show compares Brodus to Doink then spears Brodus. Show with a kick to the gut on the outside. Show puts Brodus up against the barricade and chops him as the Funkettes watch in the ring, scared. Brodus is fighting back! He hits a few rights, but Show stops him by sending him into the ringpost. Show with a kick. Show looks at the announce table, I think he wants to use it. Here’s Kofi and Truth! Kofi uses the steps and flies, but Show catches him and throws him into Truth! haha. Show kicks out the side of the table, and he’s looking to smash the back of Brodus. He does, and it thuds. It probably should sound more vicious, but it doesn’t. Big Show then attacks Truth, tossing him into the apron. Kofi tries for a Trouble in Paradise, but Show catches him, then tosses him into a barricade where the time keeper sits. He’s not done with Truth, and sends him into the steps.
To end the show, he gives Brodus, who is stirring, the WMD to the face.
Credit: Tony Acero