Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, June 25th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The Allen County War Memorial Coliseum in Fort Wayne, IN.
Results by Tony Acero
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
Backstage, AJ is speaking…to someone. She tells Bryan that even if he doesn’t want to show it, he still has feelings for her. But in order for them to grow, they will have to drift apart. Kane, when she sees him, she loses all her inhibitions and just wants to get…violent. But, we both know that he’s not a man…he’s a monster. And Punk…oh, Punk. She likes to think of them as soulmates, but she doesn’t think that he thinks what she thinks he’s thinking. Ya think? She thinks it’s best if they all go their seperate ways….
The camera turns, and she’s talking to a mirror. Oh shizznit!!
It’s episode 996, y’all, and we’re here in Indiana! They bring up the Cena tweet that sells him having a big announcement.
We are to be excused, as Vickie Guerrero is atop the stage! This week, the Board of Directors has decided to make her GM for RAW and Smackdown. The boos are heavy. She claims that she will be a shoe-in for permanent GM come Episode 1000, so I suppose that would be the end of the guest GM’s. She announces a Triple Threat Elimination match to start the show, and Daniel Bryan’s music hits. This crowd has started off very vocal, and already I’m pretty excited.
They want us to go vote on Twitter as to who AJ should be with.
Match 1: Daniel Bryan vs. Kane vs. CM Punk
Punk goes directly after Kane, but Kane gives him a right, sending him away. Bryan tries after, and gets met with a body slam. Kane goes for Punk, hits him with a back elbow. he goes to lift Punk, but Bryan hits him in the back of the leg, then we get alternate kicks from Punk and Kane, sending the big man down. Kane is sent to the outside and Bryan tries to sneak in a pin on Punk. He gets a 1 and a half. Both men up. Lockup into a side headlock from Punk. To the ropes, and Punk hits a shoulderblock. Ropes again, Bryan hops up, and Punk hits the Inverted Atomic Drop. Punk sets Bryan up for a variation of the Mexican Surfboard as AJ watches from the back. Cover from Punk for 2. Kane is up, and Punk dives through the ropes, right into a hard uppercut from Kane. Bryan on the apron, flies, and Kane catches him then sends him back first into the barricade. Lovin it!!
We’re back, and Kane is smashing both Punk and Bryan in the corner. Both men down, and Kane is going up top. Bryan is up first, and flies towards Kane with some high back elbows. He sets up for a Superplex, but Punk is up too! The crowd chants YES so Punk says no. We’re looking at a Doomsday Device, but Bryan rolls Punk up JUST as Kane flies off for 2. Kane looks for a double chokeslam, but both men kick the knees and get in a double suplex. Punk and Bryan exchange YES and NO punches, Bryan hits the ropes and Punk hits a kick, another, heel kick to the face. Clothelsine into a swinging neckbrea—nooo, he sends Bryan forward, right into a hand from Kane. Kane comes running and Punk sends him over the rope! Bryan wants Punk, and runs forward, only for Punk to send him over as well, right intto Kane! Punk looks for the suicide dive! He hits it onto both men! Punk sends Bryan into the ring, then goes up top. He flies, and Bryan grabs the arm! He’s looking for the YES! Lock! Punk escapes and slingshots Bryan up and towards the ropes! Kane is on the apron, and gets sent right back out! Punk goes for the pin but Bryan’s feet are on the ropes! Punk calls for the Go 2 Sleep! Kane is in the ring, though! Big Boot to Punk! Pin for 2! Kane sends Punk into the corner, then hits a sidewalk slam and a pin for 1…2…NO! Kane goes up top, he’s lookin to fly! Clothesline to Punk! He calls for the chokeslam onto Punk….but here’s AJ!!!
She skips around the ring, as Kane tries for a chokeslam. Punk is able to reverse, and calls for the G2S. He hits it! Pin. 1…2….3!!!
Bryan is in with a hard kick to the head of Punk. Pin for 1….2….3!!!!
Winner: Daniel Bryan (***1/2)
This was one match on fast forward. Immensely pleasureable that really only was hurt due to the time that it was given.
Backstage, Alberto Del Rio is triyng to woo Vickie with words and roses. Del Rio tells Ricardo to go get a vase. Del Rio brings up the World Heavyweight Title, and here’s Dolph Ziggler. He tells Del Rio that he’s going to have to get in line. All Dolph needs is….ONE…..MORE….MATCH. Haha. Vickie says she wants to be fair and impartial. There will be a World Heavyweight Championship Contract on a Pole match tonight, and that title match will be Friday on Smackdown. Ricardo brings the case of flowers in, so Dolph sends them crashing against the wall.
Match 2: Brodus Clay vs. The Big Show
Big Show starts with a kick, then some right uppercuts to the gut. He goes for a chop, but Brodus fights back and hits some rights and lefts. Show comes back with a whip, which is met with a headbutt. Show is on the ground, and he double kicks the injured knee of Brodus. Elbow drop to the same knee. Another elbow drop. Show steps on the knee. Show leaves the ring and grabs Brodus’ leg, then sends it smashing against the ring post. Show looks to smash him in the corner! He gets to the second ring then hits a splash onto Brodus! Show is looking to end it, but Brodus with some fire! A headbutt, he lifts Show and possibly body slam, but the knee gives out, apparently, and Show just falls foreward on Brodus for a pin and the 1…2…3!
Winner: The Big Show (*)
I lost interest after 20 seconds, buuuut it wasn’t the worst big man match in the history of big men matches. Poor Brodus.
John Cena video package letting us all know that he’s a great dude, no matter what Ken Doane says!
Apparently, during the break, Brodus Clay was being helped to the back, and out of nowhere, Big Show comes up and gives him a Right hook, right in the face. BAM!, WMD.
Before we continue the show, we have a recap of Triple H’s speech at No Way Out, specifically, his request for Brock Lesnar and he fighting. This moves on to Paul Heyman telling Trips no, and goading him into hitting him. This is all ended with us learning that Brock will have an official answer to Triple H’s challenge next week.
Backstage, yet again, AJ is here wanteing to talk to someone. It’s Kane. He says that he’ll be the first to admit that he’s not one with his feelings, but AJ makes him feel things he’s never felt possible. It’s not a good thing, says Kane. He’s not exactly boyfriend material. AJ says that’s ok. Kane says he doesn’t do relationships. Besides, he’s a monster….he wears a mask. His only source of pleasure is fuckin shit up, and even he finds her…mentally unstable. haha. Kane says it’s best, for her own good, if they just stayed away from each other. He says goodbye, and AJ is left lookin like “No he di-int.” Then she begins to cry, although it turns into a laugh quickly thereafter….I want to marry her, twice.
Back to the show, and Swagger gets the jobber interest. This match is for the United States Title.
Match 3: United States Championship Match:
Jack Swagger vs. Santino
Swagger tells Santino to stop, feins a handshake, then gives Santino a hard right. He bashes on him in the corner for a bit, then stops and goes at it again. Swagger swags, so Santino reverses and hits some rights of his own. Santino goes to the corner, Swagger runs, Santino hops over. He pulls the Cobra out, but Swagger runs, and back kicks him. Takedown from Swagger into a pin for 2. Swagger with a leg drop. Knee to the back from behind, with some chickenwings bein pulled as well. Santino fights out of it and Swagger gets a side headlock. Santino with a Saito Suplex. Swagger is up and kicks Santino down, he kips himself up. Hits the splits, ducking a clothersline. Arm drag. headbutt. Santino pull out the cobra. Swagger is up. He lifts Santino, and Santino falls into a DDT. Cobra! He hits it. 1….2…3!!
Winner:Santino Marella (**)
It looks like they’re giving Swagger the Loser treatment, but I do like that they gave Santino some new and legit offense. It’s a shame we still can’t take her seriously.
John Cena is in the back.. We see a box of shirts that is labelled “Free to a Good Home.” The shirts have People Power on em. Cena picks one up, Ryder comes up and tosses the shirt into the trash. Well that’s not charitable at all…
We’re back to the show, and the music of one John Cena brings the crowd to some happy cheers. Cena is in the ring with a mic. Earlier today, he sent a Tweet out that said he had a huge announcement. He claims that recently, RAW has been like a rotten episode of Star Wars. A Short time ago, the evil emporer, Johnny Ace hired Jedi Show-Vader. He compares Vince to Yoda, Jabba to Brodus, Zack Ryder as a Wookie, and then some. He makes fun of Show’s breathing habits, calls the cage the Death Star, and says that old Yoda-Vince said to the evil emperor, “No Chance in Hell, Have You.” That was both hit and miss. Mostly miss. Anyways, he is about to get to his announcement when….the lights go out!
BREAK THE WALLS DONW!!!!!!
Here’s Jericho! They show a quick recap of he and Fozzy performing in the UK. Does this equate to them being on the show? Jericho wants to know what Cena is talking about. Instead of wasting time, make the damned announcement then shut the hell up, get out of his ring, because this is Jericho’s night tonight! Cena wants to give Jericho his due, and welcomes Jericho back. Cena admits he may have gotten carried away, but since Jericho has been gone, stuff as happened. Big Show is on a tear, and has even joined the Money in the Bank ladder match and grab the belt. The historic announcement is that in order to stop Big Show, John Cena is putting himself in the Money in the Bank ladder match.
Jericho questions this, but Cena cuts him off and brings up that anyone who catches the suitcase is essentially the champ. It’s been about a year since Cena has held the belt, and he’s not just out to stop Show. AT MITB, he’s going to win the whole “fudging” thing. Jericho calls him 9. Cena says that most of the viewers are around that age. Jericho claims that his arrogance and ignorance never siezes to amaze him. How dare Cena think he can win his very first MITB match just because he’s John Cena. Jericho says he has both survived and invented the MITB ladder match. he’s been in 3, and Cena brings up that he’s won none. Jericho calls Cena so smug, brings up his jokes and laughing. Jericho says the MITB match is not a joke. It’s not something you try out for fun. If Cena wants fun, do another Star Wars promo…cuz that was fun (Sarcasmtron). Jericho says there’s no one that has been in more ladder matches than Jericho. This is a career ender. Instead of worrying about stopping Show, maybe Cena needs to worry about stopping Jericho. Because as of right now, Jericho is entering himself into the MITB match as well.
Here’s Vickie. She says that there will be 2 MITB matches. One for the WWE Champion and World Champion contract. She says that no one can just enter themselves. Jericho talks, and Vickie cuts him off. Nice. haha. Jericho then says, what are you going to do, “suspend me?” Vickie says that instead, she has a creative concept. Only former champions can participate. They are, Kane, The Big Show, Chris Jericho, John Cena. Cena calls this a great idea, then says she’s not so bad as GM. Just take orders from the board, and don’t make any decisions of her own. She tells Cena that she can’t determine the matches, but this is her show tonight, and she will make the main event. Tonight, it will be John Cena vs. Chris Jericho.
So, if I understand this correctly, the WWE Championship MITB contract will be a 4-man ladder match?
Cole brings up Vader, and mentions that each week they’ve brought legends, and mentions Foley and Roddy, then say up next we have a man who hasn’t been on RAW in over 15 years.
Before Lillian Garcia can announce the dude that we haven’t seen in years, Heath Slater comes down. They recap last week, with Heath’s slinging and Roddy’s eye poke. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him, and he is one of the top superstars on RAW. He is Heath, and he rules the world. Speakin of the world…He g
Match 4: Heath Slater vs. Sycho Sid
Heath yells at Sid, so he just pushes him away with one hand. He grabs the arm, kicks Heath, then grabs him up to the top rope and just slaps him off the corner. Awkward Spinebuster to Heah. Sid goes for a right hand, but Heath ducks and begins to attack the back of the left leg. Sid is on his knees, and Heath hits a few rights, then the ropes. Sid hits a clothesline, though, then chews his gum and hits a leg drop! He calls for the powerbomb, then hits it!! Pin for 1….2…3!!
Winner: Sycho Sid (*)
Nice to see he’s still alive
Match 5: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph with a go behind then just runs up the pole, but Del Rio is quick to stop him. he stomps Dolph in the corner, then goes for the contract himself. Dolph with a right to the back of Del Rio. Del Rio with a whip to the corner. Dolph with an uppercut. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Del Rio, though! He is up reaching for the contract, but Dolph stops him again. Side Russian Leg Sweep from Dolph. Dolph runs, Del Rio tries for another backbreaker, but Dolph hits a dropkick. Dolph goes for the Zig Zag, but Del Rio holds onto the ropes. Dolph rolls away, heads on the apron and runs up to get the contract, but Del RIo hangs Dolph up on the ropes. Del Rio is on the second turnbuckle, tries grabbing. Dolph runs up atop of Del Rio, but Del Rio sets him up on his shoulders and gets a Samoan drop. Ziggler gets up, he reaches for the contract! He grabs it off the pole, it drops on the mat, though. According to Cole, they not only have to grab it, they have to “control” it. They fight over it on the mat, exchange rights, then both men are down! Ricardo is in, he grabs it! Dolph with a dropkick, which sends it to the outside! Dolph and Del Rio realize this and both run for the outside. They trade getting close to it, then back out of the ring on the opposite side.
Winner: No Contest (*1/2)
The music of Sheamus hits, and he says that it’s going to be a Triple Threat match this Friday for his title. So….the match prior to this was pointless? What the hell? I think someone messed up tonight, and this was just a cover.
We’re informed just before the break that Punk and Bryan are meeting one on one at Money in the Bank.
Backstage, AJ covers Punks eyes and says “Guess Who.” He claims it’s King Kong Bundy. AJ says that tonight, she is going to dedicate her match to Punk. Punk says that they need to have a serious conversation about what’s going on between the two of them. AJ is not against taking things to the next level, but first she must win this battle royal.
Vickie Guerrero is here, and she has something to say….Since Ace was fired, we are going to be introduced to Vickie Power. She has a robe on, and we get the stripper music as she prepares to disrobe. WShe’s wearing a leaopard print one piece. AJ is lookin lucious.
Match 6: Divas Summertime Beach Battle Royal (Rated PG)
All the Divas go right after Vicki, until they distract each other and ladies get eliminated willy nilly. I can’t see AJ!!! Oh, there she is. Layla is stalking Vickie as Nattie and Beth elimnated Tamina. Nattie gets Layla from behind, and Beth runs. Layla ducks, though, and out goes Nattie. Layla kicks Beth out. AJ is up and attacks Layal! She sends her over the ropes, but Layla stays on the apron. AJ dropkicks her off, and we’re down to AJ and Vickie. AJ is….so hot. Vickie thinks she eliminates her, but AJ holds on. Lou Thesz from AJ, then they roll around a bit. Vickie is near the ropes, and AJ wins. Yay!!
Winner: AJ (*****)
Words….I have none.
AJ Starts a YES Chant. haha.
Match 7: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho
Lockup to start. Jericho is backed into the corner, until Cena locks in a headlock takedown. Head scissors from Jericho. Cena stands out of it, and the dueling chants start. Jericho slaps Jericho, so Jericho goes straight for the AA. Jericho rolls off the shoulders and out of the ring for a commercial break.
Back, and Jericho has a side headlock locked in. Cena is powering out of it, though. Elbow to the gut, a right hand. Another. Cena sneds Jericho into the corner but Jericho gets the foot up then hits a dropkick from the second rope. Pin for 1…2..NO! Jericho slaps Cena around a bit then mauls him on the ropes. He gets the 4 count, then lets go. Knee to the head. Jericho with a back suplex. Jericho dropkicks Cena to the outside. Jericho goes for a splex, but Cena reverses it and hits one of his own. Cena with a whip, Jericho holds the ropes and kicks Cena in the mouth. Jericho with the chin lock. Jericho with the cravat. Cena turns into it, though. Cena with a hard kick, then a right hand. he hits the ropes, but Jericho hits him with an elbow. He goes for the Lionsault, but lands on his feet. Shoulderblock from Cena. Another. Protobomb. Jericho cannot see him. But jericho counters. He goes for the walls. Cena counters, then he goes for the AA. Elbow to Cena, but Cena hits another Protobomb, then Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle! Big Show’s music hits, distracting Cena. Jericho locks in the walls! Big Show enters the ring, though, and leg drops Cena!!
Winner: John Cena via DQ (**)
It picked up speed at the end, there, but nothing magical. Still, great to see Jericho back.
Jerich looks bothered, but not too much, then leaves Cena to Show. Show lifts Cena, and hits a chokeslam. Big Show gets atop Cena and locks in the Camel Clutch that Cole calls “The Collosal Clutch.”
Credit: Tony Acero